


Underneath

by Dehcaptinawesom



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, M/M, Mental Breakdown, OCD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-26 23:23:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2670233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dehcaptinawesom/pseuds/Dehcaptinawesom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren developed depression as a result from all the testing his father did to him. This demon went on to ruin 99% of his relationships and drove away all his boyfriends, leaving him completely alone. Alone to stare at the tight-assed waiter at Rose's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can I punch my brain in the face?

“Hey Levi, Krista’s putting the plates in the wrong spot. Can you show her how it's done correctly?” Peggy yelled, hand on her hip, the other clutching her pad.  
Levi turned to stare at Krista before making his move. Krista had no idea.  
I smiled behind her. I watched everyone work and I especially enjoyed the newer people, whom I could always spot. Their lack of confidence was a give away, but it might have something to do with the fact that I’m in here 56 times a week, so I easily pick people out.  
Krista put the serving plates where the little plates go, whose purpose remained subjective, and I watched her do it.  
My only thought was, ’Levi's going to tare into her.’  
Levi had been here a month or so, which was strange, because I expected him to get fired. Almost all his customers bitched about him when he left and often complained to the other staff. Recently, after a man ordered, he said, “Do you think you need all that?” and I almost choked on my drink. The man didn't respond right away, and then replied with an, “Excuse me?” before Levi read it back to them and left.  
You bet I had to listen to them complain for twelve minutes.  
But Levi was just like that. Even with the staff. He maintained this dry, cold ambivalence with his features and spoke with a disinterested disdain to everyone. He worked the front of the resteraunt mostly, so I’ve never delt with him directly.  
Peggy was my usual server. She always saves my booth on Fridays and I didn't even have to ask her to.  
But I can't believe Peggy asked Levi to show her. That seems cruel considering Krista is already nervous.  
“Is it her first day?” I asked.  
“No,” She replied, “that was Tuesday.”  
I nodded.  
She left to go tack my order on the line.  
Levi had already begun. Krista didn't look too upset, but she kept nodding like a bobble-head. Poor thing.  
I continued to eat my salsa, casting my eyes around the place.  
Rose’s Grill was a normal Mexican place. Red booths, slick tables, free salsa. The works. Pastel roses were incorporated into the design, and carved on the walls and dividers. Skulls decorated the place, some candy-skulls and some suspiciously human. The tables were in the center, booths lined up on the side. All of this set under dim lantern lights, like we were in Amish country. My frequented spot was a smaller booth towards the back, in line with the kitchen door. I could see everyone and listened to people's conversations as I ate, and then left. Sometimes, though, I stayed longer. Hours. It wasn't like I had anything to do. I would do my homework, read, treating the place like a fucking coffee shop. No one seemed to mind either.  
Krista was talking to Annie now, a blonde who had been here a while. She was in charge of the salsa, making her the most important person in Rosas. Annie was never rude, but looked as though she had never smiled before.  
Peggy returned with my new Coke. I smiled in response when she slid it across the table on her way to the next table.  
It was nice to be out. Nowadays, I pass out, dead to the world, rising with hunger or the need to urinate. I blamed my medication at first, but, that wasn’t the real problem here.  
I sighed, listening to conversations till my food arrived. It was great, like always. Getting out and actually being around people didn’t lift my spirits; I think it was more of an accomplishment and freedom that did. No dishes that would take me all week to clean or the sight of my ghastly trashy apartment. This was nice. I found myself humming. They seemed pressed for tables today, there must be something going on, so after I ate, I left.

Home. I tossed my keys on the table by the door and walked over to collapse on the couch.  
Shit.  
I should probably wash my sheets and clean this shit up. Papers, Kleenexes, water bottles, empty cups, socks and who knows what else littered the floor.  
The weeks dishes were in the sink, and I still hadn’t put up the clean ones from two weeks ago. I need to do that.  
I flipped on the TV, that full feeling settling in that I rarely felt. No good shows were on, so I went straight to ones I recorded.

During a show on parasites, my phone buzzed.  
Armin.  
He was checking in to see how I was. So I lied and said I was good.  
It wasn't really a lie though. Even though I felt empty, it wasn’t bad. I never felt good for a long time. Its a moment. Then it's back to this limbo. Technically, I was good. But good is still bad.  
Armin is a genius and has gotten him into trouble because of it. I’d just beat up whoever was bothering him, even if it was just little jives, because, hey, he’s my best friend. He’s stuck around my sorry-ass for so long I have to be of worth to him somehow. Even without Armin, though, I’d still get into fights because of my fat-mouth.  
He blazed through his coursework, and now the fucking government is providing him food, housing, and money to boot, all so he can work on these secret projects. He loves it, despite the long, weird hours.  
Mikasa, my sister, is butt-buddies with the government too. She does special guard-spy-hitman-recon assignments that she also can’t talk about.  
And me? I’m struggling to get through college without dropping out again.  
Pain was beginning to collect in my lower back. I shifted uncomfortably, and stretched a bit, hoping it would clear up.  
Aw, fuck! It's getting worse.  
Sighing, I chose to ignore it. All my ailments blend together now. I’m never really sure if my depression is causing me pain, or if it's part of the disease I have thanks to my father.  
I was glad Armin was doing well, though. He said that Mikasa is still overseas. Yeah, that's all we get. Armin probably knows more, though, he just can’t tell me. He worries about her, but I never really worry that much. Mikasa is perfect in everything, extremely talented, just like Armin. She can handle anything.  
I, on the other hand, cannot handle shit.  
But, hey, I’m trying.  
I texted him back and forth for a while, until he went to sleep, since he had been up before dawn, literally, and then decided to go to bed early myself. Like old people early. I took a long, unproductive shower, where I barely managed to remember to wash my hair, before collapsing into the piles of pillows and blankets that is my bed. 

I awoke to the sound of my alarm. I glanced up with groggy eyes. My lids were heavy and my body ached when I moved to turn around. Burning with the effort, I shut off the alarm, sitting up, and looked around the room. Clothes were all over the floor. Books and textbooks lined my bedside. Towels were scattered on top of the clothes. I have to clean this up. I can’t remember the last time I did the laundry. I groaned, falling back in bed. Obviously not feeling up for it, I decided to skip today, and fell backwards, weary and dreary, wrapping myself up to block out the light.

Fuck.  
It's three.  
How could I have slept that long?  
It baffled me every time. You’d think I worked out all night.  
I stretched, the ache had spread, making it a bit painful. Nevertheless, I managed to throw on a t-shirt that hadn’t been washed in eons and some boxers and make breakfast.  
Eggs and toast.  
I’ll do the dishes after this.  
I sat down on the couch, and thumbed through the recommended textbook work. I have to memorize this? All of this?  
No problem. I’ve got nothing else to do.

I managed to study for a while before lazing out on the couch. I tried to watch my shows, but I kept zoning out, and having to rewind them. Eventually, I became sick of it and shut it off, looking at the ceiling.  
I wish Armin and Mikasa were still here. I bet I could visit them more if I had stayed in school. No. I couldn’t have.  
A weight seemed to be pressing down on me.  
Thoughts raced, eager to upset me.  
They left. Just like everyone else. If I wasn’t such a needy bastard maybe at least one person would stay. Maybe I’d still be dating Jean. Maybe every person I ever liked would have never been burdened by my sadness and stayed.  
Everyone sucks  
Even Dad. I fucking hate him. How could he do this to me? All those experiments. I should have told somebody. Who? Who would believe me? How would the conversation go anyway? Uh, hey, my dad inject serums into my skin and I was-  
Emotion griped me, overflowing my thoughts.  
!!SHUT UP!!  
I rose quickly from the couch and stalked off, heading for the bathroom. I needed something to fucking do. There is nothing to do.

The light is so bright! Is the ozone layer gone or something?  
I hid under the covers till my eyes adjusted better. Peeking out, I discovered that my room was still blurry.  
Urgh.  
2:46  
I rubbed my eyes, now re-aware that the world isn’t as toasty as my bed.  
When I had fallen asleep was a mystery to me. I kept tossing-and-turning, hoping that by switching positions my thoughts would settle or become more cheerful. It didn’t work. I must have just passed out.  
Sighing, I got out of bed, thinking Rose's sounded good. Shuffling through the shirts and pants that were piled in my room, I finally found the ones that I was after. I quickly brushed my hair a bit and swallowed down my meds before heading out the door, keys in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you are thinking. Who the dumb-diddly fuck is Peggy? Peggy is my waiter, who knows my order, and I just had to give her a shout out, though I doubt a woman in her late 30s reads SnK fanfiction. Anyways, my bruhs, I had to make this bc there is hardly any mental-porn. Why not? We fuck too.


	2. Shit, I like him

I hadn’t been out much in three weeks. Not to mention, my apartment looks worse than usual. I could pay someone to clean it. But that would make me an asshole.  
No.  
I’m gonna clean it. I’ll scrub that shit till it sparkles.  
Ding.  
Huh.  
No one is really here. But, it is three. People don’t really eat at this time.  
Peggy wasn’t working today. Hum. Krista was gone as well.  
The quiet muscle man nodded at me, giving me the go ahead to seat myself. I didn't know if I should feel embarrassed for coming here so much or entitled. Either way, there was salsa. I slid into my booth, facing the door, and waited.  
Annie came from nowhere, I swear to Hell, and placed three salsas in front of me, along with the chips. She knew I’d eat it all. I smiled, mostly because there was salsa, and received a grunt in reply. I gazed around. There were a few people here. The staff were just idling, waiting for the dinner rush.  
I noticed Levi vigorously scrubbing down a booth, even though it wasn’t his job. He was a waiter; not sanitation. His grey t-shirt was on the tighter side, revealing his muscle tone despite his small frame. What happened over there anyway?  
Sasha busted out of the kitchen, chewing. She was always chewing. Levi jerked his head up, rising up a bit.  
“Hey, Sasha! Go get me the other 409 bottle. These pigs trashed the whole booth.” Levi demanded, disgusted.  
Sasha hesitated. “I thought you had the other 409 bottle.”  
He tensed slightly. I could feel Levi’s rage from here. I didn’t need to see his face. “If this is the last one,” Levi hissed, “I will tape this godforsaken booth off as a crime scene and fucking quit right here!” He set the 409 on the table, aggressively threw the towels on the booth, and stomped past Sasha, who scurried off immediately.  
The people who were here looked up at Levi’s shouting and began talking, like no one could possibly hear them, about how rude and overreactive he was.  
The booth looked fine to me.  
I’m thirsty. I stared at the chips. They did this to me.  
Blonde....no....Reiner! Reiner was taking orders at the front. Then who has this section? Sasha?  
Even though I was thirsty, I kept eating.  
I should study, but I’m not in the mood. I guess I’ll just watch TV. Or I could rent a movie.  
The lady a few booths in front was monologging to her boyfriend about changes at work. You’d think they could talk about something important.  
I’ll rent a movie. Something funny.  
I tried to think of movie previews I had seen.  
Levi busted through the door to the kitchen with utter distaste. He didn’t have 409, it was a different shape, and I almost expected it to be acid.  
He resumed cleaning and was even getting the tight corners and edges.  
He’ll be there forever.  
I saw him like this once. Only once. Kids spilled soda all over the floor and I guess it wasn’t done right, so he redid it. Literally, the next customer spilled his drink taking it from Reiner and it dripped down to the floor. Levi demanded the guy lick it off the floor with an authority of a General. The guy got super pissed and yelled at him and Reiner had to diffuse the whole situation and give the guy free sopapillas. I assumed Levi would get fired, but he stayed. It was weird.  
After only a minute, a bouncy, brown-haired woman with thick glasses came trotting out. Hanji. We had met a couple of times. Mostly, she talked about her experiments, so I fucking know this place is a front to her "hobby". She's nice, though, in an overbearing way, but she reaches octaves that alarm me.  
Hanji leaned on the side of the booth. “Leeeeevi!” She sang.  
Levi didn’t look up. “Which one of the brats called you?” He asked.  
Annie replaced my chips and gave me more salsa. Sasha nearly followed her over. She was chewing.  
Hanji, the manager, giggled. “What do you mean? I just thought I come visit my favorite person.”  
“Beat it, four eyes.” Levi snapped.  
To my shock, Hanji only playfully shoved him. “Remember your tables!” She reminded him.  
So Levi and the manager knew each other? That must be why he hasn’t gotten fired. Why he'll never be fired.  
Hanji was now talking to Sasha, probably about her eating more food than she was serving.  
Levi sighed, set the large bottle on the table, and dried his hands on a paper towel.  
I couldn't believe it. I took a huge bite. Maybe someone threw up. He said pigs. Maybe they just left crumbs and sweat marks and he snapped.  
“What do you want?” An irritated voice asked.  
I turned.  
Levi?  
I stared.  
No. He worked the front. But-  
His eyes were like the sky in winter. I couldn’t speak. Levi’s shirt had ridden up a little. Oh my sweet-  
“Hey, brat.” Levi growled, trying to get my attention.  
“Coke.” I blurted.  
Levi paused for a moment, like he had to digest my pathetic reply, before heading to the machine.  
The fuck is happening?  
Levi works this section? How am I supposed to relax now? He was distracting enough up there, but...  
Here he comes.  
Levi had fixed his shirt. I sighed. Calm down. He’s just a dick. Don’t worry about it.  
Levi placed the drink on the coaster. Directly. He had to lean down.  
I looked up at him. “Why are you here?” I asked.  
Levi looked back with his dry gaze. “I work here.”  
I could feel my face heat up. I dropped my gaze to my drink.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
I glanced up. He was still watching me.  
Shit.  
“They, uh, moved you to the back, then?” I clarified, reaching for a chip. But not that chip. Or that one. Pick one! I took a chip and broke it. Shit!  
I felt my face heat up even more.  
“Brilliant. Does your brain hurt a bit, by chance?” Levi asked.  
I shot him a look.  
Urgh.  
Now I’m going to be sad and angry.  
Great.  
I scooped up some salsa and ate it.  
“What are you ordering today, sir?” Levi questioned with overplayed politeness. He adjusted the pen in his hand, eyes down, bringing my eyes to his cheekbones.  
I chewed faster. I shouldn’t have eaten that. I should have waited.  
Levi blinked at me. I could feel his irritation.  
I swallowed, nearly choking.  
“I'll have the quesadilla with chicken and adobe sauce with-” I coughed twice. I didn’t look up. “Rice and refried beans. Please.” I added, for some reason. It came out more of squeak. Levi wasn’t looking. If I didn’t love this place and if I wasn't hungry, I’d leave. I swear.  
Levi glanced up. I looked away.  
Fuck.  
I began drinking down my Coke like it was the key to happiness.  
“Chicken quesadilla. Adobe sauce. Rice and retried beans.” Levi read off, sounding equal parts angry and bored.  
I nodded, but he wasn’t paying attention. Levi tore the paper from the pad and walked off.  
I exhaled.  
Fucking hell.  
I forgot to order extra lettuce!  
Damn!  
If Levi hadn’t been taking my order I would have remembered!  
He probably thinks I want to fuck him. I was just surprised he was assigned the back section. And I had to make it worse for myself. Can’t even pick up a stupid chip! Did he have to be like that, though? Isn’t it difficult to be that angry all the time?  
Maybe. Maybe it is, though. Being melancholy all the time is.  
A weight fell on me.  
Forget it.  
I threw my ears around the room, trying to find something interesting to listen to. Which is hard. Everyone talks about nothing instead of real situations and problems. Crime was everywhere and chaos and terror and these people choose to turn a blind eye. Like we lived in a utopia. Ha.

Shit.  
Levi was balancing the plate like a pro, heading for me. Was I the only one seated in his section?  
Great.  
I was almost out of salsa.  
Levi took the plate with his bare hands - bare hands - and placed it in front of me, lacking the decency to say, ’Be careful, the plate is hot’.  
I smiled reflexively. “Thanks.”  
Ignoring me, Levi took my drink to refill it.  
Omg, this stuff was good. You’d think I’d be tired of it by now. The onions and the mushrooms and....  
Hanji came bubbling over carrying salsa. “Humming again, Eren?”  
She slid the bowls near my plate and then scooted into the seat across from me.  
“I’m surprised you remember my name.” I admitted.  
Hanji laughed obnoxiously. “I remember everything.” Somehow, it sounded creepy the way she said that.  
“Soooo, how’ve you been, huh? Any good nights lately?” Hanji asked.  
My eyes widened a bit. “Uh. N-no. No.” I stammered.  
“You probably have a food fetish. I’m actually doing a study on sexual-” Hanji started.  
The first time I talked to her, she did the exact same thing. I was not going to listen to her for an hour. “I think I'll stop you there, Hanji.” I interjected forcefully.  
She pouted.  
“Ooooooh.” Hanji cooed.  
My eyebrows twitched inwards, then I caught sight of Levi in my peripheral vision.  
Levi glared at Hanji, then put my Coke on the coaster.  
“How is Levi doing, Eren?” Hanji asked. I couldn’t reply fast enough. She turned to Levi, who was sporting a dry fuck-off aura as usual. “You know, Eren practically keeps this business afloat so play nice.”  
“I don’t really think I-” I started.  
“Perhaps you should reign it in. I doubt anyone wants to hear your piercing voice describing another experiment.” Levi shot back.  
I began drinking due to the awkward little spat they were having.  
“You know, bacteria can be transmitted many ways.” Hanji threatened playfully.  
Levi narrowed his eyes. “If you break into my apartment one more time, I will break all of your beakers.”  
I just wanted to eat my quesadilla.  
“Why don’t you get me some Pepsi?” Hanji asked, adjusting her glasses.  
Levi sighed deeply before leaving, though I doubted he was actually upset.  
I hoped the Pepsi was to go, at first. But this is a nice distraction. The debacle over, I was free to eat.  
“Eren.” Hanji started.  
“Hummmm.”  
“Should’t you be out more? I mean, you’re in your twenties, right?” Hanji questioned.  
I felt like I was being dissected.  
“Maybe I go clubbing after this. You don’t know.” I snapped.  
“But you don’t.”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because you don’t.”  
“You watching me or something?”  
Hanji smiled. “Nope.”  
I rolled my eyes. “What about you?”  
Hanji giggled. “I’m with somebody!”  
Of course. The nerd had a lover.  
Levi returned with the Pepsi and sat it on the coaster.  
“That took awhile.” I thought aloud.  
Levi shot me a look. “I was debating whether to piss in it or not.” He replied.  
I smirked.  
Hanji was already drinking it.  
“I guess she likes bodily fluids then.” I murmured.  
Levi snorted, and left.  
Oh. Someone else was seated in his section.  
I wonder if they were profiled.  
I was drinking my Coke when I noticed Hanji watching me. “Need something?” I asked.  
Hanji blinked. “Nothing.” She took a drink and sat it down.  
It wasn’t on the coaster.  
“You should put that on the coaster.” I suggested.  
Hanji shrugged.  
“I’m serious.”  
“It’s fine, Eren.” Hanji said, waving it off.  
Levi would have a fit if he saw this. The drink had to be on a coaster. He went through great lengths to put it there and he deals with these bullshit people every fucking day with problems that shouldn’t fucking even fucking-  
“Put the drink on the coaster before Levi has to get upset over it!” I blurted.  
Shit.  
I think I shouted.  
Hanji looked pleased.  
Fuck  
My face burned. “Excuse me.” I said quickly, scooting out of the booth and rushing off to the bathroom.  
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck.  
I yanked open the door, greeted by Salsa music, and bolted in.  
Trying to override my body’s response to paint my face with panic, I scanned the floor.  
Nothing.  
I relaxed, only to tense up.  
What the fuck?  
I ran my hand through my hair. Why did I blow up like that? I should have just got it to-go. I’m in no condition to deal with people. I’ll just fuck up. I’ll fuck up everything.  
I looked in the mirror.  
Oh, hell biscuits.  
Dark circles were under my eyes - ironic considering how long I spend sleeping - and my hair appeared to be plagued with an abundance of gel. Even my shirt was ruffled and folded in that way that tells everyone you’ve worn it too much. In summary, I was disgusting. It's like I have an urge to try to look as horrible as I feel. And then flip out at a local restaurant. I look like the guy who flips out at restaurants.  
I sighed, suddenly aware of my hunger.  
Damn.  
Maybe everyone left and it's fine.  
Bullshit.  
I walked back out, slowly, and noticed Hanji was gone. This comforted me. I wouldn't have to explain why I yelled over a coaster. But I still felt bad. I need to apologize.  
I slid into my booth, half expecting someone to appear and demand answers.  
My drink was full.  
I thought I drank it.  
Levi must have refilled it.  
Or I never drank it  
Forget it.  
My quesadilla was a bit cold, but I didn’t really mind. I was even more hungry than before and ate it in record time. Still, I was hungry. I didn’t feel satisfied. It was that weird, half-full feeling. Levi was with a family of four. No help there. I found Annie. She was gathering empty salsa bowls. I stared at her. Moments later, she looked up, and, quickly, locked eyes with me. Score. She continued her work, and I began drinking down the Cola, only to realize I hadn’t even touched it through the meal like I normally do. So thirsty. Annie approached the table and presented me with salsa. She waited.  
“Can I have some flour tortillas?” I asked.  
Annie nodded, checking my face. Or maybe not.  
Calm down.  
I stacked my used salsas and set them at the corner of the table.  
She returned and slid the tortillas across the table with one push. Then she swiftly grabbed the bowls and left with grace. I tore into the tortillas. They were steaming. Perfect. I ripped them up and rolled them into little pieces and dripped them in the salsa. Leaning back a bit, I began to relax. The grumpy couple were gone and the family was laughing. Two guys were eating dinner together wearing coveralls. Sasha was helping refill drinks and wiping down tables, probably as punishment. No food contact with her. Levi eventually walked over and I tried not to panic. What if he heard me?  
I tried to pretend not to notice, but couldn’t. I looked at him. His narrow yet wide eyes and his knitted brow and longer face with angled cheekbones and his fucking lips and his capturing eyes and broad shoulders tapered down to his waist were stunning. He looked like a pissed off Greek statue. A shorter one.  
“Sorry about Hanji.” Levi non apologetically apologized.  
I felt something twist in me, my melancholy growing deeper. “You don’t have to act like you care.” I replied.  
Levi studied me, eyes intense.  
With a slightly heated face, I held his gaze.  
Levi broke the gaze to pick up my plate. “Coke.” He demanded, without looking.  
“What?”  
“Coke.”  
I panicked. Uh. He wants what?  
“The drink, Eren. Hand it to me.” Levi ordered.  
Instantly, I grabbed the drink and held it out; he took it, not bothering to make eye contact with me, and left. Why didn’t I realize he meant the drink? I’m so stupid! I need to stop zoning out and listen. This is a disaster. I need to go home and just stay there. Frustrated, I began stuffing my face.  
Levi returned and leaned down to place the drink on the coaster.  
I meant to speak normal, but the proximity of Levi and the smell of lavender and clean clothes coming off of him shrank my voice, so I squeaked out, “Sorry,” with a burning face. Levi turned his head to look at me, hand still on the drink, body still across the table, and all my blood rushed to my face. I felt an overwhelming sense of pressure by his aura and by his adorable little nose.  
I sat.  
Levi looked at me, eyebrows pulled closer together, something I couldn’t process or identify happening in his eyes because he was right-fucking-there.  
He pulled back and stood there, briefly. I thought he would say something so I went to look at him, but my face only heated up more at the thought, so I stared at the tortilla I was eating.  
I should have left when I had the chance.  
Levi didn’t speak. I caught sight of him leaving.  
I need to go. Now.  
I pulled a wad of cash from my pocket and thew it on the table as I got up. Quickly, I walked out, eyes on the ground. The sooner I get home the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else take way too long to process what people say?  
> Can you feel the sexual tension? Between Eren and the salsa, I mean.


	3. Descent

It has been this way for a month or so now. I had no idea when it would let up. I’d wake up and maybe try to at least brush my hair and then think, ’It's not today,’ and lie back down. I had to do something. I had to. But what? There wasn’t a source for this pain. My body was made of wet sand and the sun had long ago died. I was being tortured with something I couldn’t see or remember. It was like when my mom died, only lasting forever.  
And the pills. I couldn’t take all the pills. I would take the recommended dose, but I always had leftovers when the next bottle showed up at my door. Was I just passing out now and not even realizing it?  
Depression pills. Sleeping pills.(That don't work, but I still have them) Muscle relaxers. Pain medication.  
It was hard to keep track sometimes if I took them. I'd have to think.  
I loved the muscle relaxers. So much so, I limited my use of them. I could finally relax my body and I’d feel contented. I’d sleep for a long time, uninterrupted by dreams. I felt dizzy, which, I, honestly, didn't mind. I liked the feeling of laying down and having the Earth spin. Somehow, it was enjoyable. Standing up though, I’d get those head rushes that make you see white. Hated that. But who’s getting up.  
The stabbing pain in my body seemed worse. Sometimes, it felt like my bones were breaking and reattaching themselves. If I reached for something, it’d become even more intense. I was being stretched from the inside out, like that machine from the Inquisition. My height fluctuated and I swear that I was growing taller because of my father’s experiments. When I went to the doctor, I would always slouch to hide it, because I was scared they would lock me up in a sealed prison with bars and run tests on me. The doctors are always wary around me, because of my father, so they basically give me exactly that I ask for. That doesn’t stop the panic attacks brought on by just seeing the fucking building. I expected the murmurings of a small group of doctors, and then armed guards and nurses with syringes at the ready approaching me. Then they would cart me off to a small room and the whole fucking thing would start all over again. I insist they keep the door open each time I go. If I have to run, I’ll run.  
Luckily, I didn’t have to go back for a while.

Today, unlike most days, I felt somehow better. Not better-better, but just, more capable. So I didn’t ignore the clock. I got up and faced the mirror.  
Urg.  
Not much to do here.  
I took a shower. A real one. I didn't just stand there and think or feel the water on me. I brushed by hair. Put on deodorant. Ate some of my many cereals. Put clothes on. Nicer ones. They were not clean, but they hadn’t been worn in a while, so they smelt clean. I was nearly a person. I felt tired, still. I'm always so tired. I got coffee on the way with as much expresso as I could legally get. It didn’t help. Drinking coffee and other caffeinated beverages don't work right for me. They make me jittery, but they don't lift the haze behind my eyes. It doesn’t focus me; it just makes me more aware of how unaware I am. Still, I needed something. 

I managed to get to class early and picked a seat near the door, feeling like I wasn’t really supposed to be there.  
This was the right room, right?  
I’ll look idiotic walking out if it’s not.  
Thankfully, I was in the right room. And it was a lecture class to boot. I found myself zoning out countless times. Apparently, the law wasn’t fascinating enough for me today.  
Needless to say, I managed to get through my classes, with the help of copious refills, and didn’t shout my name too loud when it was called. Being here was an accomplishment, but, at the same time, I felt like it would have been better if I had stayed home. I actually felt bad for achieving this.  
The worst part was during my next to last class. My arm began to throb and twist. I stretched it to no avail. Subconsciously, I began softly kneading my arm, in order to soothe the muscles. Normally, massaging only makes it worse, but my brain wasn’t hooked up. The pain distracted my hand from its task of writing long enough for my pencil to slip out of my hands and begin to roll away. When the situation clicked, I slammed my hand down on the desk to stop it. It made a huge thudding-crack noise and a few people looked, but I imagined it's not the worst sound they had heard so far.  
What the-  
My pencil was broken in two.  
The part with led fell away from my hand as I lifted it, while the other half had become embedded in my hand.  
That's fucking right. Now I had the back half of a pencil sticking out of my palm. I glanced around, but no one seemed interested. I bit my lip and yanked it out.  
Shit.  
There were little bits still there so I had to pull them out with my still throbbing hand. Bloody tipped pencil chips were all over my desk now and I felt the need to remove the evidence. I scooted the mess to the edge of the desk and into my hand. Then, I unzipped my bag just wide enough to fit my in hand and shake it inside. Sighing, I straightened and looked to see if there was blood on the desk.  
Fuck!  
A deep handprint was now on the desk.  
Shit. Shit. Fuck!  
What was I supposed to do? How did I-?  
I scanned my hand. It was already nearly healed. No one would believe I stabbed myself with a pencil or went Hulk on my desk. But that wasn’t the big problem. I slammed my fucking handprint down like we were doing that wet-cement-child-bullshit and I had no idea how to fix it.  
I should go.  
No!  
Then everyone will look and notice it!  
Nothing is wrong. Just sit here. Yeah. Sit.  
I leaned on my barely scratched arm to try to obstruct the view of this massive print. I had to tell myself it was irrelevant to everyone else, but I didn’t fully believe it. So when class ended, I bolted like a criminal to my next one, and collapsed into a seat, trying to slow down my breathing before I passed out.  
Why did I leave the house? Why did I leave the house? Why did I leave the house? Why did I leave the house?  
Why?  
I spent the next class calming down before driving back to my apartment, looking in the rear-view mirror for any signs of a tail.

Can't fall back asleep. Can’t.  
I peeked out from behind the pillow over my head to see that it was one something. I sighed. I should get up. Hiding in my apartment was just too fucking easy. Especially with everyone bringing the food to you. I never wore pants to open the door either. The delivery people must think I'm some doped-out rich kid.  
The place was disgusting, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I just let it be. Eventually, I'd have to pick stuff up and clean, but that wasn't now or anytime soon. Wading through my own misery was challenging enough. All this weight and anger kept intensifying. It was so debilitating just to do nothing at all. I didn’t need something else to worry about. Something in the back of my mind told me to run. Get out of the house. But I had nowhere to go. And I was not going to be that sad ass alone guy today.  
Friends would be nice right about now. If only I could keep any. It's hard enough living like this, but then I have to explain why I’m not talking or feeling up to whatever.  
I do wish I was better at staying in touch with people. I just imagine them living and think I would interrupt their life, so I don't text. Most of the times, though, I forget. Human connection gets lost somehow and then, it's been three weeks. What do you say? “Sorry, I slipped into a self-depreciating-existential coma. What's up?”  
If only Armin worked at the Gap still. Then I could drag him somewhere. But no. He’s snuggling up with fucking stem cells or something.  
Urg.  
How long till bedtime?

At the weeks end, I felt more exhausted than I could describe. I kept yawning and yawning, even though all I’ve done was sleep and lay motionless in front of the tv, trapped in my own head. Still, I had to go to Rosas and eat. It was my ritual and perhaps the atmosphere would make me feel.  
I had to wait a minute for my table. A large group was taking up most of the restaurant.  
Peggy noticed me immediately and broke out in her wide grin, leading me to my table, Coke already in hand. Her cheerful attitude was always baffling. She was thrilled to see me. I mumbled my thanks as I slid inside the booth.  
Sasha had been reinstated as a waiter and was refilling drinks on the big group. Krista was helping her.  
Annie walked over and placed the chips in front of me and then five salsas. “You look like shit.” She said pointedly.  
“You look like a serial killer.” I shot back. I shouldn’t have to deal with the harsh reality of my face when I feel like this.  
I felt a little guilty for being rude. “Sorry. I, uh-” I started. How do I explain I completely shut down and have no energy to function normally and control myself?  
Annie shook her head. “It's cool.” She said. “I asked for it.” She shrugged and walked off.  
I should have brushed my hair more. If fucking Annie is concerned then it's serious.  
Peggy popped up soon after. “What are you going to have today?”  
I decided to get the enchiladas with extra rice and just as I was about to say the sauce, it happened. Peggy was writing my order down, nodding, when Levi brought his broad shouldered self over and looked at her writing.  
I stopped talking, staring directly at him. He had the skin of a three year old.  
“Are you sure they can read your chicken scratch?” Levi asked.  
Peggy raised her head, but didn't look at him. “I’m sure.” She said politely.  
“Hhmmm.” Levi drawled out.  
Peggy turned to look him dead in the eye, earning respect from me. She raised her eyebrows.  
Levi waited a few seconds. “This is my section.” He stated it like a death threat.  
“This is my costumer.”  
“My section. My customer. Or are you two fucking?”  
Peggy, who is in her late 30s and probably in a long term relationship, lost it right there. I didn't want to get involved with this, so I started drinking my Cola, staring at the salsa. I wonder if there will be plenty of onions. I began sifting through them with a chip, idly eating.  
Ignore it. Calm down, Eren. It's fine. Onions.  
“We are not doing anything like that! He is a long term customer!” Peggy protested.  
“Friends with benefits then?” Levi corrected himself.  
“No!”  
“Maybe you should-”  
“Back the hell off, Levi! Some people actually have platonic relationships and Peggy doesn’t need your bullshit! Go serve the fat man by the blue skull already. He needs you.” I hissed. I just wanted to eat and leave, but he had to fuck it up. I can’t take this.  
Levi smirked. “She’s that good, huh?”  
“Yes. She's a fantastic waiter.” I shot back.  
Levi shook his head. “Didn’t know you liked roleplay.” He called over his shoulder as he walked away.  
Peggy sighed heavily and turned to me. “I am so sorry sweetie. I don’t know how he’s still here.” She said.  
I smiled halfheartedly. “It’s fine. Red sauce, and that's it.”  
Peggy scribbled it down then left, grabbing Reiner by his tree trunk arm as she passed him to mutter something. Reiner looked unaffected.  
I couldn't even focus on watching them. I stared at the chips and the salsa, wondering if I could mimic the recipe. Probably not. It's too good to try to anyways.

The meal went without farther incident and I left Peggy with a hefty tip to show my appreciation.  
Time to sleep. I don’t care if it's not even dark. I'm taking these pants off and collapsing in bed. I'll see if humans can hibernate.  
Something firm gripped me, but I was slow to react, because I was in my own head. I yanked my arm back and whipped my head around.  
Levi.  
His wide, narrow icy eyes were pulled together in frustrated boredom, his hair perfectly in place.  
Please, no.  
Levi released me. “Eren.”  
Hurry up. My bed needs me.  
He held up his pointer and middle finger, bills stuffed between them. “You left me a 100 dollar tip.” He stated, like I couldn't count.  
Oh for fucks sake! This? He's stopping me for this? Fuck the money. I need to get out of here. “Keep it.” I said flatly, barely looking at the money, and started to walk off.  
“Yeager!” Levi growled, commanding my attention. He was pissed now.  
He knew my last name. Huh.  
I turned, all my energy gone. I’d be lucky to make it home.  
Levi’s gaze softened a bit. “Just take it.” He held it out, stepping closer.  
I stared at it. It meant nothing. Everyone gave it value. What was it really?  
I looked up. Levi was watching me. I didn’t feel pressured by his gaze. “I honestly don’t give a shit about the money. Use it to buy some manners and leave me alone.” The words flew out of my mouth. I hardly remember saying them.  
I expected Levi to stop me again, but he let me leave.  
To remember driving home, I’d have to stop-and think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always think of Eren like, getting into shit and getting all beat up, but when he comes home, his clothes are bloody and torn but he's all healed. Then I giggle.  
> Think of the janitor that night being all 'how the fuck did these kids do this?!' after seeing the handprint and then a ghost rumor starts. Sam and Dean bust in, this becomes a crossover, then the orgy happens.  
> So enjoy cause *violin music*  
> The shit is about to hit the fan.


	4. Break

I now felt worse than before. There was something at the core of me, a black hole of sorts, pulling all my emotions, that should be under my body’s control, into nothingness. And that is what I felt. Nothingness.  
Nothingness is not like space. It's not being lightweight. It's heavy; acting like gravity to your soul, pulling down, deeper away from you. I stared into it, thinking of how I could make myself feel better, how far I’ve fallen, what I could be doing if I wasn’t like this, picturing my future, my past, my life now, all those pills, how I would kill myself, how stupid Tv was, how misguided people were, general stupidity, everything. Time was nothing too. It was pulled into the nothingness along with everything else.  
The problem wasn’t I didn’t care, it was the fact that I didn’t get an option. I wanted that option. But I was a prisoner.  
I was at that point when food didn’t taste right. I’d eat one day and then have this feeling that I had been cut off from my stomach or it would taste disgusting. Then I'd fix the same thing later on and it would taste normal. It made me not want to fix anything for fear that I would just have wasted effort making a meal I wouldn't eat. So food would then be spoiled all the time in my fridge, because what I'd have for the week wouldn't get eaten, so I would leave it there for the next week, which became the next week, and so on.  
I didn’t know why I didn’t let myself die. I barely ate. I slept all day. I felt nothing but sadness. No hygiene. I was slowed down in a hyper paced world that left me to drown in myself. I was, all things considered, nearly dead. So why did my heart keep beating? Why did it make me feel as I slowly died?  
I knew I was near a breakdown. Everything kept piling up and I didn't have the strength or the will to deal with it.  
In short, I was a wreak. I felt anger and the urge to cry at the drop of the hat, but I fought it back. I struggled to be in control. But everytime there was a moment, it would tackle me. Yank me down.  
I didn’t want to be like this! No! I was fine. I’d get through this without breaking down and then I'd be cured.  
I needed to get around people. Away from myself.  
I drove to Rosas.

Everything was normal. But me.  
I focused too hard on acting like me that I wasn't close.  
Annie noticed, I think, because she returned with more salsa.  
Levi, who always seemed to be here, was thankfully tending to other people. He wouldn’t bug me.  
Peggy smiled at me like I made her day and I felt disgusting because of it.  
You're shit.  
This is shit.  
I told her I wanted some time today and she told me to take all the time I needed. She sat down the Coke.  
I ate the chips. Good salsa. Kinda crowded. Was it cold in here? I bet some people would consider this cold.  
Meaningless, rambling thoughts went through my head. My body was fighting for control.  
I looked at the chips. There is always too many chips and not enough salsa. Is that life?  
A heavy feeling crushed me.  
Shut the fuck up!  
You idiot!  
Chips. Chips. Chips. Chips.  
I repeated it in my head to focus my thoughts from what was happening.  
“Will you take the money back or are you asking for something?”  
“Fuck!” I literally jumped backwards and hit the back of the booth. Ice cold fear replaced my torture for only a second.  
“Fuck, you damn brat. This isn’t a Fright House.” Levi growled, like my fear made him uncomfortable and, of course, peeved.  
Levi. It’s only Levi. Calm down. You're fine. You're fine. You're just fine.  
“I’m just verbally harassing you.” Levi stated matter-o-factly.  
Anger shot through me. Anger for Levi for coming over here. Angry that I was scared. Angry that I couldn’t control it. Angry that I felt what I felt.  
It must have shown up on my face. It had to. I literally was clenching both fists, fighting. Fighting it down.  
“Eren?” Levi’s voice was different, but I couldn’t process how.  
“Can you leave?” I stated the question, level in alarming way, staring ahead at the white in my sight.  
Levi’s eyebrows furrowed even farther, which should have been marked as a biological monument.  
He. Wasn’t. Leaving.  
I couldn’t take this.  
He needed to go. Now. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.  
I looked him right in the eye. “Leave!” I begged. Or asked. Or demanded. Or struggled to say.  
I couldn't tell.  
I fucking couldn’t tell.  
Shit.  
Shit  
Shit  
“Suit yourself, then.” Levi said. His voice was weird.  
I think.....  
Fuck  
Is Peggy coming back over?  
No. No!  
I can’t do this.  
I had to get out.  
I stood and frantically rushed to the bathroom.

I can't. I shouldn't have tried.  
Fury welled up inside me and I was too broken to fight it.  
I punched the stall door, leaving a dent, and earned a vibrating crack.  
Why do I feel like such shit?  
This isn't melancholy; it's torture. It's eating me. And I can't take it anymore. I can't. Too much. Too fucking much.  
I tore at my head.  
Fuck....  
My eyes blurred and I slowly realized I was crying. Damn it!  
I began wheezing; exhaling with far more force than I was breathing with.  
Pressing my head on something helped a lot. The security of knowing, yes this object is real, grounded me.  
I stumbled to the wall and shrank down to my knees, pushing my head into the wall like I could force this out.  
I squeezed my eyes shut against the raging thing ripping at me.  
That was all there was. Getting rid of this.

“If you fucking dirtied anything up, Eren, I swear.” Levi’s voice echoed through the bathroom.  
Shit  
I'm in public.  
Near Levi.  
It felt like something pushed through my entire body, taking everything it could.  
“Eren?”  
Go away! I shoved my head farther into the wall.  
Fuck. Fuuuuck. Fuuuuuuck.  
Get out. Out.  
Warmth touched my lower back and the smell of freshly washed clothes spread through the air.  
“Eren.”  
I felt worse with Levi there. Someone seeing this; knowing about this. I couldn’t breathe anymore. I began to wheeze-cry even harder, my body shaking as tears mixed with snot.  
Levi’s voice sounded like he was on a different plane.  
“Fuck. Fuck.” Levi’s hand grabbed my waist and pulled me from the wall.  
No. No. I-wall. Wall.  
I started to hiccup, struggling to breathe.  
No. No. I need-.....  
It flooded me, wrenching through my body. Something was trying to get free. My body seized like I was vomiting, but nothing came out.  
I needed to have something concrete, to grip, to focus me. I need the wall.  
Levi tilted me to the side, so I could lay down. The fetal position was known to me all too well. I curled inwards. The feeling of my body on my body reminded me I was here. I was intact. It hadn’t destroyed me.  
Something pressed on my ear, and I figured it must be Levi’s legs. I clawed at the floor, towards the wall, with one hand, the other gripping my shirt so tight I was sure it would rip. The spasms took my breath and I struggled to keep breathing.  
A hand ran up and down my body, slowly. I focused on its pace, equal parts comforted and enraged by it. That alone fed the fit.  
I quieted down for a while, only for it to start up again.  
Still, Levi’s hand kept comforting me.

I had been breathing steadier for a few minutes when I felt Levi move slightly under my ear. Or more accurately, I heard it.  
Focusing more on breathing normal, I didn’t think of Levi fully, till the last couple of minutes.  
Levi made sure I wouldn’t knock my head on the floor, and then stood. Thankfully, I was facing the wall, not him. I turned quickly to face the wall again, criss-cross, and tried to wipe away the fluid from my face.  
What do you say to someone who sees you like this? We haven't even shared a semi decent conversation with each other and he was playing the role of a....  
How was I supposed to fucking know! No one does this shit for a person in life anyway! There is no job description. Just medication.  
I wiped my eyes and nose for the millionth time with my shirt.  
I can’t leave. Not like this.  
I had a mental breakdown in a restaurant. Check that off the list.  
“Here.” Levi’s voice was monotoned, yet softer. A hefty amount of white tissues appeared over my shoulder. I grabbed them and began blowing my nose.  
One side was completely stuffed.  
My head was pounding and my eyes were sore.  
What was I going to say? Levi probably thinks this is the single most disgusting thing he has ever witnessed.  
“I’m sorry.” I managed, talking into the tissue, my voice strange.  
Levi didn’t say anything.  
Shit! Shit!  
My head throbbed harder. I wiped my eyes that would never be dry. A pile of tissues were in front of me.  
Rftsssssshhhhhhh!  
Levi had turned the water on. “I'll come back. No one can get in.” He added. I waited till the door clicked.  
Panic found me then. I have to get out of here. And never come back. But I can't just walk out! I grabbed the used tissues and threw them in the bin under the sink. Then, I saw it. The red, irritated eyes, the flushed nose, the soaked eyelashes. There was no way anyone would think I had just taken a hard shit. Horrible.  
I cupped the cold water and flung it on my face, gasping, because my nose no longer worked. Breathe. Breathe.  
I wiped my face again. Blew my nose. Everytime it made my head hurt worse.  
I repeated everything and then looked down at the sink and just breathed through my mouth, panting.  
I looked up. Better.  
I blew my nose, but nothing came out, even though my nose was stuffed.  
Damn.  
I went back to the water. As I was wiping my face, the door clicked.  
I thought no one could get in?  
Glancing over, I saw Levi standing in front of the door, holding a water bottle.  
Embarrassed, I turned back to stare at the sink. My hands clenched. Breathe. Breathe. Not ready for the situation, my head screamed.  
I listened to Levi approach, trying to think of what to say. I couldn’t think.  
Thank you? Sorry? I said that. Say nothing. No. He's so nice right now. Fuck.  
“Eren?” Levi tried, cautiously. He was slightly behind me and to the side, obviously watching me carefully.  
“Hmm.” I replied, not even managing a grunt without my voice fracturing.  
“When you want to,” Levi began, “I can take you out the side door.”  
I wanted to cry again. It suddenly took ahold of me.  
No! No! Shut up! Shut up!  
I nodded vigorously, eyes shut.  
Levi placed the water beside me and then leaned on the sink counter. I felt hyper aware of his gaze, but he wasn’t looking at me. I twisted the lid off the water and began drinking it down. I was so thirsty. I had to stop several times to gasp frantically for air.  
“You beat the shit out of that door.” Levi muttered. “All the fat guys won't be able to shit properly.”  
I smirked in spite of all I was feeling. I had forgotten that.  
Levi glanced over. Somehow, I matched his gaze for a few seconds.  
“Throw that away. I value my customers health.” Levi requested, looking down at the tissues scattered on the counter.  
I immediately compiled and then started washing my hands for good measure. I had touched the floor, I recalled.  
I picked up the water and looked up at Levi, hoping he'd take the hint. Somehow, he seemed pleased. Levi gave a short nod, uncrossed his arms, and led me out of the bathroom. It was ridiculous trying to hide behind Levi since I was a head taller than him, but I still tried. Luckily, no one really noticed, until we got to the kitchen.  
Reiner was carrying plates out and got a full view of me. We walked by someone chopping veggies before Annie and Krista popped up.  
“Shouldn’t you be working?” Levi snapped, startling Krista into action.  
I stared down at the floor. Great. Everybody knows.  
We turned to go through a door that led to the alleyway by the dumpster. The chilly air felt really good. There was a step that I had to pay attention to doing, because I was so frazzled and drained.  
It was all brick and smelt horrible. An average alleyway.  
Levi turned after the step to face me. “Look, Eren. I’m not going to mention this to anyone, but you should be careful with yourself. I know you know that, so just don’t push too far.” Levi advised, in a new version of his voice that sounded lighter.  
Levi was so kind in an atypical way. He wasn’t going to bullshit me or tell me to get help at the nearest hospital or call fucking 911. He was just-  
Emotion control was not on the table, so when it welled up, I couldn't stop it. Tears went to my eyes and before I knew it, I latched onto Levi, arms around him. His genuine concern was too much for my head. He smelt so good. It gave me a comforting, homey feeling smelling how clean his shirt was. Fuck. I’m probably dripping my fluids all over it. Oh well. I held him tighter.  
I soon lifted my head to breathe better, because I started to feel like I was being suffocated by freshness. Levi suddenly hugged me back. Shocked, my grip slackened for a second.  
Levi held me for a few more moments before letting go. I pulled back in response. I sniffed, looking into his face for clues on his feelings.  
I couldn’t tell.  
“I'll drive you home.” He stated quickly.  
I nodded, feeling pathetic for needing this much attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welllll that was some rough shit. Everyone breaks down different, but I tried to explain how I do. It mostly feels like my body is trying to vomit something deep in me and my whole body contracts while I cry. Fun stuff, yeah? I figured Eren would have a brutal cry like that.  
> Don't worry. The relationship has started. So silence your phones now.


	5. Please leave so I won't fall for you

Was he doing his civic duty? Did he feel obligated because I had paid him too much? Why was he going so far to help me?  
I stayed behind Levi, aiming my thoughts at the back of his head, as we walked through the parking lot. Wasn’t he working?  
My head responded with a scream.  
Owww.  
I held my head with one hand, promising it drugs.  
Click-click.  
Lights flashed.  
His car was sleek black. Fancy looking too. Levi waited till I got to the other side. I grabbed the handle, but it slipped out of my hand.  
Clank!  
Fuck.  
I pulled it hard and it opened.  
Levi muttered something and slid in. I followed suit.  
The car had a fresh scent too. Like it had been deep cleaned only yesterday. I immediately put on my seatbelt. The rest of it was shiny. Not even a bit of paper was on the floor or a crunched leaf.  
Levi squirted something into his hand and rubbed it in.  
“What is that?”  
“Hand sanitizer.”  
“Oh.” I waited a second, watching how thorough he was. He looked over. “Where do you live?”  
Oh fuck. I had to think. Urg, my head! It protested greatly.  
Levi turned the car on and it purred to life. He pulled out of the spot and rolled to the exit. He stopped the car.  
“This isn’t Jeopardy level.” Levi pointed out.  
Oh, right. “Um, you know the soup and salad place?” I asked, wiggling.  
I really felt like shit. And I was still panting. I should have said no. But I didn’t want to upset Levi. He was helping me. The feeling was weird, though. I had no idea what to do.  
Levi stared at me. “You live,” He said slowly, “at the soup and salad place?”  
Huh? “No.”  
“Then why-”  
“What are you even talking about?” I mumbled. What he say before? My head was foggy. I felt weak and stupid. Phlegm was building in the back of my throat and I swallowed hard to clear it.  
“Nothing.” Levi dismissed, looked both ways, and then ripped into the intersection.  
A car whizzed by my side door, too close for comfort, with a short honk. What the hell?  
I glanced at Levi. He was stone faced. No reaction.  
He sped up, the engine’s sound increasing, and shifted into the next lane, only to speed up and change back into the one before.  
In fucking seconds.  
Wow. He’s aggressive. Couldn’t he slow down a bit? I'm not bleeding or anything.  
The lights going by hurt as the neon light pierced my eyes, reminding my head that not only was it not getting enough oxygen, it was sensitive as fuck. I blocked the light with one hand.  
The car swerved to the right, slamming my hand into the window.  
Fuck!  
“Can you calm the fuck down?” I growled. My anger rilled my brain, but I didn’t care at the moment. “I rather be alive when I get home!”  
Levi glanced over at me. “I’m not shouting.” He pointed out.  
“You’re driving like a pissed off teenager!” I ended up more winning the last part.  
So heavy. I sighed.  
“Quit being dramatic.”  
“How fast are you going?”  
“190.”  
“What?!”  
“Shut up, already.”  
I slumped back, head throbbing.  
He switched lanes. A few moments later, he inched forward.  
I grabbed the seat with both hands. “Levi...”  
“Yes, dear?” Levi returned.  
“You can’t make that.” The space was too small. His car couldn't fit. The car beside him was up too far. Not to mention the fact that the light just turned yellow.  
He took it as a challenge. The engine roared and he whipped in the spot, only to speed up so aggressively that the guy in front of him changed lanes, which left Levi the space to increase his speed for the long curve in the road.  
We were gonna flip. We’ll spin out. This is it.  
“Oh, look. We're not dead. Fascinating.” Levi gloated.  
I didn't have the energy to respond. I leaned back, eyes closed, and held onto the door.  
He continued to maneuver through traffic going a hundred miles a hour, making turns like a roller coaster: sharp and quick. Despite the speed, he never scooted out of his lane for a second, and didn't hit anyone, which I considered to be miracle.

“Okay. I see the sign. What now.” Levi demanded.  
I opened my eyes and looked around. “Left up at the light.”  
Levi switched lanes and turned into a street lined with trees, a park on the other side.  
“It's the sign with the waterfall on it.” I said.  
I saw the turn up ahead. Thank you, gods and deities. “Oh. The, uh, fourth one. On the end.” I added.  
I lived in expensive apartment, I will admit. I liked the park and there were a lot of food places and a couple theaters within less than a mile. I figured it would be easy for me to get out if there was a lot to do around me. But no.  
The apartments were two to a building. One on top; one on bottom. They had this Gothic, Victorian theme to them, making them look like mini historic treasures. I was on bottom. I don't think I could handle the stairs anyway.  
Levi didn’t comment on it. He ripped into a spot, turned the key, and all the doors clicked open.  
Quickly, I rushed out, yanking open the door. Big mistake.  
White in the eyes.  
Fuck.  
I stood for a few seconds. It cleared. Okay. I walked in front of the car to find Levi standing there with the door shut. “Thanks, Levi. I really appreciate you driving me home and all.” I said, trying to make eye contact. I swallowed, hard. So thirsty. I felt drained. Drained and beaten. I wanted to cry again.  
“I’m going to walk you in.” Levi said, his voice firm.  
No, no, no.  
I panicked a bit. “No, no. I'm fine.”  
Levi locked the car and strode over to me. “Good. So there's no problem.”  
“I’m just going to fall asleep you don't need to come in.”  
“Too bad.”  
“Levi, come on.” I more whinnied. I. Hurt. Everywhere.  
“Just get your keys.”  
“No.”  
“I’ll get them, then.”  
I stepped backward. “I’ll be okay.” I stated in what I hoped was a calm manner.  
Levi glared like I insulted him. “You need-”  
I don't need his help! “No I don't! I do this all alone the fucking time so back off already!” I shouted. I felt tears forming in my eyes so I looked down as I got my keys out of my pocket. I looked up. “Bye, Levi.”  
He was studying me.  
Something crushed me. I turned to leave.  
“You’re fucking retarded.” Levi hissed from behind me, stomping over. I turned to glance back but he was already beside me, hand on my arm, pulling me towards the door.  
“L-Levi!” I protested.  
“Call the cops.” Levi snapped.  
I couldn’t think of what to say, so I let him lead me. He released me when we got to the door and I looked over to see his usual expression. Ok, then. I fumbled with the keys before struggling to insert the right one. Levi said nothing, but I felt like I was pissing him off. The door finally unlocked.  
Shit.  
My place was a mess.  
Dishes were in the sink.  
Tissues on the floor.  
Empty, white styrofoam cups served as the herpes of the house.  
Levi was a clean fucking nut.  
All this ran through my head in the span of seconds.  
I walked in and turned on the light then turned right back around to tell him bye. Again.  
Levi was moving by me.  
What?  
He shut and locked the door dramatically.  
“Ummmm....” I had to get him out, but I had no clue what to say now that he was inside. Mortification started to seep in, silencing my vocal cords even more.  
Levi seemed pleased, nearly triumphant, in a cat-like way. He blinked at me, waiting.  
“I-I-.....I’m...medication.” I stammered off the last word, not even really bothering to say it loud enough for him to hear, and then bolted to my room.  
I finally got to hide.

I kept the meds on a shelf by the door. I grabbed the one closest to me. Depression. Not what I was going for, but I took it. An extra one wouldn’t hurt. It might actually help. The next one. No. Not you. The next. Pain. Fuck yes. I took two.  
I sighed, leaning my head against the wood of the shelf-top, and struggled to calm my breathing. You’re here. We took the meds. It will get better. I don't know how long I stood there. But, suddenly, I heard a clink.  
Huh?  
I poked my head out.  
Levi was standing by the table by the door with no shoes on. They were by the door. He must have put his keys down. He had one hand clenched in a fist, the other drumming on his leg, scanning the room with a tortured expression.  
Aw, shit.  
Now he’s going to freak out. I knew I shouldn't have let him inside.  
Levi finally noticed me. “Better?”  
What?  
Levi’s hand relaxed. “Do you feel better now that your at home?”  
Better?  
“I’m really just going to sleep, so you can let yourself out, I guess.” I mumbled, ignoring his question. I really didn’t get what he was trying to say, anyways. Before he could answer, I slipped back into my room. I walked over to the side of my bed, which was the only area in my room not covered by clothes and papers, and took my shoes off, setting them alongside. I unbuttoned by pants and roughly yanked them off, flopping back on the bed to pull them off my legs. Carelessly, I threw them into the sea of half-worn clothes. I pulled my shirt over my head and gave it the same treatment. With that done, I rolled around and slunk into bed, pulling the blankets and pillows around me.  
-You broke down in a restaurant-  
-There is no chance now you’ll get cured-  
-Everybody knows it-  
I tried to breathe normally like before, but I couldn’t get enough air in. The back of my throat burned.  
What the fuck is this?  
I kept trying to calm down.  
Panic attack.  
-You’re having a panic attack.-  
Oh, shit. Really?  
I grabbed a pillow and clutched it to my chest, pulling my legs farther in. Snot was leaking out of my nose. I grabbed for the Kleenex on the nightstand. I ended up moving it father away. Using my fingers, I scooted it closer, and my fingers reached through the top and brought it to me. Quickly, I got a bunch of tissues and began to wipe my face and blow my nose. Not bothering to properly collect them, I threw them over the side of the bed, or at least, in that direction. The box remained right by me.  
“Eren?” Levi’s voice. It was different.  
Fuck. Why didn't he just leave already?  
I’m sorry, Levi. I’m sorry I broke down. I’m sorry you had to drive me home. I’m sorry my place is such a wreak. I'm sorry you have to be here. I’m so sorry.  
The bed shifted and my body tilted backwards. Levi must have sat on the bed. It continued to shift and I realized Levi was climbing into the bed. Or, more accurately, on top of it.  
Shit!  
I buried my face into the pillow, my breath hot on my mouth and my scent filling my nose. My grip tightened on the pillow as I tried not to make a sound. The strain was building and worsened my headache.  
“’Miss Skiffins was of a wooden appearance, and was, like her escort, in the post-office branch...’” Levi’s voice again. I could tell he was speaking, and understood each individual word, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I lifted my head a bit, to hear him, and figured he was reading. The words sounded familiar. Levi read in his normal voice, but put emphasis and inflection where it was needed, making listening to him to be easy. “’....dress from the waist upward, both before and behind, made her figure very like a boy's kite; and I might have pronounced her gown a little too decidedly orange, and her gloves a little too intensely green.’” Levi read.  
I smirked at the last part. A hollow smirk that was more of a reflex of emotion rather than an actual feeling. Like when you laugh at a dark joke that resembles your situation.  
Levi continued to read, to my knowledge, at least, no matter what I did. I kept trying to focus on his words and voice, but then I would get pulled under again. Everytime I relaxed or started to breathe normal, it would start all over again. The emotions would rise and crash over me, drowning me in my own sorrow, pain, anger, and longing. I would clutch at the pillow, trying to hold it all in and get it over with at the same time. The pile of tissues was, undoubtably, growing. My nose began to ache from all the wiping and clearing I was doing, but it wouldn't stop. Eventually, my nose would get all stopped up, making it difficult for me to breathe and I’d practically choke myself crying. If this ripping sensation with unfelt tears could be called as such. I was exhausted after each time, but my mind refused to stop the storm it had been holding back.  
I managed to calm myself down enough after a while, and made this forced-whining-exhalation noise accompanied by a few clusters of sobs. Levi didn’t falter or make any indication that I was having a meltdown right there. Somehow, this made me feel better than if he was sitting there cooing at me. I had my eyes shut against it all, struggling just to breathe under the sound of his level, smooth voice.

I didn't remember falling asleep.  
That's when you know you've had a bad night.  
What I remembered last was wheezing and sniffing a lot and Levi.....Levi.  
Ah, shit. Rose's! Everyone there has probably heard of my breakdown. Hanji will do some emotional test or something and I'll end up punching her in the face and then having to pay a bunch of money in property damage from my raging.  
Urgh.  
My head ached with a dull throb and my eyes felt like I stared at a white screen for two days. I couldn't really see properly, because they were so puffed up and everytime I moved them, it felt like I was tugging hard on my eyelids. A burning throat, a foggy mindset, and a fragility was also gifted upon me. This mental hangover made sleeping sound like heaven. But I was too damn thirsty.  
I dragged myself from bed, donned some boxers, and staggered across the room. I took one pill for pain and one for this disease and then moved towards the kitchen.  
My gaze was on the floor when I felt that something was wrong. I brought my gaze up to land on the table. Long coffee table, nothing fancy, normally piled with styrofoam cups, receipts, papers, Kleenexes, and a textbook or two. A small trash can was under it. I didn't recall seeing it before. The surface of the table was shiny, clear of debris, and had the papers neatly stacked on the textbook.  
Sensing it was needed, my mind clicked into gear, perhaps only to assess what response was appropriate, fight-or-flight, after which it would doom me back to the living decomposition that was my life.  
Clean.  
I didn't do it.  
Maybe I straightened up a bit to distract myself.  
No.  
Did I sleep-clean? Is that a thing?  
My gaze had traveled upward to see pillows arranged neatly on the couch.  
Wait. I stopped walking. Somehow, this has been cleaned.  
I looked left.  
The closet was shut.  
I looked right.  
The doors to the spare room was open. I keep it shut.  
The Tv was shinning. The many shelfs of movies seemed cheerful, and I bet that they had been wiped down.  
The light was on in the bathroom.  
The floor-the fucking floor-was glimmering in its salt-and-pepper-titled glory, like the Queen herself had strode upon it.  
I looked forward. The kitchen. No, no. Forget the kitchen. Levi was in the kitchen.  
He was sipping something, watching me drink in the bleach and ammonia or whatever he used to clean this pig-pen. In truth, I smelt lemon and lavender, which only made me search for the smell of chemicals even harder.  
"Did you-" I stopped when I saw the most horrifying thing. Between the laundry room and kitchen lies the library. Which could be subtitled with 'Area to drop useless shit that you may need later'. The tile was bare. Bare.  
"I cleaned." Levi stated, drawing another sip as he walked out from behind the kitchen counter towards me. He did so slowly, a cautious, deliberate stride so as not to scare me off.  
I stared at him.  
Levi hates a mess, but this....This seems extravagant. Unorthodox.  
"You're not mad." Levi deduced, surprised. He stopped a few feet from me, and looked me up and down.  
My eyebrows pulled together. "No." I affirmed, uneasy.  
Oh. He cleaned my house. The bastard. Yeah right. I was livid someone did my housework, leaving me to relax. Just enraged.  
But why?  
That was what was so unsettling. Was it that bad? Did he just have to clean it? Is this some kind of a nice gesture of his?  
"So...why did you clean my entire house?"  
"It was dirty."  
"Yeah, but...."  
"The fridge was the worst part. I've never seen mold growing in a liquid."  
I flinched. Oh, yeah. That.  
"Most people get offended." His gaze flicked down.  
"I just feel horrible. Did you-" I swallowed. "Did you finish? I mean, if you need help."  
Levi shook his head, taking a other drink. "No."  
I sighed. "Well, thanks, but I-uh, I still feel bad. Are you hungry? I'll pay for it."  
Levi raised his eyebrows.  
I took it as a yes. "What do you want? They have everything over here."  
Levi looked down. Why the fuck does he keep-Forget it.  
"As long as its not Mexican." Levi muttered, turning to go refill his cup.  
I smirked, the action taking a lot of me. Yeah, that makes sense. I rubbed my neck. I must have slept weird.  
Wait.  
I didn't have clothes on.  
My face heated up immediately. Luckily, Levi was just now in the kitchen and didn't see. Spinning around, I dove back into my room and scrambled for clothes. That's why he kept looking down! I doubt anyone he has ever visited has ever walked out half undressed like no big deal and offered to pay for his food. I pulled out some work-out pants and a grey sweatshirt and slipped them on.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
I had to embarrass myself. In my own home, no less.  
Yeah, yeah. Come in guys. Leave your shirts and pants by the door.  
I didn't expect him to be here, though. I mean, why wouldn't he leave? I bawled my eyes out right next to him for hours. His good deed was done. He could have left. Should have.  
Levi was still in the kitchen when I came back out.  
"There is a good sandwich shop or that burger place, but I've never eaten there." I offered, joining him. I opened the fridge.  
Literally the only thing left was all my bottled water and Gatorade, ketchup, unsalted butter and a bunch of grapes. I paused momentarily. I'm sure Levi is behind me, deriving some sadistic pleasure from my response. I grabbed one water bottle a Gatorade and closed it. I put the Gatorade on the small counter between the fridge and the cabinet and leaned backwards on the fridge, chugging the water.  
The cold water went straight down to my stomach and I could feel my brain awaken. I finished and opened the lower cabinet to throw it in the recycling. After I tossed it, I grabbed the Gatorade, and started slipping, glancing up at Levi.  
"What about the Salad place?" Levi asked. "I thought you were their head advertiser."  
I loudly sighed. "Fine. I'll get you glam chowder and whole wheat bread." I mumbled sarcastically, my mouth still cold.  
Levi smirked, holding his cup at the top by his fingers. "Go ahead. I'll just leave in your fridge to mold."  
I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, though, what do you want?"  
Levi studied me. "Will you eat?" He asked, voice softer.  
I nodded. "Yeah, I should."  
I didn't eat at Rose's, and even though I wasn't hungry, I knew I should eat to soak up the medication and to help my headache. So whatever Levi wanted, I'd be fine with.  
"They have chicken salad?"  
I took a sip. "Yeah."  
"Lentil soup?"  
"What?"  
"Lentil."  
"I'll ask. If not, you're eating potato."  
Levi looked doubtful that potato soup would be the subsequent outcome.  
I turned and walked back to my room. My phone was probably on my nightstand. I saw the light flash periodically as I approached, wading through the cloth.  
My phone's blue light brightened the room with a CSI vibe, revealing a book, Kleenex, a long forgotten bottle of water, and a tinted angle of my lamp on the stand.  
I picked up the book sitting on the table.  
Great Expectations by Charles Dickinson.  
I had started reading it again, but stopped, lacking the focus to finish it, and just left it there. That's why it sounded so familiar.  
My chest tightened.  
Levi read this to me.  
He's so-  
Nope. Nope. I picked up the phone. Nope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to get bad before it gets sexy. Then it will probably get bad agian. Then worse. Then sexy but still bad. Then-whatever.   
> Levi is going to be a very maid-like guest, I fear. I'll split this into two more parts or one more long part, cause Levi isn't fucking leaving.


	6. Haze

After finding Soup n Salad in my contacts, I placed the order. Apparently, lentil soup did exist, though I had never heard of it. Levi must be a health nut too, because the connotation of the word 'lentil' suggested some rich in antioxidant or nutrient food and had that health-kick kale or gluten stigma. I bet it tastes as disgusting as avoiding bread seems.  
"You know," Levi spoke after I hung up, and I turned to see him leaning in the doorway, eyes on where the floor should be, fingers holding the top of the cup, his body stretched in a way I tired not to notice, "your room doesn't really match the rest of the place."  
I bet he's ripped under that shirt. 6-pack, toned pecs, the works. Even if you just look at him, which isn't that hard, because you have to look at him, I mean look at him, I look at him, at least-  
"We should clean it, while we wait." Levi decided out loud. He immediately turned and walked off with purpose.  
Huh?  
I scrambled over to see where he was going. "L-Levi?" I called out. I arrived in time to see him carrying a huge laundry basket that I forgot I had, the vacuum cleaner in tow behind him.  
Oh fuck.  
He looks deranged.  
Levi's gaze snapped to mine and he forcefully held out the basket. I took it. "Pick up your clothes. All of them." He ordered, casting a disgusted look into my room.  
I nodded. I rushed back into my room and grabbed mounds of clothes and dumped them into the basket.  
I was looking for that shirt.  
I loaded in some more.  
Wait, wait. Why am I doing this? Some of these are clean, I think. And I only wore that shirt for five hours. I could wear it again.  
"Speed it up, Eren. Honestly." Levi scolded.  
"Shut up." I grumbled.  
But, I guess it's time I do this anyways. Plus, I'm sure not going to try to explain to Levi why my slightly dirty shirts are not fully dirty.  
I scooped up more clothes, finally reaching the last pile on this side. There were some random articles that I had to pick up as well. The floor was a dark grey in this room and it burst from under the clothing with a sudden demand for attention.  
I heard riffling, so I looked over to find Levi, with gloves on, picking up bottles, napkins, paper, and whatever else that wasn't clothing. He carried this industrial looking trash bag with him, too. He had that look, like this was the scum of the earth and it must be destroyed at all costs. Immediately.  
Gradually, I cleared up the floor, making my way towards where he was at my bedside. He was hunched over, muttering. Look at his back how it curves......fuck.....his ass is the definition of perfect, I mean....  
Shit.  
I bit my lip.  
I really do like Levi. Especially now. But he isn't thinking of me like that. He probably pities me.  
I threw some jeans into the basket, sighing, and then began to pick up socks. A few moments later, Levi sprang up with the energy of a mercat, taking in the room.  
Did he just have those gloves? I bet he puts them in a biohazard bin after this.  
Levi glanced down at me and then moved to the other side, black bag crinkling. I took that time to stand myself and move upwards at a quicker speed, bending over to gather the clothes. When I was done, I picked up the basket. Levi was reaching under something and somehow, I found it funny, though I didn't laugh. I carted the laundry into the room next to the bathroom where the washer and dyer are. I set the basket on top of the dyer, lifted the lid of the washer with a creak, and began filling it up with no regards to color or material. I dumped a shitton of soap in. The bell rang. I slammed it shut and twisted the nob before rushing to the door.  
The guy hurried to hand me the bags. One was filled with bread only. He smiled when I handed him the money. I always tip them really good, because they don't actually deliver. That's right. I worked out a deal with the manager. Well, more to the point, I paid extra. And its worth it.  
I carried it to the couch and set the bread sack on the table on its side. Fuck, the bread smells good. I pulled out Levi's salad, which was in this deep fucking bowl. They are so serious with this shit. The soup is in these tall cup looking things that are wider at the top. 'Lentil Veg' was scribbled on the top of one and I placed that with the salad. It looks weird. I scooted mine far away lest it get molested by the lentils and got a bottle of water for each of us.  
Levi was still in the room, so I went to go get him. He was literally ripping the sheets off my bed. He must have finished the floor. Yeah. The bag was by the nightstand. He looked puzzled, irritated, tense, and uncomfortable all at the same time. The comforter was already on the floor with all the pillowcases. All of my many, many pillowcases. He had the pillows stacked like pancakes at the foot of the bed, from largest to smallest. It was akin to some hotel gimmick.  
"Levi? The foods here." I reminded him.  
He was yanking out the sides of the sheets. "Hhmh." Levi grunted.  
"Levi. Levi. Levi." I repeated quickly.  
Levi straightened and glared at me. "What, Yeager?" He growled. He still had the sheet in one hand.  
"The food." I stated, uneasy. "It's here."  
He blinked. "I'll eat it later." He dismissed, turning back to the sheets.  
I frowned. "The soup will get cold."  
Levi was back to tugging. The opposite side popped free and shriveled inwards. "I'll reheat it."  
Anger pricked at me. "Levi, stop cleaning. We can't even wash those, because the clothes are in the washer. Unless you want to do those in the sink, you should hold off and eat."  
Levi released the sheet and turned his whole body to face me. "Go get another basket then." He demanded, through his teeth.  
"No!" I protested. "That can wait. I'm trying to be fucking nice to you and repay back what little I can, so stop with the sheets and come eat!" I yelled.  
Levi sighed heavily. "Fine." He hissed, after a moment.  
My face smoothed. Just like that?  
He snapped his gloves off and dropped them in the garbage bag. Levi gave me a glance as he walked by, heading for the bathroom.  
Really, man? You were wearing gloves!  
I suddenly felt tired. Levi was making me feel and it was exhausting. It was like I had been studying for a week.  
He spent quite a bit of time in there. Finally, Levi reappeared. I didn't wait for him and returned to the couch, flopping down. I sat cross-legged and held the soup on my thigh. I had a couple pieces of bread beside me and the remote. I was trying to see what was on when Levi strutted himself past, causing me to remember that I had a guest and it was customary to agree on a program before watching it. "Um, what do you watch?"  
He sat down and picked up the salad. "Porn." Levi responded, eyes on the salad. "All day." He cracked the lid off.  
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. Letme sift through my selection." I muttered.  
"Do you have thigh-fucking on one of them?" Levi looked me in the eye and said this. In. The. Eye.  
"What? That's a thing?" I squeaked, blushing a little. I meant to manly scoff at it.  
Levi stared with fatigued superiority.  
I couldn't match him, so I looked at the Tv, currently on some news station, and began scrolling through recordings. I wanted to watch the parasite show, but figured it would send Levi into a fit, so I chose 'Happy Endings'. It was a comedy, which I think I needed. Especially after Levi's request.  
I expected him to dislike the show, considering his face not liking anything, and voice it. Only, he didn't say anything, and just sat with one leg over the other, eating, taking a long while to chew. Or maybe from my perspective it was, since I normally stuff my face.  
Even, though the TV was on, it felt like we should talk. Levi was my only guest in I-forgot-how-long, and the protocol was unknown to me. Socially, I normally fuck up with anger issues or my lack of animation over cheese fries, so I assumed eating in silence was inappropriate. But so was that porn joke. Maybe it wasn't a joke. I still can't picture Levi fucking the fat off of someone's thigh either way.  
Uh. My mind is rambling. So I blurted something.  
"What are lentils?" I asked. I dipped some bread in my soup and ate it.  
Levi looked over, chewing.  
He didn't seem to mind me asking.  
"It's a legume."  
"A what?"  
"Like a bean."  
Sure they are. "It doesn't look like a bean. It looks weird."  
"Then, on behalf of the lentils, I apologize."  
"Someone needs to." I grumbled, taking a bite.  
Levi was still looking, so I glanced his way. "What did you get then?"  
I peered into my soup. "It's like a chili, but with no meat, with corn and vegetables." I explained.  
"What's it called?"  
"Veg Mex."  
"Is Mexican food all you eat?" Levi asked with minor distaste.  
"No."  
"Do go on." Levi said sarcastically. He looked back at the TV.  
We stayed quiet the rest of the time. I finished eating first, so I went ahead and threw my shit away. I settled back down on the couch and grabbed a pillow to hug, pulling my legs into me. Levi took the whole episode to eat. He ate soup with the reserved dignity of royalty. I sighed.  
I was starting to feel tired again, but I knew Levi would want to finish cleaning. As tempting as it was to just fall asleep right now, I wasn't going to let Levi clean without me. So I was glad when Levi gathered up the trash and disappeared from sight. I stood and looked for Levi to see him approaching with a spray bottle and a roll of paper towels. I blinked. I watched him as he began to clean the table.  
"You have a problem, don't you?" I realized.  
Levi glared up at me like I was bacteria. "So do you." He shot back. He squirted more cleaner onto the other half.  
I frowned. "Yeah, thanks, asshole."  
"You brought it up."  
"I just didn't think you could be so fucked up."  
Levi smirked, then stood, holding the towels in his other hand. "My problem is cleaning your trashed apartment." He pointed out.  
"I know." I said, relenting. I was still a bit embarrassed that my place was messy and determined to pay Levi back, though, I continued to feel that I hadn't, despite me buying him dinner. "Thanks." I didn't look at him, and mumbled something about sheets before going to my room. The sooner this gets done, the sooner I can sleep. Walking through my room was a odd sensation. It felt so open.  
I grabbed the edge of the sheet and pulled, and the other side loosened and came retracting in towards me. Levi had the other sheets piled at the front of the bed, so I grabbed all of them to tote them to the washer. Just as I was exiting, Levi was entering, so he stepped aside to let me pass.  
I was partially stunned from his quick reaction and just moved forward. Urg. I can smell the cleaner from here. I put the sheets and blankets in the hamper by the washer, I had to stuff them in there, and headed back to my room. Levi had the pillowcases in hand and passed me on the way. His serious face made it look almost comical.  
I didn't know what he wanted to do with the pillows. I'm sure he had some mystical solution that he used to clean his pillows, so I left them in formation. I glanced around the room. It looked fine.  
Levi came back in the room. "Are you helping or not?" He asked.  
I nodded, noticing a new set of gloves. Where was he getting this stuff?  
"Then vacuum while I clean the bathroom." Levi ordered.  
Damn. 

"Levi? I finished vacuuming." I announced.  
Levi now had a mask on and was scrubbing the floor like we had just murdered someone right fucking there. He straightened and loosened the mask so it hung down from his neck.  
Why am I surprised? Why?  
Without a word, he stood and walked out to inspect my work. "This is a disaster. You just moved the dirt around. Redo it." Levi pointed at the vacuum.  
"How do you want me to do it then?" I asked.  
Levi's face smoothed and he almost looked pleased. "Go in both directions, multiple times. And be sure to go under the furniture."  
I nodded. "Yes, sir." My eyes widened at what I said and I could feel my face heating up. "I-I mean....sorry I was....you-your voice-I mean it..." I stopped myself right there and bit my lip, staring off to the side. What should I do? What should I do?  
"Just finish it, Eren." Levi said, and I swear I could hear him smiling.  
I immediately looked up to see his face, but he had already turned to go back to the bathroom.  
I'm so stupid! Why did I call him 'sir'? This isn't the army!

I was able to transfer all my self loathing into vacuuming, making sure to follow instructions. Vacuuming was either more strenuous than I remembered or I'm really out of shape. Halfway, through, Levi slipped out of the bathroom.  
He's done? Already?  
Granted, it isn't a big bathroom, but geez.  
Levi scanned the room.  
Oh fuck. I looked at the floor. Just act like you don't hear him when he yells at you. Suddenly, I felt something warm lightly stroke my hair. I paused to turn around.  
Levi was already out the door.  
He petted me.  
I felt overwhelmed by his gesture. I couldn't even tell what I was feeling. Shit.  
Everything was mixing together and I lacked the energy to sort it through. I had no idea what to think of Levi anymore. I thought he was rude yet sexy before, and now, well that's still true, but....there's something else. And I was getting nowhere. 

I finished vacuuming and rolled it into the closet by my bedroom. I didn't see Levi, so I went to the laundry room. There he was. I expected him to have the mask on, but he didn't. The gloves were gone too. Levi simply looked bored as he hung my clothes up to dry.  
"Did you just dump all your clothes in here?" He asked, voice impassive, eyes on what he was doing.  
"Yeah." I replied simply.  
Levi regarded me then, his dissatisfaction clear.  
I shrugged at him and began to help hang everything up. The washer sloshed in the background. We did this in silence until the clothes were done. I glanced at the washer. It was half done. I sighed. I was really tired.  
Levi must have noticed. "You can go to bed if you want. I'll finish this up."  
"No!" I protested forcefully. "I'm not letting you do any more work without my help!"  
He raised an eyebrow. "You should try to take of yourself instead of pushing ahead so hard."  
I tried to remain angry, but he was right. I knew I shouldn't have gone to Rosa's, but I did. I knew I should sleep, but I wouldn't let myself. If I had just relaxed, I wouldn't feel like this. Emotions began to stir and I couldn't take it. Fuck this. I stomped off. I fell down on the couch and put my head in my hands.  
Get it together. You have to beat this. You have to fight it.  
"Hey, brat. Want some tea?" Levi asked.  
What?  
I peeked over to see Levi in the kitchen. Metal clinked and I heard running water. Yeah. Tea solves everything.  
I flipped on the TV and put on 'Happy Endings' again, trying to distract my head. I just wanted to sleep. Nevertheless, I watched the show, even though it was a repeat. Levi had made me tea anyways and set it down on the table in front of me. Instead of sitting at the end like he did before, Levi sat down directly beside me. It was awkward as hell. Levi didn't seem to notice.  
After a few minutes, Levi asked why I wasn't drinking the tea. I apologized and picked it up with both hands and began diligently sipping. The warmth of the tea comforted me and I was able to relax a little more. It actually tasted really good, but I hardly ever drink tea anyways, so my opinion wasn't substantial. I didn't really drink it, though. I kept spacing out and disassociating with my body, so I couldn't even feel the heat from the cup. Setting it down seemed like the best option.  
Because I was so tired, I couldn't keep the thoughts out of my head. They rose up and hackled me.  
I broke down again. Couldn't control myself. Just like always. It's one thing or another. And I still can't do anything about it. Why should I anyways? It's not like it's worth trying. I keep at it though. Pathetic. Can't make it. Might as well drop out of college and live out my days sleeping here like some dragon who loves misery.  
I had to move. I had to get up.  
I stood and walked behind the couch, heading for the bathroom by the laundry room. It was closest.  
"Where are you heading?" Levi asked.  
"Bathroom."  
I made sure the door was closed. Then I looked at myself.  
I shouldn't have. That's the thing. It makes it worse. Even though I ate, I looked paler, bringing out the darkness under my eyes. I could visibly see the agony in my gaze. My hair was lifeless and dirty.  
Suddenly I felt like I was floating apart from my own body. The room did this weird shift thing, and I squeezed my eyes shut. No, no, no.  
Keep it together.  
I crumbled down to the floor, back against the wall, and buried my head into my legs, nails digging into the sides of my legs.  
In order to block it all out and regain control, I began chanting useless stuff. Over and over. My emotions would flood over me, not as intense as before, and I screamed the chant in my head.  
"Eren? I put the sheets in the dryer." Levi's voice came from the other side of the door.  
He can't come in. Why didn't I lock it?!  
"Ok-ay." My voice broke. Shit. I buried my head in my lap.  
There was a heavy pause.  
The door clicked.  
I didn't look up, but I heard him walk in. Levi sighed painfully. There was a thud on the wall.  
Shhhhhttt.  
The heat from Levi reached me. He was right next to me. Why couldn't he fucking go? I don't need his help. He keeps following me. Leave!  
I failed to notice how tense I was until I felt Levi's hand scratch up my neck and into my hair. He continued to massage my scalp, and my muscles began to unclench. My breathing came out choppy. I was nervous about swallowing too loud, but when Levi's fingers ran down behind my ear, I had to distract myself so I wouldn't lean into him and reveal my face, so I let myself swallow. Looking at his calm face would make this worse. After a few moments, Levi untangled his hand from my hair and pulled back.  
"Do you want to talk about something?" Levi asked.  
I shook my head.  
"Humor me, then." Levi replied. Ass. "Did you move here?"  
"Yeah." I said breathlessly.  
"Why?"  
Where do I fucking begin.  
Levi didn't miss a beat. "Do you like it here?"  
"Uh...it's okay." I wasn't sure what to say.  
"I guess you never leave your house, so how could you know." Levi muttered.  
"Fuck off, Levi!" I growled, sitting up to glare at him.  
Levi raised an eyebrow.  
He did it on purpose. I quickly looked away and wiped my eyes.  
"Use a tissue for fucks sake." Levi scolded.  
I ignored him and sniffed, wrapping my arms around my legs and letting my head hang, eyes empty.  
"Why did you pick this apartment if you don't like it here?" Levi questioned.  
I sighed. "I thought-," I swallowed again and coughed slightly before continuing, "I thought if there was a lot around me, I would get out more."  
"You realize leaving your place is a choice, right?"  
"Guess not."  
"Do you work?"  
"No."  
"So you deal drugs."  
"What? No-I never....no." I protested. What the hell? I look like I deal drugs?  
"Who pays the bill then? Your lover?"  
I snorted. "Hell no." I said, with little emotion. "I do."  
"With what?"  
"Money. Heard of it?"  
Levi chuckled.  
I jerked my head to see that shit. No way I was gonna miss him showing some feeling. The light smile was still on his face, vague yet noticeable. I searched his face, trying to make sense of why he was here, why he stayed, why he was interested, why he was nice to me. Levi stared right back. I broke the gaze. Nothing.  
"I uh.....I got a ton of money from this settlement and I had recently been fired anyways, so I just decided to live off it." I explained. Hopefully, he wouldn't ask about the settlement.  
"Fired?"  
"Yeah. I yelled at a customer."  
Pause.  
"What are you in school for?"  
"Huh?" I briefly looked over at him.  
"Textbooks, genius."  
"Oh, right." I had forgotten he went through my stuff. "Lawyer."  
"Seriously?"  
"Yeah. I want to put the filth behind bars and keep them there."  
"Hhmmm."  
Pause.  
"I watched my mom get killed when I was younger and the guy got 15 years but was paroled soon after."  
"Is that when it started?"  
I thought of my father. "No."  
He did this to me. All of it. I was a monster because of him. My hands clenched.  
"How long do you have left?" Levi asked smoothly.  
"A while."  
Levi didn't ask anything else.  
I leaned back and rested my head on the wall. "At first, I couldn't find a college to take me, because of all the fights I got into, but my grades were okay since my friend Armin helped me a lot. So I went to community college, but I broke down and dropped out. After that, it was hard finding a college to accept me since I had this long break."  
"Why not live off the money?"  
"Because I want to be someone besides me."  
"Either way, you remain the same, Eren."  
My jaw tightened. Yeah. I'm still the same pathetic wad I'll always be. I curled in on myself.  
"Fuck!" Levi cursed softly, almost to himself, scooting closer. He awkwardly petted me for a second before putting his arm around my back. He held me tightly.  
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, even though I was squeezing my eyes shut as far as they would go without me ending up blind.  
"I don't want to stay this way. I don't want to keep falling apart, Levi." I sobbed. "What if I-I can't put it all back?"  
"You're stronger than you think, Eren. This will pass, I promise." Levi said softly.  
I shook my head. "No." I protested, growing hysterical. "No, it won't. It stays. And it takes. It takes everything. I can't be around people or be in a relationship without making my own boyfriend sad or we end up not fucking enough. I can't be around anyone, anymore. I don't want this to happen again. I just-" I broke off there, burying my head in my lap. Levi stroked my back, like he did earlier. I tried to get back into control, but my grip kept slipping. I focused on my breathing and managed to reign it in somewhat.  
Abruptly, Levi stopped, and I became aware of how cold my back now was. The shuffling noise told me he had stood. "You should take a shower. The sheets will be done by then." Levi advised.  
I nodded.  
The door clinked shut.  
He left.

This time, I showered a bit more fully. I scrubbed my hair and actually used body wash this time. I must have been filthy. I hadn't showered in-  
Levi touched me.  
He touched me.  
I was dirty and he-  
I got that same warm, choking feeling that I got when I saw Charles Dickens. 


	7. If Only

I held my towel around my waist as I walked into the laundry room. No way I would take the chance of streaking, even though it was a few feet away. With my luck, Levi would be just inside the door, picking something off the floor, at dick height.  
I almost put my old clothes back on, but then thought of Levi. He'd make me change into fresh ones, no doubt. I grabbed one of my boxers on the rack against the wall. Levi had them lined up according to their place in the color spectrum. It was still kinda wet, but I didn't give a shit. I nearly tipped over getting into them. Drying my hair as I went, I walked into my room. Levi was at the foot of the bed, which was already made, shaking pillows into pillowcases. That's when I realized that he had different clothes on. When the fuck did he change? He had a fitted grey shirt and black jeans. I bet all his clothes are dark and dismal. Levi didn't look up.  
"That was fast." Levi commented.  
There seemed to be some underlining meaning. I waited for him to say it.  
"Tell me," Levi began, becoming more violent with the pillows, "how could you have taken a proper shower in under 15 minutes?"  
"You timed me?" I mumbled aloud.  
Levi looked directly at me. "Are you going to answer?"  
I sighed. Levi was exhausting me. "No. Cause I donno what a proper shower means." I growled, words slurring  
Levi narrowed his eyes.  
What? Are his showers an hour long? After which he cleans the bathroom again?  
I flung the towel on the floor, making sure Levi saw me do it. I even went so far as to throw it near him. I thought he was going to burst. He literally froze, eyes on the discarded towel, an anger seeping through his body and filling the room. I was climbing into bed, eager to curl up and get warm and lay motionless.  
Pft!  
My vision went dark for a second.  
I turned. A pillow? I looked up.  
Levi was glaring at me. "You're a fucking, brat!" He spat.  
"It's a towel." I stated, pulling up the covers and reaching for all the pillows. I started piling them next to me, behind me, beside me, and picked my favorite, an oblong pillow, to place in my lap so I could clutch it to my chest later.  
"You could have at least put it in the hamper." Levi pointed out, grabbing it and tossing it in from where he stood. He made it. Of course.  
"Sorry." I mumbled, dragging pillows closer. "I won't do it in front of you."  
Levi made this exasperated growling noise and sped up his actions with the pillows, each looking more like a flailing flag.  
"Thank you." I whispered.  
Levi glanced up and then threw another pillow. It landed in my lap.  
"Thanks." I replied, moving it next to me.  
I scooted down, ready to settle in. I briefly wondered the time, but it didn't matter. It simply floated through my head. Levi tossed the last few of the pillows so they landed, each time, in my lap.  
I was stacking a pillow, when the lights went off with a click. Levi exited the room. The rest of the lights were on. An icy breeze went through me. He was leaving. Was he going to say goodbye? No. I don't want-  
"Levi? Levi?" I shouted out.  
Nothing. The lights began to all vanish, plunging the apartment into darkness. The last light, the kitchen, shut off. There was still one light that lightly glowed over the sink. It never went out.  
My breathing had picked up. A few moments went by.  
"What is it, Eren?" Levi mumbled, walking in.  
I sighed, relieved. I waited till he stopped just beside the bed. "Can you-....if-...read to me?" The darkness covered the blush on my face.  
Levi didn't say a word. I heard a sliding noise and took it as a yes. I settled into the bed, tucked the sheets and blankets in so they would hold the heat, and then hugged my pillow to me, falling down, back to Levi.  
Click.  
A soft light bathed the room. The bed titled as Levi got into the bed. I heard plopping and felt a breeze. Levi was moving the pillows. The blankets shifted, creating gaps where cold air rushed to my body. I curled in closer, pulling my feet up. A desperate need for Levi's voice, his comfort filled me, and I wanted to shout at him to start. My grip on the pillow tightened. Pages shuffled. A short pause.  
"'Every hour so increased my abhorrence of him, that I even think I might have yielded to this impulse in the first agonies of.....'" Levi began to read and I felt myself slowly melt. It was easier to focus on the words out of his mouth than the ones in my head, though I retained nothing of the text. I had read the book many times before, so it didn't matter. I could tell at what part he was in after a few sentences. Mostly, I listened as his voice filled the room, preferring it above any noise that ever has been uttered.

I wasn't sleep. I tried to act like I was, but I couldn't manage it. Levi was in my bed. It was distracting. Not in a sexual sense, but more in a hyperaware way. I was anticipating something. It was strange having Levi in my bed and yet, I couldn't protest it.  
Suddenly, Levi stopped. He read at such a steady pace that it seemed he was interrupted. The book creaked. Shuffling. A click.  
The lights went out.  
Was he going to leave?  
Levi began to shift, blankets moving with him.  
Is he getting out?  
A few more noises and then silence.  
Levi was staying. What. The fuck. Was I supposed to do? It's been forever since I slept in the same bed with someone, let alone with someone I liked. Shit.  
I want to turn over, but what if he gets upset? Should I whisper, "no homo," when I do it just in case he thinks I'm gunning for him? Wait. That's stupid. And creepy. Shit. He's right freaking there too. I was used to him being across the room and then he was a few feet away and now he's inches. Normally, I can hardly look at him.  
Just do it! It's your bed!  
Levi is probably tired from all the cleaning. I bet he's asleep already. But....what if...  
I did it. I held my pillow and turned over as quietly as I could, tugging the sheets. I stopped moving. I wasn't comfortable. I watched Levi. Or, more accurately, his back. His breathing was steady. He might be asleep. My eyes grazed over him. Levi had to workout. He was too muscular. I don't think I've ever even walked in a gym. That's not to say I'm flabby, but I'm not muscular either. But he is. Sweet Lord, he is. He has such broad shoulders. But his hips are so petite. In fact, as a whole Levi was sort of dainty. (Levi still could drop kick someone's ass, though.) It was adorable. He is so gruff and confrontational, but then if you look at him, he has these slender fingers, a cute nose, and slender hips. He was so fucking _fuck_.  
I sighed. And he had to waste his time with me. I was starting to accept what I wanted to deny. I really fucking liked Levi. But I would fuck it all up. I couldn't do that to him. I'm so sorry, Levi. I'm sorry I like you.  
The weight fell down on me. I scooted closer to him until I could rest my forehead on his back. I'd stay like this until I was ready to go to sleep and then I would move. And that would be it. After this, no more Levi. He wouldn't get dragged down by me.  
The smell of lavender was still on him. I breathed it in. He smelt so good. It was relaxing. The heat from his body warmed my forehead instantly, and brushed the rest of me. I wanted to snuggle up to him so badly, but that would be too much. My breath was redirected back at me, blowing back over my face. Oddly, I enjoyed the sensation. Levi didn't move or even twitch. He was defiantly asleep.

I couldn't see and something was pushing down on my face. My nose was still aching and was further traumatized by the new pressure. I pulled my head backwards.  
"Sorry." Levi said sleepily, returning to his previous position.  
My head wasn't the only thing on Levi. Without consent, my body had moved closer, one arm was hanging over Levi's waist, and my legs had captured one of his between themselves. He had taken off his pants. Immediately, I began to detach myself. This is bad.  
Levi had been shifting himself farther off the bed so he could move, so when I separated, he rolled over to face me. His face was smooth and his eyes were barely open. He was centimeters away now.  
No, no, no!  
I fucked up again!  
I began pushing him away. He'll surely ask tomorrow and I won't be able to lie. He knows. He's letting it happen. I scooted back at the same time, shutting my eyes, and tucking my head in. He doesn't know I'll fuck him over. I can't take a relationship. I heard noise in the background the whole time, and then realized it was me muttering, 'no, no, no, get away'. It could destroy me. Or worse, him.  
"Eren."  
How am I going to fix this? Say I just needed it? But I obviously-  
I couldn't freely move my hands. I looked up to see long fingers clasped around my wrists, with pale skin making mine look even darker by comparison.  
"Eren, it's okay."  
I shook my head mournfully. No. No it's not. I slumped back down.  
Levi released me then moved closer, pulling me into him. My arms were clasped in front of my face and were pressed upon his chest, and I felt his warmth as my body came against him. I could feel his arm above my head. Levi reached down with his other arm and began petting me like before, slow, long strokes.  
"Feels like shit, huh?" He murmured, playing in my hair.  
I bit my lip. Somehow, I felt even worse. I was selfish. Disgusting and selfish. But I still could not deny that Levi felt really good or that I was beginning to relax.  
A few minutes passed. "I'm so sorry." Levi whispered, and I briefly wondered what he was sorry for. 

Rumbled blankets. What?  
I remembered last night in a rush. Spooning Levi. Him comforting me.  
Fuck.  
I shut my eyes before sitting up. I climbed out of bed and went straight into the bathroom to pee, trying to think of how to cover up my feelings.  
Did Levi even like me though? That was the real question. Armin always said who I liked was always obvious. If that is still true, Levi knew how I felt before taking me home. Before I could step foot past the bed, I heard Levi shout, "I don't hear the shower!" I froze and darted back into the bathroom.  
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!  
I blasted the water and waited.  
Nothing.  
I sighed with relief and took my boxers off. The water had already heated, so I hopped in and began adjusting it.  
I made sure to scrub myself and let the shampoo set a few minutes before washing it out. I didn't want Levi to comment on how long I showered again. I even went so far as to get out and dry myself before shutting the water off. There. See what he says this time.  
I realized I had no clothes in here.  
None.  
I searched my room, but found nothing. With no other option, I securely wrapped the towel about me and scurried through the living room. Levi was on the couch reading, but he didn't look up.  
"Eren, come here." Levi said, in a parental tone.  
I looked over. What did I do? I'm just trying to get dressed.  
"Levi, I'm trying to get my clothes right now." I protested, weirded out. I was halfway to the laundry room.  
The book closed and was neatly set on the table. Great. I turned to face him. Levi stood and took his time walking over, arms crossed, his wide stance moving his hips. Honestly. The apartment was clean. I took a shower. There is nothing-  
Levi dropped his hands to leave his pointer finger aiming at me. I focused in on it. Huh? I don't remember doing anything. I didn't do anything. Maybe I did something. His finger hung in the air for a moment before landing down on my chest. What? My gaze shot up to Levi, but his eyes were trailing after his finger as he drug it down my body, so I was left to watch him with my face no doubt contributing to global warming. I shivered slightly from his touch. My mind was blank and so was Levi's face.  
He curled his hand back in and inspected his finger. Levi's eyes darkened. His hand dropped to hang a little apart from his body. "Do you lack the fundamental knowledge on how to bathe or did you think I wouldn't notice?" Levi questioned.  
Levi touched me.  
Only a finger. Just a finger.  
What if his finger-  
"Eren!"  
"Idayeah?" I blurted instantly. When I heard what I said I could feel my blush heat to such a degree that I became worried about my health.  
Levi ignored me. "Next time, take a real shower." He said hotly before heading to the couch.  
Next time?  
Finger....mmmmhmmm....

I could still feel the heat on my cheeks as I pulled on a random shirt. What the fuck was that about? That was not platonic. You don't go around, seductively running your fingers down your friend's chest in everyday life. No. That was a come on! But....Levi is a clean freak. Maybe he demands that his friends be sparkling clean. I sighed. He didn't even act like it was anything. I might as well have been a shelf. I buttoned up my pants. I'm supposed to be forgetting him anyways.  
I walked out. Levi was nowhere.  
"Levi?" I called.  
I heard a grunt to the left of me. Levi was in the library. He turned. "You ready to get your car?"  
I nodded, struggling to make eye contact.  
Levi strutted by, expecting me to follow.  
Fuck. I don't have keys! "Uh, wait a sec." I interjected. I hurried to my room and began scanning the place. My keys were right by where all my pills were. I decided to take some now while I was there.  
Levi was by the door, looking bored as usual. I smiled apologetically. He shook his head and unlocked the door and walked through. I followed behind him and then turned and relocked it. Levi wasn't waiting for me. I picked up the pace.  
I forgot his car looked expensive. Shit. A charger? How did he afford that? I climbed in to find Levi rubbing in hand sanitizer.  
"Maybe I should just take a bath in that, huh?" I joked halfheartedly.  
Levi snorted heavily then turned his head to the side, slightly obscuring his face.  
I ruined it. Fuck. How did this get so awkward? I bit my lip, staring straight through the window. Don't say anything, Eren. Not one word.  
Levi turned on the car and rolled out of the parking lot. He was calm until he hit the actual street. As he was driving out, he hit the fat black button on the dash and classical music came on. We are talking violins, trumpets, piano, the works. I didn't say one word. I wanted to. I settled for staring at him. My concentration was broken when I felt the car rumble and shoot forward. Oh no. No.  
Levi bypassed a line of three cars by switching lanes and nearly ran three lights before I could say something.  
"Levi..." I warned.  
He didn't respond.  
I was clutching the handle on the side the whole time. It wasn't that he was an aggressive driver; he just drove fucking fast. Levi still didn't come close to a wreak. His turns were perfect, he used signals, he didn't clip anyone. It was amazingly terrifying. Everytime the car was near someone, though, I tensed up. I didn't even have time to think about Levi or what I was feeling.  
When I saw Rosas I sighed with relief. But, I didn't take off my seatbelt until Levi took the key out of the ignition. (Which was good, because he made a sharp turn directly in front of a truck to get in.) He casually exited the car and I fumbled with the door again, mind on what I was supposed to do. I'll say 'thanks' and then leave. That's it. Then, in the future, take careful care to never be in the same room with him.  
Levi had taken it upon himself to walk around to my side. He was half-leaning on the side of the car, watching me. I shut the door and shuffled in front of him.  
"So, uh, sorry about my place and, well, me, actually." I rambled, not really looking at him. "I really am grateful though." I added, this time looking Levi in the eye.  
Levi studied me, almost like he was anticipating something. "No problem." He replied.  
I nodded, biting my lip, eyes falling to the side. "Well, see you Friday, then." I said quickly. My head immediately turned away.  
Suddenly, I felt my shirt tighten below my armpits and my body stumbled forward.  
"Ghumph?"  
When I looked back, I saw Levi's irritated face. His hand had my shirt balled up in his fist. What is he doing?!  
Levi's eyes searched mine before he reached up to grab my neck to yank me down to his lips in a harsh kiss.  
For a second, my eyes were huge, my mind reeling to process Levi's closed eyes and his lips that were firmly over mine. Then, everything fell into place and I shut my eyes, blissfully answering Levi's lips with my own, stepping forward to get as close as possible to him. I grabbed his hips, thrilled just to hold them.  
Levi was the one who pulled back and my mouth moved to follow him, before my head stopped me. I regretfully opened my eyes. Levi had this smirky smile on his face. He looked smug as fuck. That threw me through another loop.  
"My number is on your fridge." Levi stated slowly.  
I blinked. "Huh?" I let go of his hips, hoping that might reroute my focus from my dick back to my head.  
"I left my number on your fridge. Text me, yeah?" Levi repeated.  
I nodded. Probably dumbly.  
Levi smirked and then straightened, pushing me back with one hand. "See you Friday." He dismissed. I watched his ass as he walked back around.  
Fuck.

The first thing I did was plug Levi's number into my phone. I decided to text him right there. I settled with 'Hey, it's Eren' and then immediately regretted it. That sounded too nonchalant. Didn't it? We just kissed.  
I looked again at his handwriting. It looked like a font off the computer. I bet if I took a ruler, the words would be perfectly aligned. It was Levi's handwriting, though. I should expect this.  
Levi's lips were so soft. I can't believe he kissed me. He must have liked me after all.  
But why?


	8. What do you want?

The rest of the week I felt oddly charged. Like I could run a mile. I kept running through everything over and over in my head, picking things apart. Levi doesn't seem the type to just escort someone home, spontaneously develop feelings for them, and then dive into a make out session. But that means he started to like me beforehand. He has worked at Rosas for a while, but I had no idea he really noticed me until he took the back section. What did Levi think of me? He didn't act like he was even slightly fond of me before. And even if he did like me, what made him stay when I broke down? One of my boyfriends even left when he saw I was depressed to "give me space" and most of them panic or get upset themselves because they think they caused it. Levi didn't do anything like that at all. He hardly left me alone and tried his best to distract me. Levi wasn't scared or put off by my breakdown. He fucking _kissed_ me afterwards. How confusing is that? How could my breakdown make him like me? Shit. I need to do something.

I ended up going to the store since Levi threw my entire fridge out. He even tossed the eggs out. Never in my life have I heard anything about eggs going bad. But he was in a frenzy.  
Levi will probably come back over, right? A kiss doesn't mean we are in an exclusive relationship, but it does mean something. And that something means we will do something somewhere. And that somewhere could be my apartment. I should get some cleaning supplies.  
I got some 409, hand sanitizers, antibacterial wipes, and gloves. Levi had his own, but I didn't want him to waste his.  
I'll have to clean house before he comes over again.

By the time Friday came along, I admit, I was excited. I wanted to see Levi and maybe drag him in the back room and fool around for a solid three hours. And I was hungry. Very hungry. My appetite had come back full force after the breakdown and wanted to eat everything it missed out on. It was early lunch time, so people were just starting to flow in. There was a group ahead of me, but I received the go ahead to get my table. Did they wave me on, because I was here or do they feel sorry for me?  
I scooted in the booth and set out to find the biggest meal on the menu, so I could get it, even though I knew I'd just get what I usually got. Levi was on the opposite side, taking down a order. Anne walked over and nimbly scattered the salsa in front of me. I smiled, looking her over. She didn't seem to act different, but this is Anne.  
"I haven't seen Krista in a while. Did she quit?" I asked.  
Anne shook her head. "No. But there is this one girl, Ymir, in the kitchen who is psycho for her. She asks after Krista all the time, so she just ended up working in the back making tortillas."  
I laughed. "Seriously?"  
Anne nodded.  
"Does she threaten people or what?"  
Anne shrugged. "I guess. I told Krista to hurry up one day and Ymir gave me a look."  
I tried to picture someone threatening Anne. It was a foggy scene. "Wow. They need to fuck and get it over with." I mumbled.  
Anne grunted and walked off to refill chips. I scarfed down the salsa before I noticed Levi approaching with my drink. He set it down on the coaster and then looked down at his pad, pen twirling in his fingers. "What do you want?" He snapped.  
I felt my face fall. He's still going to be rude? He's acting like nothing even happened! A heaviness fell upon me. Levi must have changed his mind. It's better that way I guess. "I need a minute." I replied, hand reaching for my drink.  
Levi looked up, but I kept my eyes down.  
What am I going to do with all that fucking hand sanitizer?! I even bought a value sized one. I don't even use it!  
I flagged Anne down and asked for guacamole and tortillas. If this is going to end sour, I'm going home full as shit.  
Levi came back over after a few minutes and I didn't take the time to swallow on purpose. I even took another bite with him standing right there. The sexy bastard.  
"Eren?" Levi called.  
I glared over at him. Why would he give me his number if he's going to blow me off? If he thinks I'll fuck him on cue, I'll hit him. Right in his perfect damn face.  
"Do you want chicken quesadillas, verde tacos, or the grande nachos?" Levi asked, like I was being ridiculous.  
I faltered. He knows what I usually order? But... "Nachos." I said finally.  
"I'll take it you want spicy?"  
"Yeah." I said softly.  
"More Coke?" He held out his hand, knowing the answer.  
I passed it to him, feeling hyper conclusive, wondering what the hell was going on. Those were the only things I've ever ordered here and will ever order. So Levi has been paying closer attention to me than I thought. There was no way he could have just known. I started to feel a little better. Maybe he's just busy. Besides, it's not like he was being extra offensive. Levi was being Levi. But that meant nothing fazed him?  
He returned with the Coke and went to set it down. I scooted the coaster a little to the left with a finger, watching him carefully.  
Levi immediately scooted it back to where it was. Determined to get a reaction, I went to repeat the motion, and Levi slapped my hand.  
"Hey!" I protested.  
"Do you need a coloring book to entertain you while you wait?" Levi growled.  
"How many crayons will I get?" I quipped.  
Levi's eyes slackened and he shook his head. He placed the Coke on the coaster without any interference.  
"Good job." I said sarcastically.  
Levi stared at me for a second with a solid gaze before picking up my drink again. In my mind, I saw him toss it my face or slowly pour it out onto the table and make me clean it up. I watched him as he maintained eye contact with me.  
He brought the Coke up to his mouth and took a long drink, lips clasping the straw with an irritated vengeance, after which he set it right back down to where it was.  
I couldn't tell if I was aroused or amused.  
I figured it was both.  
The fact that this was his retaliation was beautiful. How could I deny that?  
I ended up smiling. "Thank you." I said through a grin.  
Levi nodded. "You're welcome, brat. Enjoy my backwash." With that, he stalked off, and I couldn't really tell if he was messing with me or if he was actually annoyed. Either way, it was still gold.  
I went back to eating my guacamole and salsa, which Anne replaced. After a few minutes, Levi returned with the plate of nachos, decked out with beans, tomatoes, peppers, bits of lettuce, onions, and several kinds of cheese. It was amazing. And it was a lot of food, which I needed. I instantly dove into the nachos, the cheese forming a string as it slung to it's comrades. Levi tossed the extra napkins at me. I smirked.  
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Levi asked.  
I looked up. "Nothing." As usual.  
"Would you like to go out, then?" His voice was level.  
"With you?" I blurted. Fuck yes!  
"If you don't mind my coming."  
I shook my head. "No. I mean, yeah. I want to go." I rambled.  
Levi nodded, continuing to act as though we were business associates doing a mediocre transaction. "Be ready at six. I'll pick you up." He instructed.  
I nodded, feeling overwhelmed.

It was 6:15. Levi didn't seem the type to be late.  
I frowned.  
I had finished cleaning the apartment about two hours ago and then took a shower for good measure. Now, I had nothing to do but wait.  
I watched TV, but ended up staring into the corner.  
The last date I had been on wasn't really a date. It was like a formal booty call. I met a guy for drinks and we fucked afterwards. I didn't expect that to happen tonight. But I had no idea what to do. What if dating drastically changed while I was out?  
Fuck.  
Calm down. You're just hanging out with a hot guy who cleaned your place, listened while something pulled you apart, and snuggled with you.  
Fuck!

"You better be ready." Levi said with a bite.  
"Yeah." I replied. "Let's go."  
I stepped out and locked the door.  
Levi had on a dark washed jeans and a dark blue cardigan over a white shirt. Damn.  
I look like shit.  
I let the keys fall into my pocket as I turned.  
Levi immediately walked off, aware of some quota I had no clue over.  
He was in the lead. He wants to drive then. But I honesty don't want to get my heart rate up any higher.  
Levi did have a Charger. A black one. It fit him, but I wondered how he paid for it.  
I managed to get the door open without incident and buckled myself in. There was no germ killing break. Levi ripped out of the parking lot, tires protesting.  
I grabbed the door handle.  
"So, where are we going?" I asked. I hope it's not some five star restaurant.  
Levi glanced over. "I assume you don't want anything around here, so I was going to drive to the shops off Glade."  
"Sounds good." I said quickly.  
Levi was weaving through traffic. We were probably cutting the time there to a fourth of the average time. I was hungry, yes, but no one was starving.

The dinner rush was in session, so everywhere was crowded. Levi and I settled on Spice, which had a bit of everything.The lady said we had to wait five to ten minutes and tried to hand Levi a beeper.  
Levi recoiled, exclaimed he was not touching the device, and proceeded to glare at her for offering it to him. I smiled, took it, thanked her and quickly ushered Levi to the side. Levi sighed angrily, arms crossed, while we waited. I fidgeted beside him, drumming my fingers on the black surface of the beeper.  
Finally, it went off, the soft vibrations alerting me to our turn. I walked up and gave it back to the lady, who stacked it on top of the others. She grabbed our menu and escorted us to our table.  
"How is the dinner rush?" I asked lightly.  
She smiled. "Not so bad tonight."  
I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked beside me at Levi.  
"Hold out your hands." Levi instructed. He was holding a travel sized hand sanitizer.  
We were about to eat.  
I held mine out and he squirted a bit too much into my hands. I rubbed it in, discovering a cut I didn't know I had.  
We were directed to a booth and I could see the disdain on Levi's face when he eyed it. I slid in and watched as Levi began wiping the seat down. The poor server looked shocked and unnerved, and I had to hold back laughter. Levi didn't give a shit. After he sanitized it enough for himself, he scooted in across from me, grimacing the entire time. When she laid down the menu, I thought he would spray it with something, but he didn't.  
She took our drink orders and left.  
I knew what I was getting, but I liked seeing all the different dishes they had regardless. I peeked at Levi who was staring at the menu as if it were in crayon. Biting my lip, I decided to speak to break the silence.  
"This is nice, huh?" I said, in an overly friendly tone.  
Levi didn't look up. "Shut up, Eren."  
I sighed.  
I don't want to fuck up. I want this to go well, but I have no idea what to do. Talking was easy at my home, but this is different. A date demands something. And I had no clue what Levi expected. He heard me cry and saw my red, broken face. Where was I supposed to go from there? Everything seemed fake and too casual, almost irrelevant. We couldn't participate in idle first-date talk. We were way fucking beyond that. And I didn't want to ask about the last time we were together, because this was hardly the place. We couldn't have a nice lunch and discuss my breakdown and what he felt about it. I wasn't even sure why he asked me out. So what do I say exactly?  
'I can order food now without flipping out, so we are good tonight'?  
After a minute, Levi took my menu and stacked it with his at the end of the table.  
The lady came back with our drinks, took our orders, and left.  
Levi had ordered this chicken that rests on a bed of mushroom and onion, and my mind went to the Lentils.  
"Are you a healthnut?" I asked.  
Levi raised an eyebrow. "No."  
Suuuure. "What's with your orders, though? You pick the most calorie conscious food." I pressed.  
Levi glared. "Why are you so concerned?"  
"Just wondering." I shrugged. "You comment on my eating all the time."  
"Hardly."  
"You have a look."  
"Scandalous. I should be arrested."  
"Are you on a diet?"  
Levi glared. "Maybe, just maybe, I like the food, and that's all there is."  
I chuckled. "You don't want it fried and smothered in gravy?"  
"No." Levi stated plainly.  
"People normally don't like healthy food, that's all." I justified.  
"Fuck people. They can go shove their microwaved chicken down their own throats." Levi growled.  
I laughed. "You forgot about the gravy."  
Levi grunted, staring down at his drink.  
He looked bored.  
Shit.  
I've only succeeded in insulting his food choice and pissing him off. In record time no less. I'm such a fucking shit. I need to shut up more. Even if he did like me before, all feelings have thenceforth been demolished.  
Wait. Who cares?  
He's out of my league anyways. Plus, Levi would be better off with someone who could focus on him and not need all this extra attention.  
I'll just ride it out.  
Since it was crowded, our food took a little longer, making the silence drag on. Not wanting to focus on the strained atmosphere, I began eyeing all the other people. A family was near us, the father looking quite overwhelmed with his three little kids, and another couple on a date. A group of friends were jabbering about nothing really to the side of us. It seems effortless for others to be around other people. Everyone finds solace in the contact, but I never seem to. And I'm not just talking about Levi's lack of smiles. I was eying the family more, because the boy had this habit of standing on the booth and talking, causing the parents to react with irritated scolding. It was hysterical.  
"I hate kids." Levi announced.  
He noticed my watching, then.  
I looked back over at him. "They are funny sometimes."  
"Especially during flu season."  
I rolled my eyes.  
"The rats are practically rolling in dirt 24/7 and then they touch everything they see. Not to mention they never wash their hands." Levi ranted, glaring over the boy and girl.  
"Adults don't wash their hands either." I pointed out.  
Levi snorted. "If society was allowed to function properly, they would have died long ago." He muttered darkly.  
"You mean you would killed them all in a sterilized massacre?" I joked. I could even picture it. Some poor guy moving to walk out of the bathroom and then Levi busting in wearing a biohazard suit and injecting him with some serum. He'd kick him in the gut beforehand just for the emphasis.  
Levi smirked.  
A small silence followed.  
Levi took a drink, studying me with a calculating expression.  
Shit, what did I do?  
He let me squirm under his gaze.  
"How long have you been an agoraphobic?" Levi asked.  
What? "I'm not an agoraphobic." I corrected, ticked off.  
Levi raised his eyebrows like it was a shock. "Denial is one of the stages of healing."  
"Not when there is nothing to deny."  
"Of course. You're just a man who holes himself in his apartment for weeks on end." Levi said sarcastically.  
This fucking guy. "Just because I don't have an avid social life am a recluse? Besides, if I was agoraphobic I wouldn't be able to go to Rosas or be here right now!" I growled.  
"Calm down, Eren. There are other people who are trying to get laid. They don't need you yelling." Levi scolded.  
I realized that he was teasing me in a twisted sort of way.  
"You did that on purpose." I pouted.  
"Boo fucking hoo." Levi replied.  
"I'll touch that kid's hands and then touch you." I threatened.  
"So you don't want your arm then?" Levi reasoned. "I'll just snap it off now and save everyone the trouble."  
"Oh yeah. Have fun trying to talk your way out of that situation."  
Levi shrugged. "I'll just use some big words and everyone will get distracted trying to google them and let me off."  
I had to giggle at that. I couldn't stop myself.  
Our food arrived, moments later, and we were again in a silence I was eager to break. If I didn't, I'd end up with my mind wandering like before.  
"So, uh, why were you late?" I questioned.  
Levi finished chewing one of his tiny, precut bits of chicken. "I didn't realize I had to clock in."  
"You just said the time like it was crucial, so I thought you'd be on time. Like you'd knock precisely at six." I explained, shoving potatoes in my mouth.  
Levi paused. "I got held up."  
"Did you forget to clean something?" I asked, remembering him wiping down the table after we ate.  
"No. I had to make sure no one could break in my place." Levi corrected.  
Huh. "So you role-played a burglar and tried to bust out a window or shoot open the door?" I clarified.  
Levi looked at me drily and I look it as admittance.  
"Your poor fucking neighbors. They must be confused as hell." I thought aloud. Wait. "Why don't you get lasers or a home security thing if it bothers you that much?" I asked.  
"You can trip those easily, you know." Levi informed me.  
I frowned. "That sucks that you have to do that. Maybe you should go Egyptian on their ass and set up booby-traps."  
Levi quirked an eyebrow. "I'll just get some pressurized acid and sharpened stakes." He scoffed.  
"It's worth a try." I reasoned.  
"I doubt any idea from your withered brain would help me if that is your plan A." Levi hissed.  
I sighed. "I don't mean like go find acid for real. You'll get sued for that. I just mean get creative. If you already fake B and E your own place, you should have no problem making it difficult."  
Levi seemed to accept my explanation and his gaze of utter loathing softened. I went back to eating. We talked for a while about Rosa's and everyone who worked there. Levi and Ymir apparently butt-heads a bit since Krista helps with the cleaning up and manages to get flour everywhere. I learned that Hanji and Levi had been friends for a while and even lived with eachother at one point. Or attempted it.  
I wanted to ask Levi if they talked about my breakdown, but never did. 

Overall, the evening went better than expected, though Levi insisted that he pay for everything. The ride back was....well...like the ride there. Unsettling.  
Levi, to my surprise, walked me to my door. I figured he had an okay time, but wasn't into it. But you don't linger if you've had a shitty time.  
When we got to the door, I wasn't sure if I should unlock it and invite him in or wait till he said something, so I ended up standing awkwardly by the door, keys in hand, staring at him.  
Look at his face. Look at it. His eyes are intoxicating and he has such a narrow jaw that manages to still appear fierce. How can he be so fucking sexy?  
Levi stared right back.  
Then he smirked, a smile flashing across his face like a falling star. "You're pathetic." Levi muttered, shaking his head.  
He-....He.....-smile....?  
Levi stepped closer and stretched up, leaning his head in. I wasted no time and pressed my lips to his, a sense of giddiness blending in with the smell of fresh linens.  
Levi dropped back down after one kiss, much to my disappointment. His smile was gone, leaving no trace, creating the brief illusion in my mind that I imagined the whole thing.  
I thought.....Levi didn't even act like he had fun and half the time we sat in silence with me staring off into space. Plus, I had the feeling that Levi found my manners so unappealing that it caused him physical pain. I'd look up to see this pondering sort of distaste upon his face several times throughout the meal. He scooted napkins near me during the end too. How could he kiss me when everything I said rendered him exasperated or convinced that mankind would soon crumble?  
"You like me?" I said, more of a question.  
Levi stared back like he didn't realize I was so challenged.  
I shook my head, trying to process my thoughts. "I-I mean you-you had fun?" I questioned, utterly lost.  
I would have bet money that I blew it.  
"No." Levi said, his icy eyes staring levelly into mine.  
I winced.  
"But the evening wasn't a total loss." Levi granted.  
"Soo..." I began hesitantly, "you...." I trailed off. I had hoped my brain would put it all together for me and I would just say it out-loud, but I still had no idea what Levi was saying.  
"You're really thick, aren't you?" Levi confirmed with an impatient twinge.  
"No I'm not! You're just fucking confusing!" I growled.  
"With your capabilities I'm sure it's baffling." Levi muttered, crossing his arms.  
"See? I piss you off, right?"  
Levi sighed, looking off to the right, irritated.  
I gave up. "Why'd you kiss me?" I asked softly.  
Levi looked back at me, his irritation gone to leave that permeant boredom in power. "Date me." He demanded.  
I stopped short. It almost sounded like a threat. I blinked. My chest felt tighter and I could feel my brain scramble inside my cloudy skull. I couldn't think though I wanted desperately to. I began to panic slightly.  
"That's not an answer. Just answer." I pleaded with forceful desperation.  
The last thing I needed now was an undefined relationship. I could barely shower once a day. I needed energy for that. I don't have room for deciphering motives of overly attractive waiters who find me nauseating but still kissable.  
"That is my answer."  
"No." I said slowly. "It's a statement."  
"My statement answers your question."  
"No-it doesn't!"  
"Look, Yeager!" Levi yelled, fully inflamed. "I shouldn't have to spell this out for you. I _like_ you! I kissed you, _because_ I like you. That's what people _do_. If you feel so conflicted, decline my offer, so my ears don't suffer any more internal damage from your vacant notions!"  
_I like you._  
"Levi I-" I began.  
"Yes or No." Levi growled shortly.  
I had to look away from him. There was something about staring at him that made it so hard to do anything but. How could I lie? I returned my gaze.  
"I like you too." I admitted, a hard blush roaring under my skin.  
Levi untensed. His gaze searched over my face. "Now we're dating. You got that?" Levi added with slight exasperation.  
Everything melted at that point. The panic dripped away, mingling with my insecurities of the evening.  
I smirked. "Yeah." I said, a light smile on my lips. I shifted closer. "I got it."  
My lips burned for more contact. I wanted to feel him confirm his feelings. Levi had to know how long I thought of him, of touching him, not just kissing him. How much him taking care of me made me want him so much more. I had to say how knowing that he cared for me, even if it was minuscule, made me desperate to be with him. Enough to forget that I didn't want to hurt him.  
I held the side of his jaw with one hand, the other flat on his chest, and guided his mouth back to me, where Levi's lips answered the slow, aching desperation in mine.


	9. What to say

It was nice to know that Levi had already seen me at my worst and still desired to date. Levi himself was a obnoxious jerk with serious cleaning issues. I wondered if he might have OCD. He sure seemed too. Not that it mattered to me much. I'd be a hypocrite if it did. I had major depression and well....all the other shit. If OCD was out of my understanding, I'd be the biggest fuck ever to inhale. That doesn't mean I don't need to know the details and what he is comfortable with. Levi is obviously fine with kissing, but what about other, more sexual activities? Anal sex isn't hygienic a hundred percent of the time. What if he hates it? I don't think I could deal with it if sex was completely off the books. I'd surely snap and pin him down. Drug him, even. Just fucking look at him.  
I sighed.  
Levi hadn't texted me since we made out in front of my apartment.  
It was Tuesday.  
I had even texted him yesterday to casually ask what he was up to.  
My concerns grew more prominent as the days went by, and now, well, they were inhibiting. I had gone to class to immediately wish I hadn't. My focus was way off. I kept thinking things over in my head.  
Did I miss Levi's affections for me? Is that why he was so upset that I kept questioning him? He did know my orders and went over and beyond to comfort me. I recalled Levi getting territorial over Peggy taking my order. Maybe he wasn't being a total ass. Maybe he was upset because he _wanted_ to take my order. He slept in my bed. He ran his finger down my chest. He kissed my mouth.  
Levi had to have been watching me like I watched him. I needed to talk to him about everything, but I doubted it would be soon.

Hours later, my phone da-dinged.  
I snatched it up from the table.  
Yes!!  
Levi texted me back.  
I'll be over tomorrow.  
How frank.  
Okay. Around when?  
Immediately, it went off again. This man is a pro.  
Around seven.  
That gives me time to clean. This is good.  
See you then.  
Was that too formal? I erased the line. What was better? Fuck. I'm not sending something like a winking face instead. I retyped and sent it.  
I reread the brief exchange.  
Shitballs on toast.  
I screwed up again.  
'See you then'? What kind of emotionless bullshit is that?

It won't come out.  
It won't fucking-!!  
I scrubbed hard onto the surface. Whatever this stain is, I'm killing it. I'll find it's family. It's mother. I'll kill everyone who has ever even looked at the substance of this stain. It has to come out.  
I lifted the towel to see the brownish stain still intact. I took the cleaner, doused the stain, and began to scrub even more.  
Suddenly, I heard knocking.  
Shit.  
Abandoning my work, I threw the towel away and then washed my hands. Just when I was drying my hands, I heard another round of knocking. I hurried over, turned the lock, and pulled open the door. Upon seeing his bored countenance, I smiled. Levi was wearing a light grey shirt with a black jacket and dark skinny jeans. I stepped forward and pulled him into a fast hug, his head smashing against my collarbone.  
"The fuck, Eren?!" Levi growled, shoving me off. "You're supposed to invite me in, not attack me." He glared up at me before stalking off.  
"It's called a hug." I corrected him, locking the door back, as he took off his shoes.  
Levi took off to the kitchen and began to clean out a glass. I frowned  
"I thought I washed everything." I said, confused, as I moved towards him. I stopped to lean on the end of the counter.  
Levi glanced over. "I bet you did." He muttered.  
"Is it still dirty? I put it on sanitize."  
"Good for you."  
"Is it because I touched it when I put it up there?"  
"No. It's because you drew a shitty dog picture when you were little."  
"So did you."  
"My nickname as a child was de Vinci." Levi said, drying the glass with a paper towel. "So I doubt it."  
I laughed.  
Levi glanced up. "Do you have lemons?"  
"Yeah."  
He nodded.  
"I had to replace everything." I said, watching him set the glass down and go for the fridge.  
Levi said nothing.  
"The lady at the checkout must have thought I had just moved in or something." I went on.  
Levi washed the lemon and I pointed him in the direction of the cutting board. He went on to slice the lemon and then boil water from a small pot that he also rewashed. He pulled a huge bag of dried dark green leaves with red flecks in them from his jacket and threw it on the counter.  
"Tea?" I questioned.  
He stared into the water.  
"Levi, Levi, Levi!"  
Levi acted like he just now noticed me. "Oh, Eren. We're you just jabbering?"  
I gave him a look. "Did you work today?" I asked, hoping to get him in a sharing mood.  
Levi nodded. "Yeah."  
"Was it crowded?"  
"I was doing another job. I do it now and again." Levi informed me.  
"What is it?"  
"I track people down and beat the shit out of them." Levi said, voice level, staring me in the eye.  
I paused. "Are you-are you being serious?" I asked cautiously.  
"I work with the police so I get tax benefits." Levi acted like I didn't question him. "But I need a steady job too."  
He was serious. He doesn't go on like this unless he is teasing me directly.  
But this seems weird. It doesn't even make sense why he would consult with the police.  
Wait.  
That's how he could afford his car.  
"Wow." I managed, looking at the counter.  
"The Chief is one of my friends actually."  
Huh. "So....I mean, isn't that dangerous?"  
Levi snorted. "Why do you think the police pay me to do it?"  
I frowned. "I don't like it."  
Levi raised an eyebrow. "Go down to the station, then."  
"You could get hurt."  
"I have."  
"Stop, then."  
Levi gave me a look.  
I sighed. I already knew he wouldn't. Levi probably even enjoyed it. But I didn't want to think about him getting shot or stabbed, which, apparently, has already happened.  
This is just great. My boyfriend could die at any time. Perfect.  
I was utterly bummed out now.  
Levi opened up the gallon bag and pulled out one of those fancy tea things that you fill up yourself from where it was hiding inside. It was a simple round, metal one. He began fiddling with it so I decided to ask him questions now, while he was distracted.  
"You know," I began, hoping he was listening, "the whole time you worked at Rose's I would watch you."  
Levi didn't miss a beat. "Most people don't admit to being creepy."  
Snap!  
He lowered the tea thing inside the cup with a click.  
"It's not creepy. I thought you were hot." I clarified. "You must have been watching me too if you already knew all my orders." I added triumphantly.  
Levi jerked his head to give me a slightly annoyed look. "You order the same damn thing. It's not hard to pick up on." Levi growled defensively.  
"You only took my order once before and then you recited them. Admit it." I demanded.  
Levi was back to his classic bored look. "Fine. I'll admit to overhearing all of the junk that you stuff in your fat face." Levi said, crossing his arms.  
I sighed.  
This was going nowhere. Levi kept deflecting and making his sarcastic remarks. At this rate, it will take all night to answer three questions.  
"Did you notice me before you got moved to the back?" I asked, hoping he'd give me a real answer.  
Levi waited a moment before saying, "It would be difficult not to, when you come every Friday and then some."  
I smiled.  
He did. Levi didn't admit to thinking about me or commenting that I was a fine slice of ass, but I figured this was as close as I'd get.  
The water started to bubble. Levi turned from me and shut off the stove before expertly pouring the hot water into his cup.  
He held it from the top, huh, and walked by me like I wasn't there. I followed him to the couch where I sat directly beside him. He crossed his legs and held his tea on his thigh.  
"Hey, Levi? Can we talk for a minute?" I asked.  
Levi gave me a sideways are-you-kidding-me look.  
"It's just I haven't-" I started.  
I haven't really dated in while.  
Never mind that.  
"I can't tell you how grateful I am that you-that you stayed with me. And just everything that you did. Most guys....I mean they leave or-or they freak out when it happens. Plus it's always different afterwards because....it's like they don't like me anymore or they get nervous. I don't know. I just had to tell you." I mostly looked down as I spoke, trying not to burst into hysterical, emotion blathering about how much it meant to me.  
There was this aspect of relief too, because I didn't have to worry about it. I never made it a point to breakdown in front of my boyfriends, normally I put everything into avoiding the situation, but it did happen. I didn't have to go to extreme measures to act like I wasn't depressed or not let him see me break. Levi and I had already been through it.  
Levi was silent for so long, that I looked up to see him intently studying his tea.  
Shit.  
"Levi?" I prompted, in a slightly shaky voice.  
"We don't have to talk about it." Levi dismissed, voice low. He look a sip of his tea.  
"I need to. We need to." I advised forcefully.  
Levi shifted his torso slightly to better face me. His hand held the tea on his thigh. "You don't need to be grateful." Levi insisted harshly. "All of your boyfriends were shit if you think you need to be."  
I smiled sadly. "I guess they were all shit, then." I said, shrugging, with a bit of a humorless laugh.  
"Figures." Levi muttered.  
I swallowed hard, looking away from him for a second. "Why did you help me so much? I mean-was it just because you liked me or-..." I trailed off. I didn't know if he would even answer and I was scared that Levi would yell or leave or say it was the big tip I gave him.  
Levi turned his head and caught my gaze, even though I was struggling not to really look at him. He appeared puzzled. "What did you think I would do? Call 911 or give you some napkins and send you home?"  
"I just didn't expect..." I started, only to trail off again. How do I describe what he did?  
Levi sighed. "I know how shitty things can be. I didn't want you to have to feel like that alone. So yeah. I helped."  
I bit my lip. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Levi take a drink of his tea. "You've broken down before?" I asked, a bit surprised. This time I was trying get his gaze. Levi is so stoic and well put together. He does get intense when cleaning is involved, but I didn't think he could actually flip out.  
Levi tilted his head a bit and let his eyes slide to mine. "Yeah." He said simply.  
I stared back, aching for him. Thinking about Levi falling apart with no one there pained me. The flat, dead look in his eye's made it worse.  
"I'd do the same for you, you know. If you ever do again." I said sincerely.  
Levi smirked darkly and I frowned.  
I wasn't joking.  
He saw my face and said softly, "I know, Eren."  
I relaxed a bit, knowing he counted on me.  
"I guess-," I started, "I guess that's why you're good at just being there." I reasoned aloud. If he knew what it was like to fall apart, then he would know more of what to do.  
Levi raised his eyebrows. "I'm glad my assistance was satisfactory."  
I gave a short laugh. "No, that's not what I meant. You....you were satisfactory but uh-you were more-" I rambled quickly.  
Levi cut me off. "Shut up, brat. I get it."  
I shut my mouth.  
Levi shook his head.  
I waited for him to speak. He didn't.  
I figured I would go first. It was obvious, but still. "I have depression."  
Levi snorted. "Just now figuring that out, huh?"  
I bit back a comment. "Do you have anything you want to say?" I asked, hoping he'd just mention it and I wouldn't have to yank it out of him.  
Levi sighed.  
I rolled my eyes.  
"Do you have OCD?" I asked directly.  
Levi made a face, like he ate something gross. "Yeah. Happy?" He snapped.  
I shook my head. "No. I just wanted to know if there was something you didn't like or want me to do." I explained.  
Levi's face smoothed. "If I think of something, I'll tell you. Otherwise, shut up already." He suggested.  
I smirked. "Okay, okay. What do you want to do?" I asked, glad that it was all out of the way and anal sex was still on the table.  
Levi was mid-sip.  
I admired his small ears.  
"Go get Trivial Pursuit." Levi ordered.  
"You want to relax by playing Trivial Pursuit?" I questioned, dumbfounded.  
"See what talking does to me."  
I shook my head and rose to go get the game.  
Slap!  
My eyes went a little wide.  
Levi slapped my ass!  
I jerked back to look at his smug face daring me to say something.  
"Hop to it." Levi prompted, like my pause was unwarranted.  
I have a short laugh.

"Who cut Van Gogh's ear?" I asked.  
"He cut his own ear." Levi answered.  
I nodded.  
"What disease did Mary Mollon have?" Levi asked.  
"Typhoid."  
"Gross."  
I smirked.  
"A University of Florida professor studied the crunch of what snack?" I asked.  
Levi paused.  
"Hurry up or I'll touch you with my feet." I threatened lifting one up.  
Levi scowled, eying it. "Keep them away before I sever your artery."  
"Then answer the question."  
"Give me a fucking minute!" Levi growled.  
I gave him a look. "You started humming the jeopardy tune when I was trying to think!"  
"I thought it would help."  
"Bullshit!"  
Levi sighed. "Fine."  
"Well?"  
"A chip."  
I narrowed my eyes. "What kind of chip?"  
"Potato."  
I narrowed my eyes farther.  
Was he bluffing?  
"I'll give you the credit if you kiss me." I decided playfully.  
Levi gazed at me like I was a child. "Are you serious?"  
"Ban NAH nah-" I began to sing.  
Levi muttered something. "Fine, Eren. I'll play the dirty trivial pursuit with you this once." Levi relented.  
I smiled, leaning forward.  
Levi snorted, perhaps at my eagerness. He leaned in, and turned his head to the side, eyes falling shut.  
I felt his lips peck mine as my heart hammered. It was only one kiss. One. I wanted to grab him and make him kiss me again, but I held back. I had the feeling Levi was tired. Still, I was pleased.  
"Now can I have my credit?" Levi questioned.  
"Of course." I replied. "You wouldn't want to add any more to your dumb pile."  
Levi grabbed the dice. "Everyone knows this game is rigged."  
"For the geniuses, maybe." I joked sincerely.  
Levi glared over at me from the board. "Or maybe for people who own the game and meditate over it."  
I smiled. "I am very good."  
Levi grunted.  
"Better than you I'd say."  
Levi stared, waiting for me to take a card.  
"But, who knows if that's even difficult."  
Levi hardened his eyes.  
"I am so good I probably don't even notice."  
Levi was about to hit me. I could feel it.  
"Crushing a meager opponent can't be counted, can it?"  
"I fucking swear, Eren!" Levi growled, through his teeth. He lunged forward, knocking me over to fall on my side, and pinned my arms where they fell. He was on either side of my hip.  
I was hysterically laughing way before he pinned me.  
He had such a short fuse when he was actually upset over something.  
I couldn't breathe. My sides began to ache. I gasped between laughs.  
"Why are you laughing?!" Levi howled.  
I shook my head. I couldn't speak.  
"Omg.....omg.....omg....." I managed between giggles.  
Levi made an animalistic sound of annoyance. He let go of my arms and put his on both sides of my body so he could look over me.  
I told myself to breathe and calmed down. I turned my head, wiping my eyes, and looked at him. He didn't appear upset, only confused.  
"You're such a huffy creature." I said with a laugh.  
Levi frowned. "You're a brat!" He mumbled.  
I chuckled. "I was joking. You are smarter than me, don't worry." I assured him.  
Levi seemed bored again. "Forget it." He muttered, sitting up. He repositioned himself and then took several sips of tea.  
I propped myself up and scooted inwards, so my feet wouldn't be so near him. Leaning against the arm rest, I gazed at him fondly.  
I can't believe he's here. At my place. I never would have expected him to even tolerate me, let alone date me. But here we were. And here he is, letting me fool with him. It seemed.....odd. But I was delighted with it.  
Levi noticed and glanced over. His eyebrows went up. "Care to say something else demeaning?"  
I snorted, smiling. "No thanks. I'm just happy."  
Levi eyebrows collapsed and an undefinable look came over his features. Before I could ask, he rose with his cup, and went to the kitchen.  
What did I do?  
I said I was happy. Did I scare him?  
"Do you...uh...wanna watch a movie or something?" I asked.  
"Sure." Came the uninterested reply.  
I left the game on the table and grabbed up the remote from the floor. Switching it on, I tried to think of the all movies out now. There was that action-comedy thing. But what if Levi prefers more serious stuff. Like documentaries or those recreations of history. It was too much for me. I always end up put out by everything, which is never a good thing.  
"What do you want?" I called out.  
"I don't pay attention to movies."  
"Why not?"  
"I hate theaters."  
What? Oh wait. The filth. Yeah. "But movies themselves are still good."  
"It's just people trying to fuck each other or fuck something up or be the best fuck."  
True. "Doesn't mean you can't enjoy it."  
Levi didn't respond.

When Levi finished making his tea and sat down, I forced him into providing input into all the movies available. He sat there, stirring his tea, and made critical comments to overindulge me. It was no help at all, since he had something bad to say about every movie. I ended up telling him to shut up and picked the first movie I saw next.  
Then, I kept trying to sit near him and perhaps lean on his shoulder or stretch my arm around him with no luck at all. Levi glared at me, almost offendedly, and told me to get off him or physically removed me. Still, I continued till about halfway through the movie when Levi hissed at me to stop "begging for it". I felt like a crack whore because of the way he said it and ended up sitting near him with only a pillow to replace what could have been my boyfriend.  
Levi acted like I was trying to molest him. I was only trying to have some form of contact with him while we watched the movie. I was not propositioning him. But Levi had a perimeter to maintain. A fucking bubble that cannot be popped for displays of affection.  
Maybe it had something to do with his OCD. But Levi said he would tell me if something like that bothered him. I thought back to the way Levi acted at Rose's after we kissed. Was he the type to only show that he liked me at certain times? Maybe it was too early in the relationship for him. I want to snuggle, though. He said we were dating. What kind of men- was it just men? -did he date before? Maybe they were closed off too.  
"Levi are you gay?" I asked, my right arm hooked around a pillow.  
Levi didn't remove his eyes from the Tv. "No."  
Shit. Hopefully I'm not his first fucking guy. "Have you dated a guy before?"  
"Yes." Levi answered, turning to me. "I thought we were watching a movie."  
"So you're bi, then?"  
Levi's blank face gave me nothing.  
"When was it?" I pressed.  
"Do you need something, Yeager?" Levi questioned. "Something serious?"  
"I need to seriously know-"  
"My last relationship was several years ago, are we done?" Levi hissed, interrupting me.  
Huh. "You haven't even fuck-"  
Levi threw a pillow at me. I dodged it to Levi's annoyance. It fell on the floor.  
"Sorry for asking, but I don't know anything at all about you and I kinda already told you before that I was gay." I explained. He actually was more upset by this. I noticed that he called me 'Yeager'. When he teases me, he tends to say my actual name. I noted this connection.  
Levi sighed.  
He was obviously more private about his life. I was only curious, though. Next time, I'll wait till he mentions it instead of blindly grasping for information and riling him up because of it.  
"I won't say anything else." I promised.

After the movie, Levi stood and went back into the kitchen. I followed him, having nothing better to do. He rinsed the cup out and laid it on the sink. Levi's stormy-sky eyes looked at me.  
"I'm leaving." He stated.  
"No!" I protested. "You can stay over."  
"Did you wash the sheets?"  
"No...."  
"Shower today?"  
"I shower again if you need me to."  
Levi stared. "Another time." He finally said.  
I sighed. "Okay."  
Fuck. I should have washed the sheets.  
"Relax. I'm just tired." Levi mumbled, stepping closer. "I'll see you for lunch soon." His voice sounded less hostile and bored.  
I rested my hands on his waist and leaned down for a kiss. Levi met me halfway and instantly took charge, hand on my chest.  
Stay. Please.  
It was as if Levi sensed my growing desires. He pulled back.  
"Bye." Levi said abruptly, walking off.  
My hands slid from his frame.  
Excuse me?  
By the time I had gathered my wits, Levi had his keys in hand and was nearing the door.  
"Right. Bye. Uh, Levi." I put together hastily.  
Levi, thankfully, acted like I was coherent most of the time.  
Click, Clack.  
"Bye." He repeated. "Lock the fucking door." He demanded, stepping outside.  
I rushed to do his bidding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi doesn't give a fuck about socially imposed orientation categorization. He fucks who he wants. End of story.  
> Sexy sex next time.  
> BTW, people with OCD tend to have more brain activity, while those who are depressed have less than normal. So Levi and Eren even balance eachothers brains. Thats love, kids.


	10. Fucking Finally

We met for lunch two days later. Levi announced that we were having Chinese food in the most hostile manner, the second I got in the car. It was almost like he expected me to fight him for the decision or I had previously insulted him and this was my punishment. I just buckled my seatbelt and agreed. It wasn't until we ordered our drinks and they brought Levi this massive teapot and cup with a saucer that I understood. He was here for the fucking tea.  
A couple minutes into eating, Levi gave me that look he gave me on our first date, the disgusted one, and told me to slow down.  
I tried, but ended up finishing way before him. I sat there and watched him eat. Levi cut his noodles up before he took a bite and managed to wrap them around the fork like a god. The noodles even stayed in place, yes, stayed in place, while he stabbed vegetables. Then, when he ate it, nothing happened. No stray noodle, no oh-shit-that-was-more-than-I-thought moment, nothing fell from the fork, fucking nothing. If I tried to do that, I would spent majority of the time trying to get the noodles in the fork and then attempt to pick up some veggies only to have it all fall off the fork. Then my next bite would have a long noodle that refused to be eaten and I would look akin to a toddler. I took the time to ask Levi about himself, but he never went into detail so I ended up yammering. I talked about school and how I really never went to class, but still passed the exams by buckling down when it counted. Armin and Mikasa did it effortlessly all the time, I remembered. I asked Levi if he had gone to college and he said no and then shoved noodles in his mouth, ending any farther speculation. I moved on to discuss my apartment, or, my lack of leaving my apartment. I tried to convince Levi that, if you really wanted to, you could go to school online, send groceries and food to your house, exercise on a bike or something, video chat friends, call guys to your house, and never have to leave your apartment until you emerged like a butterfly from a cocoon. Levi stated it would be improbable, because you would get bored of everything "including your own dick". His words. I kept arguing until Levi said that I should test my own theory and that he would send weekly pictures of himself to tide me over while I had a mid life crisis. I stuck my tongue out and pushed the teapot away from him. He promptly moved it back and I smiled.

Apparently, now that he had the time, all the tiny displeasures that Levi kept back were now free. I ate too fast and too much, talked too loud, touched things that shouldn't be touched, was disrespectful, (Levi would either say I shouldn't say stuff like that aloud or swat me), needed to wear cleaner clothes, possessed too much hope and kindness, lacked the notion of personal boundaries, was childish beyond repair, needed more self control, and a bunch of other things he would mutter. A few things insulted me, but most of the time I was too excited to be with Levi to care much.  
I kept trying to pull more personal information out of him, but he would always deflect and then say something broad about himself. I found he was quite talkative, or at least, more so than I expected him to be. If I asked direct questions, he would clam up instantly, but other than that, he talked freely. Still, I wanted to know more about him. I asked more about his OCD and if he was on medications or in therapy and he made a big fuss before actually telling me about it. Well, I went silent and refused to speak, shooting him glares the whole time, and throwing things at him, until he spoke. He did try therapy, but thought it was "complete shit" so he never went back. I had to agree with him there. I never found therapy helpful either. Levi did take medication for it, though, he believed he could handle it on his own. I pointed out he couldn't, because he cleaned someone's apartment while they slept and he snorted. It was then I found out that he kept cleaning supplies and changes of clothes in the truck of his car. I didn't know what to say so I told him about how I punched out two guys in the middle of the store for saying mean things about waiting in line.  
The next time I saw him, he just busted over and laid down on the couch, claiming "stupidity drained all his energy", and I discovered that everyone takes turns pretending to be the manager at Rose's for Levi's customers, because he has so many complaints. (Apparently it had happened twice that day.) Hanji didn't want all the disturbances and it wasn't like he ever got in trouble. He also confirmed that Ymir and Krista were in fact dating. Krista called her 'babe' and 'sweetheart' when she was trying to keep Ymir from yelling at Levi, who knows what he did, and they always left together. I asked if anyone else found a mate at Rose's, because it seemed like it a was a good place to find a lover. Levi reported Reiner and some chef guy Bertholdt needed to "fucking fuck" but other than that, it was tame. Annie was close with them, so he would often ask her rude questions that never got answered. We didn't talk much after that. Levi made vegetable stir fry with rice for dinner and it was actually really good, (I ate most of it), and we watched a few movies. After he ate, Levi sprawled out a bit and I used pillows to separate our feet and legs so I could get closer to him. I wanted to touch him, but every time I moved he would tense up.  
We spend all our time either out eating or at my place, where we watch movies or play more board games. Oh yeah. Fucking board games. The first time I realized he had an obsession for them was when we were watching a movie. Levi was making more critical comments than usual, now that I think about it, but I figured he had a bad day, and I paused the movie so I could pee and expected Levi to make more tea. I returned to find the Tv off, the board of monopoly set up, and Levi casually sipping fresh tea. When I asked what was going on, hoping he'd explain why he didn't just admit he wanted to play monopoly, Levi turned to me and bitterly stated the movie's lack of general originality made him want to watch my disappointment as he took the hotels I would soon have. Now, 95% of the time he comes over, it's to play a game, not to actually be with me. He will literally bust in and demand to know the location of the games like I might be trying to hide them all. They are always in the library floor. I'll say this and then Levi will rush into the library where he will stare for several moments at the stacks before picking one. I don't mind the constant playing, but he is an aggressive player. I have to crack his shell with an observation or annoy him with what Levi calls my "tick" in order for him to back off a bit and not treat me like a germ on a table he's cleaning.  
So far, though, our relationship is actually doing good, which scares the shit out of me.  
Well, almost.  
We have been dating for a month. One solid month and Levi didn't seem physically bothered. I was. He let me kiss him in public, but that was it. Even privately, he acted like it was random and uncalled for if I snuggled up to him. He always told me to get off. Once I sat by him while he were playing a board game and leaned my head on his shoulder while grabbing his arm and he asked if it was a tactic to get him to mess up. I started yelling and he banished me to the other side of the board. Another time, I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him into me and Levi elbowed me in the ribs. I was being blocked at every turn. I decided to do something simple after that. I tried to hold his hand and he insisted that I use hand sanitizer first. The feeling was gone by then, so I just kissed him on the side of his head. I was hiding my frustration.  
I'd see him in a day at Rose's, but I don't think I can take watching him in his overly tight work shirt bringing me food.  
It was getting unbearable.  
Luckily, Armin called and I was able to vent my frustration. He could tell I was upset and asked what was wrong and I ended up blurting out the whole thing.  
"I don't know what I should do. We haven't even had sex yet. That's wrong." I mumbled.  
"When did you start dating exactly?" Armin asked.  
"About a month ago or something like that." I responded.  
"You couldn't have texted me?" Armin pouted.  
I smiled. "Sorry." I apologized.  
"It's okay. I'm glad you found someone. So where did you meet?" Armin asked.  
"Uh, well, we didn't really meet. He works at that Mexican place I like. One day he just asked me out." I half-lied. I wasn't about to tell Armin I broke down. He'd tell my sister and they would fly down together and babe me for months. Besides, I didn't want to worry him and ruin his study. It wasn't that big a deal. I was fine now.  
"Oooh. I bet he's cute then!" Armin teased.  
I laughed. "Yeah. He is."  
"What's his name?"  
"Levi."  
"Ooooh!"  
"Did you find someone you like?" I asked.  
"Ha. I stare into microscopes all day. Besides, I can't really date anyone with the hours I work." Armin protested.  
"You could at least hang out with your coworkers."  
"But they want to drink."  
"So go and don't drink. You think too much."  
Armin sighed.  
"They aren't going to throw you out."  
"Fine. I'll go."  
Good.  
"Now that you have someone, I don't have to spend my time worrying about you." Armin reasoned. "I can have free time."  
"Don't use me as an excuse!" I snapped, feeling pathetic.  
"Calm down."  
"I don't need to calm down. I need to get laid!"  
"For heaven's sake." Armin muttered. "It's only been a month."  
"You don't understand."  
He's far too sexy. And we should have already fucked by now. It was weird that we hadn't or that we have never even come close. I wanted him so badly. But Levi won't even let me touch him!  
"Listen Eren, from what it sounds like, you're being too aggressive." Armin observed.  
"Me?" I repeated, testily. "Me? He hits me when I touch him!"  
"Yeah. That doesn't mean try back again in two minutes. It means back off. You tend to go for it and just flop all over your boyfriends."  
Flop?  
Go for it?  
I sounded like a whore! Why does everyone see me as a whore?!  
A blush heated my face. "So I'm not allowed to touch my own boyfriend?" I hissed.  
"Just start small and work your way into it. Don't use him as a body pillow, just lean on him while your watching a movie." Armin advised.  
"And then go for it after a few minutes?" I questioned.  
Armin sighed. "No, Eren."  
"What?"  
"Just let him make the next move." Armin ordered, a bit exasperated.  
But I'm so horny. That might take forever.  
"Fine." I whined.  
Men with asses like Levi's shouldn't be allowed to torture others like this.  
Him and his stupid tight shirts and his stupid muscle tone.  
"Don't worry. I'm sure Levi will get used to it quickly and then you can grab at him all you want." Armin said, trying to cheer me up.  
Sure. Levi won't even make a sound.  
"Am I really that clingy?" I asked softly.  
Armin was silent.  
"Armin!" I howled.  
I heard laughing on the other side of the call.  
"Fuck you." I said with a laugh.  
"No, no. You're not bad, Eren, trust me." Armin assured me, still holding back laughter. "None of your boyfriends complain. Ever. You're soooo good."  
"I'm not asking for anymore advise from you." I threatened, good-naturedly.  
"Aww! No!" Armin complained, toning it down.  
I smiled.  
"You're not clingy. Just blunt." Armin finally answered without laughing.  
"Thanks." I said, smirking.  
"Anyway. I'll call you soon. I should go eat something."  
"Alright. Bye."  
"Bye!"

I waved at Peggy, who seemed thrilled to see me, on my way to my booth. They had a huge group on the other side, so Krista was helping with the refills, mostly on margaritas. Annie was there replacing chips and salsa. Reiner, I noticed, did float around Annie. He assisted her often and was helping pick up all the empty bowls right now. Annie, I think, was insulted, because she punched him directly after. He smiled and hit her back.  
Oh, fuck.  
Is his shirt even tighter?!  
Levi walked his sweet self right over with my Coke and set it on the coaster.  
"Good tips, today?" I inquired.  
Levi stared blankly at me. "Yeah. My charm is intoxicating."  
I guess Levi doesn't look in the mirror a lot.  
"I want the quesadillas."  
He grunted.  
"Shouldn't you write it down?" I prompted.  
"I already put it in."  
What.  
Ok. Now I'm really horny.  
"Say that again." I half-begged.  
"Shut up, Eren." Levi barked. "You're lucky I anticipate your fat self busting in here."  
"Fat?" I repeated. "Yeah, right. You are just jealous of how much I can eat."  
"That's right. I envy your European manners."  
Annie materialized out from Levi's back. "Do you mind?" She shot at Levi, though he wasn't really in her way.  
I smiled. "Yeah. Let the lady by."  
Annie distributed the salsa and set the chips in a beautiful new arrangement. The salsa sat in rows like shot glasses. It was perfect.  
Levi folded his arms. "This" he said, pointing, "is no lady. She steals guacamole and uses it lure men into her house so she can assimilate their organs."  
I laughed.  
Annie turned her whole body to face Levi. "That would make me more powerful than you, Boss."  
Boss?  
She must be making fun of him.  
"That would make you pathetic for needing organs on standby." Levi corrected.  
I rolled my eyes.  
Something caught Levi's attention. "Hey, Krista! I need a fucking tortilla!" He hollered.  
Annie didn't seemed bothered. "You are going to piss Ymir off." She warned.  
Levi ignored Annie and stormed over to Krista as if she hit a customer. He was on a rampage today.  
Annie followed in case they needed someone level headed to fix the situation. I began happily eating my chunky salsa, humming away.

Levi returned with my plate and began to collect my salsa.  
"Noooo!" I whined. "I'm not done!" I took some of them back and scooted them far out of his reach.  
"Your food is here. Salsa time is over." Levi said like I was a child.  
"Are you coming over after work?" I asked.  
"You're deflecting."  
"So are you."  
"Yeah, fine. Give me your cup." Levi held out his hand.  
I smiled and gave him the drink.

The apartment was clean, I had just showered and put on clothes that had just been washed yesterday, and was fully ready to attack Levi. And I mean fully. He had no excuse.  
A few weeks ago, I started cleaning out my ass to get back into the routine of things. Fuck did it hurt. But I expected that. I haven't had sex in a while. I haven't really wanted sex in a while. My medication and fear of hurting my lovers really put a damper on my libido. Besides, I didn't really want to go out and fuck someone to fuck someone, because I was more of the boyfriend type. I did that shortly after my last boyfriend, Jean, left, but it felt weird doing it after just a few times, so I quit. Now it was different. I had a boyfriend who not only cared about me, but was comfortable with my depression. I couldn't jack off to him anymore. Something needed to be done.  
I assumed Levi stopped by his place, because it was taking fucking forever. He'll spent a good two hours in the shower. Great. I'll pass out by then.  
I began watching TV, checking the time every so often while my dick burned itself alive. He better get here soon.

Furious banging on the door drove me off the couch. I rushed over and unlocked the door, pulling it open.  
Levi narrowed his eyes.  
"What?" I questioned as he entered and stepped to the side to take his shoes off.  
"You look like an idiot smiling like that." Levi grumbled.  
"Did someone spill something after I left?" I asked.  
Levi grunted, ignoring me, and headed straight to the kitchen.  
I ended up putting the tea leaves in a glass container, which Levi repeated was 'not necessary', since he made tea every time he came over. Levi also required various fruits to make his tea, and if I didn't have any, he would reference the absence until I bought some. I even purchased an actual tea kettle for him to put water in. When I bought it, I couldn't shake the feeling I, somehow, just became an mid-aged adult.  
Levi was chopping up some ginger root today. With his fingers......  
My eyes ran down his body, flimsily secured inside fabric. The narrow waist and tight ass.  
I should yank his jeans down and fuck him right here. See if he keeps quiet with me thrusting into him.  
"Eren?" Levi called.  
"Mhm?" I responded hastily, pulled out of my fantasy.  
Levi was washing the knife. "Do you need something?" He asked levelly, but I could sense something else.  
You. "No..."  
"Then go wait on the couch." Levi snapped, glaring at me now. "I don't need you staring at me."  
Asshole.  
"Fine." I said, giving him a look as I walked off.  
I sunk into the couch, eyes on the Tv, mind on Levi. Man, he's a dick today. What the hell happened? Maybe a drunk threw up everywhere. He seemed wired beforehand, though. I doubt he'd tell me about it if I asked. It's a struggle to get something generic out of Levi.  
What if he fights me?  
The thought ruined the situation even farther.  
Shit.  
Levi doesn't even let me snuggle up to him and here I think that he'll be fine with sex. Urg. But I cant take this. I need to touch him. The probability of him punching me and leaving is so high, I wouldn't even bother if I weren't so bothered myself.  
Levi padded over and sat down beside me, taking a drink of the tea even though it was steaming hot.  
I should just unbutton his jeans and suck his cock. Right here. What could he do? He has tea in his hands.  
I realized I was full on ogling his dick and turned to the side, blushing. My dick twitched. This is torture. Pure torture.  
"What. Eren?" Levi asked, putting too much inflection on each word.  
I shook my head, looking straight ahead.  
"If you want to say something, say it." Levi demanded.  
Shit. If he gets in an even worse mood, I'll have no chance at all. I looked over at him. Iwanttojammydickdownyourthroat.  
Fuck!  
"I-...why won't you let me touch you?" I asked, my face heating up at the mention of it. My dick thought the sex was beginning and I had to mentally sober it up.  
Levi turned to face forward. "I do." He took another drink of the tea.  
My frustration seeped through. I could feel it flare up. "No you don't! You won't even let me lean on you while we watch a movie! And then when we go out and I try to do something simple, you act like I'm a rapist!" I yelled.  
"Stop shouting." Levi complained.  
I stood up. "I don't have to do anything! Now tell me why! And don't you dare try to make some sneaky ass comment! You said we were dating but I don't think we're doing shit!" I growled, pointing.  
Levi sighed, and set down the tea. "Are you done?"  
I clenched my teeth, hands at my side.  
This calm fucking bastard.  
"We are dating. Now sit down." Levi ordered.  
"No." I stated, rebelliously.  
Levi's gaze narrowed. "Sit down." He repeated.  
I gave him a look, but did what he asked.  
Levi didn't say anything right away.  
"Do you not like it?" I asked, partially scared he was going to say yes.  
Levi shook his head. "I-" Levi struggled with the words, something that has never been witnessed before by mankind. "I'm not used to it." He admitted, in grim unease.  
My anger fell away in an instant. Seeing Levi actually reveal his feelings and become vulnerable was enough to charge my dick back up to speed. At the same time, though, I felt crushed, because he seemed embarrassed by the fact and I would have never guessed that Levi wasn't used to such attention.  
I had no idea what to say for a moment. "But....you're hot." I protested, still not fully believing it.  
Levi grimaced, eyes shifting.  
"I mean, uh..." I tried to salvage the situation. I was making him feel worse. If I fucked up, Levi will never tell me anything again.  
"I'm not the nicest of people." Levi said, saving me from messing this up farther. There was a hint of self loathing in his tone.  
What? "You're the nicest guy I've met." I objected. I couldn't take seeing Levi so hard on himself. Just because he was abrasive, it didn't mean he was a shitty person.  
"That's because we've just started dating." Levi growled.  
I frowned. "So I'm suddenly going to be fed up with you one day." I said doubtfully.  
Levi raised his eyebrows in a lifeless sort of way.  
"Levi, I already think you're an ass," I protested, "and I don't want to leave. Besides, I don't care if you're grumpy sometimes. I like being with you. If you're in a bad mood sometimes, so what. I'm not always all rainbows either. But you really are sweet."  
Levi snorted.  
"I'm serious!" I protested.  
Levi wouldn't look back over at me, so I scooted closer. I wanted to touch him, but I hesitated. I put one hand on his thigh. He was warm.  
I remembered Armin and what he said about me being overly affectionate. I thought back to all the times I touched him and how shitty he must have felt afterwards.  
Fuck.  
I keep messing up!  
"I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I should have backed off." I apologized.  
Levi turned and we locked gazes.  
The pressure of the situation froze me. I was so close to his face.  
"It's not your fault, Eren." Levi assured me.  
"Yes it is." I said, feeling even worse. "Because it's sure as hell not your fault. You're great and I acted like you were just doing it on purpose." I removed my hand.  
Levi reached out and took my hand in his.  
I looked into his eyes.  
The moment was intense. I felt my face heat up as I looked into Levi's eyes filled with fondness and melancholic wrapped relief. I felt like I should say something, but the pressure of his stare kept me from thinking so I just drowned in the moment.  
"I showered." I blurted, panicking.  
Levi smirked, but in a softer manner. He gazed down at my hand and his fingers began rubbing circles on my skin.  
A rush of feelings I couldn't place overwhelmed me and I shot forward, pulling my hand from Levi's to hold his face with both hands. I kissed his mouth frantically, desperate for any assurance that I didn't ruin whatever was between us. Levi kissed back at a slower pace, hand on my back, probably to either balance me out or get me slow down. I knew I should. Levi and I have never really made out before. But I couldn't stop myself. His lips, his vulnerability, his smell. I needed him. I needed him all over me. My thumbs stroked the side of his face and then slid down to his shoulders. I grabbed his shirt in both hands and pulled him closer, urging him to demand for me, to claim me. Levi's hand traveled up my shirt and ran over my hips and up my sides. I tensed.  
He's touching me. He's touching me.  
I broke the kiss and lifted away from the lure of Levi's mouth to pant hard into his hair. I needed to breathe.  
Fuck this feels so good.  
The heat from Levi's breath hit my neck and I shut my eyes tightly, trying not to wiggle.  
"Ow!" I gasped, hands clenching on his shoulders.  
Levi had clamped down hard on my skin with his teeth.  
I pulled away from his hair to glare at him for biting so hard, but before I get very far, Levi gripped my hair and tugged, yanking my head to the side, so my neck laid fully exposed. I grunted in surprise. His other hand rested on my shoulder and pulled me closer at that moment, then gripped me tightly to warn me not to move.  
My breathing automatically picked up. What was he doing? This hurt!  
Levi bit down hard again on my skin.  
"Hey! Levi!" I complained.  
He ignored me completely and bit down on the skin just below my ear. I squeaked in a mixture of pleasure and pain, grabbing at him a bit with my hands. I attempted to move my head, but Levi yanked back hard.  
Shit!  
Thankfully, Levi switched from chewing on me to planting kisses down my neck. I exhaled choppily at the new treatment. When he reached my shoulder, Levi licked one of the bite marks and sucked on the skin, using his tongue to trace the mark. I heard myself groan desperately.  
"Fuck, Levi." I gasped.  
I heard the slight pop of Levi releasing my skin and tried to move my head again, thinking he was done.  
"Did I say you could move?" Levi growled.  
I bit my lip, preparing for more teeth. I was right. Levi dove forward and began marking my neck despite my begging for him to ease up. Levi held my hair firmly in his hand and used his other hand to swat me away when I pulled his shirt to get him to start licking me.  
"Please, Levi." I begged.  
This time, he listened. I sighed with relief that transformed into a deep groan as Levi ran the tip of his tongue down my neck.  
Fucking hell.  
I jerked my head and Levi either was caught off guard or let me go. I didn't waste any time and smashed my lips onto his. I immediately demanded entrance into his mouth and Levi granted it, taking control again.  
Levi dropped his hands and used one to slowly drag across my stomach to my lower back and then back again. Every time he went across my hips, I tensed, my dick throbbing in response, and tried to focus only on Levi's tongue. I was way past ready to go, but kissing Levi was too fucking good. Who knew he'd be such a great kisser. Taking the chance, I tangled both hands into Levi's hair, combing through the strands as he kissed me. I figured he'd remove me, but he seemed content and even pleased. One of his hands was now on my thigh, where it stayed, squeezing whenever the urge took him. I caught his gaze as we kissed to see that he was lustfully satisfied and I felt a jolt go through me.  
We traded control back and forth a few times, because Levi could only follow my lead for seconds at a time. I had the urge to please Levi and pulled back from the kiss, sliding my hands down his neck to hold his head in place. Levi opened his eyes, already disapproving. I took a few breaths and then leaned back in, tracing the skin behind Levi's front teeth with the tip of my tongue and then fully kissing him after. Levi moaned into my mouth and I couldn't help but smile through the kiss.  
I can make you feel good too.  
Instantly, Levi took control again and pulled me closer, gripping my thigh with his hand. I replaced my hands in his hair and relaxed back into the kiss.  
After a few moments, Levi pulled back, to what I assumed was to breathe. I opened my eyes, catching a glimpse of his lustful, grey eyes as I sat upright, though I kept my hands in his hair.  
"I don't like a lot of French kissing. It's gross." Levi informed me, staring straight at me like he was being forced at gunpoint to admit his preferences.  
I smiled. "Okay. That's fine with me." I responded, leaning in to peck him on the lips. "As long as I can kiss you."  
Levi seemed to relax a bit and we fell back into kissing, only without using tongue.  
But I couldn't take it anymore. I was so hard it was starting to hurt and the fact that I was so horny before didn't help. I found Levi's hand and led it toward my crotch. When he realized where I was going he snapped his hand back and detached from the kiss. Opening my eyes, I saw the OCD based look.  
Oh no.  
"Eren, you brat." Levi snapped, his voice remarkably untouched.  
I half smiled apologetically.  
Levi sighed. "Take your clothes off and wait for me in your room." Levi instructed.  
Far too quickly, I sprang into action, pushing off Levi's chest to get up. All my blood was in my dick apparently, because I felt lightheaded and ran into the table with my feet.  
"Shit!" I cried, hopping a bit, my blush heating up.  
I hoped Levi didn't see, but knew he most likely witnessed the whole thing and thought, 'How did I get stuck with him?'  
I entered my room without falling and ripped my shirt off, tossing it on the ground. With all the excitement, I was having trouble with my buckle and just managed to take it off when Levi appeared holding a large white sheet.  
"What is that for?" I panted.  
Levi looked serious. "It's for the bed." He stated, and tossed it out upon the already present sheets.  
I tugged down my pants. "You mean it's a gigantic cum towel?" I clarified, grinning.  
How could he be thinking of that right now?  
He ignored me.  
I smirked, shaking my head.  
Levi still had all his clothes on. I could tell he was more eager than he was letting on, but he didn't seem as rushed as I felt.  
Levi was busy putting the sheet in perfect symmetry with the bed.  
Oh come on.  
Literally.  
"Are you going to get naked too?" I asked impatiently.  
Levi titled his head at me before turning to face me and ripping off his shirt and tossing it into my face in one fluid motion. His scent flooded me.  
It was the single most erotic thing I have had happen to me.  
I gazed down at his shirt as if were some ancient garment, which it was. This shirt. This piece of material. Has been on Levi's body.  
I must have stared too long, mega-creep-like, at his shirt, because when I glanced back up, Levi only had dark grey briefs on.  
I dropped the holy garb and approached the bed, hoping Levi would take the hint. He didn't, of course.  
I smiled mischievously and stuck my hand part way down my boxers. "Levi, Levi, Levi!" I called. "Are you gonna take this off or should I?" I asked.  
Levi turned and looked straight down at my crotch where his eyes rested for a moment. When he returned my gaze, it was harsh and needy. "Get in the bed, now." Levi growled, pointing.  
I grinned, successful, and leaped right into bed, bouncing. I propped myself up on my elbows and waited for Levi to join me, feet twitching with anticipation. Levi was in a rush now and clambered on top of me, furiously pressing his lips to mine. I felt him against me and lifted my hips, grinding to get some relief.  
"Owww!" I cried out. "Levi!"  
He had bit where he had already marked me, this time out of anger. "Keep your filthy boxers away from me." Levi hissed.  
"You were supposed to take them off." I shot back, neck stinging.  
Levi glared and sat back on his heels. He grabbed the hem of my boxers with both hands and ripped it off of me. I grunted from the force and pulled my legs in so he could get them off faster. They were promptly folded and set to the side. Levi leaned forward, balancing on one arm, and took off his own.  
My legs had settled back into their precious position of wide open, and suddenly, I became self conscious. I was on full display for Levi.  
Levi.  
Maybe I should have waxed instead of just-shit. How big is he anyway? I looked up as he removed his briefs. He was longer than me, but thank hell he wasn't wide as fuck. Luckily, Levi didn't spend any time inspecting me. The second he folded his underwear, he was back on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me for a few short kisses. Levi moved to my jaw then my throat, where I was forced to take a sudden intake of breath due to my sensitive skin. I let my hands drop to my sides as Levi began kissing down my body. Leaning back, I shut my eyes and focused on his mouth, feeling my blush spread through my body.  
"Mhmmm!" I squeaked, curling inwards. My head shot back up to see Levi's raven locks positioned over my hips.  
Oh shit.  
Levi wrapped one hand over the underside of my hip and then leaned down and licked from the v of my hips all the way up to my waist. I tried to hold my moaning back. I wanted him to touch my dick, not to keep torturing me. But that is just what he did. Levi sucked and licked at the skin of my hips, while I squirmed and begged him to go lower. My hands moved to push his shoulders down, but I caught myself.  
"Please...Levi.....fuck-!" I groaned. "It hurts."  
Levi sat upright in response, licking his lips.  
Damn.  
"Lube?" He asked, voice husky.  
My head was distracted, so it took me a minute to process. "Uh, yeah. Drawer." I said pointing behind me. I realized I was closer and sprang into action before Levi could do anything. I drug myself across the special sheet and fumbled with the handle before pulling the drawer open. Random condoms, pens, paper, wrappers, and, thank fuck, a bottle of semi used lube. I grabbed the lube and tossed it to Levi. He caught it with one hand. I was breathing hard already, sitting on my butt. I glanced down at my poor, aching dick. A fair amount of pre cum was leaking out and the urge to touch myself was intense. I glanced up at Levi, to gather how long I'd have to wait, who was squirting out some lube into his hands. I took in his body, which I didn't have a chance to do before. My prediction was correct. Levi had a six pack and was fit as hell. I could see some scars littering his body, but I couldn't discern much, because soon Levi leaned down towards me, fingers outstretched. I fell backwards and shut my eyes. I needed to focus if we were going to get anywhere.  
Relax. Relax.  
Levi pressed his fingers against my entrance and massaged the opening before pushing in.  
I made sure to keep breathing as Levi slowly thrust more of his fingers in and out. I wiggled my hips a bit, trying to get reused to it. The lube was cold and didn't help.  
"Eren?" Levi asked.  
I grunted.  
Levi must have taken my response as a green flag because he began pushing in deeper, curling his fingers inwards each time. He eventually grazed over my prostate and my muscles tensed.  
Fuck!  
Levi's fingers stopped stretching my ass at that point. Upon hitting my prostate, that's all they focused on. Levi rubbed the area lightly first, no doubt to tease me.  
I whined, thrusting my hips into his fingers.  
"Mhm?" Levi prompted.  
My blush felt heavier on my face. "Harder." I responded, breathlessly, looking into his knowing, smug gaze.  
Levi's pressure increased and I moaned in appreciation as his fingers worked inside me. It felt so good. How could I have put this off for so long?  
Levi's other hand wrapped around the base of my cock and I sat up, thrown off. I assumed Levi was going to put his dick in me next, not go for mine. His fingers slid out of me and I had to stop myself from protesting. My insides were burning. Something had to be inside me. Preferably something of Levi's.  
Levi was regarding my dick with an expression that wasn't positive. That's all I could figure out.  
Should I have done something? Does he hate pubic hair? I thought had some himself, but-  
He gave the shaft a few strokes, almost like he was testing the reaction, and wiped away the pre cum from my tip with his thumb.  
I grunted.  
Then, he rearranged himself and lowered his mouth over my cock. The wet, warm heaven of Levi's mouth contracted every muscle in my body.  
How have I not cum yet?  
It should be illegal for Levi to do this to me.  
Levi bobbed his head, going lower and lower each time. I had sat up, eager to see his blowjob face, but I think that was a mistake. Watching his head travel down my cock, seeing his lips stretched out over me, feeling the warmth of his mouth; I fought back a moan. Levi was halfway down my dick. I had enough. I flopped back, the moan ripping from the back of my throat.  
Levi went farther down, but not all the way, before removing his wonderful mouth from my cock. He began lavishing long licks upon my member, his hand wrapped around the base. As Levi licked me, his fingers began to push back into my ass.  
Fuck, yes.  
Once his fingers were inside, Levi took my dick back into his mouth, while his fingers worked me from within. His head bobbed as he went lower and lower until I felt his nose on my skin.  
I moaned, hips thrusting up.  
Levi didn't maintain the position but for a second before retracting, almost like he regretted it. I tried to focus my vision to see if I was just being conclusive again or if Levi forced himself to deep throat me. Levi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before going down on me again. I guess he was okay. I probably thrusted too hard.  
Having Levi on me and in me at the same time was the best feeling. There was this sense of fullness, as if he was filling me up with the highest capacity of pleasure. I'd fall back, eyes shut, mind only on how he was making me feel. The bursts of bliss that radiated out, sucking me into a place where it was I could manage to think about.  
Then, he would pull off my dick, and just use his fingers for a while before taking me back into his mouth. I wanted to complain each time, but what this man could do with his fingers....I kept briefly wondering what he was doing and sit up to maybe piece it together, see how he was fucking doing this to me, but I could never discover anything before I whined or bucked into his hand, losing all focus.  
"Fuck Levi....you're so good with your fingers." I whimpered.  
I clutched at the sheets, body wiggling and jerking at the sensations Levi's slender fingers were creating in me. Glancing up, I locked eyes with Levi, who's lustful eyes made me throb. He kept watching me. It was kind of nerve wracking in a way, but I couldn't help but twitch every time I saw his gaze on me. Levi was more interested in my pleasure than his, which, was frustrating because Levi looked like Levi looked.  
Levi twisted his fingers, grazing the edges of my prostate, like he was searching for another way to make me pass out from a mix of pleasure and panting.  
"Ha-mh-hm-!" I strangled out from deep in my throat.  
I couldn't breathe, eyes wrenched shut, as my body shuddered.  
Levi did something, I have no idea, moved his fingers in some way, who knows.  
His fingers migrated away from that spot.  
Levi let me catch my breath before doing the same thing, making me cry out and curl in on myself.  
"Please.....fuck.....I wanna cum. Levi....." I begged.  
Levi ignored me. His fingers kept teasing me. He didn't speed up, start going harder, nothing at all.  
I whined desperately, launching into rounds of incoherent begging.  
The next second, I felt Levi's tongue on my dick, traveling down to graze my balls before returning to the top, where he sucked me down. Finally, his fingers became more aggressive, thrusting into me before returning to his magical grinding and then repeating at a steady pace.  
I could feel my body tightening, and I wanted Levi's lips to send me over the edge.  
I shot up. "Levi, kiss me." I begged desperately.  
Levi hit me hard from the inside in response, causing me to fall back in a web of moaning and short, deep breaths.  
I realized suddenly I didn't tell Levi I was about to cum and figured he didn't want a mouthful of my jizz, but I couldn't bring myself to speak. So, I ended up waving my hand in front of him, hoping he'd get the hint. I could actually feel Levi's irritation.  
I panted heavily, knowing I was just about to cum. Then, it all crashed down, my hips wildly thrusting into Levi's mouth then going against his fingers, and I could feel Levi swallow around me, causing me to shiver even harder into him.  
I fell back down, still twitching.  
He swallowed.  
I didn't expect him to swallow.  
Breathing hard, I lifted my head up to see Levi staring unfavorably at dick, mouth moving like he tasted something bad.  
Oh, shit.  
Did I taste bad?  
What if he's calculating the bacteria on my dick and he can't take what he's done?  
"Levi....? Are you-" I began, but Levi gave me a dark look that cut me off.  
He didn't say a word, but reached out with a muscled arm across the bed and scooted off. Levi went straight to the bathroom.  
My head went down.  
Fuck.  
I'll never get a blowjob again and I just sent Levi into a panic attack.  
I heard the scrambling of things in the drawers. It made me feel worse. My head turned. I should go in there. I grabbed some tissues and cleaned myself up, before walking in.  
Levi was furiously brushing his teeth like he watched a documentary on cavities. He had the mouthwash next to him and a torn open toothbrush package on the counter. I had a full view of Levi's bare ass. His plump, perky ass that belonged on my face for all eternity. And it didn't make me feel better. Not his tight, lined torso or his curved back. Nothing. I shuffled in. Levi looked over and then went back to brushing.  
Shit.  
"I'm sorry." I apologized.  
Levi glanced over and turned on the faucet to spit. "For what?"  
I blushed.  
He washed off the brush and then tapped it.  
"It was nasty, huh?" I sympathized.  
Levi turned. "Its fine, Eren. If I hated it I wouldn't have done it." He muttered.  
I felt instantly better. I smiled. "Good! I thought you thought blowing me was gross." I admitted.  
Levi appeared a bit baffled and I seized the time and moved closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. He retracted a bit, tensing at my closeness, but I didn't back off. I could feel his still hard length on my thigh as I leaned down to him. I ended up smiling into the kiss.  
I pulled back just a fraction. "You want me to take care of that for you?" I asked playfully.  
Levi glowered, like he wish he didn't.  
I chuckled.  
"Just get in the bed." Levi huffed, putting down the toothbrush.  
I kept smiling and let go of Levi. I went back to the bed, figuring he might want to have a few moments alone with the mouthwash, and sat criss cross on the sheet to wait. Levi came out seconds after I got situated and I couldn't help but blush as I watched him walk back over.  
He's my boyfriend?  
Oh, fuck.  
I swallowed hard.  
Levi scooted onto the bed on his knees and my gaze fell down to his cock. He was longer than me, of course. And it was perfect. The whole thing. The pre cum on the tip, the flushed head...  
I bit my lip and moved on my knees as well, getting closer. I put my hands on his hips and leaned to the side to kiss him. Levi met my mouth with a growing need, eager to satisfy himself. I wanted to touch him as well, lick him from head to toe, but I knew he was aching for it. So when he pulled back I went straight for his cock. I was interested to see how he would taste. Levi smelt like freshness all the time, but I wanted to see what he actually smelt and tasted like. I took him into my mouth, feeling just how hard he was. I ran my tongue along the underside, moving my head with the curve of his cock, earning a light moan from Levi. He sounds so damn good. Levi's hand moved to my head, grabbing at my hair. I pulled back and took his dick in one hand, lifting to lick the side and then suck the skin near the base. I moved my head so I had better access and began lapping at the union of dick and balls, all the while slowly jacking him. I pulled at the skin with my lips before moving my head to reach the other side. He smelt different than he did all the time and I liked it. I wonder why he gets rid of his own scent. I moved back to his cock, taking it into my mouth and quickly sucking him all the way down, causing Levi to grunt and thrust into my mouth sharply, hand tightening in my hair. I could feel Levi tense as he tried not to thrust again. I pulled off, saliva still connecting us, and swallowed. Levi's breathing has picked up. I took a few deep breaths and took him back down, earning a low curse that made me twitch. Levi was still holding back, so I squeezed his hip to let him know it was okay. The first thrust rammed into the back of my throat, and I had to mentally order myself not to retract. I focused on relaxing my throat, but thankfully, Levi regained a bit of control and began moving at a steady pace. I was able to relax and moved my head in time with him, sucking a bit harder. Levi sped up and began thrusting into my mouth, gripping my hair to hold me in place. I held my position, letting Levi have control, feeling how hard he was getting, letting saliva drip out of my mouth.  
Levi became more aggressive and I couldn't breathe for a few moments, which freaked me out. I tapped on his hips frantically and pushed him back, moving off his dick, gasping. Levi released my hair. I wiped my mouth, embarrassed I fucking forgot to just tell myself to breathe through my nose. Levi was probably close to finishing too.  
"Eren?" Levi asked, concerned, voice husky. His hand moved to stroke the side of my face, and I shut my eyes, feeling worse for stopping.  
I swallowed. "I'm okay." I assured him, not wanting to look up. I lifted up my head and took him back into my mouth, tongue moving as I went down his shaft. Levi's hand stroked my neck, but he stopped when he reached the back of my throat. He raked his fingers through my hair, slightly pushing me back. I gripped his hip and moved back a fraction so I could rotate my head around so his dick rubbed the back of my throat even more. I could feel him tense and twitch inside my mouth.  
Just fuck my mouth. Do it.  
Levi was still holding back, hoping I'd pull off, but I fucking wasn't going to. I moved back down so my nose rested on his skin and began sucking harder, reaching around to grab his perfect ass and pull his cheeks forward to prompt him.  
With a irritated growl, Levi thrusted in hard, hand grabbing at my hair as he picked up the pace. I made sure I was breathing and let Levi fuck my mouth at will, though I could tell he wasn't completely letting go like before, which irritated me.  
His thrusting became more sporadic.  
I figured he must be close.  
I tightened my hold on his ass and prepared myself.  
Levi thrusted in a few more times, before he began wildly ramming into my mouth, shooting his cum down my throat. He tugged hard at my hair. I tried to swallow, but saliva and cum were dripping out of my mouth regardless. I dropped my hands from his ass as Levi came back down, pulling off to wipe my face and breathe.  
Fuck!  
I sat up fully, panting, and looked at Levi, who had fallen back on his heels during his afterglow. His chest was heaving still and his dick was covered in my drool, his mouth slightly open. Eyes that were half opened met mine. I smiled, relishing in seeing what I did to him.  
Levi sat up and looked down at himself, grimacing.  
I don't want him to focus on that! I needed to pull him out of his head.  
He looked up, and I used my hand to move his towards my mouth, shutting my eyes. Something cold went against my lips and I opened them. Levi's eyes were set in a dry disapproval and it was his finger that was on me.  
"You are so disgusting sometimes, Eren. I have no idea why I put up with it." Levi growled.  
I felt crushed, both by his words and his refusal to kiss me.  
Levi's gaze softened. "If you want to kiss me," Levi said slowly, dropping down to hold my chin with his thumb, "wash your fucking mouth out."  
I nodded and ran to the bathroom.  
Brush or wash?  
Uh. Uh. Er. Both!  
I grabbed my toothbrush, squeezed some paste onto the brush, ran it under the water and then began furiously brushing.  
I wanna kiss him. I wanna kiss him.  
Levi probably wants to clean himself off.  
I found a washcloth and switched the water to hot. It heated up quickly and I held the cloth under it for a few minutes and then wrung it out, brush hanging out of my mouth. I rushed back in to find Levi with my tissue box, disgusted. I held out the washcloth, still brushing. Levi literally perked up and grabbed it, wiping himself down immediately.  
"I wish I didn't have to cum when I orgasm. If there could be no fluids at all," Levi went on, "that would be great."  
"Bwut ayte lwests ayte fweals good." I commented through brushing.  
Levi raised an eyebrow. "Go rinse."  
I nodded and headed back.  
"Don't talk with your mouth full again." Levi called after me.  
I smirked and then spat in the sink, turning the water back on. After rinsing off my brush, I quickly gargled and hurried back into my bedroom.  
Levi was still cleaning himself off. I jumped onto the bed and then wiggled closer. I put my face near his, trying get his attention away from scrubbing down his body.  
"I'm busy." Levi dismissed gruffly.  
"Levi!" I protested.  
Levi looked up, glaring.  
I kissed his forehead.  
Levi paused and studied me like I had done something strange and he needed to process it.  
I smiled lightly, utterly content, and grabbed his neck so I could pull him in for a kiss. Thankfully, Levi didn't protest at all.  
"Next time," I said softly, a breath away from his lips, taking in his grey eyes, "I want you to kiss me when I cum."  
Levi responded with another kiss, pulling me closer.

Mmmmhmmm.  
I'm so tired.  
And Levi didn't even fuck me.  
Who cares. He can do what he wants to me. Because I, apparently, will do anything he asks. Just a few minutes ago I actually put the cum sheet in the wash, a big accomplishment in many regards, just because of some incoherent mumbling of his.  
Levi has been in the shower for a while. I tried to think of what he might be doing in there that could take this long. I already got him off, so the only thing he could be doing is trying to sterilize himself.  
I was fine with no shower myself. I was too tired anyway. And my throat kinda hurt. I rather not move for a while and bask in the satisfaction.

"Hey, brat." Levi hissed. "Get in the shower. I left it running for you."  
I groaned in protest.  
"Don't care." Levi responded flatly.  
"Mhmgggggrrrh." I growled.  
I can't believe this. The least he do after teasing me to death is let me sleep. Besides, it's my bed.  
Levi walked over to the bed and slapped the back of my leg. "Up."  
"Mhmh!" I pouted, pulling in my legs.  
"Eren! Get out now. Those sheets are clean." Levi hissed.  
He is not going to give up. I sat up and gave him a look. His face was set in irritation.  
"In." Levi emphasized.  
I sighed dramatically as I got up and went to go shower.  
"Good, boy." Levi said sarcastically when I passed him.  
I rolled my eyes.


	11. Is This Real?

Levi was facing the other way, breathing lightly. In my bed. He put a shirt on. Who said he could put a shirt on? I do not recall allowing such a thing. I rubbed the towel in my hair one last time before tossing it down and climbing into bed nude. I snuggled closer, finding out from the fabric on my skin that he had underwear on. Oh come on! What was I going to do? Jack him off in his sleep with hands covered in dust and filth from outside?  
I stretched my hand over his waist and repositioned myself.  
Levi turned around.  
Huh. He must be a light sleeper. I kept my hand where it was and began to run my hand over his side. I hope he let's me touch him now.  
Levi's face was smoother and there was a fondness in his eyes that made my spirit lift from seeing. His skin was practically glowing in the dim light. I couldn't believe he was with me, or even wanted to be, so his gaze made me want to almost cry. No one has looked at me like this for awhile.  
Levi barely moved to kiss me on the lips, we were so close.  
I smiled and stopped on his hip, giving it a squeeze. He's so sweet.  
Levi's grey sky eye's searched mine, and I stared back, getting the feeling he wanted to say something.  
"I love your eyes." Levi said softly, "They're like some rare emerald stone."  
I just looked at him, too overwhelmed. Levi never really is direct with his affections. Sure he'll do something pervy and grab my ass or give me a quick kiss, but most of the time I see it in his actions. He will give me an extra pillow when we watch tv or bring me back one of my cereals on his tea break or bring food over when he knows I've forgotten to eat an actual meal, and I never ever ask him. Levi also does my dishes and laundry but I think he just _needs_ to do that. For him to actually voice his liking of me.......I was both touched and a bit panicked, because I knew....I knew we were both _in_ this relationship. It was genuine and one of us could get hurt.  
Levi broke the gaze and a breeze of sadness went across his features.  
"Do I make you happy, Levi?" I asked.  
Levi returned the gaze and then half smiled. "Of course you do, kid."  
Kid?  
Still, I was glad I pleased Levi more than I annoyed him.  
"I like being with you too." I murmured.  
Levi paused. "For most of my life I've never really felt anything of significance. I just floated through it all. You give me something to look forward too."  
I snuggled closer in response, tightening my arm around him, nestling in his neck and breathing him in.  
I wanted to be good to him. Levi held my hand when I was down and was helping me stay standing now. To hear that I was doing the same for him gave me mixed feelings. I didn't want Levi to need such assistance. Levi should get every perk available. But I was glad I could ease whatever was burdening him. If I could do anything for him, I would.  
Levi pulled the blankets higher and then wrapped his free hand over me.  
I closed my eyes, the warmth of him lulling me to sleep. 

I woke up before he did. I wish I hadn't. I really fucking do at this point. I didn't want to question everything, not now. Levi was actually cracking open the door to his actual being and I had to fucking think.  
I didn't want to hurt him. That's what I thought. The fact still remains true, though, another, deeper truth presented itself the second I began to stare at Levi's tensionless face.  
He could hurt you just as much.  
Besides, I didn't see what he viewed as admirable or pleasing in me. Levi mentioned my eyes, an admittance that more so took me by surprise, but there had to be more substance in his attraction to me. Perhaps I had a low opinion of myself. But I never really hated myself. I was all I had, though, the things I had to deal with I despised. I wish I could have had more control at times, but, I knew myself enough to know it was something I lacked and so fucking what.  
The real problem here was that Levi had the musculature of those stupid mannequins or an underwear model, the wisdom of an 90 year old man, the ass of a twink, a cloaked sweetness, and a confidence that I envied.  
He was too good for me.  
He even looked too good for me.  
How he managed to stay single for as long as he claims......  
But Levi wants me.  
Out of everyone.  
Me.  
And by fucking hell I've wanted him for far too long to walk away. At the same time, I was scared. I was scared and tired. I liked Levi more than I should, more than he probably likes me, and when-if-something goes sour and we fall into that pattern all of my relationships seem to attest to, I might just become a priest.  
I couldn't even deal with all the shit in my own damn head and I expect my boyfriends to when they don't have the necessity. Why should any of them stay? Why should Levi get hurt because of me?

The crackling of potato chunks in the oil was enticing. The sizzle that comes with cooking is my favorite part besides the eating. I nudged the third batch of potato chunks around, willing them to cook faster. I applied another round of salt. They were nearly done.  
I heard shuffling and turned to see Levi in a grey shirt and boxer briefs.  
He changed again. Of course.  
"Morning." I greeted.  
He could at least put something on that covers his lower bits. I might get distracted and burn myself.  
Levi ignored me. He got down a large glass and pulled out orange juice.  
"I'll start the eggs since you're up. I didn't know when you'd wake up and they cook rather fast." I rambled, going through the cabinets to find a medium sized pan. I found one and turned on the heat before placing the pan down.  
The fridge was stocked now, so I had to move butter out of the way of the eggs in order to pull them out. I cracked several eggs and scrambled them a bit before returning to the potatoes.  
"I didn't know you'd evolve into a housewife the morning after." Levi mused.  
I smirked. "It's all for your benefit." I teased.  
"Mhmmm."  
I added salt and pepper to the eggs and started to scoot and flip them around. I need a plate, fast. I glanced over at Levi who was watching with this with a disturbing amount of satisfaction whilst sitting on a barstool chair.  
"Can I get a plate?" I questioned.  
Levi didn't appear hurried. He looked leisurely at his glass, shaking it a bit. "I hope so." He replied.  
I sighed.  
Really?  
I lifted the pan off the burner and carried it to the opposite counter where I got a plate down. I guided the eggs to the plate. "You know," I said, giving Levi a flat look, "sometimes people like a little help in the kitchen."  
"I wouldn't want to demean you."  
"You wouldn't be."  
"I need a refill on the OJ, honey." Levi shook the glass at me.  
I rolled my eyes, dropped the pan in the sink with a hiss, and moved back to the potatoes to pull them off the heat. I used a fork to drag them over the edge and into a plate already covered with a paper towel. Once done, I padded off the excess oil and transferred them to the plate already stacked high with potato chunks. I added another round of salt and carried them over to sit with the eggs. I got down a glass for me and retrieved the orange juice, filling up mine first to show my lack of appreciation. Levi still managed to maintain this slight smug tilt to his features, as I refilled his glass. I fetched two final plates and two forks before joining Levi. I passed him the plate and fork, willing Levi to say something else, so I could yell at him. He only began daintily scooping up a fair amount of eggs then potatoes. I focused more on the potatoes. I had forgotten ketchup so I jumped up to get it from the fridge, bringing over more juice, just in case. I waited a few more moments before asking Levi if he liked it.  
"It's good." Levi reported with no enthusiasm.  
"Great!" I beamed. "I was worried about the eggs a little bit, so I'm glad you like it."  
Levi only looked at me, chewing, with that impassive look.  
We ate in an comfortable silence, only broken by my asking for more juice. I finished before him, even though I ate more, and went to wash my plate. I glanced up at him, suddenly feeling embarrassed even though I couldn't place why. I began to prewash the pans of oil and wipe down the countertops, even though I knew Levi would likely redo the whole thing. At least, with me doing it first, he'd have less to do.  
"I used to cook for my sister, Mikasa." I said, scrubbing the pan where the potato had slightly burned onto it. I kept my eyes on it, so I wouldn't have to see Levi's face. "My mom used to do all the cooking and we both would kinda help, but after she died, I ended up with the cooking. I ate a lot, so I felt bad asking Mikasa to do it all the time, and she was always in sports and stuff anyways."  
Levi didn't respond.  
I stole several quick glances at him. He didn't seem affected. It was as if I wasn't talking at all. Did he give a shit about what I was saying? I glared down at the pan, violently sloshing the water around. My feelings kept building until I dropped the pan down in the sink.  
"Levi." I declared, shortly. "Do you care about what I'm saying?"  
Levi matched my gaze, expression still the same. "I didn't tell you to shut up, did I?"  
Was that supposed to be flattering? Another big gesture of his?  
"What do you really want to know, Eren?" Levi asked levelly.  
My jaw tightened.  
Fuck, he pissed me off.  
I sighed. "Do you really care about what I think and what I've-you are never interested- mean I know you-" I moved my head to the side a bit, trying to articulate, all the while not looking at him, "but you-"  
I felt stupid trying to say what I felt. Normally I bottled everything up and tried to put it behind me and move on, but I had to fucking know where we both were in this. Levi threw me off kilter admitting all that shit last night and I was just beginning to feel the effects from it.  
"Eren." Levi interrupted.  
I looked at him. He had his head tilted, arms in his lap, a look of regretful concern tinting his features. "Why would I be here if I didn't care? I meant everything I have ever said or done and I'm not going to let a wash brained kid tell me what I feel." Levi said slowly, with little inflection.  
I should have felt angry. But I couldn't be.  
"What _do_ you feel?" I asked.  
Levi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "If you don't know, then there is nothing I can say."  
No. No. That's not- "Why do you like me, Levi?"  
"Why do _you_ like _me_?"  
"That's not-" I smirked, then gave a short laugh, realizing we've been through this before. "I'm sorry." I whispered, looking at the sink.  
"Maybe you should focus on your attempt at cleaning."  
I half smiled.  
"I want more juice."  
I matched Levi's gaze, holding it.  
The juice was closer to him.  
This sense of awareness came over me and my feelings we're once again put to rest. Without saying a word, I refilled his glass.

When Levi was finished, he came around and began rewashing the dishes. I stepped off to the side a little bit to let him go at it, even though I was pretty sure they were clean enough to go in the dishwasher. My gaze traveled down his body where I was reminded Levi was in his underwear. And he looked good in his underwear.  
I moved behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, letting my forehead rest in the crook of his neck. I swallowed, and was reminded of last night from the burn in my throat. Still, my hands couldn't help but roam.  
I didn't get to touch him before.  
"You want it again, Eren?" Levi asked.  
I snorted lightly and then squeezed him, feeling just how firm he was. "No. You did more than a good enough job."  
"Mhmmm."  
Levi attempted to move over to place the pan in the dishwasher, but I wouldn't let go of him, so he ended up oddly shuffling for a second.  
"Hey, brat," Levi snapped, "let go."  
"Nope."  
Levi slapped my hands that were tightly wound around him and I squeezed tighter. I knew he was going to say something soon, so I loosened my grip and let him bend down to place the pan inside. The second he straightened, though, my hands were once again around him.

Oh fuck.  
Oh no.  
Please.  
Hanji had her hair tied up in what looked like white bandage tape, these industrial boots that were scary just to see, cargo pants, and a fairly tight blue tank top covered by a dark jacket. She looked manic. And she was heading for me holding a drink for herself.  
I nearly shouted for Levi.  
Hanji broke out in a big smile. "Eeeeeerreeeennn!" She squealed.  
I froze for a second, fork submerged in rice.  
She scooted in the booth and took a drink. "You wouldn't believe it, Eren," Hanji began quickly, diving right in, "how many times I failed. I mean, wow, you'd think I'd throw it all out and I guess I almost did. I thought for a second the stuff was mislabeled, and thank hell it wasn't because I could have brought this place down. Like vaporized. But it was all correct, but how-"  
"Hanji!" I shouted.  
Hanji faltered like I had asked for this and was suddenly and unexpectedly protesting.  
"I, um, am glad, you know, that you are having fun making the next atomic bomb, but I don't think I want to hear about it." I admitted.  
I ate the rice, so I wouldn't have to say anything more.  
Hanji giggled. "Atomic bomb." She said with a laugh.  
The Japanese weren't laughing.  
"Its too unstable to work with here." Hanji stated.  
Here?  
She'd be willing to-  
Nevermind.  
"Actually, I wanted to say sorry for last week." Hanji explained.  
What?  
"That was over a month ago." I corrected.  
Hanji's eyes went wide. "Really?"  
I stared at her.  
Maybe the chemicals got to her. Maybe she holed herself up for too long.  
"Really?" She repeated. Hanji shrugged. "Weeks blend, I guess."  
I poured salsa on top of my overstuffed tacos and took a bite. Oh well. It's not like she has deadlines or anything.  
Levi finally decided to show up, even though I didn't need him now, and cocked his hip at her. "Waiting on a test tube to settle?"  
Hanji smiled. "You're being nice today, Levi! Do you have something to share?"  
Levi rolled his eyes. He took my half filled drink. "Oh yeah. Let me get my dream journal." He said before stalking off, giving me one of his twitching smiles over his shoulder.  
"I think he's fucking someone." Hanji blurted.  
For a brief moment, I was outraged.  
He was fucking someone else?  
Then I remembered Hanji didn't know about us.  
"What?"  
"I know he's fucking someone." Hanji corrected, triumphant.  
Levi was returning with my drink.  
This was weird.  
If I said I was the 'fuck', would I be kicked out or would everyone burst into celebration, after which Levi would regard me with cold disapproval and discontent for days for blurting it out?  
The drink was set on the coaster.  
Hanji's eyes were glittering like he had just proved he was fucking someone.  
"Thanks."  
Levi glanced at me.  
I looked up from staring at his nose.  
"Don't I get a refill?" Hanji teased.  
"You should lay off the empty calories. It's bad for your swollen head. You might lose some vital information and start developing a fashion sense." Levi retorted.  
"I designed the uniform."  
"We know who to blame."  
I laughed into my taco.  
Levi shot a glance over at me and motioned where I was. "You said to be nice to this meat bucket, so I'm refilling his godforsaken drink. We were all going to help him into a kiddy pool filled with salsa for him to eat and then convince him wrestle Annie. He demanded it after all. And we are but his people."  
"Ha!" Hanji shouted, then said, "I'd like to see that, after I get a refill."  
Levi acted like he was going to take her Pepsi, but instead walked away.  
A kiddie pool?  
Annie?  
I mean, I'd give it go, heck yes, but it sounds like a waste of salsa.  
Hanji made sure Levi was far enough away and then resumed her fuckage theory. "I found a bunch of condoms at his place, freshly bought condoms, so I know he's with someone."  
"Why were you riffling for condoms?"  
"I wasn't riffing for condoms specifically. But it was what I was hoping to find."  
"And that is?"  
"Insight, my precious Eren."  
Wow.  
Hanji went on. "He hasn't been active at all. I thought he developed a tumor in his brain and became asexual, but the lab test ruled it out thank god."  
Did she just steal his DNA? Cause I know Levi would never consent.  
"He's dated before." I started to say it as a statement, but then rephrased it as a question to hide the fact that I knew, and ended up looking imbecilic.  
Hanji nodded. "Yes, yes, ages ago." Something struck her and she peered at me.  
No.  
"Do you know anything?" Hanji asked. "Has he said something to you? I know he likes you."  
He does?  
"Levi likes me?" I repeated.  
Levi is dating me, of course. I knew that.  
I just haven't heard someone else say it.  
"Yeah." Hanji said, like it was obvious, before launching back into her investigation. "So he hasn't mentioned anything to you?"  
I shook my head, hiding in my tacos.  
Hanji frowned. "I haven't really been paying much attention to my Levi baby lately, but it looks like he's doing well. I will have to investigate, though."  
Levi was carrying a plate of sopapillas. A lot of them.  
I smiled at him, eyeing the muscles under his shirt.  
Wait.  
"Here, you fat fucks." Levi announced, sliding the plate into the middle of the table. Hanji perked up. "Yes!" She squealed, wiggling.  
They were stacked on eachother, covered in a fair amount of honey sauce. Levi eyed them for a moment like he had to remind himself that food like that existed before walking off to his other tables.  
"Have some Eren!" Hanji insisted, unraveling the silverware to pull a fork out.  
I smirked. "I'm going to finish my food first."  
She didn't wait. She balanced one on her fork to place on one of those little plates.  
Is that what those are for?  
Huh.

Eventually, I finished my food and Hanji and I were both stuffing our faces with these fluffy dreams in honey. At one point, Levi literally came over and threw napkins in our face muttering about health regulations. We he came back over to take the plate, Hanji threw a used napkin at Levi and I saw his eyes flash.  
"Fuck you, Shitty Glasses!" He growled, quickly vanishing into the back.  
Hanji launched into a fit of giggles so ferocious, I started laughing at her. I was kinda worried about Levi though. I hoped he was going to to forget about the napkin and the germs on it and not let it blow up and ruin his day.  
When he came back out, he seemed fine, but that didn't mean anything.  
I waited for a few moments, sipping my drink, while Hanji tried to get the sticky honey off her fingers. Levi was sure taking his time bringing the check.  
Hanji smiled. "Don't worry, Eren. I already paid for us." She informed me, getting up.  
"Hey, no. You shouldn't haven't done that." I protested.  
"It's fine, sweetie." Hanji said lightly, giving me a warm smile.  
I couldn't help feel touched, especially with her looking at me with that gentle gaze. I murmured a thanks as I got up to see another smile light up her face.  
"You are so cute, I swear, Eren!" Hanji shrieked, abruptly wrapping me up in a huge hug.  
Her and Levi were friends, right?  
Why haven't we hung out together?  
I have been so consumed by Levi, just Levi, that I hadn't thought of it. I was giddy just being around him and I've wanted him all to myself too much to even think about other people.

I mean, I don't have any friends.  
Armin, yeah.  
But he was gone right now.  
I dated Jean and it ended weird, so I can't really hang out with him.  
Most of the other people I hung around were friends of Jean or Mikasa, and I never really felt that they were my friends. Yeah, they might like me, but I didn't think we were actually close. Not enough to keep in contact.  
Levi had friends.  
Actual people.  
Hanji and that police chief guy, who, I overheard from Levi's cell phone call, was named Erwin.  
Hanji I knew.  
But he hasn't even told her we are dating.  
He probably hasn't told anyone.  
I told the checkout lady I had a boyfriend once, when I bought all of his cleaning stuff. Not that Levi was particularly chatty with strangers, but I'd assume he'd mention it to his friends.  
But no.  
I was a mystery to all but him.  
Ass.  
Violently typing on the phones screen, I asked him to come over after work.

A knock tore me away from glaring at the door.  
I immediately stepped forward and jerked it open.  
Levi didn't appear to notice. He moved to the side without looking up and began to remove his shoes.  
"Levi?" I began curtly.  
He grunted.  
"Why doesn't Hanji know that we are dating?"  
Levi failed to register my tone. "Why would you want her too." He replied dryly, finally giving me a look.  
I scowled. "She already knows you are seeing someone." I informed him hotly. Levi moved toward the kitchen. "Why not tell her it's me? Eventually, she'll find out."  
Levi didn't say anything back. He was dead set on making his tea.  
It's what he always did.  
I'd open the door.  
Levi would take off his shoes and then make his tea and then, after a few scalding sips, we'd figure out what we wanted to do.  
Every. Time.  
Not that I minded, but, I wasn't going to let him ignore this.  
I rushed ahead of him and grabbed the kettle from the counter.  
Levi noticed me.  
His eyes drug from the kettle to my face.  
I was the puppy who just took a shit on his carpet.  
"Eren." Levi had a warning in his tone.  
I was crossing a line, yes. A big one.  
"I want to know," I said slowly, and Levi returned his gaze to the kettle, "why you haven't said anything."  
"Give me the kettle."  
"No."  
I lifted the kettle in the air.  
He raised his eyes with it.  
"I'll tell you after."  
"Tell me now."  
His eyes flew to me and his anger broke through. "Listen you brat-"  
"No!" I shouted. "You'll just make tea and sit there and say nothing!"  
"Damn it, Yeager!" Levi growled, grabbing my shirt and yanking hard.  
I stumbled forward and Levi made a grab for the kettle, but I caught on, and side stepped out of the way.  
"Hey! Le-vi!" I shouted, trying to get him to snap out of it.  
Levi shoved me up against the fridge, arm hard on my chest. His eyes were burning and I glared back.  
"Why haven't you told anyone we're dating?" I repeated.  
"Fucking hell, Yeager!" Levi growled.  
Levi released me, moving back a few steps, hands clenched.  
I rigidly extended my arm holding the kettle, eyes still firm on Levi.  
He doesn't want to tell them.  
He doesn't want to tell them, because he doesn't like you.  
He's already tired of you.  
It'd be easier to break up, if no one knows that you were together.  
Levi glanced briefly at the kettle before moving forward and reaching for it. I felt his hand add more weight to the kettle, but I didn't let go.  
Levi's eyes shifted.  
"Why-"  
"Shut up." Levi ordered.  
I let go of the kettle.  
"So you can tell me why or are you going to ignore it?"  
Levi let the kettle fall to his side and stared, hard, at me. "It's none of their business."  
"They're your friends, right?"  
Levi sighed.  
"I know don't want Hanji to make a big deal out of it and pester you, but she's going to do that anyway. More so if she finds out on her own." I guessed.  
Levi jerked his head back at me.  
I must have been right.  
"Look, I know," I began, turning my head to the side, "I know you're more private about things, but I'd like to meet them officially. Your friends are important to you, so I wanna you know, be apart of your life and....this is-shit." I cut myself off, feeling more of a vagina than anything. "I'd like to meet them." I looked at Levi again. He had on a softer, more curious stare this time. "I'm your boyfriend and they should know and everyone else." I finished shortly, crossing my arms.  
Levi snorted as if I was being cute.  
The bastard.  
"Levi I swear-!" I began to yell, arms unfolding so I could point at his fucking face.  
"Eren. Fine." Levi stated, in his business voice.  
I couldn't really process anything in my fury, so I dropped my hand in response and watched him pull out his phone from his pocket, unlocking it with a few finger swerves and a click.  
What did he say exactly?  
I opened my mouth to ask, but Levi already had his phone to his ear, turning to the stove. He turned the burner on.  
"Hey. Yeah who else." Levi said into the phone.  
He moved and I heard the rush of water followed by the echoing of it hitting the kettle.  
"No, I don't." Levi snapped. "I haven't been arrested again, okay? Shut the fuck up, blonde."  
I stood there helplessly, still trying to figure out what he said when I was yelling. Levi placed the kettle on the stove and then turned around and leaned against it, shaking his head at me like we were sharing how ridiculous something was.  
I had no idea.  
"Why would I call you for that?" Levi questioned. He snorted. "Look, I have someone I want you meet."  
Levi's eyebrows furrowed even more. "It's not. That was a long time ago, Erwin, I would think you could recover from that. Hanji was in on it too."  
Levi tensed. "It's my fucking boyfriend, you piece of shit! The guy I fuck every night and I want you to sit down and talk about how fucking delightful I am!"  
I bit my lip, not really liking my portrayal.  
Levi sighed. "Yeah. Does it matter? No, I'm not going to. Mphft. You're going to call her. I know you will. Mhm. Whenever. Yeah. Fine. I know. See you." He hit the phone's screen and then placed it back into his pocket.  
"Who was that?" I asked quietly.  
"Erwin." Levi informed me, with pseudo politeness. "We have a lovely little get together planned at six on Wednesday."  
I was creeped out by Levi's voice, but more shocked at this news. "Wednesday?" I repeated.  
So soon?  
Levi raised his eyebrows. "You said you wanted to meet them."


	12. Wait, what?!

I was staring at my shirts, trying to decipher what each one meant. I didn't want to be too relaxed, but if I put on a suit or something, I'd look desperate. After seeing the clothes I wore though, I started to wonder if I, at all, grew up from being a teenager. I had nicer clothes yeah, but nothing that screamed for the occasion. Normally Armin helps me get dressed for stuff like this. Pathetic, yes. But necessary.  
I decided on a blue plaid shirt and one of my nicer jeans.  
Ok. Good.  
Yes.  
Ok.  
I rushed into my bathroom and started brushing my hair.  
Again.  
Damn it.  
It keeps sticking up.  
Knocking.  
Levi?  
What time is it?  
I moved through my piles of clothes.  
6:18  
We were late.  
Fuck.  
I quickly unlocked the door.  
Levi had on this nice, white shirt with this stunning black banded military jacket and _holy fuck!_  
"I need to change." I blurted.  
Levi scowled. "No you don't, Eren." He grabbed my hand and yanked, keeping me from turning around. "Let's go now."  
"But-"  
"Now." Levi interjected, motioning to my keys.  
"I look like shit, Levi." I whined.  
Levi rolled his eyes. "You're such a fucking brat." He grabbed my keys out of my hand, and moved by me to lock the door.  
I should have picked something nicer!  
Something hard rammed me in the butt, causing me to stumble forward, and I realized Levi had kicked me.  
"Hey!"  
"Get in the car." Levi grumbled, hands bunched in his pockets, already ahead of me.

It was some Italian restaurant in a really nice area. Soft lightning to create that atmosphere of aristocracy. There was a fairly good crowd in the entrance and Levi was as tense as I was, eyeing everyone like they were parasites. The people working there were dressed in black and white for fucks sake. I looked like I was just pulled out of school.  
"I don't feel comfortable."  
"Neither do I."  
"At least you're dressed nice. I look horrible."  
"You should have thought of that before you put it on."  
"You said casual."  
"I said look nice."  
"Well, I look like shit."  
"I'm sorry I didn't dress you. Maybe we should have worn matching outfits."  
"That would be better than what I have on."  
"You look fine, Eren. Honestly."  
"Fine?"  
"Alright, then. You look horrible and when we sit down I'm covering you with the tablecloth."  
"You should. They probably won't let me that far. I'll get thrown out."  
"Get over here." Levi grabbed my arm, his hand cold, and yanked me over to stand closer.  
I think Levi is using me as a shield. He is yanking and swatting at me more than usual.  
I threaded my fingers into his, hoping to calm us both down.  
Levi didn't appear to be effected, but I felt him squeeze my hand.  
Oh my fuck.  
That guy has a vest on.  
A vest!  
The only chance I have proving I'm not some hack brained slob who gets salsa all over himself and I go and wear the shittiest thing.  
It's over. It's all over. I should just leave.  
Levi looks like some model in that designer jacket of his.  
I felt a tug and realized we were next. Levi shot straight for the desk, me trailing behind him, our hands firmly attached. "Yeah. I'm looking for Erwin." He informed the lady, in a nicer tone than I expected. "He's tall with bushy eyebrows and the lady with him would have been loud as hell." Levi added, when she checked the list.  
"If you will follow me."  
How the hell are we supposed to get through these fucking people? They were clumped everywhere and the area was ten degrees higher from the combined body heat. Levi, apparently, saw a way, and I was unceremoniously dragged behind him.  
I nearly ran into some guy and quickly maneuvered out of the way with a smile, probably a stupid one, on my face before stumbling after Levi. He was striding purposefully, tugging me still.  
"Levi I need to pee." I stated nervously to his buzz cut, even though I didn't.  
"I'll get a bowl for you to pee in under the table. Now get over here." Levi pulled me to walk beside him. "I swear, Eren."  
I looked over at his furrowed face.  
I knew he wasn't enjoying this, but he was handling it better than I was.  
The lady glanced back at us due to our bickering, so I shut my mouth. I kept my eyes down, but when we were led through tables, I looked up and saw Hanji sitting with a tall, blonde, charismatic looking guy.  
Shit.  
He's fucking hot.  
Not my type, but hot.  
Even Hanji was dressed up in this pale blue shirt and a bow tie.  
I should fake a heart attack.  
"Yeah. I see them." Levi dismissed harshly.  
The lady stepped to the side and I murmured a thanks that sounded like an apology as Levi continued to pull me with him.  
Hanji, of course, spotted us and let loose an inhuman squeal.  
I flinched a bit about how loud it was.  
"Oh my fucking gosh, look Erwin! Can you even- _looooook_!" Hanji babbled, slapping at Erwin's arm, but he only responded with a fond smile at her. He smiled at Levi and when his gaze went to me I wanted to bolt.  
All the booths were taken, so we were sitting at a table near one of the side walls. Levi moved forward.  
I panicked. I didn't want to be near Erwin. Confident, blonde Erwin. I shifted closer to Levi. "I wanna sit there." I protested in his ear.  
"Oh for fucks sake!" Levi hissed, turning halfway around. "What next?" He continued to glare at me, waiting for my answer.  
I let go of his hand and moved around him to confront Hanji who was grinning wildly. Levi shoved me before he sat down himself.  
"Asshole." I muttered.  
"Brat." Levi retorted, already seated, gazing down to pick up the menu.  
I sat down myself in the cold, stiff chair, while Hanji watched with a huge grin.  
"Oh my gosh, Eren." Hanji exclaimed forcefully. "Why didn't you say you were dating my Levi baby?"  
"Um-"  
Hanji whipped her head to Levi. "And you. What made you think that you could endanger precious Eren with your lifestyle?"  
Levi gave her a flat look, before looking back at the menu.  
"I had to find out from Erwin." Hanji went on. "This is why I go through your apartment Levi. Shit like this."  
Bread. It was in the center of the table next to fancy oil. I reached out and got a piece, dipping it in.  
Oh fuck yes.  
"Who I fuck is none of your business." Levi stated, monotoned, eyes still on the menu.  
"Eren is my business, actually." Hanji pointed out. "And if you are going to poison him by-"  
"Erwin." Levi cried, through clenched teeth, dropping the menu, "Can you not shut her up?"  
Erwin smirked. "Hanji." He looked towards her. "Maybe we can do this after we eat."  
Hanji shrunk down a bit in response.  
Levi leaned into me. "Are you glad to meet them, Eren?" Levi hissed. "Are you thrilled?"  
"I'm just thirsty." I snapped.  
Levi sighed, sitting back up. "Where is the goddamned waiter?"  
"She will be back over I'm sure." Erwin assured.  
Hanji sat up again, hands flat on the table. "I need to know it started. What catalyzed this?"  
She had this intense look in her eyes, like Levi when he cleans.  
Levi sighed dramatically.  
"I'm interested too." Erwin added smoothly, looking between us.  
Levi and I exchanged glances.  
I didn't want to say I broke down.  
"We made out in the bathroom." Levi lied.  
Erwin didn't look convinced and Hanji started laughing.  
"I doubt that." Erwin challenged.  
"I was cleaning and he walks in to wash his filthy hands, but he does it like he's four so I go over to instruct him. Some choice words were thrown around, and I realized I wanted to shut his face with my face." Levi elaborated. He made a gesture over at me as if to emphasize we were now together.  
I shrugged. It sounded believable to me.  
Hanji was still laughing when the waiter took our drink order. Erwin muttered something smoothly to the waiter to excuse Hanji for laughing and Levi for his curt demand of water.  
I dove back into the bread, feeling a bit more comfortable. They had that fancy herbed oil stuff and it was delicious.  
Levi wasn't eating the bread.  
"You should eat some bread." I suggested. "It's really good."  
Levi glared over at me. "Fine." He picked a piece and then waved it at me before putting on his plate.  
I smiled at his bread aggression.  
Levi simply stared.  
"So how long ago was this?" Erwin asked. He had his hands folded in front of him, obviously studying us.  
My fuck he's tall. Look at his massive form it's ridiculous.  
"What are we in the integration room?" Levi demanded.  
"A little over a month." I answered. I figured if all was answered, we might actually have an okay time and who knows. Erwin might be a swell guy. Then we could leave and I could decompress for a week.  
Hanji made some exasperated noise. "Why didn't I know?!" She howled.  
"Maybe you should spend less time experimenting." Levi muttered. "You might actually learn something."  
The waiter set our drinks down from the round tray, while Levi waited for her to spill.  
Thank you!  
I guzzled down half the drink.  
Hanji scoffed at him, tossing bread into her mouth. "Why would you want to date him, Eren?" She asked, pointing over in Levi's direction. "I know some nice guys I could set you up with."  
"Will they have Levi's ass?" I demanded.  
Erwin made some choking noise while drinking his iced tea and then covered his mouth with his hand. I couldn't tell if he was laughing or not.  
"I'll do my best." Hanji promised.  
I smirked. "I think I'm fine, actually."  
Erwin had recovered and was staring directly at Levi as if they were speaking telepathically.  
Hanji shrugged. "Okay, then."  
"Why do you two not want us to date?" I asked, looking between them.  
Erwin raised his eyebrows and Hanji smiled.  
I felt the force of harsh emotion on my face. I looked over at Levi, who was giving me a death look.  
"Levi, Hanji is tying to pimp me!" I protested in what I hoped was a quieter voice.  
Levi sighed.  
It's a legitimate question.  
"Sweetie, I'm not against it. I just want my Levi baby and my precious Eren to be happy." Hanji explained.  
I looked over at Erwin.  
"I'm just curious." He stated seriously.  
Huh.  
Okay.  
I looked back at Hanji. "I am happy. Levi is actually really sweet."  
"He is a delight isn't he?" Erwin put in.  
"Shut your face." Levi snapped.  
"It's a compliment, Levi."  
"Yeah?" Levi pushed. "So is this." He proceeded to flip Erwin off.  
"Ooooh!" Hanji burst out, wiggling. "I love it when they fight!"  
The fuck?  
I started sipping on my Dr. Pepper.  
Erwin didn't seem at all effected.  
"Are we all ready to order?" The waiter, who had appeared from nowhere or, had perhaps, heard the entire exchange and had been in a state of shock before now, questioned.  
Erwin didn't miss a beat and began ordering.  
I ordered the raviolis and Levi ordered something I couldn't pronounce.

Erwin and Hanji were discussing something about crime rates and how they needed to decline for my sake. Levi was glaring at the two of them, leaning back in his seat, trying to make them both explode.  
"You should eat more bread." I suggested to Levi.  
Levi drug his gaze to me. "I don't want the damn bread."  
"It's really good with that oil, don't you think?"  
"That's not going to make me eat it."  
"It's just conversation." I protested.  
"At least admit you have an agenda, Eren."  
"Fine. Eat the bread."  
"No."  
"Why not?  
"I don't want to eat it." Levi reached out and used his fingers to grip the glass by the rim and took a sip then sat it back down.  
"You don't have a reason, do you?"  
Levi just stared at me.  
"I wouldn't mind if you had a legitimate reason."  
He snorted.  
"Did you snort at me?"  
"Not eating it."  
"For fucks sake!" I growled, rolling my eyes.  
I caught Hanji looking at me and immediately felt my face heat up, realizing they witnessed Levi and I bickering.  
Should I say something?  
I looked over at Levi for direction, but he seemed almost pleased. He took another drink and then blinked innocently at me.  
"Be nice, Levi." Hanji warned. "We are in public."  
"Did Erwin give you the talk before we arrived?" Levi guessed.  
Hanji shot a quick look at the stone of Erwin and then began giggling and nodding her head.  
"It's not my fault he's a stubborn brat." Levi muttered.  
I tore off the paper from the silverware and crumpled it up and threw it at him. It bounced off his cheek and Levi jerked in my direction, furious for a second before realizing it was me.  
"Didn't you hear Erwin?" Levi scolded. "He's a pillar of the community and does not want to be embarrassed."  
Hanji took a few breathless inhales during her giggling and then blurted, "He should arrest us! I love handcuffs!" She dissolved into more laughter.  
"Excellent point, hyena with shit glasses." Levi said levelly. "I did break the sound barrier on my way over here. I'm sure that is illegal."  
I didn't want to be left out.  
"I can punch someone." I offered and Hanji laughed even harder.  
Levi nodded in agreement, looking to Erwin for a rebuttal.  
Erwin took a moment. "I'm off duty tonight, actually." He informed us. "You'll have to get your kinks satisfied somewhere else."  
"Such a pity." Levi mused.

Erwin.  
I liked him and I hated myself for it.  
He even made me laugh.  
I'm still upset about it.  
And Erwin kept looking at Levi.  
Not looking, but _looking_.  
I wanted to mount Levi right there to show he was mine.  
Did they date or something? Have some random romp one night that Erwin couldn't get over?  
He wasn't giving fuck-me eyes, but it was just this look of utter fondness for Levi. I felt like such shit. How was I suppose to compete with the tall, muscular, witty, utterly perfect Erwin? I don't even have one redeeming quality.  
Fuck.  
I had devoured most of my food already.  
I looked to see Hanji had already finished and was trying to eat Erwin's food. She was leaning across the table to Erwin, staring down at his plate. Erwin was explaining what he had, knowing what was next, not bothered at all. Levi, of course, will be done at twelve tonight.  
"What, Eren?" Levi demanded.  
I shook my head, staring back down at the plate.  
"Give me a bigger piece than that Erwin." Hanji demanded.  
I started to eat again, cutting the massive ravioli.  
Hanji had settled back down again, having taken a sample from everything on Erwin's plate.  
"So, Eren," Hanji started, taking a moment to chew, "how is Levi? In bed, I mean."  
I stopped mid bite, blushing, frozen staring at her. "Uhhhhh....." I began at first, confused why she was bringing this up. "I'm not going to tell you."  
Hanji narrowed her eyes in speculation. "I think he's really loud. Like overly loud." She continued.  
"Well, you'll never know!" I hissed.  
The only one who should know how Levi looks and sounds in bed is _me_.  
"I could, if you tell me." Hanji pointed out. "I'm demanding in bed." She added, to prompt me to tell her how my boyfriend vocalized during sex.  
I looked away, not really wanting to talk to about this with anyone. Maybe not even with Levi. I'd have to look at him.  
"Aw, come on, Eren!" Hanji pleaded. "He won't tell me!"  
"No." I protested, feeling a bit out of sorts.  
"I know he's a clean freak, so does he wipe you down as foreplay?" Hanji asked.  
"N-no. Not really." I stuttered, thinking of the sheet and brushing.  
"Not really?" Hanji repeated, getting hyped. "What does he do? Huh?! Something like that, then?"  
"I don't want to talk about this!" I mumbled, a high pitch to my voice.  
Hanji sighed. "Okay, okay!" She relented. "I'll back off-if you tell me what you'd like to do to him in bed."  
I blushed even harder, surprised she was able to make me even more uncomfortable. "I-I would may-maybe tie him up?" I offered, unsure of why or how I was telling her.  
Hanji brightened. "Ooooooh! Really?" She cried.  
"You can't say anything else!" I said quickly. The last thing I wanted to do was say something I shouldn't and upset Levi. She somehow got me to admit I wanted to tie him up. Who knows what else I could say.  
Hanji pouted a bit. "Alright. Levi's just always too private to tell me the good stuff."  
I nodded. "I wish he was more open." I admitted, absentmindedly.  
Hanji perked up. "He's always private about himself."  
I glanced up, sadly, before taking another drink.  
I bet he tells that attractive mountain over there everything.  
"The fact that you got him to agree to meet us is impressive, I must say." Hanji pointed out. "I have to start tailing him to see what he's actually up too. And even then he escapes."  
I smiled.  
"I never thought he'd date, again, but I'm glad it's you."  
I wanted to ask who he dated, but Hanji spoke before I could. "Was Levi the one to ask you out, then?"  
I nodded. "Yeah. He said it aggressively, though."  
Hanji giggled.  
"He's always intense though. Even with little things. You'd think he's talking about national security, but we are just trying to figure out where to eat."  
"I tend to just drag him places. He'll complain forever either way."  
"I know! He never shuts up. I had to turn the movie off last week, because Levi was pointing out all these weird little facts. Like the trees weren't indigenous to the area the movie was set in or the main character was displaying some classical archetype. I felt like I was in some shitty old person trivia show."  
"Ha!" Hanji laughed. Food was stuffed in her mouth. "Levi normally has no one to listen to him."  
"Well I do." I stuffed ravioli in my mouth. "And he enjoys bugging me. I can tell."  
"Levi can be a bit.....sadistic."  
I raised my eyebrows in agreement. "He's so thoughtful, though. He brings food over a lot, because I tend to forget to eat actual meals."  
"Levi is over at yours a lot?"  
I felt eyes on me. The unmistakable burn of Levi's eyes on my face. I started to think before speaking, trying to say what Levi would order me to say.  
"I donno." I tried to act like I wasn't really sure. "We mostly meet to eat and Levi is tired after work, you know?"  
There.  
That was saying something without saying something.  
I resisted the urge to check for Levi's approval.  
"Yeah. I guess." Hanji seemed satisfied.  
I asked her about Roses and who exactly worked there. She told me everyone's positions in the kitchen, which I already had an idea about from Levi. Unfortunately, this led to her to divulge in her new experiment with gene disjunctions. I couldn't follow, but nodded frequently. Erwin swooped in and saved me after a while, and asked me about school. I told him I wanted to be a lawyer and he began talking about the lawyers he's worked with. Levi expressed his dislike for anyone who assumed they had power and Erwin literally rolled his eyes. I started giggling and Levi flicked me on the cheek. I swatted at him in response, but he expertly blocked me.  
I had finished eating and Erwin soon followed, probably due to the fact that Hanji ate half his food. Hanji started making dramatic sound effects as Levi ate and Erwin watched, amused, as Levi endured it with no reaction at all.  
"Ah ah! Ba da da dum da dum ha! Ha ho! Oh-oh-oh! Csh! Csh! Ahhhhh!" Hanji hit this ridiculously high pitched note at the end as Levi moved to put the fork in his mouth. This dark look washed suddenly across his features. He dropped his fork on the plate with a clang and chucked his knife at Hanji. Hanji caught it and then lapsed into giggling.  
Erwin acted shocked. "Heavens." He fake-gasped.  
"Shitty glasses, I swear I'll choke you out next time." Levi threatened, moving forward.  
"Are you sure you can manage that?" Hanji teased. "Your reflexes are a bit off."  
Levi smirked.  
Erwin took a drink like this was a reasonable conversation.  
"Maybe we should get dessert or something." I suggested.  
"Yeah." Levi snapped. "Get Hange something to stuff in that mouth of hers."  
"Oooooh! Like chocolate!" Hanji squealed.  
"Like chocolate." Levi muttered darkly, as he flagged down the waiter. She seemed a bit nervous about talking to Levi. "Get her," Levi pointed at Hanji, "the most chocolate desert you have and- _make sure you poison it_." Levi said the last bit in a hushed tone. The lady looked shocked and glanced at Erwin for clarification, but he had on a business expression, totally calm.  
The lady nodded hurriedly, and scurried off.  
Levi went back to eating.  
"You're going to get us kicked out." Erwin warned Levi.  
Levi didn't even look up. "They can kick us out when I'm done."  
I looked over at Levi as he started cutting the noodles for his next bite. "I could tell Hanji to fake choke and pass out. I bet the waiter would have a heart attack, but Hanji might make a too dramatic speech and pull the tablecloth off." I predicted.  
Levi tried not to laugh at first. The corners of his mouth twitched as he began to picture the scene, staring downwards. His hand dropped the fork back in the noodles and I knew I got him. Levi started laughing and I smiled in turn, watching his body shake in that soft way of laughing he has when he thinks something is really funny.  
Levi lifted the fork again, eyes softly regarding the air in front of him. "You better not say shit." Levi ordered, amused, then took a bite. As he chewed, he threw me a mischievous look and began cutting the noodles again.  
I went to take a drink, feeling warm and utterly satisfied, and found Hanji and Erwin blankly staring.  
I stared back.  
Was I in trouble?  
Panic set in and I pawed frantically at Levi under the table.  
"What?" Levi demanded, bothered now that I, who knew better, had interrupted his basking of my joke and his serene eating.  
He looked at me first, brows furrowed, then followed my gaze to Hanji and Erwin, who were looking between us, not sure which person they were more shocked with.  
Help me, Levi.  
I gave him a what-do-I-do look and Levi raised his eyebrows like this wasn't important enough to fret over and I was being ridiculous.  
A silence set in.  
I bit my lip, feet beginning to run in place.  
Levi took a slow, drawn out drink, obviously taking pleasure in Hanji's and Erwin's befuddlement.  
We remained this way, until the waiter returned with the check, and I nearly hugged her. Erwin snapped into focus again and Hanji began fighting him for the check. Levi watched the free show, while I watched him gather up the last stray bits of noodle with his fork, admiring the smooth, elegance of his actions.

Levi finished as Hanji urged Erwin to tip more. He rested his fork on the side of the dish and immediately stood.  
Hanji glanced up. "Calm down, Levi."  
I was taking a drink, so when he stood I was startled.  
Am I suppose to get up?  
Levi snapped his fingers and I shot up.  
"Jesus, Levi." Erwin huffed, setting the little folder thing down. "You've already trained him like a dog."  
What?  
"He likes it." Levi stated smoothly.  
Erwin shook his head. "Yeah." He stood up himself. "And if you leave them alone for too long, they pee on the couch."  
Levi snorted.  
"Hey." I snapped. "I'm not a fucking dog."  
Levi and Erwin broke their little intense gaze contest and noticed me.  
Levi half smiled. He had a glint in his eyes, a dark one. "Of course not." He assured me. He reached out and smooched my face with his fingers, pinching my cheeks in and shaking my head. "You're my little pooky bear."  
I jerked my face back and slapped him off. "Fuck off." I hissed.  
The way he said it made me feel disgustingly cheap, especially since he said it sarcastically.  
I walked around the other way, passed Hanji. "Such an ass." I muttered. I headed through all the tables, realizing we were the main attraction in our section at all the stares I was getting.  
"I know, Hanji." I heard Levi growl. "You just be lucky to be alive."  
I made it to the little hallway, but I had to let a waiter pass through with a big tray of food. As I was waiting on the side, Levi caught up with me.  
He was standing to the side of me, and, just knowing he was there made me nervous. I felt pressured by the situation, and I felt my face heat up at knowing just how much he threw me off. Levi laced his cold hands in with mine. I felt temped to pull away from him. The waiter passed us, but I stayed put for a few seconds. I turned to the side. Levi was staring at me with that piercing look. I swallowed hard.  
"Ass." I repeated.  
"Mhm." Levi snorted.  
"I'm not a kid or a dog or a whore." I protested angrily.  
Levi stared. "No. You're a brat."  
I gave a shocked laugh in response.  
"Come on." Levi relented. "You're tired and I need a goddamned shower." He moved forward and I let myself be pulled away by him once again. Hanji came bouncing through, followed by Erwin, who was watching us.  
I looked ahead at Levi, my frustration fading. His grip on me was tight, like he feared I might be swept away by something. When we reached the crowd, I moved beside him. Levi gave me a side glance. "That guy is wearing a suit." He reported, nodding towards him.  
I laughed. "You really are a prick, Levi."  
Levi walked straight through the crowd, making everyone part to make room for him, and me, who was right behind him. When we got outside on the street, I breathed in the fresh night air.  
"I'm glad you let me meet them. Even if you didn't like it that much." I said quietly.  
Levi stopped in his tracks and jerked my arm.  
I looked over.  
"You shouldn't run your mouth like that." Levi chastised. His gaze softened. "I always enjoy your company."  
Levi tugged on my arm again, and I took the hint, leaning down so he could give me a sweet kiss.  
"Grab his ass!" Hanji shouted.  
I backed off from Levi immediately, blushing hard. I whirled around, putting my back to Hanji and Erwin who have probably seen the whole thing.  
Fuck, fuck, fuck!  
Levi sighed. "I was going to, but you ruined the moment."  
I thought I heard Erwin laughing, and the heat in my cheeks increased.  
Hanji skipped over and moved in front of us, turning around to walk backwards. She gave us a sly grin and waved. "Bye, bye, guys. You have fun tonight."  
I'm going to die.  
She righted herself, grinning, and stepped to the side, bouncing in place.  
Erwin came up next to us and calmly stood, a light smile on his face, looking ahead at Hanji.  
Levi sighed deeply. "Nothing you want to say, eh?"  
Erwin shook his head slowly.  
I squeezed Levi's hand.  
Erwin looked directly at me.  
Oh fuck.  
"Nice to meet you, Eren." Erwin said. He looked at Levi, who was no doubt glaring. Erwin chuckled. "Bye." He dismissed, hurrying to reach Hanji.  
I was probably breaking Levi's hand by now.  
Levi looked into my anxious face. "Don't worry." He muttered. "We're fucking leaving."

Levi was still in the shower.  
I let him take the shower in my room, because it was bigger, and used the single shower for myself.  
To be honest, I was showering because Levi was there. I knew he would notice. Normally, I always think 'You didn't even go outside. You don't need a shower,' and see no urgent reason for bathing. But to date Levi, it was required that I shower whenever possible.  
I was waiting in the bed. Perhaps it was early, but there are days when I decide six is close enough and collapse in bed. Sometimes even earlier.  
I was on my phone, answering text messages from Armin, who reported that he went out with people from work and ended up having to drive everyone back in his car. There were several messages, mostly little side comments about how he hoped no one would throw up and whatnot. I told him about the glory of my night in a few words of angst. During my typing, the water was shut off and Levi soon opened the door.  
I meant to only glance up, acknowledge my boyfriend so he felt appreciated, and then resume bitching about Erwin's highlighted hair. But Levi was too sexy for that.  
He had boxer briefs on.  
That's it.  
It was like living in a porn scene that I wasn't ready for.  
Levi was drying off his hair as he strode across the room, not thinking about how he was making me feel. Water was still on his skin. The muscles in his arm were painfully apparent as he ruffled at his hair, and my gaze dropped to take in his six pack. I recalled Hanji's comment and felt my cheeks burn.  
I stared at my phone.  
Calm down.  
It's just Levi.  
You have a ripped boyfriend.  
Rejoice.  
"What's your problem?" Levi muttered.  
I didn't look up, and shook my head, lips being forced into a tight line as I tried to play it cool.  
"If you get a boner from me walking across the room then we need to talk about your pent up sexual frustration - after you take a second 'shower'." Levi teased.  
I glared at him. "You used up all your asshole tokens tonight, Levi." I shot back. "Remember that."  
Levi snorted.  
I finished my message to Armin.  
Levi moved to put his towel in one of the multiple hampers he put up in the room to encourage me not to leave piles of used clothes around.  
I watched him do it.  
When he turned around, I quickly put my phone up on the table next to the bed, to make him think I wasn't ogling his broad shoulders.  
I don't think he bought it, because he was shaking his head as he got into bed, lifting the sheets.  
"No t-shirt, huh?" I observed.  
Levi regarded me with disinterest. "No." He said flatly, and began to scoot down and turn over to face me.  
I followed suit, turning off the lamp beforehand.  
It was dark and I couldn't see anything yet.  
I sighed deeply.  
"Jesus." Levi hissed.  
"What?"  
"If you're that upset..." He trailed off.  
I smirked.  
Thoughts about the night came back. About how Erwin looked at Levi and how Hanji made such a fuss. How pathetic I felt being introduced to Erwin and how much he was just a great guy. The fucking dick. Hanji trying to pawn me off on some poor guy she knew. Oh yeah. Let me wreak some guys life and have him call Hanji, thinking I'm sick and weird when I don't move from the couch for a solid six hours, begging for advice. Levi could date Erwin meanwhile and compare muscle tone and realize I'm no good at all.  
My eyes had adjusted to see Levi staring at nothing.  
"Have you ever fucked Erwin?" I asked.  
His eyes went to mine in that cold gaze of his. "You can't stop can you?"  
He has.  
Holy shit.  
"He's better in bed than me isn't he?" I went on, becoming increasingly more worthless with every thought. I turned my head to the ceiling. "I bet he is. With those toned arms and six pack. He has a twelve pack probably. You'd never get irritated with him. His hair is too golden."  
Levi was laughing.  
Jerk!  
I punched him in the arm, propped up on my elbow. "Fuck off then! Go date Erwin!" I shouted.  
Levi rolled over to his back. His face cleared of emotion. "Already did."  
Fuck.  
I felt so defeated. So insignificant.  
Levi reached up and swiped his fingers across my cheek. "I'm with you, Eren. You keep challenging that."  
I slumped back down at his serious eyes and Levi sat up himself. "Eren."  
I didn't look at him.  
I'm so stupid.  
He moved, hand reaching up to nudge my face to look at him. "Eren." Levi leaned down and kissed me several times, gently, his hand holding my face. He paused for a moment and then kissed me more forcefully. "See?" He murmured against my lips.  
I opened my eyes and swallowed hard.  
Levi had his eyebrows raised.  
What do I say?  
He was mixing up my feelings again. I wanted to believe he was happy and that he cared about me, but I don't know why he would when I'm such a nuisance and he could do so much better. What did I have to offer him? I looked to the side.  
Levi dropped his hand from my face, frowning, moving it to my chest, his arm laid out in the middle of me. He sighed. "Look, Eren. I did date him. Years ago. Erwin always had a thing for me anyways, so I thought what the hell. We got on for a while, actually, but we both realized we weren't....fuck I don't know....I respect him. That's it. So we decided to stop dating and be friends."  
I still didn't look up.  
Levi managed to not really say anything meaningful again.  
"He's not better than you, Eren. And I certainly don't want to be with him again." Levi assured me.  
Yes he is.  
It would be easier for you to be with him. He wouldn't pull this shit.  
"Eren. Eventually you're going to have give yourself credit." Levi muttered. "You'd think I'd date some hideous, ignorant, guy I couldn't stand who couldn't suck a dick to save his life?"  
I smirked lightly. "No." I said softly, meeting his gaze.  
"Good."  
I sat upwards a bit to grab Levi, pulling him down by the shoulders to my lips. Somehow, what he said made me feel better.  
I couldn't believe I deserved him, but I did believe in Levi.  
Levi pulled back and turned to lay on his back beside me.  
A few moments passed.  
"We are never seeing them again."  
I snorted.  
"One of them can be in critical condition at the hospital. I don't give a shit."  
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. We'll just send them some balloons."  
Levi rolled over onto his side again, keeping his hands close.  
It was ridiculous. I picked up his wrist and draped his arm over me. The second I let him go, he retracted his arm.  
What? Am I too filthy still?  
I rolled over on my side as well and wrapped my arm around him, pulling him into me.  
"Fucking hell, Eren!" Levi growled. "Get off!" He shoved me, giving me furious look.  
"I showered." I said defiantly.  
"Yeah. That's what your suppose to do." Levi snapped.  
A tiredness washed over me. "Levi, please." I whined.  
Levi's features dissolved. He looked away and then nodded. "Fine, you fucking brat. You deserve it anyways."  
I went straight for it.  
I scooted up a little bit, so my head was above his and wiggled close. Levi kept his hands near him as I put one arm over him and tucked my head in his hair. I felt his breath hit my skin and wished I could have him even closer. He pushed his hands on my chest and I breathed in his scent coupled with the flower scent of the shampoo. I hummed slightly. Levi seemed tense still, so I began absentmindedly stroking his back and side with my fingers. After a few minutes, the rigid feeling radiating off of Levi dissipated into a softer, open one. I felt his breath hitch when I touched between his shoulder blades and near his armpit and I felt a swell of pride for finding his sensitive spots. Part of me was surprised he was letting me touch him and I kept anticipating when Levi would growl that I was pushing my luck and ban me to the far side of the bed. He never did. Eventually, I felt his body involuntarily twitch and his breathing became deep and drawn out. He had fallen asleep. I took my chance and squeezed him tightly around the shoulders. Luckily, he was fast asleep and didn't stir.  
_Don't leave me_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's easy to feel shitty, especially if your boyfriend dated the perfect man at one point. And even shittier when you have abandonment issues and depression on top of that.  
> Erwin just seems like that guy that really doesn't exist that you see in Tv where he's just the representation of "the one".  
> Hanji hit the jackpot, then. Levi already broke him in. Erwin can take anything.


	13. Not up for it

My arms were aching as if I had worked out and felt heavy when I tried to move them. I had already taken all these damn pills, so I was more pissed off they weren't working. With my pain tolerance so high, it was difficult finding relief without mixing drugs. On top of that, parts of my body would intensely burn and, I swear, my bones were moving. At least, that's what it felt like. This shit normally would come and go, but I had fallen in a bad bout of it this time.  
Maybe I need to up the dosage again.  
Could I do that?  
I bit my lip.  
I canceled my last doctors appointment out of pure fear and panic. The thought of stepping into that fucking office drove me crazy. Going through their little questionnaires and watching the nurses eyes go wide at my chart and results. Seeing the apprehension in my doctors face, because he knows I'll fucking throw down if he says the wrong thing.  
Yeah.  
Don't want that.  
My phone started to ring.  
I momentarily thought it was the doctor to say he was coming over to take me.  
I sat up, wincing as my back began to burn and reached for the phone. My arm jerked painfully and I shut my eyes, hissing.  
Fuck!  
I used my other hand and unlocked the phone, switching it on speaker.  
"Hello?"  
"Don't hello me, Eren. I've just taken the only shit I can a few minutes ago." The unmistakable sass of Levi.  
"Whatever."  
I was not so much interested in Levi's bowel habits at the moment.  
"You haven't eaten anything, have you?"  
"What?"  
"You get extra bratty."  
"I'm not hungry."  
"Someone has to feed you. And I'm the only adult here."  
"Fuck off."  
"You're proving my point. So keep talking."  
"I'm sorry I didn't respond properly to your midday shit."  
"Regardless, you don't have class today do you? I always forget, because you go half the time."  
"No."  
"No you don't or no about going?"  
"No I don't."  
"Good. I'll be over."  
Levi hung up.  
He never says bye.  
I let the phone switch itself off and rose to find some stashed opiates.

"Oi! Eren!"  
I jolted awake, feeling a sudden booming sensation in my head. I was still rattled and half awake and I knew someone was in the room. I threw a punch and then kicked with my feet.  
A sharp sting went through my arm when it was blocked.  
"Eren! It's me, you brat!"  
Levi?  
I blinked.  
My sheets were now spilling onto the floor and I was in this awkward sprawling position. I smiled apologetically and pulled my feet in. "How did you get in?" I asked.  
Levi stared at me intensely. "The door was unlocked."  
I thought back and remembered locking it to keep out the doctors and everyone else who wanted to use my body up. "No, I'm sure I locked it. I checked."  
Levi's eyes shifted and he made this light sighing sound, straightening up.  
"You broke in." I realized.  
Levi scoffed. "You make it sound like I busted your door down."  
Luckily, I had just enough strength to appreciate that Levi was embarrassed.  
"Why the fuck did you break in?"  
"You weren't answering the door."  
I groaned and fell back down.  
Pain danced up my spine and I regretted it.  
Shit.  
"I'll make something." Levi declared. "Even though I was assaulted."  
I wanted Levi to leave. I wasn't up for anything today. But I can't exactly throw him out and I doubt I could anyways. I was aching all over and I could feel the paranoia prick inside my head, introducing all the what ifs into my mind and the fearful speculation. I didn't want Levi here for this.  
"Eren." Levi said shortly, the contained irritation present in the tightness of his low, smooth voice.  
Oh for fucks sake what?  
"There is nothing edible in the fridge and the sink is stacked with dishes again."  
I bit back a comment.  
Levi let the tension hang. "Fine." He snapped, like we had finished a conversation. I heard his footsteps fade and the door lock shut.  
Good. He left.  
I curled up.

I was staring at the blurry outline of my sheets, trying to digest this constant pressure over me.  
I wanted it all to stop.  
It was a hopeless want, but I wanted it still.  
This heavy resignation inside of me was keeping me immobile; this heavy hollowness that let my paranoia reign. I felt exhausted and charged at the same time.  
I heard the door slam and click clack.  
The wrinkling crackle of plastic sacks sounded and the abrupt burst of voices startled me, until I registered it was the TV and not unwanted guests.  
Relax.  
"Eren."  
"Fuck!" I whined.  
I didn't hear him come in.  
Levi's brow was furrowed and his eyes showed worry. "I'd like you to try to eat."  
"I'm not hungry." I dismissed, carefully settling back down.  
"Eren-"  
"No."  
Levi's footsteps came closer and I shut my eyes, willing him away. "Come on. I'll help you up." He offered.  
No. Leave me alone.  
Something clutched my wrist.  
I remembered my wrist being held while syringes were injected into my arm. My wrist being yanked into one direction and shoved into a room from behind. My wrist being held down and the feeling of pain.  
"Stop it! Let go of me! I don't want to do it again!" I screamed.  
_Get away! Get away!_  
My mind was foggy, and this felt distant, like I was switching in between two worlds. I saw feet and hands flying and it took me a few moments to understand that they were mine. They looked so foreign, so alarming for a second.  
"Eren? Eren! Okay, you don't have to. It's done."  
Levi.  
Levi?  
I blinked, trying to think hard, until my head strained. The sight of Levi made me refocus. He was watching my limbs with a mournful expression.  
I stopped kicking.  
I was at the edge of the bed now, somehow, feet dangling, hands curled in close.  
"Shit." I thought aloud, voice a harsh whisper. "Did I-"  
Levi.  
Is he hurt?  
Did I-  
"Levi?" I squeaked fearfully, releasing the bed and sitting upright, frantically searching his frame for anything.  
No blood. No blood.  
"Eren, it's fine." Levi assured me, holding up both hands. I looked for cuts on them. "Nothing is wrong."  
I was breathing hard.  
When did I start to panic?  
I don't....  
I stood up, blood rushing to my head.  
Levi didn't back up, but he seemed on guard. His eyes frantically studied me.  
_No. No! Don't be scared of me!_  
"Levi." I breathed, begging.  
"Mhm?" Levi grunted, eyebrows going up.  
I shot forward, wrapping my arms around him and clutching him to my chest.  
He's okay. He's okay. He's okay.  
Levi's arms came slowly around me. It was so firm, so secure. I breathed him in. I wanted to melt right into him. He leaned his forehead on my shoulder.  
"I'm sorry." I said forcefully. "I'm so sorry."  
"It's fine." Levi said quietly.  
"No. I didn't mean-" I squeezed him, fighting back the burning in my throat and the fidgeting in my system. "I'm sorry. I'll eat. I'll do whatever you want. I'm sorry."

Levi had gotten me comfort food.  
He was too fucking nice. Too fucking perfect. So fucking thoughtful.  
I was eating the mash potatoes, glancing over at him every few seconds while he ate his sandwich.  
Levi remained stoic as usual.  
I wanted to know what he was thinking.  
He didn't ask me why I freaked out or what I thought when I was doing it. Nothing. He acted like.....like.....nothing.  
I couldn't even really taste the potatoes.  
I knew they were good.  
They always were.  
I set them back in the box and began tearing pieces off the roll, tossing the bits in my mouth.  
Levi was still watching TV. I forgot what we were watching. I looked over at the screen.  
Fuck it.  
I don't care.  
I looked back at Levi.  
Eyes still on the show, his hand reached down for fries and grabbed some. I was watching Levi like he was the TV.  
Levi finally looked at me and my nerves escalated. "Do you want some?" He asked levelly.  
Yes. Say yes. "Yeah." I held out my hand and he dropped fries into them.  
Levi seemed pleased.  
I think.  
I stared at the fries.  
I had just taken them more so because of Levi.  
"If you don't want them just put them in the trash." Levi suggested.  
I looked up. He was talking to me. "No. I want them."  
"Eren." Levi said flatly. "No you don't. You're too fucking easy."  
I shoved the fries into my mouth and made a show out of chewing.  
Levi raised his eyebrows, regarding me with absurd indifference. He snorted, shaking his head, turning his sights on the TV. 

Was Levi mad at me?  
He didn't seem to be, but....  
What if he gets scared of me and starts flinching and shit like-  
_No._  
But he's not looking at me.  
He's ignoring me.  
"Levi?"  
"Mhm?" His gaze slid to me, tea held by his fingers, leg across the other.  
I had nothing.  
Did I just want to say his name? Prove I existed? That he could look at me?  
"Can I-umm..." I trailed off, eyes moving from the tea on his leg to his chest. How could I get beside him when he's like that?  
Levi patted the area next to him.  
I perked up and scooted closer to him.  
I wiggled against him, pulling my legs in to rest under me and leaning my body on his. I wrapped one arm securely around his chest. I rested my cheek on the warmth of his body.  
He's not mad at me.  
Good.  
Levi's hand raked into my hair, massaging my scalp and petting my hair. I sighed into his touch, rerouting my mind to hone in on only his movements.  
Suddenly, I was struck with something.  
"You'll stay over right?" I questioned, tilting my head to peer at him. His dark lashes and tiny nose. I held him tighter. "I'll change the sheets." Please?  
"Of course."  
I settled back down.  
What if he's just being nice, but he's rethinking us being together?  
I snuggled in even more, tightening up, wanting to be as close as I possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long.   
> Eren is not having a good time, so maybe I should apologize for the lack of sex and keep writing.


	14. British Foreplay

I followed him to the couch, settling down beside him, quietly. We watched Tv for a while, but I couldn't stop thinking about him, so I looked over. He was watching the Tv and holding his tea with his elbow on the armrest to keep the tea as close to his mouth as possible.  
The tea was replacing me in a way.  
Levi loved his tea. He needed to have it when he came over. He wasn't _in love_ with the tea, but I couldn't help my intense anger as I glowered at the beverage. I wanted to be pleasing Levi. Not let a stupid tea do it. He should be drinking me!  
“What is it, Eren?” Levi asked, monotoned.  
His grey gaze distracted me for a second. He had picked up on my anger, no doubt. I dropped my gaze.  
“Have you developed a fetish for me drinking tea?” Levi questioned, eyebrows raised.  
What?!  
Heat flooded my cheeks.  
How can he say stuff like that? Honestly!  
“N-no.” I stuttered, looking back at him. “I was jealous of the tea.”  
Fuck. It was stupid.  
Like he was going to cheat on me with tea leaves.  
Levi smiled.  
At least he thought it was funny.  
An awkward smile stumbled across my lips, while my face heated even more.  
Levi’s smiled dissipated into the amused quirk of his lips. He tilted his head, turning to reach his hand out to place the tea on the coaster.  
I reacted immediately, pulling my legs in so I could lay on his lap.  
I wanted petted.  
“Oi.” Levi called, taking me by surprise.  
I stopped, now on all fours, and looked, awaiting his voice to continue.  
“Sit on my lap.” Levi instructed.  
Huh?  
A glint shined in his eyes. “You wanted to replace my tea, yes?” He questioned.  
He was messing with me, and worse, he was enjoying it. As long as he likes it.  
I'd do anything for him.  
Levi's mouth twitched at my pause.  
I moved my legs to the floor and stood up, moving to stand facing him.  
He was smug, the sexy bastard.  
He rotated his pointer finger in a circle.  
I sighed, half smirking, and obeyed.  
Nimble hands grabbed my waist and pulled me down into his lap.  
“Hey!” I cried, using my hands flat on the side of him to readjust.  
Levi wound his arms around my waist, settling his hands on my stomach. “I forgot what a tall brat you are.” Levi mumbled.  
The heat from his body smoothed my feelings of harsh treatment. I relaxed into him. Being this close made me feel so undeniably _good_.  
I did have the right to be jealous of the stupid tea. It’s normally all over him.  
I scooted to the side, so he could still see the Tv, leaning back on his chest.  
I sat there for a while, before realizing I wanted to touch him.  
A mischievous thought went through my head.  
I used one hand to prop myself up and rotated my hips, grinding into his crotch.  
A strangled hitch of breath made me smile. Levi’s hands tightened around me.  
“Eren.” Levi growled, lacking in venom in places.  
“Yeah, babe?” I responded, utterly pleased.  
Levi made a huffing noise, surprisingly at a lack of words.  
I smiled and continued, moving my hips back and forth, slowly. Levi’s hands slid to my hips, his fingernails digging in as I circled atop his growing erection that was spurring me on. Putting some weight on my hand, I lifted my self up and then ground down hard on him, earning a muffled grunt.  
He was always holding back. It annoyed me. I could tell he was tense, even without seeing his face. He always tightens up when I get near him, but I wanted to see him become undone. My frustrations drove me to rotate my hips once more, rolling my body forward, and sliding back against him.  
Take that.  
I moved from side to side, wiggling my hips in the process. Levi’s nails dug deeper into my skin, causing me to pause. It hurt, but my dick was throbbing over it.  
Huh. Does he like the wiggling?  
I tried it again, this time just shaking my butt on his hard length.  
Nails began to claw at me and I glanced down to see his nimble fingers dragging over my hips.  
He did like it.  
I grinned.  
He’s going to get it now.  
I switched back to what I was doing before, grinding and moving this way and that, rolling my hips in place, and then I would wiggle for a few moments, which seemed to innocent for someone to really get off on, before grinding again. Every so often, I would switch it back, teasing Levi.  
I would shake my ass and then twist my hips, and do it again.  
Something firm hit my back, and I realized it was Levi’s head. He ran his hands up my shirt and over my chest, breathing hard. I bit my lip.  
My dick twitched.  
I was in control.  
I grinded deeper into his lap.  
Levi tensed, suddenly shoving his hand down my pants and jacking me off.  
“Ah!” I gasped, falling back on his chest. On one hand, I was relieved I was getting attention, but I wanted to make Levi cum first. I wanted him to focus on what I was doing to him.  
My eyes shut and I thrusted into Levi’s hand.  
Shit.  
“No. No, Le-Levi I....” I swallowed hard. “Stop.”  
Levi ran his thumb over the tip of my cock. “What for?” He teased, voice coated in lust.  
Fuck! He sounds nearly wrecked! If I could just keep-  
I leaped up, using his legs as leverage, Levi’s hand wrenched off of me in the process.  
Whirling around, I put on a demanding face. “You are not allowed to touch me!” I insisted, hoping he’d listen. “I want to give you a lap dance and then-” I stared off to the side.  
Would he fuck me?  
“Eren?” Levi called, snapping my focus back to him.  
He was panting, eyes aflame, and I couldn't help but stare at his hard on.  
Fuck, he looks good. I mean really good. Too good. Just unbelievably-so fucking good.  
“Finish it then.” Levi invited, and I looked up to him smiling knowingly.  
I had a feeling he wouldn't really let me, but I climbed back on him, placing my hands on his shoulders. He kept his eyes locked on mine. My blush intensified. To hide my embarrassment and because I needed to, I quickly pressed my lips to Levis. He responded hungrily, causing me to exhale sharply with surprise. I started to move again, his hands on my hips. Levi took no notice. He was focused on kissing me. His mouth moved to my neck and I shut my eyes as he kissed his way down, tilting my head to the side to give him more access. Levi’s hand took ahold of my shoulder and then he bit down just above my collarbone. My eyes shot open.  
“Mhph!” I moaned.  
Levi hummed in response, and tapped at my hip. I realized I had stopped moving.  
“Sorry.” I mumbled at the side of his face, feeling overly sensitive.  
“Don’t be.” Levi assured. He nudged my chin closer to him and locked his lips to mine as I started to grind. He barely brushed against my cheek with his fingers before replacing his hand on my hips. A jolt of pleasure went through me.  
Fuck, he’s being sweet.  
I pulled back, panting. Levi still had his eyes closed, his dark lashes prominent on his pale skin.  
Damn.  
Using my teeth, I tugged at Levi’s earlobe, and licked the shell of his ear. Levi’s head twitched to the side and I felt his fingers gather on my stomach and press into my pants to grab my cock. Hips jerking, I buried my face in Levi’s shoulder, rolling my hips with a newfound desire.  
“ _Levi_.” I gasped.  
His hand tightened around me.  
Flicks of fire danced in my crotch. Levi was stiff under me, digging into my ass.  
I clutched at his shoulders, desperate to hold back. To distract myself, I placed light kisses up his neck and across his jaw before planting one on his lips.  
Levi leaned farther in, taking charge. I couldn't stand making out like this when I was so close.  
“Levi I-I can’t.” I admitted, breathlessly, a bit ashamed I was getting off before I got him off. I kept my eyes down, breathing hard. I was now limited to jerking and rolling on him, trying to focus on riding him rather than thrusting in time with his hand.  
“Sweetheart, it’s fine.” Levi insisted, out of breath.  
I stared into his eyes. ’Sweetheart’? He had never called me anything but my name or ’brat’ which was affectionate at times, but certainly not a pet name like this. I was simultaneously turned on and warmed by the endearment.  
He meant it.  
I saw nothing but lust and fondness in his eyes, like my negative emotions were unnecessary in response to what I was feeling.  
Levi pulled my hip towards him when his hand slid down my length. He did it again, before I relaxed into the motion and indulged my want, dropping my hands to his waist.  
I groaned loudly, nails digging into his skin.  
We found a rhythm quickly, and then Levi sped up with me thrusting into his hand.  
I still couldn't help hope Levi was enjoying this as much as I was, even though I assumed he wasn't.  
“Levi are-” I began to ask.  
“Shut up.” Levi growled, slamming his lips to mine.  
“Mhmm.” I moaned on his lips.  
Levi grabbed my ass, pulling me harder towards him with every thrust I made. He was moving under me, wanting more friction. My grinding had become shorter and shorter the faster we went and I could feel myself tighten as Levi grabbed me. He stopped pulling, but held firmly to my cheeks.  
I whimpered, breaking off of his lips.  
I had my eyes open long enough to see Levi, his black hair shielding his face, wracked in pleasure, body tense, before they shut.  
Another jolt went straight to my cock.  
Levi gripped my ass tightly, making a moaning-humming noise that made it hard to breathe.  
My breath quickened and I gasped for air before it all crashed down and I was moaning choppily as I came into Levi’s hand. I felt Levi thrusting into my butt as I started to come off my high. He released my dick, hand going slack before his head fell back against the couch, eyes shut, mind on breathing normally.  
I pulled my hands away and placed them just below his chest, leaning in to kiss his neck.  
Levi’s head snapped up and we almost bumped skulls. He studied me seriously for a few moments.  
Fuck, he's cute.  
“Get off. I need a shower.” Levi barked.

“We need to set some rules here, Eren." Levi demanded, all military like in his wide stance and firm gaze. Nowadays, his hard gaze hardly has any effect on me unless it is backed up with strong emotions.  
“M’Kay, _Corporal_.” I teased, smiling. I was cross-legged on the couch, a bag of cereal in the middle, munching.  
Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I burned my clothes.” He shot at me, watching for my reaction.  
“What?!” I cried, about to take a bite. “What the fuck for?”  
Levi gave me a drier look. “Because you ruined them with your lap dance.” He reminded me.  
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, sure. And you just hated it.” I muttered, tossing some cereal into my mouth.  
“The fact that I didn’t is what ruined them. Along with all your sweat and fluids.” He added, sounding more disgusted than I thought he ought to be.  
“You could have said that more humorously instead of sounding like it was the worst.” I growled.  
Maybe he didn't have a good time after all.  
Levi stared. “I’m stating facts. It doesn't matter how I say them.” He insisted.  
“It shows your feelings.”  
“Towards filth, but not to you.”  
“Romantic.”  
“Are you going to listen? Or do I have to beat it into you?” Levi snapped.  
I groaned theatrically.  
Levi just waited until I stopped before moving on. “No sex”  
No. Oh my god, no!  
“unless we do it on the sheet.” Levi announced, crossing his arms.  
“Even oral?” I questioned.  
“That's sex, Eren. You should-” Levi growled.  
“Awwww, babe come on!” I interrupted, dropping both hands. “That's boring.”  
“I’ll get something for you to do at the store. Perhaps some puzzles.” Levi offered sarcastically.  
“I mean, occasionally I’d like to blow you in maybe the kitchen-”  
“Not the kitchen.”  
“Okay. The laundry room, then. Since you love it in there.” I revised.  
Levi paused, blankly staring.  
“Levi?” I called, concerned.  
“Fine.”  
“Yes!” I howled, throwing up my arms.  
“You need to use hand sanitizer more or wash your hands. Especially before you touch me or after you touch something else. And I put those hampers everywhere in your room for a reason. I won't fuck you unless you use them.” Levi continued.  
“Harsh.” I commented.  
I think I've gotten better, at least.  
“Same with the trash.” He added, looking over at the tiny trash can under the table.  
I followed his gaze.  
“If you want me to stay over, you are going to have to wash your sheets every day.” Levi proclaimed, barely pausing.  
“What?” I gaped. “Levi, that's a lot of washing. I can barely get myself in the shower.”  
“The average person loses over a million skin cells each day and sweats 2 liters a night.” Levi informed me. “I’m not sleeping in a blanket of death and sweat.”  
“Okay. But maybe we could do it like every other day? Or once every three days? Because that's a pain.” I offered.  
“I’d settle for two.” Levi agreed, not pleased.  
I smiled. “Okay! Great!”  
Levi stared. His eyes widened slightly and his fingers twitched.  
Oh no. He thought of something.  
“How old is that mattress?” Levi asked.  
Oh. No. “It's new.” I blurted.  
Levi narrowed his eyes, voice hardening. I could feel his irritation. “You’re lying.”  
The truth is, I got it when I moved here.  
“Yeager!” Levi warned.  
“Fine! Fine!” I cried, giving in. I didn't want him mad at me. “It's only two years old.”  
Levi nodded, pondering. “We might as well get a new one.” He mused. “We’ll go tomorrow.”  
Is he serious?  
“And buy one?” I questioned.  
What was he planning? We’ll just walk in and grab one and haul it back here to fit through the tiny, tiny door? Oh yeah. Put it on the top of his Charger. It’d fly off and cause some guy to skid into another lane and we’ll kill thousands on the highway.  
“No. We’ll rent it. I want a used one.” Levi hissed sarcastically.  
I shrugged. “Alright, then.” I agreed. “We should go to that place with the sauce you like first! On the chicken! That way, both of us will be full and sleepy. That's perfect for mattress shopping!”  
Levi tilted his head, eyes soft.  
“It’ll be fun.” I decided, flashing him a smile. “Is there anything else? And I already clean a ton, so don't say anything like that.” I added.  
Levi snapped back into focus, his eyes returning to exasperation, eyebrows pulling back in the tight formation of confused judgement. “Clothes. Wash them.” Levi ordered.  
I frowned, but nodded.  
Wait! I shot up, tossing the cereal bag on the cushion beside me.  
Levi seemed surprised.  
I rushed towards my room, grabbing Levi in the process. I tugged on his hand. “Come here!” I insisted.  
He let himself be pulled along by me.  
I took us to the chest of drawers, and proudly stood there, looking at him.  
Amusement twinkled in his eyes.  
“I cleaned out a drawer for you.” I beamed, pulling out the second on to the top. “This one is all yours!”  
I had basically dumped bleach in there.  
“If you need another drawer, I can clean the one below it.” I added, when he didn't say anything.  
Did I not do it, right? Or is it weird? Maybe I should have given him a few more drawers. Since I change height all the time, I have double the amount of clothing. But I will move and clean another drawer out.  
Levi grabbed my shirt and yanked me down, pressing his lips firmly on mine. He pulled back a fraction, leaving me to stare in his stormy eyes, captivated. I held his arm.  
“One is fine.” He murmured.  
His soft words triggered me and I kissed him back, pulling him closer. I broke the kiss and wrapped him in a hug. He was slightly stiff.  
“I’m glad you like it. I love it when you stay over.” I whispered to the side of his neck, squeezing him. He was so warm and I could feel the firmness of his body through his clothes.  
Levi loosened up a bit.  
“Hug me.” I demanded, childishly.  
His arms went around me, and I sighed, content. After a few moments, I released him, smiling into those eyes of his, and kissed his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual sexy sex one shots coming up.  
> See what I did?  
> Levi's body is like a clean room. You have to sanitize before going in.


	15. Boardgame Foreplay

It was late. Levi insisted we play a board game in that commanding tone. I made him play on the floor of the library and he got a clean towel to sit on even though the floor shinned.   
I smiled as he studied the board like his choice would impact everyone, resting back on my hands, legs stretched out to the side of the board.  
“Move.” I prompted, hoping he’d launch into one of his monologues.  
Levi didn't lift his eyes. ”Lose with dignity.” He mumbled.  
I snorted. “This is a children's game.”  
He lifted his head. “So why are you losing?" Levi asked, dryly.  
I scowled. “Shut up!”  
“Tch.” Levi clicked.  
“Excuse ME for picking the conservatory.” I went on.  
Levi moved his piece out of the room and leaned back. “There.” He challenged.  
“You know,” I pouted, “this would be easier if you couldn't read my mind.”  
Levi snorted. “That's what your mad about?” His head leaned forward and the corners of his eyes curled.  
“Not funny.” I protested.  
“You've been passively aggressively eating cereal, trash talking, and slamming down cups because I can see what's on that obvious face of yours?” Levi clarified.  
I puffed out one cheek and looked away from him.  
“Throw some honey combs at me.” Levi challenged. “Do it.”  
“Pft.” I scoffed.  
“Be a big man with your mother approved cereal.” Levi went on. “Your corporate controlled ten dollar most-important-meal-of-the-day ruining mine. It's their fault you can't guess which room it is. You didn't eat the right vitamins.”  
There he goes.  
“I was in it for the toys.” I replied, cooly.  
“Ah. The 50 cent prizes marinated in cereal dust.” Levi drowned, eyeing the box. “All promoted by celebrities who shouldn't even be near a child, but how would the kids be brainwashed by pop culture if they didn't get a dollar store, oversized spoon.”  
“Should we send a mass post to all the celebrities with your speech attached?” I offered.  
Levi rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Let's hit them where it hurts. On their timeline. We can start a war and get it covered by the news.” He said sarcastically.  
“Because crime is just nonexistent.” I added.  
Levi smirked. His face went dry and he motioned at the board with his hand. “Come on. Now.” He demanded.  
I stuck my tongue out.  
“I'll bite that off.” Levi threatened.  
I couldn't resist getting stirred up. Levi knew by now I had thing for biting and clawing. I grinned lightly. “Why don’t you, _Corporal_?” I insisted, leaning my body toward him.  
Levi didn't seemed affected. He could even be irritated I wasn't doing what he said.  
“What game are we playing - Eren?” Levi asked, putting emphasis on my name.  
I immediately threw my cereal at him, hitting him on the nose.  
Levi jerked back, stunned, before scanning the floor for the culprit and leering at it.  
I laughed.  
“You brat.” Levi huffed, picking it up with the napkin he set his tea on and wrapping it inside. His grey eyes went to me before he rose, stiffly, and walked out to throw it away.   
I heard wood clunk and moments later Levi returned with another napkin.   
He ignored me as he sat down, cross legged, and lifted his tea to place the napkin under. “Its a shame,” Levi started, eyes on the tea before drawing them to mine, “that you’re such a tease.”  
My eye twitched, mouth tugging into a disbelieving, half smile. “Me?” I repeated, pointing to myself, head dipping in with the word. I straightened up, sitting upright instead of leaning on my hands, and pulled one leg to rest near my thigh.  
Levi blinked, feigning shock. “Is there someone else with us?” He inquired, palm up and indicating about the room.  
I stared, unamused. “I'm not the one who wears shirts five sizes too small for my big muscles.” I said flatly.  
Levi scoffed. “I guess I should be more like you and be handsy and bounce around emitting a sex glow.” Levi sassed.  
“I'll start seductively cleaning then.” I shot back.  
Levi's eyes narrowed. “I do not seductively clean.” He protested.  
I snorted. “Yeah.” I said doubtfully.  
Levi frowned. “Cleaning isn't sexual at all.”  
Maid costumes? The whole fetish?  
“All the sexualizing of dusting,” Levi went on, stepping on a soap box, “is shameful. Cleaning isn't some half assed calling card for sex. It's sanitation.”  
I interrupted. “Yeah. That's why you stretch,” I raised my hands above my head and titled my body, “to get the germs in tight shirts,” I dropped my hands, “and bend over constantly with that ass of yours.”  
Levi glared. “You are reading into it.” He protested.  
“Why do you think I take so long?” I asked, determined to make my case.  
“Because you shit clean.”   
“Because you’re distracting.”  
I wasn't giving up. I moved closer, sitting on my legs and pinched Levi's dark blue shirt, barely shifting it it was so snug. “See?” I howled. “It's a second skin!”  
I looked at Levi, ready for retaliation, but his eyes were dangerously calm.  
Caught in his gaze, I dropped back on my legs, arms to the side.  
Fuck.  
Levi’s eyes fell to my mouth and my lips started to burn. He reached up with one hand and brushed his thumb across my bottom lip.  
I clenched my fists.  
Kiss me. Kiss me. Please!  
My hands grabbed his thighs and I leaned in for a kiss, but a shove sent me back, hands sliding to his knees.  
No!  
Levi leaned in. “Brush your teeth.” He instructed, slowly.  
I bolted to do just that.

Levi had laid out the sex sheet and was in the middle of folding his pants to drop them in the hamper. His folded shirt was to the right. I have no idea why he was undressing himself. What if I wanted to do that? Levi was skipping ahead.  
My eyes traveled down his slender back to his perfect little ass covered by grey boxer briefs.  
“Take it off.” Levi ordered, sensing me.  
“You know, you are taking the fun out of this.” I complained.  
Levi turned around, arms crossed.   
I took in his six pack once again, trying to act like my dick wasn't yelling at me to forget it.  
Oh fuck.  
“I am not getting my clothes dirty and neither are you.” Levi growled, before turning around.  
I narrowed my eyes.  
Levi was being to controlling, as usual.  
I moved forward and boldly grabbed his ass with one hand. Levi stiffened and turned, expression wavering. I smiled, and before he said the comment that I knew was coming, I bent down, hooked my hands under Levi’s ass, and lifted him up and hoisted him onto the bed, before climbing atop him. Levi’s face twisted into outrage and an adorable look of abashed, uncertainness at his treatment. I chuckled, and his lips went into a tight line, his eybrows scrunching closer together. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to Levi's, sliding my hand farther under his thigh to grab his ass again. Levi pulled away from my mouth and glared up at me.   
Mmhmm.  
He maintained that look as he reached out and began pulling up my shirt. I straightened and pulled it over my head, tossing it to the floor. Levi frowned, looking where it landed, and I felt something shift before Levi rolled on top of me, pinning me down. His mouth was on mine before I could even process what happened.   
Not that I minded.  
I grabbed Levi’s shoulders, pulling him closer and lifted my body to meet his. Levi responded by moving back.  
Urg.  
Something tugged around my hips and I propped myself up to see Levi unbuttoning my jeans. A good idea. Raising my hips, I gave him the space to pull them down. His fingers curled agianst my skin, and I realized too late that he was undressing me two for one.  
“Uh...” I protested, as they were both ripped off.  
Levi ignored me and quickly folded each of them.  
Seriously?  
He was probaby going to put them in the hamper or start the wash, but I wasn’t going to have that. I grabbed his arm and yanked, taking his imbalance to wrap my arms around his waist and toss him back on the bed, causing him to drop the clothes somewhere along the way. I moved inbetween his legs, admiring the view of his body stretched out and breathing heavy with want, but mostly, irritation.   
“Sorry, Corporal.” I apologized, playfully, putting my arm to the side of him.  
Levi’s jaw clenched, his eyes stuck on mine.  
I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. Levi met my mouth with a need that showed he didn't mind so much, fingers weaving through my hair. I hummed into the kiss, grappling with the notion of continuing or moving forward. Settling on a compromise, I grinded on top of Levi's erection, rotating my hips in a circle before moving forward in order to settle myself back down. The need to have release and immediate contact was driving me insane, but I wanted to go slow and really _feel_.   
“Shit.” Levi gasped, breaking away from the kiss to pant into my face.  
I smirked, continuing, watching Levi's eyes flicker closed and reopen. His hands were still halfway in my hair, resting near the bottom of my neck and when I thrusted forward, his nails dug into my skin, clawing, and a whine escaped my lips.   
“Levi.” I begged, pausing. “Please.”  
Levi took a few breaths, hands rubbing my neck like a subconscious apology. “Get off.” He demanded, hoarse.  
I bit my lip, and nodded. I had no idea what Levi was going to demand next or just how far off of him I was expected to be, so I flopped over to the left on my butt and waited. I was sitting on one leg, the other curled in, foot facing my knee.  
Levi stripped off his briefs with one hand and a grimace and tossed them directly into the hamper, which was impressive, not because he has ever missed, but because of the situation we were now in. Horny and flustered, you better bet I can't say one coherent sentence.  
He looked at his hand and I knew what was coming. Shifting off the bed, he went to the bathroom and an anticipation of a premature end flew through my mind.  
“Um, Levi?” I asked hesitantly, looking after him.  
I caught the sight of his even whiter ass moving to his goal.   
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.  
That's stupid.  
I should jack off, right? Come right now and ruin the whole thing.  
“Get the condom and lube. Be useful.” Levi ordered back.  
A big grin went over my face in knowing he didn't want to stop. I dropped down to all fours and crawled over to the stand by the bed and pulled out the first drawer. I dove my hand into the box of condoms, ignoring all else, and wrestled one out, then grabbed the bottle of lube and sat back.   
Levi came out from the bathroom, dick softer from scrubbing himself, and eyed the condom and lube in front of me. “The rest too.” He mentioned, far too late.  
Huh?  
Like a toy?  
“What?” I questioned, but Levi abandoned explaining already and went to the drawer, yanking it open.  
I stretched over to see what he was getting. A tube of wipes and a travel sized mouth wash and a plastic cup were heavily set down on the stand.  
That was all in there?  
“Is this a sex kit or something?” I asked, interested.  
Levi straightened and gave me a look. “Yes.” He said flatly. He pointed at the mouth wash. “If you or I blow, we wash after.” Finger went to the tube. “You finger, you wipe. That way, we don't have to run to the bathroom every time.”   
I stared, digesting. That was a lot of work. But Levi would, of course, remind me, and what was I really going to do - say no?   
My eyes went to his. “Okay!” I agreed, bouncing on the bed.   
Let's do it, then!  
Levi smirked lightly at my response. “Most guys hate it when I insist on this.” He mentioned.  
I shrugged. “I guess I like you more. Besides, we already have the weird sheet. It'd be a shame to stop there.” I joked.  
Levi leaned down, fingers holding my chin, and pressed his lips to mine. “I’ll make it worthwhile.” He promised against my lips.  
I smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Soooo who’s topping?” I asked.  
Levi frowned slightly, eyes shifting.  
“I can bottom.” I offered, spying his discomfort. “I’m used to it.”  
Levi tilted his head and then nodded, climbing back into bed.   
“But uh....can you-finger me?” I pleaded, making sure I looked adorable. “It always feels weird when I do it to myself and you’ll just sit there.” I reasoned.  
Levi sighed.  
“Pleeeeeeease!”  
“Fine.”  
His hand shot out and took the lube in one swipe, looking extra grumpy. I gently placed the condom closer to him, earning a look, and flashed a cheeky grin before falling onto my back and spreading my legs. Levi shuffled about a bit and then moved closer, popping the lid. With no warning, a finger pushed into my ass. I bit my lip as Levi moved it in and out. After a few moments, he added another finger.  
“Are you okay?” Levi asked, slowing down.  
I nodded. “Yeah.” I assured him. “Keep going.”  
His fingers moved in deeper, stretching and scissoring, giving me that odd feeling that made me want to wiggle. The next finger went in, and I began to appreciate once again, Levi's hands. It felt routine though, like he was just trying to stretch me out and nothing else. They felt so good before, I wanted to feel it again, but Levi wasn't concerned with hitting my prostate.  
“You arn’t going to make this fun?” I teased, lifting my head up, and nudging him with my foot.   
“Get that off me.” Levi hissed.  
My head fell back down.  
So much for that.  
“I already know where it is. I don't need to check.” Levi informed me, mater-o-factly.  
His fingers stretched again, not really doing anything to soothe my need.  
“That's enough!” I insisted.  
Levi quickly pulled his fingers out and the bed shifted. I turned my head to see his other hand opening the wipes.  
Urg!  
I sat up and opened the condom wrapper with my teeth, tossing it out of Levi's sight so he would think I threw it away.  
Levi returned and plucked the condom from my hands, giving me a light shove backwards. I fell back, satisfied.   
Pop!  
Hurry up!  
I felt a plopt on the bed and figured it was the lube.  
Wait.  
I shot up.  
Levi blinked.  
I looked down.  
The condom was on and he had slathered a fair amount of lube on his eager dick.  
I looked up.  
“Can you not like....shove in?” I asked, awkward now that we were making eye contact.  
Levi raised his eyebrows. “You think I would?”  
I looked away for a second, dropping my shoulders. “I don't know, I just....don't know.” I clarified. He had on a bored expression and I felt I had insulted him. “What I mean is, I want to go slow at first and .... uh ...” I trailed off.   
Fuck! His face!  
Levi half smiled at my fumbling. “Sweetheart, lay down and let me fuck you already.”  
I blushed and laid back, settling my breathing to distract myself.  
Levi lined himself up and rested a hand on my hip, using the other to push back my leg.  
I winced at the sudden intrusion as he pushed in and nearly stopped breathing when a spike of pain shot through me. Luckily, Levi had stopped already. Breathing heavy, I fought back the panic, and mentally forced myself to relax, even though it was an overwhelming sense of pressure.  
“Eren?” Levi questioned, concerned.  
“Mm-Mm.” I dismissed.  
When I was able to breathe decently, I told Levi he could move, and he continued to stop-start, until he bottomed out, which felt like forever. Levi gave me a minute, then pulled out a little bit before going back in.  
At points, it felt strained, with his cock stuffed all in way in me, but I willed myself to calm down, knowing it would get a hell of a lot better.   
Eventually, Levi was able to speed up to a decent pace, finding a rhythm. My grunts of discomfort dissolved into pants and I began pushing back on his dick to get even more. Levi must have taken the hint, because he shifted and pulled my ass higher and closer to him. When he thrusted back in and grazed my prostate, I realized he wasn't kidding before.  
A groan ripped through my throat and my hand flew to my head, the other blindly grabbing in Levi’s direction.   
“Fu-uh-ck!” I moaned. “Levi! You-shit!”  
Panting, I looked up, watching Levi thrust in and out of me, his muscles clenching. My body jerked from the onslaught of sensations and I fell back, lapsing into breathless whining.  
“Eren.” Levi groaned, voice low and lustful in a way that made me clench.  
Everything was building up, and it was getting harder to breathe with all the groaning I was doing. My hand was bent, grabbing a fistful of my hair as my body shook from Levi’s thrusting.  
He has to know how _good_ this feels.  
“Please don't stop, Levi. Don't stop.” I begged.  
Levi took that as an invitation to thrust even harder, after resting my ass on his leg, he leaned down over me, arm to the side. My legs wrapped around him, moving closer.  
I gasped, curling in, and fell back, panting as my body tensed.  
Levi kissed wherever he could, tongue and teeth working on my chest. His breath hitched when I tensed, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to kiss him.  
I raised up, grabbing his face with both hands, and smashing my lips to his. My tongue pushed inside his mouth instantly, and I tilted my head to give myself better access. It took me a few moments for the haze to clear before I remembered Levi didn't like a lot of open mouth kissing. I grappled with his tongue longer still, before I had to pull back to breathe. My legs tightened around Levi and I flashed him a soft smile before dropping back, making a humming like whine.  
I wasn't going to last much longer. It kept building and building and now it was overwhelming. My eyes closed as my body shook. My lips needed Levi's. I don't want to come without feeling him all the way through me. I whined, this time, with more force, and opened my eyes. Levi had his head hanging, hair damp with sweat on his face, face still serious but with some breaks in it from time to time. His eyes locked to mine and I tried to pull away from him to give myself time, my other leg straightening over Levi’s back and digging into his skin with the heel.  
I can’t come yet.  
Fuck! I want to! Shit!  
Levi understood. He moved forward, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting his lips find mine. I tried to keep up with his mouth, but all I could really do was moan into the kiss. Levi went harder, if that was possible, and I lost it right there, arms slackening around his neck as my body shook, everything going fuzzy but the overflowing break. I vaguely felt him as he kept kissing me.  
I collapsed, panting shakily, eyes shut on it all.  
God, that felt good.   
I didn't expect it to be like that. I figured Levi would be more aggressive and forceful. Certainly not so open.  
Taking a breath, I opened my eyes and sat up on my elbow. The bed was empty. I looked towards the bathroom and saw Levi adjusting the shower.  
When did he get up?  
I looked down at myself and noted that I had been wiped clean. Lube was smeared on my inner thigh.  
Levi marched in, his hair had obviously been touched up, because it wasn't half matted to his head.   
“Hey.” I said with a smile.  
Levi held out his hand. “Come on. I’m going to teach you how to properly shower.”  
My fingers curled around his. “Fine with me.”  
Leave it to Levi to turn a couples shower into a hygiene lesson.  
“Since you fucking missed that day after how to wipe your ass.” Levi continued as I scooted and dropped my legs to the floor, wincing when I stood.   
His hand tightened.  
“You gonna walk me too?” I teased.  
Levi made a noise in the back of his throat, eyelids dropping over a dry expression, head tilting.  
“Don't worry you’re sweet.” I assured him, lifting his hand to kiss his knuckles.  
Levi’s face smoothed, eyes changing. “Mmhm.” Levi hummed, sounding more like a low moan.  
He tugged my arm down and stretched up, a twitching smile coming over my face at Levi desperately going on his tippy toes. I leaned down and shut my eyes, feeling his lips on my cheek.  
“Now shut up and quit stalling.” Levi ordered. “Get in.”  
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” I muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. School is horrible.   
> I'll probably find a rhythm soon, though, but hey. Sex. Yeah?


	16. Words

Levi and I had found a rhythm, as unlikely as it seemed. With everything considered, it seemed to me that we should fight more, but perhaps we both adjusted to each other. Levi stayed over nearly every night, unless he was working for Erwin. Then he kept his distance. Afterwards, if I asked anything about it, Levi seemed either tense or waved it off. But otherwise, he would come over, shower, make tea, and we’d figure out what to eat. Levi made pasta today and it still remains the best pasta I have ever eaten. Levi made me reclean the kitchen multiple times today, but by now, I'm used to it. Levi also insisted I shower even though I argued that the amount of chemicals I used would have sanitized through all the layers of my skin. I really should thank Levi though for telling me to do things like that. My brain never seems to think cleaning and washing and studying is really important. It conserves energy to simply exist and get through the day, and everything else gets pushed to the side. Without Levi demanding I take showers or wash my clothes or put clean ones on, I’d be like I was before. And I had no problem doing whatever he told me. I didn't want to disappoint him or make him unhappy, and dealing with me has to feel like a second job, so the least I could do is try. But I always feel selfish. I never know what Levi is thinking or feeling, but I accept it.  
“Look at this piece of shit. You’d think he’d never encountered water in his life.” Levi muttered, sipping his tea.  
Levi was sprawled in the corner, legs apart, and elbow resting on the arm of the couch. One of his stupid child shirts was stretched out over his frame, barely managing to cover his broad shoulders and fitting far too tightly over his muscles and even smaller waist. I need to take him to a fucking tailor. This is getting ridiculous. There weren't even any ruffles or bunched up areas of cloth it was just a film. When he moved, my eyes would drop to the hem, expecting the shirt just to roll up or explode into millions of threads, but I think it didn't have the elasticity to even move.  
Levi has this sick interest in those shows where people try to run those impossible courses, but end up getting smacked in the face and falling. I think it's like how I am with my parasite show.  
I sat next to him, but I was scared to do anything else. I didn't want him to get tense and uncomfortable, but I wanted more. I scooted closer, pulling my feet up on the couch and leaning on him.  
Levi drew himself in and I could feel the discomfort.  
Fuck.  
Why do I have to keep bothering him all the time?  
I shouldn’t have done this.  
Levi wouldn't want me touching him anyways.  
“Did you shower?” Levi asked.  
“Yeah.” I assured him, irritated he didn't remember. “After we cleaned.”  
“You changed clothes too?” Levi checked.  
“Mh-Hm.”  
There was a pause.  
“You showered like I showed you, right? Scrubbing and then washing? Even your feet?”  
“Yes.” I confirmed, monotoned, drained from just the questioning that I knew would go on.  
“When was the last time we cleaned the drawers? Just think of all the buildup. By now it's on the clothes.” Levi went on.  
“Babe, you’re missing the show. Besides, we already cleaned enough for today. Everything is spotless, you said so yourself.” I interrupted, hoping to get him refocused.  
Levi made this grumbling-hiss and settled back in. I made a few stray comments to pull him back in and, eventually, Levi resumed his harsh commentary.  
“Look at this shitbox.” Levi mumbled. “He’s one of the few athletic people on here, but watch. He has no balance.”  
The guy actually had a really poor grip, but it was alright, the announcer said, because he still had his looks.  
“Mmpht.” I snorted.  
“Not to your standards, I take it?” Levi teased, acting as if he was offended.  
I smiled halfway, still half leaning on him and the couch. “He’s too bulky. It looks ridiculous.” I critiqued. “You look way better. It’s like he’s trying too hard. You do it flawlessly. I mean look at him! He’s just lumbering around. You have like grace in your movements and he looks like he doesn’t even know what to do.”  
I turned my head a bit since he wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t really see his face from where I was, since he was at an angle. Is he mad? Fuck I must have said something! What did I say?! Movement caught my eye and I looked to see that Levi’s hand was now in a fist.  
“Sorry.” I apologized, shrinking back down. “You’re just too sexy, that’s all.” I murmured, hoping that the moment would pass soon. I felt the cool leather of the couch on my neck.  
I heard a breathy exhale and it sounded like it was just above a moan, and simply slipped through against an overpowering will. I perked up, and searched about the room. What the fuck was that? Suddenly, I realized it must have been Levi. Levi never makes much noise, not even moaning. Just sometimes a grumbling noise or, if I’m lucky, I’ll hear him pant.  
I almost made him moan.  
By words alone, too!  
A smug smile spread across my face. I was only telling the truth, but I guess I never really outright tell him how good he looks, I simply assume that no one could _not_ know how good they look when they look so good. Besides, I’m positive it is blatantly evident in my face, because Levi always smirks and asks sarcastically if I’m alright. But Levi must be into being praised. Maybe he likes talking dirty too. I could try and see if he gets excited. I’ve been wanting to drive Levi crazy, but I’m more focused on not driving him off or triggering something that it fell by the wayside. But I’m sure as hell not going to stop when he almost made such an erotic noise. I could get him just as fuzzy in the head as Levi gets me without even touching him! A swell of pride flooded my ego that I was able to drive him to this state so quickly.  
“You know,” I started, trying not to sound self-satisfied, resting my head on my hand, elbow on the top of the couch, pleased just to watch for a reaction. “I didn’t think I was a leg guy, but you have these fucking amazing legs. Probably because you work out, but _shit_.”  
I watched Levi tense again and noticed his breathing had picked up, hunching his shoulders slightly.  
“They have that perfect curve that goes down to the ankle and I swear if you didn’t have just a great ass you’d catch me staring all the time.” I went on, pleased. I should complement Levi more often, if it gets him like this. I’ll have to remember to say something every day. It could get him to open up. Besides, this was easy.  
“I don’t think you realize how difficult it is to not touch you sometimes. Even if you’re not doing anything erotic, it just is. Probably because it's you, but still. And I go through phases where I don’t feel very horny, but it's going to take a while before I reach there, because nearly everytime I see you I just want to shove you up against the wall.” I admitted, opening up completely and just thinking aloud.  
Levi’s head snapped to look at me the second I ended the last sentence, jaw set, and eyes furiously holding back his emotions, but I could spy some desperation in them and…..fuck is that begging?  
_Damn_  
I shifted my legs, feeling tension gathering instantly after seeing him like that.  
Levi must have seen it in my face, because he let a growl slip through, and his hand reached out and grabbed my chin and pulled my head into a kiss. My eyes widened that it actually worked, but his lips were already on me.  
Levi was hyped and I was still adjusting to the aggression in his actions while digesting the fact that I cracked the code. I wasn’t even trying to get him all riled up but, as usual, my body reacted to every touch and I could feel my body start to awaken as every contact with Levi seemed all too sudden and all too intense, getting me close to the level of frustration and need Levi was operating in. His mouth worked on me, barely even giving me the time to remember to breathe as his lips captured mine again and again as if he had to reach the highest number of kisses in a given minute. Levi was normally the one to slow everything down, pulling back, holding the kiss for a few moments, tugging and biting me, hissing for me to relax because this wasn’t the last time we’d ever make out and my life wasn’t on a countdown. But it was difficult to hold back showing Levi how much I appreciated and liked him, when he was on me or my mind.  
My hands rested on my legs, for the fear of somehow snapping Levi out of kissing me. Levi had one hand around my neck and the other at my waist, as if he needed to secure me in place. This was a satisfactory change in pace, though, and I was more than pleased to respond back as much as I could between Levi’s controlled, hyper pace. Every time I did take the lead or try to insert myself, Levi would make some grumbling noise and tug my head in, prompting a half smile at the urgency, which make it more difficult for Levi to kiss me like he wanted and warranted a tug on my hair.  
Levi never spent too much time on kissing, so I wasn’t ready for the sudden burst of kissery. Breathing seemed difficult as a result of Levi’s quick, precise movements, so I tucked my head down to get a breath, panting. My lips were burning, nearly sore.  
“Mmgf!” Levi growled, yanking my hair and leaning in to capture my lips again.  
The pull of my hair and Levi’s lips broke through my initial shock and I was struck by just how much he wanted me. A moan was muffled by the kiss and I couldn’t hold back whining as I tried to pull in air, feeling a touch of panic.  
“Mmph! Ah-Le-Ngh! Mmh….” I whined, trying again to pull off, this time, grabbing his arms, which now that I'm doing it, seems wrong, I mean fucking feel this!  
Levi made a ticking sound of annoyance and sharply drew back, leaving my neck cold from his hands. My own hands slid off of him as I panted, somewhere between a gasp and a whimper.  
_He’s just kissing me  
But I didn’t know he had the feelings to kiss me like this._  
“Up! Now!” Levi barked, voice tight, standing just in front of me.  
I looked up, still breathing hard, but, in spite of my lack of oxygen, I stood, a pleading feeling coming over me.  
_Touch me_  
Give me a minute  
_Let me touch you_  
Levi looked me up and down and I felt unsavory for the briefest of moments before I saw the lust in his eyes and he shot forward, pulling me in by the small of my back, head back to reach up to my lips, and, despite my advantage, I was docile, and let him take the lead, feeling a seemingly out of place sense of relief and contentment.  
“Tall brat.” Levi spat, and I felt the absence of his hand before he grabbed just below my ass and I felt a pinch as he hefted me up my upper thighs.  
I grunted at the forwardness, hands automatically resting on his shoulders, as I wiggled, shifting to get comfortable.  
Normally I initiate everything, but he looks good doing it.  
Levi was strong, yes, but I didn’t think he could hold me so comfortably.  
Levi frowned slightly, tossing me up a little, so I slid down farther than before, more against his warming body, feeling his hand claim my left cheek.  
I smiled, staring straight into his eyes. “You’re an ass man I take it?”  
“No.” Levi said levelly.  
Then he gave a hard squeeze.  
I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his neck, as Levi carried me towards the bedroom. I stared at his face, spying the lingering lust rushing his movements. Levi was in control, me in the optimal position, and feeling the firm heat of his body made me feel utterly at ease. But he had stopped touching me.  
I leaned in for a kiss.  
Levi made a grumbling sound, but responded anyway.  
I pulled back a fraction and kissed his cheek. “You’re such a good kisser, Levi.” I murmured, breath ghosting across his skin.  
A felt something hard hit my back and I straightened a bit. Levi had shoved me up against the doorframe, a hard edge to his eyes.  
“You fucking, _tease_.” Levi growled.  
I started to protest, but Levi ground his hips hard into my crotch, spreading my legs open. My head dropped down, words disappearing into the spark of that indirect touch.  
“Now shut up.” Levi barked.  
I lifted my head up. “Do that again.”  
“No.” Levi protested, eyebrows scrunching.  
“Mmmh!” I begged.  
“You’ll get dirty.” Levi responded simply, hefting me higher and off the frame, and moving into our bedroom.  
“I think we're both filthy already.” I retorted.  
“No smartass, just ass.” Levi dismissed.  
I rolled my eyes.  
“I saw that.”  
I smirked.  
Levi was at the edge of the bed and then, he dropped me.  
Not tossed. I've been tossed onto the bed and then the guy moved on top or whatever, but it always seemed to have some underlining, suggestive meaning to it. An urgent connotation of need and desire that gave the whole thing a heightened charge. This was devoid of anything. I felt like some box being tossed into a van for someone you didn’t know, or like a cap on a water bottle that rolled away but you didn't feel that recovering it would be worth it - unceremoniously and vacant of all concern or interest.  
I literally fell straight down. I blinked a few times, before a drudge feeling swept over me and I began to pout. My legs were half bent off the bed. I was barely _on_ the bed.  
This is wrong.  
We should be kissing still, right? I lifted myself up on my elbows. Levi should be saying something deep or-well he does look like some precoital renaissance painting. His sharp features, hooded eyes, dark, slanted hair over pale skin, with a curved neck that makes the inside of-  
A shove sent me falling back.  
“Wha-?” I cried. “Hey! You prick!”  
Levi easily tugged off my at-home pants, thwarting my second attempt to sit up.  
I frowned, wiggling upwards so I could actually be on my bed instead of halfhazardly laid out like a cheap hooker bought to clear the pipes.  
Levi stepped out of his pants and folded them, and then removed his shirt.  
“You are so fucking _hot_ , Levi.” I growled, now sitting up on the edge of the bed.  
Levi looked up from his folding, checking my face with frozen suprise. His eyes narrowed and he seemed unsure.  
What?  
Oh, right.  
He wasn't used to that.  
I waved him closer with one hand, smiling. “Trust me. You’ll like it.”  
Levi set his clothes on the nightstand and stiffly walked inbetween my legs, waiting for me to make a move. I held back a smile at his quiet obedience. I reached out and pulled his neck in so I could kiss him, lifting my other hand up to cup his face.  
Levi is so cute like this.  
A warm feeling settled over me and my shoulders dropped, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones.  
Levi moved into the kiss, slowing down his pace. I half opened my eyes to find his still closed, forehead remarkably uncreased. I nipped at his bottom lip in his distraction, sliding my hand down to his pecs, tucking my hand just under his arms, and running one up and down his torso. His abs were perfect.  
I looped over his hip and groped his ass before slipping down his briefs to knead his cheeks with both hands, brushing his upper thigh.  
“You need booty shorts with ’juicy’ on them.” I suggested, grinning mischievously, quickly returning my lips.  
Levi grunted in the back of his throat.  
“I’m going to get you some.” I promised, lips a fraction from Levis, peeking through my eyelashes.  
Levi was waiting for my lips and I could see the start of a glare on his forehead from his lack of patience. My hands shifted to his hips, his underwear making a light snapping sound as I did so. I tucked my head to the side, softly kissing behind his jaw. Running my hands up and down his sides and over his sculpted chest, I began to plant kiss after kiss over his cream skin.  
Last time, I barely had the chance to touch him. I was so rushed and worried and desperate, but now, I needed to. I wanted him to feel good. I wanted to be the one to drive him past everything else; show him how much he meant to me. I claimed his skin with my teeth, and Levi’s hands shot to my stomach, pawing, as I sucked away the offense. I nuzzled his neck, tipping my head under his chin to breathe in his scent. One palm was flat against his stomach and I felt his body quake as I nudged him.  
“God. You smell amazing.” I hissed, and tilted my head, pulling up his chin with my thumb.  
Holding firm, my hand gripped his waist, feeling the firm, heat of his body.  
Levi obliged my request, and my hand returned to his chest, tweaking a nipple as my teeth grazed the thin skin of his throat. Levi's breath left him him in choppy huff and his torso twitched. His head lowered, perhaps wanting to stop me from going farther, but I wasn't going to let him stop when he was reacting so nicely for me. I licked up his juggler with the flat of my tongue, and Levi’s body rolled out of my grip, twisting off, neck bent. I growled in frustration and bumped him back with my knee, reaching around to pull him close by the ass and diving up to dig my teeth in his neck, nails digging into his chest.  
“Ah-!” Levi grunted.  
I released him quickly.  
Did I hurt him?  
Oh fuck!  
I should have asked before going at him like that!  
I kissed all around the bite to make up for it, breathing picking up for another reason.  
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!  
Levi’s hands went to my shoulders and one hand squeezed. I sighed with relief.  
Moving over, I nipped at his earlobe, giving the shell of his ear a light lick.  
Levi made a growling sound and I was shoved back on the bed.  
I half smiled at his retake of control.  
Maybe he has sensitive ears.  
Levi climbed on the bed, but had to crawl closer to reach my mouth. I reached out and relinked my hands around his neck, feet wiggling in the open space. Grey eyes flashed above me before his lips crashed into mine, claiming my lips with nips and tugs. My voice hitched, body shifting in anticipation of _more_. I dropped my hands, reaching under Levi to hook my thumbs underneath the sides of the band of his briefs. Levi slowed down the kissing as I pulled it down and paused.  
“Fuck me.” I insisted.  
Levi smirked and my eyes opened, hands full of his thighs.  
What?  
“You’re a demanding lay, Eren.” Levi teased, voice thick. His eyes shown with possession, of having control and me begging for it. But there was the amusement of being well versed and being pressed to take a inferior choice of action that shown as well. He kept his head tilted, hair falling out of place at an angle, eyes scoping over my face.  
I stroked his thighs, my confidence shrinking under his gaze.  
I felt stupid.  
Levi raised his eyebrows in an ’oh?’. The muscles of his back shifted and he readjusted his legs, pulling his underwear back on, never a good sign, my grip holding. He moved his weight to his left side and moved his hand up to my chin, fingers spaced out along my jaw. Levi drug his thumb from my top lip till it dropped below, leaving a burning trail of nerves in its wake. I felt my face flood with blood and the rush of overrun sensations in my lip as he ghosted his thumb across.  
“I bet that's what you’re used to, humm?” Levi continued slowly, voice laden with a sticky, viscous lust. “Guys who shove in and fuck you quickly?” His thumb pressed down harder as he drug it back as he talked, forcibly pushing from the edge of my lip into the middle and twirling it around to dip just inside before gliding straight out, lip popping back up into place.  
My whole body tightened, breath coming out in hesitant pants. I stared up at him with frozen appreciation. His eyes were half open, studying what he was doing with a vested interest. Levi's hand pulled away and his eyes begun to rise, fingers curling in. I was so overrun with the need to do something since I couldn't before and released my grasp on Levi’s thigh and moved it to grasp his hand, the other hand on the side of his toro in a panic for contact. I shut my eyes and lifted my head up and kissed his retreating fingers over and over again. Levi kept them in place, so I continued, traveling down to his palm, face against his cold skin of his hand, where I felt a twitch of his fingers on the bridge of my nose when my lips connected. I lifted up to give a lick to the tips of his fingers, but Levi jerked back, growling.  
No! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!  
Regret pierced me and my other hand flew up to keep his hand in place, where I quickly kissed his fingers and knuckles in apology. Levi forgave me, and I slowed down, placing chaste kisses down his palm to his wrist and down his arm, pulling his hand up to get farther. Levi's arm was nearly across my face and he tugged out of my grip. I moved back to look at him, opening back up my eyes to see if I had done something else wrong. I felt his fingers ease into my hair and then his hand swooped through my hair, ruffling it.  
I relaxed under his affections.  
“No,” Levi purred, with dark silk, “I’m going to show you a little of what it's like to be teased.”  
My brow creased at the edged, voracity of his tone, and one eye hesitantly opened before the other.  
Levi had a sly smile on his face and I felt the bed shift as he moved down. His hair fell forward as he lowered to kiss down the middle of my chest, his hand swiping down my side. I arched a little at the unexpected touch, spine popping. I winced at a stab of pain in my lower back, but it was forgotten the moment I felt Levi’s mouth on my nipple.  
His hand had stopped on my hip, thumb over the fat there, and fingers over the arch of the bone. Levi’s grip tightened, pressing deep into my muscles, and a tension was relieved with a strain, simultaneously with a suck on my nipple.  
I moaned, body curling forward slightly and my hand flew to his undercut, holding him there.  
His tounge flicked the emerging bud, then placed open mouth kisses everywhere but, before the flat of his tongue smoothed the area.  
“Mmhmm!” I moaned through tightened lips.  
Nails dug into the skin of my inner thigh and Levi raked his hand along the flesh there, pinching on bone.  
“Oh god, fuck me! Sh-hiiiit!” I howled, hand moving to reach across his back.  
A hum vibrated against my skin where Levi’s mouth was stationed in reply. With a final suck, his raven locks shifted to the other side, where he began to scrape his teeth across my chest. Suddenly, the long trail ended with a hard bite on the skin it had pulled and my dick twitched, legs bending in so my knees pressed hard on Levi’s side.  
I gasped, hand gripping the skin on his back.  
Levi nipped here and there, briefly nearing my nipple to move away. Every few times, the nip would intensify to a harsh bite and my leg or body would jerk and a whining moan would accompany it.  
A tension settled hard over us and my stomach heaved with the brute need for a more direct touch, but I didn't want to give in so easily to Levi and have been reduced to begging from so little. And yet, the fact that it _was_ Levi is why it felt like so much.  
Levi’s eyes lifted slightly to mine with lustful satisfaction and he smiled upon seeing my tightly clenched face and heavy breathing.  
“Not enough?” Levi pressed.  
My eyes hardened.  
“Tsk, still stubborn.” Levi clicked at me, slapping my inner thigh so it jiggled.  
I jerked upwards, head involuntarily moving up so I was closer to Levi, with a breathy hitch of surprise. My eyes fell to his lips. I lifted myself closer, but his jaw quirked to the side, eyes fully inflamed, waiting for my reaction.  
He wasn't going to let me kiss him.  
Are you fucking kidding?  
I scowled, falling back and his face disappeared.  
Why even have mouths then?  
Levi planted a soft kiss to my chest and I lost it. I grabbed his hair and yanked his face up, slamming my mouth to his. Giving up control for a moment, Levi let me make my point again and again on his lips.  
I jerked back at a pinch to my nipples and opened my eyes to find his smug. I licked my lips and Levi glanced down at them before kissing my lips then chin and traveling down my neck.  
I whined heavily at his mouth on my throat and dropped back again, hand over my eyes. My breath was short and varied as Levi kissed slowly down my body, now probably nearly off the bed at this point. He went straight down and reached my waistline where he kissed several times, making me tense.  
My thigh twitched in anticipation. Levi shifted, but I didn't look, not at this point, hell no.  
His cold hands swiped up from my inner thighs where he grabbed my upper leg with both hands. His lips went down farther, over my cock, down the shaft, between my sack and I arched, cursing, grabbing his left hand on my thigh.  
“ _Okay, okay, okay!_ I-I get it!” I howled, dropping my hand and lifting myself up. I tightened my hold on his hand.  
I swallowed heavily, panting, begging with my eyes for him to do _something_.  
Levi studied me for several moments, staring into each eye, and then abruptly backed up off the bed, sliding off.  
“Mhm.” I grunted, in too much need of him to delay.  
Levi moved to the nightstand and opened the drawer.  
Thank fuck.  
Pop!  
He walked back over, tube in hand, and slipped off his briefs. Levi clasped under the back of both my knees and I tensed at his cold hands. He yanked me all the way to the edge, so my butt was at the end, and my legs were completely off.  
I squeaked, hands curling in.  
A throb started up in my groin, and I bit my lip. The fact that Levi wanted me right now, and the closest he could get me, turned me the fuck on big time. I searched his face, willing him to touch me more, but he wasn't focused on me at all. He was squirting out the lube on his fingers.  
He pushed one finger inside and began working me, in and out. I shut my eyes, pleased to have some relief. He added another finger and scissored them inside me. I bit my lip.  
“See how much better it goes when you warm up?” Levi teased.  
I growled at him and he snorted.  
He kept going, even adding another finger, and brushing up on my prostate a few times, sending my head back and me into several outbursts. I didn't appreciate the teasing, but luckily, Levi removed his fingers before I said anything.  
I looked up to see he was sliding the condom on and I wrapped my legs around him instead, still on my elbows. Finally he squirted out the lube and began rubbing it over his cock.  
Levi looked up and I nodded.  
Levi hooked his arm around my legs and pushed in. I winced. He immediately stopped. I inhaled deeply, forcing myself to relax. Levi rubbed soothingly on my leg.  
I half smiled at his gesture. “You can move.” I informed him.  
Levi inched in a few times before he thrusted fully inside.  
“Ah!” I howled. “Levi!”  
“Sorry.” He mumbled, eyes downcast.  
“Are you?” I hissed, feeling stabs of pain along with the pressure of Levi’s full cock.  
“It was deeper than I thought.” He snapped, defensively. He sighed. “I didn't mean to.” Levi corrected, modestly.  
I propped myself up and stretched out my neck. A glint in his eyes, Levi leaned in and gave me a kiss. His eyes were soft when he pulled back and I licked his lips.  
Don't do it agian.  
Levi’s eyebrows twitched as if he heard.  
Straightening, Levi pulled up one of my legs and drew out slowly, before pushing back in.  
“Mhm.”  
He shifted to the side before thrusting inside, picking up the pace each time. His hand gripped the leg hooked over his waist and kept the other in place, no matter how much I twisted on the bed.  
“Ah!” I moaned. “Levi!”  
Levi pounded into me, harder and harder, until I could barely catch my breath. I dissolved into gasping pants and drawn out moans that heated me up even more. My body shook with the impact of each thrust, the ’slap, slap, slap’ ringing in my ears.  
Levi pushed my leg back, angling his hips so he went deeper.  
I groaned in the back of my throat, eyes pinching shut. I propped myself up on an elbow, sitting up, and reached for him, hand grasping his neck. I tried to open my eyes but another thrust sent the air right out of me.  
“Mhmngh.” I moaned. “Levi.”  
Levi placed his hand on my waist instead of my leg.  
I opened my eyes and met Levi’s hooded gaze. Sweat was coming off of him, beading down his chest, making his white skin almost shine. His muscle shown in contrast, his heavy breathing pulling them taut against his glistening skin.  
“Ah.” I gasped as another round sent me over, fingers scratching his skin. “Shit.”  
I looked back up at him.  
Fuck he’s so-damn-fine.  
I pulled him in and kissed him, tongue slipping past his lips and crashing against his tongue, working the entirety of his mouth. My hand roamed his body, feeling the muscles contract under my fingers. Tension welled inside my groin and I whined, loosing my grip. I rested my forehead on Levi's, eyes shut.  
“Mhmm.”  
_So good. So good._  
How can he be fucking me this hard the whole time? It's insane. I could feel him slamming into me, and there was no doubt I was going to be sore as hell after this, but I honestly didn't care that much right now. Not that I had the focus to do anything but be fucked.  
Levi made a growling-moan noise and I opened my eyes in response.  
His grip tightened before slipping under my hip and lifting my ass into the air, his other hand pushing my legs back towards me.  
“Hey!” I exclaimed, falling back.  
He could have warned me.  
Levi moved in closer, arms supporting him, and lowered his body over me. He rammed me into the mattress, shoving into my ass so fast my hips were permenatly pressed against the mattress. I was so lost in it, my whole body virbated around the fervency wound tight within me, shoulders pushing deeper into the mattress. I wrapped my arms around Levi, curling into him, tears forming in my eyes. Scattered kisses were placed all over Levi’s face, not just his lips, until I couldn't do anything but nearly choke on my moans.  
“Levi. Levi. Levi!” I whined, gasping desperately.  
His thrusts were driving me to the brink.  
Fuck-I’m gonna-  
“Levi!”  
Levi picked up the pace, fuck knows how, and I cried out, spilling over. Something sharp pierced me on the edge of my throat and a rumbling groan ripped from my throat. My mind went hazy, until I felt something splatter inside me, and I noted the pain was lingering on my throat. A weight fell on top of me and I half smiled. Panting, I blindly reached up and rested my hands in Levi’s disheveled hair.  
Did he bite me?  
My leg twitched.  
“Mmmmmhm.” I hummed.  
I think he did.  
“Mmhm.” Came the crisp reply.

“Eren?” Levi barked. “Get up.”  
I was face down on the bed, sprawled out over the entire thing, nestled in that limbo of asleep and awake.  
“I took a shower already. You need to take one too.” Levi continued, prodding my shoulder.  
“Noooooo.” I drawled out  
“Eren.”  
“I'm tired.” I protested, childishly, voice muffled by the blankets.  
“Just get in, you brat.” Levi sighed.  
I groaned.  
“Enough.”  
It would be nice to get in the bed. And I should at least wipe up all the cum from my legs, ass, and stomach. I drug myself up onto my hands and knees, frowning. The dull ache in my hips and ass intensified when I moved them.  
“Give me your hands.” Levi ordered, standing next to the bed.  
He had fucking clothes on. His stupid white shirts.  
“What are you gonna do?” I muttered, titling my head at him.  
“Do I have to tell you again?”  
“Be nice!” I shot back, lifting myself up a ways to hold out my hands.  
Levi looked stoically annoyed as normal, and took my hands.  
“Your hands are soft.” I commented.  
Levi paused, then said gruffly, “Thank you.”  
I smirked, but flinched again as I moved off the bed. Levi pulled me up, one hand switching to grab my upper arm, while the other wrapped around my waist.  
“Shit!” I growled, standing on my feet, leaning heavily on Levi.  
My legs felt weak and shaky. I glanced over at Levi and sighed.  
“Stop pouting.” Levi exclaimed. “I’ll help you.”  
“I'll pout if I want to!”  
“Sweetheart,” Levi began, voice definite, and I looked over, “shut up.”  
I gave him a dry look and tried to put more weight on my feet. Shaking my arms, I wiggled off Levi’s hands, making an irritated noise. He dropped them both, but kept next to me. I shuffled into the bathroom, but spots of red and pink caught my eye in the mirror.  
“What the-?” I howled.  
Levi perked up, placing a hand on my back. “You okay?” He questioned, eyebrows wrinkled.  
I met his gaze, turning around to face him. “What is all this?” I demanded, gesturing frantically to all the bites and teeth marks.  
Levi’s face smoothed.  
He shrugged. “A very fuckable man.” Levi stated, levely.  
I frowned, but felt my breathing fluctuate at his words. “Levi!” I howled.  
The corner of his mouth deeped and he averted his gaze, eyes hardening. “Stop shouting.”  
“I’m not!”  
Levi’s face deadpaned.  
I took ahold of my breathing, forcing myself to take deep breaths. “I didn’t relaize you marked me up this much.” I said, quieter.  
Levi smirked. “Its not my fault you like it.”  
I felt my face heat up at the low, taunting tone of his voice. Quickly dropping the subject, I turned off, and hurried in the shower to distract myself. It was hard, though, because Levi stayed right next to me like I was some cripple. Hand on the hot water nob, I turned it all the way up.

Levi had been shuffling about, so I looked around to see if he was still around.  
Nope.  
I turned off the water and grabbed my towel that was previously dangling from the shower door. Ruffling my hair, I pushed open the door with a clack.  
“I trust you didn't slack off.”  
I jumped.  
Levi.  
“How did you get in here so fast?” I blurted.  
Levi rolled his eyes, arms still crossed. “Why don't you cover yourself so I don't get excited.”  
I stepped out, towel hanging from my hand. “You can take it.” I dismissed.  
“Can I?” Levi mused, eyeing me.  
I grinned.  
“Put your towel around your waist.” Levi ordered, waving his hand.  
“Well I-...uh...don't know how.” I admitted.  
“You don't know how to put the towel around your waist?” Levi repeated slowly, in dry disbelief.  
“I can never get it to stay on!” I protested.  
“Unbelievable.” Levi muttered, shrugging.  
“Fuck the towel!” I huffed.  
“Would you like a bath?” Levi interjected, softer.  
I perked up, glancing from him to the tub. “Really? You turned it on?”  
Levi nodded, eyes soft.  
“Yessss!” I hollered, rushing over.  
The tub was full, steam already rising. There was a tint to the water, and I noted a few tiny bubbles. It was a white, oval basin in a rectangular frame that was fairly large. Two people could easily sit inside. Jets were on all sides, and the thing was decked out with back supports to boot. I loved this thing. It really helped with the muscle aches. I grabbed the remote and increased the temperature and switched on the jets. There was a rumble, and then they rushed on, stirring the water. Bubbles frothed and I smiled.  
“Come here, Eren.” Levi instructed, coming up behind me.  
“What?” I questioned.  
“That thing is as deep as a grave.” Levi declared.  
I smiled.  
“I’m helping you in.”  
“Okay, okay.”  
I let Levi hold and steady me as he wished, and climbed inside. Lowering myself down sent my muscles into fits and my hips were reinflamed. By the look on his face, Levi was one thought away from hoisting me up and lowering me in himself. Siting on my ass wasn't the best thing, but I made sure I was directly on a jet.  
I breathed through the strain, knowing the heat and jets would massage some of it away.  
“Is this lavender?” I asked, leaning back.  
I had some scented bubble baths and bath soaks that I kept under the bathroom sink. I guess that's what all that shuffling he was doing was.  
There were so many bubbles!  
Levi nodded. “Shit’s calming.”  
I smiled. “Don’t you wanna join me?” I encouraged.  
Levi shook his head. “No. I can't take the thought of tubs.”  
I frowned. “That's okay.” I splashed a bit in the water.  
Levi promptly left.  
“Levi!” I called.  
That little shit. Where is he going?  
A minute later, he returned with a bottle of water and a big glass of juice.  
“Drink this.” Levi commanded, holding out the juice.  
I straightened a bit, and then downed the whole thing. Licking my lips, I gave it back.  
He nodded and set the water on the edge of the tub.  
“How much water does this thing use?” Levi inquired, eying the tub.  
I gave a short laugh. “I’m sure it's a fuckton.”  
“Mmhm.”  
There was a pause.  
“I had to ask the landlord if I could put it in.” I informed him.  
Levi raised his eyebrows.  
“I felt like an asshole.”  
“I’m sure these other fat cat residents have whirlpool tubs or at minimum those fancy toilets.” Levi scoffed.  
“A Bidet?”  
“Whatever.”  
“Yeah. I thought about getting one.”  
“It would make cleaning your ass easier, but I don't think I’d be able to get off that thing.” Levi admitted.  
I laughed. “Heated seats and....it oscillates.”  
Levi smirked.  
“Imagine telling your landlord that.” I imagined distastefully. “Hey, yeah I need you to approve this so I can have my own personal ass washing station.”  
Levi laughed outloud.  
I smiled over at him, pleased I made him laugh outright.   
Levi stared at me for a few seconds, eyes showing a feeling that made me fidget upon seeing in him. He scanned around the tub, as if checking to see if everything was in place.  
His face crinkled. "Is it too hot?" Levi asked, concerned.   
"No."   
"Eren." Levi insisted, a bit worried. "It says 103."   
I shook my head, assuring him with a smile.   
_Don't tell him. Don't tell him.  
Not _ now _._   
"No, look." I raised myself out of the water to show him. "I'm not red or anything. Besides, my body temperature is high. Don't worry."   
Levi didn't look fully convinced and I felt a pang in my chest about keeping everything from him.   
But I didn't want to change what we had going or drive him away. It was too much. And he's so, incredibly worth lying to keep.   
“Thanks for setting this up.” I said wholeheartedly.  
Levi nodded and scratched my head, staring down peacefully.  
I shut my eyes.  
“Relax, sweetheart.” Levi cooed. “You deserve it for taking my dick so well.”  
My eyes opened, face flat.  
Typical.  
He dropped his hand and gave me a half smile before walking off.  
“I’m hungry.”  
“You're NOT eating in the tub!”  
“Leeee-vi!”  
“Not even a grape!”


	17. Why are you asking?

Levi had been working with Erwin for a few days, so I didn't get to see him until yesterday for lunch. I wanted to prove to him that I was cleaning up to his standards, so I made sure to sanitize everything for when he came over after work. All I had to do now, was put the dishes in the washer. Levi had to be impressed. I recleaned and recleaned.  
I heard metal and panic rushed through me. I wasn't done!  
Sure enough, there was Levi.  
Black parted hair and a dull expression on his face. He scanned behind him as if he thought he was followed and then locked the door. While he took off his shoes, I hurried to put the dishes up the way, I think, he liked. All the dishes closed with a rattle and I pushed practically every button on that thing. I straightened, proud I had finished. I smiled at Levi.  
“I cleaned!” I informed him. “I hope it's better.” I bit my lip as I looked around. Did I dust in the right order? Levi says top to bottom, but you dust first, right?  
Looking for Levi for approval, my thoughts stopped instantly upon seeing his face.  
Levi was staring at me. Not like he usually does, either. There was something else present in his manner, an air that had been there, but not so pronounced that I could fully detect it. His thumb tapped idly on his pointer finger at a frantic pace.  
Levi was upset?  
_No._  
A rigidness seeped over Levi that wasn't there when he walked through the door. He made no motion to move or comment or make his tea; he was caught between something.  
Levi was unsure.  
I blinked.  
It seemed impossible.  
The need to know precisely what it was drove me to look deeper in his expression. I liked him. We were dating. I should know how he thinks - what he's feeling. I should be a good boyfriend and know just by looking at him what is going on. Like how he is with me.  
Levi’s eyebrows were low, level, but his jaw was set on one side like he was biting down, grinding his enamel away. His chin was dipped in, eyebrows twitching like they weren’t sure how to act. At first, his eyes seemed to be glaring at me, accusing, but that didn't fit correctly with the aura he was giving off. It felt pressured and there was something - something behind his eyes that wouldn't be kept down. Had I seen this look before?  
I frowned, and this caused Levi to speak.  
“It’s the best you’ve done so far.” Levi complimented. “Still. You need some work, because it's filthy.”  
I huffed, scowling at my apartment for betraying me. Slumping a bit, I looked over at Levi, who was continuing to stare.  
“I set up your tea stuff.” I prompted, eager to at least earn a nod for that.  
Levi shook his head, slightly. “Just a minute.” He deflected, mumbling, breaking off, and that something flashed in his eyes coloring his movements across the room to be more like fleeing.  
What if-Is he-  
A mischievous smile slipped across my face and I bounded over to Levi in a second. Catching him in front of the couch, I moved closer.  
I had seen that before. Just never presented in that way.  
Levi tightened and my smile dropped to reassurance. I ran my hands up and down his arm. “You can relax, you know?” I offered, half as a question. “Nothing bad will happen here.”  
Levi let go of a deep sigh, eyes roaming before resting on mine. He flashed one of his half smiles and I grinned. Levi was trying.  
“Yay!” I cried. “See!” I leaned forward and kissed him on the nose, both hands squeezing his upper arm.  
Levi’s eyes were stricken for a moment, but I didn't pull away, and just stared back, biding my time until I saw an opening. His eyes soothed me in a way, and the smell of fresh clothes washed all the tension out of my body. The corners of Levi’s eyes tightened, and that something welled up.  
Grinning, I leaned in, and pressed my lips to his. Levi tilted his head and responded back, giving me a flurry of quick kisses, hands rising to rest on my shoulders and neck. With him partially distracted, I let my hands drop and they easily moved inside his long shirt, sliding up and down his firm stomach. I could feel the edges of his muscle under my fingers and sighed possessively, head rushing.  
Levi was mine.  
He was all mine.  
No one touched him like this.  
He wanted me to touch him.  
I pulled back and licked Levis lips, giggling at the subsequent displeasure and pleasure he gained from it.  
_Mine._  
It struck me then, and I felt charged. I needed to envelop Levi. I needed to prove it. My hands moved down to his hips and I shoved him against the back of the couch, moving in on him as well so we didn't break contact. I could feel his chest moving under me and smiled again at Levi’s look of mistreatment at being pushed on a couch. Hands tightened in my hair and he yanked my head down for another kiss, holding it for a long while.  
Levi’s length was already pressing on my waist. I twisted my head off to the side, earning a displeased grunt from Levi, but it was worth it.  
“You were ready to go the second you walked in, huh?” I teased, words brushing his lips.  
Levi’s eyes hardened, in an endearing way, and I could feel his nails scratch at my neck in contemplation. His breath came out in short, irritated puffs, making him all the more alluring.  
“You know,” I murmured softly, kissing him deliberate, and slow. I pulled back, noting his eyes were still closed. “You are allowed to want me.”  
Before he could answer, or open his eyes, I quickly drug my lip over his and then captured his lower lip, biting down, and holding his hips in place because Levi had this nasty little habit of squirming away when he felt good. The couch blocked him from moving back, and the realization that he was pinned, made Levi dig his nails into my neck.  
“Brat.” Levi hissed.  
His eyes had softened more into a look of desperation, but the irritation and control was still there, clouding it.  
No.  
I wanted him to lose it. I wanted him to moan without meaning to. I wanted him to grab me and beg me not to stop.  
Levi’s expression moved, but I couldn't tell exactly. My hands slid up to his waist and held firm, leaning back down to continue the kiss. As always, Levi took control, sucking and nipping to the point where I didn't mind the lack of tongue because of this mans lip-work. I was stuck following Levi’s varied pace from soft, casual kisses to furious, violent assaults, all flowing together in some odd way. This made me both calm and needy, but, it was obvious Levi needed more. I didn't even have sex on my mind, and I could let Levi get me hot and bothered, or I could seize the change to illustrate the fact that we weren't in the Victorian era and if Levi was horny, he was within his rights to suggest his boyfriend do something about it.  
One hand dropped to Levi’ pants to palm down his erection, pulling his zipper along the way. I squeezed his package and Levi growled into my mouth.  
_Oh, fuck yes._  
I tugged at the side of his jeans, but it wasn't so much of a full attempt, so they barely shifted down off of him. They hung now in a open tilt. Levi was forcefully kissing me, now, tugging at my hair, but I shifted over, kissing him once on the jaw before running my tongue up the underside of his ear. Levi’s hands dropped, rubbing my shoulders as his breath hitched.  
He really likes it, huh.  
I nipped at the shell of his ear, and Levi huffed, jerking his head away from me. I could feel his torso follow and his hips move to the side, leg shifting as if ready for escape. His hands were caught between pushing and pulling at my shirt, a tightness settling once again over him.  
Why can't you just let it feel good?  
Forcefully, I tugged Levi’s hips closer and possessively sucked on his neck, biting down hard to snap him out of tensing. Levi grunted at my efforts, but kept his head turned to the side, eyes forcefully shut. I administered a stray lick to his neck before kissing down the curve of his neck, continuing to manhandle his package. He had opened up his legs a bit, so I had the access I wanted to stroke all the way back.  
Levi's hands slid down to my chest, though I barely noticed it, until his hand tapped me, breaking me off from leaving another deep red mark.  
“This is starting to feel really gross.” Levi reluctantly admitted, meeting my gaze with an uncomfortability that proved it already was.  
Shit.  
I didn't want him regret telling me, so I was extra sweet. “That’s fine, babe.” I kissed him lightly.  
I wanted to mark him up completely, and, to be honest, I was only beginning. His shirt wasn't even off yet. But Levi was at his limit. I guess it was a lot. His pants and underwear were destroyed in his eyes and I was licking his neck a lot, though I had switched to just sucking and using teeth.  
I flashed a smile and dropped down to my knees.  
“Eren!” Levi called, alarmed.  
But, with the couch as my wingman, Levi couldn't move back, and, with his pants and underwear down, moving would be comical.  
I knelt down in front of Levi, but he seemed more alarmed and uncomfortable than turned on. To settle him down, I ran my palms up and down the back of his legs and turned in to graze his inner thighs. Never in my life had I felt skin as smooth as Levis and my appreciation for his legs began to grow the more I touched him. His skin was warm, more heated than I expected, I could feel him tense and untense rapidly under my fingers. Levi’s legs parted a bit, and I took that as a hint to continue, giving his thighs a squeeze before moving them to rest on his hips, lowering my mouth slowly over his dick. I look more and more of his shaft into my mouth, sucking lightly, until I reached the base, where I sucked harder, just once, before pulling back and repeating the process again.  
Halfway down, my eyes caught sight of his hands balled up into a fist and held close to his side. Levi, I realized, hadn’t made one sound since I started, which, of course, wasn’t entirely odd, but, when I raised my head a bit more, I noticed his stomach was barely moving.  
Well, fuck.  
I lost all focus, wondering what I was supposed to do. I had wanted him to enjoy this, but Levi seemed more troubled by the blowjob. I could ask him, I suppose, but I really didn’t feel like I could. Mostly likely, I’d receive some sarcastic remark or a vague answer, or Levi might even lapse into another monologue, and even though his dick was out, I wouldn’t put it past him to not grab an opportunity for a speech. Maybe Levi didn’t feel good. Maybe he didn’t want me to, but didn’t want to tell me to stop out of courtesy. Sex seemed to be the only way I could make up for all my issues, and I really didn’t mind, because making my boyfriend feel good turned me on just as much as getting sucked or fucked myself. But, I couldn’t please Levi no matter what I did. Not with the tea, or cleaning, or when it came to sex, or my messiness, it seemed I was designed to cause him difficulty and have no means to make up for it.  
I sighed lightly, and then hoped Levi didn’t hear it, because it was a defeated sort of sigh. But, then again, I was sighing all over his dick. Still at a loss, I ran the tips of my fingers up and down the side of his leg, and planted a kiss just under his hip. Levi shifted the weight on his feet, and I heard a puff from his nose.  
He did like it?  
Maybe he couldn’t calm down.  
“Your skin is really soft.” I murmured, kissing the area again.  
Levi’s body dropped in a way that make me more aware of how tense Levi had been, and I noticed the stretched fabric on his stomach had begun moving in and out.  
I didn’t want him to lose momentum in this delicate time, so I immediately slipped his dick down my throat and began sucking forcefully, bobbing my head. Touching Levi elsewhere semmed to help settle him, so I continued to palm his inner thighs and scratch at his sides while his dick went deeper and deeper into my throat. Levi’s haggard breathing told me he was relaxed into the feeling.  
Despite being shoved against a couch, Levi shifted his hips backward when I managed to stretch my mouth down a good portion of his cock, and irritation flashed through my head. He was back to fighting it.  
I grabbed his ass in response, pulling him back into me, tilting my head to take more of him in. I relaxed my jaw and pretended not to feel Levi’s length hitting the back on my throat.  
“Nngh. Fuck!” Levi groaned, like he didn't mean to. “ _Eren_.”  
Hearing my name coated in that desperation made my dick twitch. I sucked even harder, cheeks caving in, and rotated my head in circles and figure eights, rubbing Levi’s head against the wet heat of my mouth.  
A choppy groan rewarded my efforts and I resisted the urge to demand Levi to be louder, to say my name again. Instead, I kneaded his cheeks, cupping as I pulled completely off his dick. Saliva was dripping down his shaft, and a trail of it was still connected to my mouth. Quickly, I wiped it off with the back of my hand, breathing heavily. Luckily, Levi didn't seem to think it was too gross. But then again, when I looked up, his eyes were closed, hands gripping the back of the couch, eyebrows pulled in, mouth parted.  
A smile went over my face.  
He fucking loved it.  
Hopefully, Levi was too high to track my movements exactly, because I wanted to do something he might fret over. I took a few deep breaths, and then covered Levi’s cock with my mouth, again, sucking him deeper and deeper.  
“Eren.” Levi growled, and I felt cold fingers yank my head out of position, slipping his length a little ways out my mouth.  
“Oomhpft.” I protested, hands dropping from his ass.  
“Slow the fuck down.” Levi growled, half-begging.  
I wanted to know why, but I was scared it would upset or put him off, so I pulled back and nodded, looking up at him, swallowing. Levi sighed lightly and let his fingers tangle in my hair for a moment, mouth still parted. He wasn't looking at me or my hair, but through me, and the softness and openness of his expression made my head swim.  
I moved forward, gripping his cock with one hand. “You’re really hard, huh?” I teased, grinning up at him.  
Levi’s face returned to placidity for a second, before he smirked, and gave my head a push into his crotch.  
“Hey!” I cried, with a laugh.  
His dick was all pink and stood stiff on its own, the tip forming the perfect arch. I began lazily jacking him, finding a rhythm. Pulling his dick off to the side, I began licking his shaft with long strokes with the flat of my tongue.  
“Mmhm.” Levi hitched, lightly.  
I titled my head and lapped around the base of his cock, sucking on the loose skin, before giving a quick lick to the line between his ballsack.  
Levi jerked.  
I resumed my work, taking each nut into my mouth and sucking on it. Meanwhile, my other hand inched its way up the back of Levi’s thighs. Levi made no notice of disaproval, so I began running my tongue up and down his shaft, teasing the tip whenever the urge struck me.  
Levi was responding beautifully, with harsh pants and sudden twitches. He didn't seem troubled like before, so I straightened up, stroking him down the entirety of his length, twisting and squeezing my hand. Levi’s dick twitched in my hand, and I couldn't help but feel the need to be presented with a certificate or at least a button. I had this put together man twitching under my ministrations with mere desire.  
My hand reached between his legs to fondle his balls as I sucked him down, while my other stayed on his hips and caressed the sides of his leg. There was enough saliva from before that I had a little lubrication, and I quickly found the spot I was looking for. Levi’s balls rested in my hand, benefiting as my two fingers began rubbing the area that was almost like hitting his prostate. I started off lightly, but when his cock reached the back of my throat and I heard Levi moan outright, the sound went straight to my head and I had the desperate need to hear that again. So I pressed harder. Levi kept shifting his weight around and pulling back, breathing a little faster, so rubbed circles on his hip with my thumb, hoping to ease him. I pulled off his dick slowly, working my tongue along the length of him, and, when I reached the head, I’d go right back down.  
Levi made a humming-whine after I did this a few times, and I knew he was close.  
“Fuck, Eren.” Levi hissed, hips dropping a bit, pushing his dick farther in my mouth.  
I took the hint and began working faster, bobbing my head, making sure his dick kept sliding right back down my throat. Sucking harder, my nose slammed down against his pelvic bone.  
Levi’s hips stuttered, a moan breaking free from his haggard breathing, and I tasted him in the back of my throat. I sucked harder, not wanting to make a huge mess, trying to swallow it around his cock. Levi’s release must have fogged up his head, because he groaned outright as I did this. I squeezed his hip, and dropped my hand from between his legs.  
His breathing was still shaky when I pulled off his cock, still trying to slurp up as much of the fluid as I could. I looked up at Levi, licking my lips, and noted he still was gripping the couch, though he was looking at me with a hazy interest.  
“How are you so good with that mouth of yours?” Levi asked, softly.  
I held back a grin at the compliment, feeling overly aware from the praise. “It’s easy with a cock like yours.” I quipped.  
Levi smirked, eyes going soft.  
I was caught up in the moment. Levi was open and readable. I could see his affections for me. They were so expertly hidden that I’d began accustomed to searching for them, but now, they moved into the light.  
Levi looked down at his dick, and his eyebrows lowered.  
Shit!  
“I’ll get a towel!” I cried, hopping up.  
Levi gave a bored, shake of his head. “No need.” He brushed off. “I’m going to take a shower.”  
I noticed that his face was flushed, his lips still red, and his chest was still unevenly breathing. It was such a sight I unfocused for a moment.  
Levi bent down and picked up his boxers and jeans.  
“Do you want me to do something?” I questioned, also noting his ass was a shade of pink and there were long scratches down his legs.  
Levi whisked off his shirt with the ease of a much looser fit.  
He glanced up, as if just remembering he had a boyfriend. “Uh, yeah.” Levi mumbled, taking a look at his clothes before giving them over. “Wash these. Separately.”  
I nodded. “I’ll soak them first, don’t worry.” I assured him, brows furrowing in concentration on my task.  
I heard Levi smirk and looked up, surprised.  
The smug, light half smile on Levi’s face made the blood in my chest rush.  
“Think of what you want to eat too. I’m fucking starving.”

 

It was eating away at me. I mean for fucks sake.  
I bit my nails for a few moments until my professor turned around and then looked innocent. His eyes scanned over me before looking away. Hopefully he wouldn't give me another private chat. That lady wasn't even halfway decent with her argument and missed the entire point of the discussion and I'm supposed to not say anything? But of course, I get the talking to.  
I sighed, shifting in my chair.  
Levi’s lucky he doesn't have to do this shit. He’s probably too busy straining under a deathly tight shirt, those muscles flexing. His firm, abs- _Fuck!_ I'm doing it again.  
Levi and I did it a few nights ago, but I’m practically raging over here.  
I can't insist we do it again. He worked out with Erwin the other day and was in no mood for contact. He even literally said “Don't touch me” in this gremlin voice and took several showers before leaving to stay at his place. Yesterday he was in a better mood, but I didn't find him very affectionate. I even used the blanket, so I can move closer or lean on him, but Levi began to question the hygiene of blankets and launched into this rant about bacteria festering on fabrics. He threw the blanket away from him and used this massive squirt of hand sanitizer, where he persisted that it had to soak in when I commented he used too much.  
But I'm so fucking horny.  
I can't even focus in class or do my work and my dick is no help at all not to mention I keep thinking about Levi and I go home and there he is I can't get away from him and he's so toned and he sashays about not to mention earlier when he crossed his legs in front of me and the nudged me with his foot, stretching out that leg of his and I had to pretend I didn't want to lick all the way up it and his thighs while he grumbled about how I left a mess in the bathroom and need to put things back in place and not wet and I can't jack off again I mean it's not fucking working and I have a quiz or a test and Levi-  
Innocent.  
My teacher’s eyes moved on.  
Maybe if I jack off on his side of the bed.....

Oh god, oh god, help me someone!  
Maybe if I think of something gross.  
Levi was already here when I came home. And he keeps following me. I can’t rub one out. He pops in and demands to know what I'm doing before stalking off. It's like he’s trying to communicate.  
“Eren!”  
Fuck!  
“If it takes you this long to pee you might have a prostate problem!”  
“Levi, I’m in the bathroom!” I growled.  
“I’d like to finish this stupid, predictable show that has no merit whatsoever with you.”  
“Fucking play it then. I'll be right out.”  
“How massive is the shit your taking? Are you going to have to flush twice?”  
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. You better get the fire extinguisher it's coming out hot.”  
I bet he’s smirking with those lips o-  
Fuck!  
I must calm down. I can wait. It's no big deal.  
I might be able to do it quick in here, but I feel weird about it. Levi is right there, but I don't want to force him into it. He’s in a iffy place and he won't like it.  
“For godssake you're not giving birth, Eren.”  
“Are you just standing there?!”

“Ah, the triumphant hero returns from his battle with the porcelain kingdom.” Levi announced when I hesitantly shuffled in.  
I couldn't look at him. My eyes shifted all along the floor, mouth tight. I picked at my nails, trying to muster the will to gross out Levi and remind him how he must tolerate things in a relationship.  
“Brat, what is it? Did you break the toilet?”  
I growled, finally looking up to shoot him a glare.  
“Sit down, then. You’re just fine.” Levi huffed.  
I shouldn't be so bothered. Levi is funny, why am I mad at him? Shit jokes are literally his favorite.....Oh yeah.  
“L-Levi?” I started, quickly sitting down, body angled towards him.  
Levi grunted.  
“I-uh-I’m still kinda horny.” I admitted.  
“Is that your problem?” Levi mumbled, looking over.  
I searched his eyes, but they were as empty as they normally are, giving nothing away but a stiff, partially agonized gaze.  
“I’m sorry I-”  
“Fuck, Eren, you’re what? Twenty?” Levi turned off the Tv.  
I opened my mouth to correct him.  
“Of course you're fucking horny. I’m surprised you don't convert the library into a masterbation room.” Levi interrupted.  
I smirked lightly.  
Levi sighed. “Look, I’m not going to fuck you again. We did it three times.”  
“Twice.”  
“Twice.” Levi repeated. “Three workouts in a short span of time.”  
“I know you're not in the mood, and I wasn't going to bother you, but doing it myself isn't working.” I apologized.  
I shouldn't have said anything.  
Levi smirked. “What? Only me will do?”  
I bit my lip.  
Apparently.  
Something in his gaze switched. “Alright then, come on.”  
“On the couch?” I blurted, surprised.  
“No. On the bed.” Levi emphasized by standing.  
I nodded before jumping up. “I'll get the sheet.” I announced.  
Levi was only doing this because I specifically asked. The least I could do is cooperate and make this as simple as possible.  
I entered the bedroom with the sheet and offered it to Levi. He raised an eyebrow at me before he flung the sheet into the air, letting it ghost down before rearranging.  
I took everything off while he adjusted it, bouncing on my heels.  
Levi patted the bed and I immediately jumped in. He followed, sitting on his heels, and I frowned.  
“Mhm?” Levi grunted, eyeing me.  
I shook my head.  
“Eren, just say it.” Levi huffed.  
“Well I-I was just worried about your...clothes.” I admitted.  
“I’ll be fine.” Levi assured.  
He made a nonchalant wave of his hand with a furrowed look and I laid back. Levi scooted closer, then grabbed the back of my knees and pulled me so that my legs were on either side of him. He leaned to the side, and lifted up the biggest bottle of lube I have ever seen in my life.  
My eyes flew open and immediately began to panic. What the fuck is planning to do? Shove as many dildos as can fit up me?  
“Levi!” I cried, sitting up.  
Levi scowled, annoyed. "Shut up. Hanji gave it to us." He informed me, eyeing the bottle with distaste.  
“What does she think we are doing?” I wondered aloud, with a slight laugh.  
Levi darkly shook his head.  
“Where did she get that? Costco?”  
“More likely at her erotic shop on a discount for buying so much shit.” Levi guessed. He scanned the label. “It says its high quality, medical lube.”  
“Great. Fuck me like a dirty scientist.” I said sarcastically.  
I wanted him to touch me already.  
Levi smirked and squeezed, but way too much rushed out into his hand.  
The bottle is possessed.  
What. Did Hanji shake it before she gave it to us?  
Levi shrugged and spread it along my length regardless, most of it dripping down all over me and sliding down my thighs.  
“Shut up.” Levi grumbled. “You won't even care in two seconds.”  
I fell back again with a sigh.  
Levi gripped my dick and started to stroke, his cold hands making me jerk.  
“See?”  
The relief was near immediate. Soon, it didn't seem like enough and I whimpered in frustration, bucking into his hand.  
“Yes, yes, oh fuck, Levi.” I groaned.  
I was so very desperate to feel good and Levi wasn't moving fast enough.  
Levi’s hand stopped and gave a pointed squeeze. The loss of movement cleared my head instantly.  
“Levi, please, don't tease me. I really want to come.” I begged.  
“Yeah.” Levi replied, gruffly. “Would you like to just fuck my hand or do you want me to do it?”  
Heat rushed to my face. “S-sorry.”  
Shit, its killing me.  
Levi grunted in acknowledgment.  
I held my hips down, pushing my tailbone into the mattress when he continued to stroke my shaft.  
Levi changed pace, going slower, and then ran his thumb over my slit before dropping down to make circles on my frenulum.  
“Mhm! Keep doing that, oh shit.” I moaned, lapsing into heavy panting.  
He made a ring with his fingers under the head and began to twist.  
“Ah!" I cried, curling in to keep my hips from lifting up.  
Levi continued down before taking my length with one hand and stroking to the top, and then twisting down farther. Once he reached the base, he gave me a few strokes.  
I needed him to go faster and I briefly wondered if this was technique, teasing, or a bit of both. With so much pent up energy, I couldn't help but twitch and whine, making frustrated noises as he moved down and back up. He was just using one fucking hand.  
He released my shaft, making absentminded touches and tracing my head. He trailed his fingers from my head all the way down to my balls and then lapsed back into pumping my dick, giving me a firmer grip every now and then.  
I couldn't help but curse and groan at the new direction, even though I rather get off quickly. It didn't seem to be enough, like he was deliberately going soft or slow, not giving me the intensity I wanted. I began to beg, in spite of myself, for him to give me more, my hand flying to my face to groan into. Levi didn't respond in any way I could tell, except maybe by rolling my balls in each hand, but I think he just did that to amuse himself. I let out a drawn out moan when he thumbed my head again, the tension tightening in my stomach.  
I heard a snuffing noise and Levi shifted.  
“What?” I questioned, panting, looking up.  
“Eh?” Levi replied, pausing.  
“Am I being too loud?” I asked hesitantly, sitting up on one elbow. I have been getting carried away.  
“You’re always loud.” Levi affirmed, going back to pumping. “I’m surprised the neighbors don't complain.”  
I bit my lip, dropping onto my back. I figured I could keep quieter since Levi wasn't thrilled with the volume. Though, it was difficult when Levi twisted around me. Pushing my gasps down, I only made a hitching noise. Then, I let out a shaky, controlled breath and clamped my jaw down to keep sound from leaking out.  
“What now? Are you holding in a fart?” Levi burst, sounding even more irritated.  
The air rushed from my throat with a puffed laugh. “No! I thought-I mean if it bothers you-” I reasoned, matching his gaze.  
“Just fucking be loud, Eren. Shit.” Levi grumbled. “You don’t have to make it so complicated.”  
His hand continued to work on my length, twisting with his whole hand.  
I jerked, a shuddering moan filling the air.  
“You like the twisting?” Levi guessed, a smile in his voice.  
_”Yessss.”_  
Levi chuckled.  
I was pleased I hadn’t upset him beyond repair, falling back into his movements.  
“What do you think about when your jacking off?” Levi suddenly asked.  
More heat filled my face. “What?” I cried at the abruptness, wondering how he expected me to answer when he was touching me.  
“It's a topic of conversation.” Levi flatly, never pausing in jacking me off. “I’m not your mother, Eren.”  
I refused to be distracted since he was so collected and handled the situation like he could give me a handjob and take orders at the same time.  
“Well, what do _you_ think about? Cleaning supplies?” I shot back, glaring.  
I flinched when he tightened his grip.  
“No, _brat_.” Levi hissed, eyes flashing. His face went placid as he considered the question and then he shrugged. “Honestly, I’m looking at the clock, wondering how long it's supposed to take, and struggling not to control my breathing or get distracted.” Levi admitted, grumbling, eyes down.  
“Oh.” I said simply, uncertain now of what would be my answer. A short moan interrupted my thoughts. “I think about you.” I blurted, not wanting to be the one who broke off the conversation.  
Levi’s head jerked up, eyes narrowing for a moment. His eyebrows furrowed deeper than usual and then they released, a smile tugging at his lips. His head dipped in, satisfaction and contentment filling his eyes.  
I made an awkward half smile in return, my shoulders pulling up. A giddiness went over me at seeing his reaction, but didn't know what to say. My hands clenched in the sheets, twitching, the feeling in my groin spreading.  
“You think about your own boyfriend?” Levi smirked. “What a fucking loser.”  
I laughed-moaned, relaxing at the playfulness in his tone.  
“That’s just sick.” Levi added.  
“Shut up, Levi.” I responded, halfheartedly, sitting back up on my elbows to shove his shoulder. I gave a quick laugh. “Christ, you’re such a prick.”  
“You’re not going to kiss me?” Levi teased.  
“Do you deserve it?” I responded, smiling.  
A devilish look came over Levi's features. Suspicion registered all too soon before he grabbed the head of my dick and rolled it against his palm. My arms nearly gave out and my legs folded inwards, a moan ripping from the back of my throat.  
I grabbed the back of Levi’s neck, pushing our lips together in a harsh kiss. I could feel the pull of the smile before he kissed back with a gentleness that made me melt. Despite my desperate keening and groans, I managed to take the lead in kissing, finding an outlet for the need I had been keeping tabs on earlier. Levi responded back with soft, tugging kisses and nips of the lips, covering my face with pecks when I was trying to get my breath or when a deep groan interrupted. No matter how furiously or quickly I kissed him, Levi maintained a even, caring demeanor.  
“Fuck.” I cursed, head falling forward. “Levi.”  
A kiss to my cheek.  
“No I-Mhmmmm.”  
A kiss to my forehead.  
My breathing quickened, body tightning. I shoved my heels into the mattress and shifted forward, connecting our lips in a haze. Levi’s hand moved faster.  
“Move your hips.” Levi suggested, softly, knowingly.  
The smug bastard.  
Giving in, I only had to think of it before my body began thrusting into his hand, the tension pulling through my body with each motion. I hummed in satisfaction.  
Levi twisted his hand, pulling over the top. A gasp took all the air from my lungs. It was too much. I moaned, dipping into a whine when he continued to stroke me, my pleasure shooting out over my stomach and dripping down Levi’s hand.  
I caught my breath, a openness and relief hitting my body, and my eyes fell to Levi’s wonderful, talented, filthy hand.  
“Sorry.” I panted.  
Levi was staring at his hand, perhaps too struck by the actual physical result of a handjob. His eyes drifted up to me. Eyebrows rose.  
“Shower?” Levi suggested.  
I chuckled. I knew he meant both of us.  
“Yeah, babe.” I agreed.

 

"You don't have a lot of hair, do you?" Levi mused, straddling me, yet reaching behind him to feel the faint hair on my legs.  
His muscles moved and his toned body made me swallow. Levi ran the back of his hand over my left leg.  
"No I…never really have." I admitted softly.  
Levi literally sprung this on me. I've never seen him so thrilled and eager to touch me and it was making everything quite difficult. We didn't even have the sex sheet out. No one got it. _The sex sheet wasn't out._ I was just reading quietly and he slipped in like a fox and climbed aboard. Who am I to protest? And like hell I was going to ask questions. What if he remembered the sheet? Changed hi-  
My eyes flew open.  
Levi peered down, pleased, from my obvious rapture or from pitching my nipple I don't know.  
"Do you wax?" Levi questioned, one eyebrow raised.  
"What? No, I don't have time for that." I scoffed.  
"Hummm." Levi purred, tracing lines on my chest, eyes following what he was doing with a transfixed gaze.  
I studied Levi's face, getting a bit desperate watching how entranced he was.  
"You don’t tan either." Levi added, absentmindedly. He ran his finger from my chest down into my happy trail. "But you have skin like this."  
I bit back a groan. "You like it."  
Levi raised his eyebrows.  
"Come on. You haven’t stopped touching me." I pressed.  
"That’s because of your honey skin. It’s like a perfectly cooked pastry." Levi professed with utter satisfaction.  
Somehow, I found that statement so utterly, totally endearing. Perhaps it was the flicks of lust in Levis normally smooth eyes or the knowledge that he thought of me for a time or the fact that he wouldn’t stop touching me or the genuine fondness and need sneaking in his voice like I was specifically made for his tastes or how I knew food was held at high standards with him or that his words and actions seemed to reach me in a way no other man’s words had, encompassing me in the sincerity and notion that I mattered so much to him and I couldn’t even believe that someone of such high regard in my eyes reciprocated such feeling. I found myself smashing my mouth to his, whining when he didn’t immediately kiss me back. Levi let me release my frustrations upon him before pushing me back down.  
"I didn't say I was done." Levi pointed out, eyes checking my restraint.  
I bit my lip.  
The side of his lips twitched into a smile. A silent good.  
His fingers began to sweep into more sensitive places, around my nipples, down my sides, along my hipbone, up my arms.....  
My head fell back, a hum brewing deep in my throat as goosebumps ran across my skin, a ticklish feeling spreading that made my breathing pick up. The fact that Levi was straddling me made the situation worse. His smell was already all over and his weight atop me became distracting from time to time. Levi is never really warm, but it was nice all the same to have him so close. Normally, I never have this level of contact with him. Levi isn't one to idly make contact without some medium other than clothes unless the sex sheet is involved. Or the blanket. I yearned to touch him, grab those thighs and run my hands up his body, but I couldn't shake the feeling I wasn't supposed to.  
"I also know you don't workout that much." Levi mused. "But...you manage."  
Levi caressed my hips with each hand before pulling them farther and my dick ached when he stopped at the waistband of my jeans.  
He smirked.  
I straightened my hand out to touch his, but he slapped it.  
A hiss left my throat and Levi straightened at the noise, giving me a flat glare. In a flash, Levi had shifted, dropping down and moving his weight onto his arms that were pining mine to the bed. My nostrils flared.  
"What the fuck is your problem? I can't touch you now?" I snarled.  
"You lost your manners, I see." Levi jibbed, studying my face with a sick interest, head lowered close to mine.  
"Manners?" I repeated, willing myself to calm down.  
Levi raised his eyebrows. "I'll just wait for that brain of yours to kick in. It must be on break." He taunted, drawing back and shifting his head, black hair shinning as it fell.  
"Why can't you just _say_ something instead of making jokes?" I hissed.  
"Most of the time they are not jokes." Levi pointed out, smirking.  
I sighed.  
"Pouting, I see?" Levi narrated.  
He lessened his hold.  
"No." I pouted, looking to the side.  
"Sometimes, Eren, you have to use your head to figure out what someone is doing. What they want. Then, you can use that information." Levi advised, an underlining meaning present.  
I looked back at him, hesitantly.  
Levi's head dipped in and he tilted his head. Better.  
A glint in his eye then his black hair was falling. I shied away at first, but when his teeth clamped around my nipple and he sucked, I moved into the feeling.  
Levi released me and straightened. "You get hard so easy." He said with a smile.  
I was thrown off guard by the smile, so it took me a second to protest. "No I don't!"  
"Tch. Don't argue." Levi chastised. "You're easily stimulated." He leaned forward, his abs now more prominent than before, crease or two showing in his skin.  
"Yeah and you don't help at all." I murmured, not taking my eyes off him.  
"I should get credit for my relief work." Levi quipped.  
"Oh my god." I laughed, hand covering my mouth for a second. "You can't get a tax write off for that."  
Levi smiled, an actual soft smile. "I'll still keep getting you off. There are benefits."  
A warm feeling tightened my chest and I gazed up at Levi with a smile. Roaming over his features with my eyes, I began to appreciate him even more. The angle of his jaw, his tiny ears and nose, his undercut, the sharp angle of his cheekbones.  
Levi was distracted by watching his fingers run along my arm, and I spied that curiosity and fascination laced with lust in his eyes.  
His eyes looked back into mine and stopped short. He blinked.  
"May I get a kiss, please?"  
Levi blinked once more before his face smoothed. He nearly smirked before nodding, and I rose to claim my kiss. My hands threaded through his hair, and I dared to scratch down his undercut. A grumbling noise came from Levi's throat, drawn out and light, and I nearly blurted out how cute he fucking was. I kept scratching and nipped at his lip, and the noise deepened. I couldn't take it and moved off, switching to his neck, a well known favorite. I brushed my thumb across his jawline before nipping at the soft spot on the base of his neck. His legs tightened around me.  
Fucking score!  
I kissed up his neck, paying particular attention to his ears. My tongue traced the shell of his ear before I bit just below it. I covered his neck with open mouth kisses, making sure to a least leave a few marks to be seen by his customers the next day, but moved back to suck his earlobe.  
Levi, as usual, tried to shrink away, and tensed, but I had the idea of scratching through his hair, which settled him back down considerably, and I was able to coax a few moans from his lips.  
Levi grabbed my jaw and shoved me off.  
Ow.  
I shot forward and kissed his cheek.  
Levi gave me his flat look before pushing me down with his hand on my chest. He retracted it and absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair, resettling it.  
"Levi?"  
Sharp gaze.  
"I'd like to touch you, please."  
I put on my begging face.  
Levi opened his mouth but thought better of it and nodded.  
I perked up, and rose up, running my hands along his thick thighs. I kept my eyes on them, giving a squeeze.  
Levi shifted.  
I glanced up to see him staring down, watching my movements with an wavering sense of enthrallment, borders of his eyes unsure of what emotion to choose.  
I smiled lightly, and swiped under his legs and lifted him closer.  
His face wrinkled, uncertain of my intentions.  
Seeing his perplexed face, I hesitated, and glanced up.  
Levi tilted his head, eyes interested.  
Not seeing any objections, I continued, ending with a harsh grip on that fine ass of his. My fingers trailed up to his back and swiped over his hips, starting a long, drawn out trail over his abdomen. I traced over the outline of his muscles, my fingers dipping in the contours of his body. A low burn started in my chest.  
“You’re so fucking fit.” I hissed. “Just perfect.” I added, in a hushed tone.  
Levi snapped, pinning me down and shifting himself over me.  
I hit the bed with a thump.  
Levi captured my lip in his, biting down hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste brought out a moan, and I busied myself in his hair, scratching his scalp in appreciation.  
His lips went across my throat, licking and sucking, and I turned my head, offering my neck to him.  
His teeth scraped against my skin and I whimpered, tucking my head back. Levi grabbed my jaw and pushed it to the other side.  
My breathing picked up considerably and I found my hips lifting, relishing in the control.  
Levi pulled back and fraction and kissed me, lips wet, humming into the kiss.  
A sense of carefree, open contentment settled over me and I knew I’d let him do anything to me.  
He pulled back, swiping his finger across my lips to rid of the excess saliva.  
A pressure began to rush from my nose upwards and my hands flew to my face just in time.  
“Ach-ew!”  
Levi went rigid.  
Switching to my side, I reached for the tissues and wiped my nose, tossing it in the trash.  
The bed shifted.  
Shit. I had to hurry up.  
I pumped out the hand sanitizer and rubbed it in, turning back to see Levi had already gotten up and was moving to the bathroom.  
“Hey!” I barked.  
The slope of Levi’s back was killing me.  
“The mood is gone, Eren.” Levi announced, slightly forlorn.  
I frowned.  
No.  
Not again.  
“Come on, Levi!” I grumbled. “I can get you in the mood again.”  
“I’m soft.” Levi said flatly, washing his hands now.  
“I can change that.”  
“You could.” Levi admitted, nodding. “But, like I said, I’m not in the mood anymore.”  
I fell back with a groan of a different kind. “Because of a motherfucking sneeze?”  
“We’ll pick it up later.” Levi promised.  
His nonchalant tone irked me.  
“Yeah, after you’ve recovered.” I muttered. “I’ll just pencil it in and we can reenact the entire thing, sans the sneeze.”  
“Tomorrow morning at the latest.” Levi continued, amusement leaking into his voice.  
“Mhmmm.” I agreed. “Take two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a desperation paralell for some reason. I guess to show Levi's feelings more and how he can't quite digest the boyfriend-getting-closer-to-someone thing and yet, at the same time, how touched and interested he is in Eren.


	18. A Bad Feeling

I didn't really want to watch a movie. I wanted to talk to Levi and snuggle, but I know Levi will get twitchy if I lay out over him. Though, I was already next to him on the couch, leg against his.  
I pulled my legs in under me and leaned in, reaching out to pull his cheek closer with my fingers and kissed him on the edge of his lips.  
Levi turned to face me, gazing at me with a flat stare. I smiled and kissed him fully, hand on his chest.  
“Are you really that much in the mood?” Levi questioned.  
I grimaced. “I’m just kissing you, Levi.” I protested, slightly offended. “That doesn't mean I want to fuck, but, I’m not going to stop you.” I smiled playfully.  
“Arn’t you a contradiction.” Levi commented, though I could see amusement in his eyes.  
I put on my best begging look, making sure my eyes were opened up in a innocent and desperate way. I placed both hands on Levi’s thigh. His gaze dropped to my hands.  
“Use hand sanitizer first.” Levi ordered. “You know the rules.”  
He’s resisting.  
I scrunched up my face even more. “I’d really would like to be able to touch you more.” I revealed, pleading.  
Levi looked up and flicked to each of my eyes, as if he was trying to find a weak spot to break my resolve.  
“I know you don't like the uncleanliness that comes with being touched, but I wanna try and do it more.” I continued, squeezing his leg. “I like you so much and I can't stand not being able to snuggle or hug or lay down together while we watch Tv or touch in general and I know that it's a lot to ask but I feel like you don't like me sometimes when you refuse or tell me to get off and I see couples all the time at school and they are all over each other and I feel shitty because we don't do that and I want to and I want to show you how much I like you but you won't let me touch you so I just have to say it and I don't want to upset you or make you uncomfortable but I want to get closer to you.” I rambled, everything bursting forth, taking fast, never taking a breath, struggling to maintain my puppy dog face while speaking out about my insecurities and demands.  
I didn't want Levi to subject himself to disgust or be uncomfortable just to make me happy, but, at the same time, I really needed to have more contact with him. We need to find some way to reach middle ground.  
When I finished, I reinforced my begging look to drive it all home.  
Levi was blinking, eyebrows furrowed, a bit thrown off. He chuckled lightly and tilted his head. “Is that the look you plan to give to the jury when you present your case?” He asked, low and amused.  
I smiled and held back a laugh, my face faltering.  
Levi sighed, a seriousness coming over him. “Look sweetheart,” He began, warming my chest to near the pet name.  
I dropped the puppy dog look and apprehensively awaited what he would say.  
“You shouldn't take it personally when I tell you to wash up first or stop you. I do it to everyone.” Levi went on.  
I dropped my gaze, feeling defeated and wounded. “But I’m your boyfriend.” I half whispered at his leg, tightening my hold. “You don't want to touch me?”  
“Yes. I do.” Levi stated simply.  
I raised my head, soothed by his admission. After last time, I really thought he hated the whole thing and the first was just the result of a pent up libido.  
Levi’s face was impassive, but his eyes shown with deliberation. “It's not that I don't want to or I hate it, it's just other feelings get in the way.”  
“Are you still not used to it? Is it awkward?” I pressed, hurriedly.  
“I suppose.” Levi granted.  
“You don't know?” I howled. “How can you say you have no idea?”  
Levi gave me a firm look and I focused on breathing to calm myself down.  
“It gets messy. What happens, the saliva, the germs, there is no structure to it all. Everything is glaring.” Levi explained.  
I nodded. “Do you....I mean could you try and maybe let it?” I asked carefully.  
Levi’s face seemed troubled, like this was an annoyance. Part of me told me to not trust his face because he looks bored and annoyed all the time, but the other part told me that Levi is done with me and our relationship is starting to end.  
Levi nodded. “Of course.”  
I squealed, making him flinch. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you so much!” I cried, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him close.  
Levi pulled back, placing his hands on my chest. “Eren,” He warned. “ _Carefully_."  
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Okay.” I unwound my arm from him and sat back upright. “Hey. Can I lay on your lap?” I asked, excitedly. “That would be okay right? We’re not even naked.”  
Levi raised his eyebrows, considering it small.  
I grinned and immediately scooted down the couch and wiggled so my head and shoulders were on Levi’s lap. He seemed strained at my quick movements, hands hanging in the hair on either side of me. I reached out and grabbed one of his hands, treading my fingers through and holding it to my chest. He was stiff and uncomfortable to lay on. I wanted him to relax and enjoy this with me. I kissed his fingers and gleefully gazed up at him. Levi grunted.  
He looked straight ahead and then his face darkened.  
“What?”  
“My tea.”  
He was silent for a few moments. “Yeah, what about the tea?”  
“Now I can't reach it.”  
I rolled my eyes, angrily tightening up. He was ridiculous. The fucking tea was more important than anything else.  
“Eren, move.” He ordered, leaning forward.  
“What?” I howled, offended.  
He leaned in even more, attempting to tug his hand free.  
“Are you serious? Levi!” I cried, pulling my head back, in the process of being flattened.  
Levi glared down at me. “Sit up.” He said, firmly.  
My irritation left my body and I sat up. I heard the couch protest at Levi’s movements and his tea clicking against his nails behind me.  
Is he done?  
“Lay back down.” Levi commanded, voice loose.  
I did.  
I clutched his hand again and he didn't even stop drinking the tea. Peering up at him, I noticed etchings on the bottom of the teacup. He held the tea still, resting it on the arm of the couch. His jaw was slanted and I noticed just how long his eyelashes were. I felt a desperate need for his attention.  
“Hey, Levi.” I said.  
“Mhm.”  
“Are you okay?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good.”  
A silence separated us for a few minutes and I wondered what I should say. I figured I should just talk.  
“There was this girl in class and we were practice arguing cases and she had this case about molestation and she started crying in the middle of it and ran out. The teacher made this face at us when he left to go check on her and I laughed and no one else did.” I reported, hoping to get his attention.  
“Hmph.” Levi smirked.  
“I felt as if I should feel bad, but I didn't.” I said, conflicted. “I was laughing at the teacher, not her. Maybe she was molested, though, which is horrible, but it was a hypothetical case anyways and if you cry in front of the jury I think they’d consider it guilt.”  
Levi tilted his head at me for a second.  
“I argued about abuse one time and I didn't cry or freak out.” I muttered.  
Shit.  
I shouldn't have said that.  
Maybe he wasn't listening to me.  
“Eren?” Levi questioned.  
Fuck!  
I gave him a quick smile and a hand squeeze. “The teacher says I’m too aggressive.” I deflected. “I think its only because, one time, I stood up, trying to be dramatic, and my chair skidded out really far and I slammed my hands on the table and it collapsed.”  
Levi mouth twitched.  
“Everyone was laughing, even into my open argument.” I added.  
“You do this frequently, then?” Levi asked.  
I perked up at him saying something. “Yeah. Yes. We play as different people on the jury, as witnesses, or as lawyers during fake cases and the teacher monologues. I’ve only argued.” I added.  
Levi seemed to have relaxed a bit more.  
“What happened at work?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Something had to have happened.”  
“No.”  
“So you just existed in one position, doing nothing, all day?”  
“Yes.”  
I frowned. “Come on. Even if it’s boring, say it. I like your voice.”  
Levi’s eyes dropped and then he looked down at me, with something in his eyes I couldn't see clearly. “I caught Sasha with tortillas stuffed under her shirt.” He said, a bit slowly, as if he was unsure over something.  
I smirked. “I bet she does it everyday.”  
Levi was silent. I wanted to get him talking. Not about germs, people, what was happening in a movie. I wanted to hear about _him_.  
“What do you think when she does stuff like that?” I questioned.  
Levi looked forward. “Disgust, mostly.”  
“How so?”  
“The tortilla is ruined. The shirt is ruined. She's going to contaminate everything else in the restaurant. But mostly, it's the disregard of any hygiene or sanitation.” Levi ranted.  
“What drives someone to put a tortilla in their shirt? What depravity?"  
"Fuck knows with that one. She is persistent, though." Levi went on.  
His eyebrows furrowed. He glared down at me. “Did you make fun of me, just then?” He demanded.  
I blinked. “What?”  
Levi’s glare intensified.  
I smiled. “Did you leave the tables and wash dishes again?”  
“I've never done that.”  
“Peggy said you do it all the time.”  
“She lies.”  
“So you’ve never cleaned a dish?”  
“No.” Levi said firmly. “I have re-washed dishes.”  
I rolled my eyes. “You have trust issues.”  
Levi snorted.  
“You can't even let a machine thats sole purpose is cleaning to wash a dish.” I protested.  
“I trust the machine. I don't trust the people to put the dishes properly in place because they’ve never given me a reason to.”  
“Do I wash them right?”  
“No.”  
“What? Really?”  
“You’re better at it than them.”  
“I think I'm offended.”  
“Are you?”  
“Yes. Yes I am.”  
“Finally. You have an opinion.”  
“Talk about something else.”  
“Like how you still haven't used hand sanitizer?”  
I pinched him.

I felt unsettled. There was an ache in my chest and I had the feeling of being upset with no cause at all. I kept attempting to watch something but kept getting distracted. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. What I kept doing was just laying on the couch, curled up, focused on this feeling, trying to make sense of it. I thought then maybe I could get rid of it. What I wanted to be doing was to stop doing what I was doing. I never knew if I was supposed to give in or fight the emotions. I just get stuck alternating between the two until my head was trashed. I just wanted to know when it would be over and what the hell brought this on. Trying to switch my focus, I put on a long movie to fill up the time. I don't like the silence when I'm like this. I have a nasty habit of folding in.  
I heard the door. A key clanking away. Levi's to be precise. Levi was so thrilled when I gave it to him. I have extras in my car, so I just offered it to him with a lot of embarrassed stuttering. Levi had a twitchy smile on his face and spent the rest of the day hugging me from behind, grabbing and slapping my ass, casting lustful gazes in my direction, and pecking me on the lips. He insisted I lay upon him, not like I minded, and if I even shifted or sniffed he would ask if I was uncomfortable or leaving or wanted anything and then he would pet my hair or tug me closer to him, wrapping his arms securely around me to hold me in place.  
Now I didn't even want to see him,  
He has he own fucking key.  
What can I do? Revoke his privileges?  
I was still curled up in the couch.  
Levi said nothing.  
Irritation flared in me.  
The water rushed. Pans clunked and clacked and something banged unceremoniously.  
Anger welled up.  
“Can you fucking shut up?” I growled.  
I didn't know if Levi heard.  
He probably did. Nothing gets past him.  
Every noise was too overwhelming and just pushed me over the edge. It should be fucking _quiet_! I want silence expect for the TV. I can't even hear what they are saying!  
“Would you like to get out of this apartment?” Levi asked.  
I frowned and made an irritated and dissatisfied noise.  
“Maybe you’d feel better if you actually left the apartment for more than 30 minutes.” Levi went on.  
Anger clawed at me.  
“I've been craving that rancid garlic bread. I knew I shouldn't have let you take me there. Those Italians must sprinkle crack all over them.” Levi muttered.  
A pan clicked.  
“Levi!” I howled. “I'm trying to watch this!”  
“Pause it, then.” Levi snapped.  
“What?” I asked, exasperated.  
“Pause. It.” Levi hissed.  
I sighed, heavy, and pulled the remote out from under me. It had been mushed down between the seats of the couch. I squinted at the buttons and then found pause.  
Levi began instantly, obviously irritated.  
You'd think he'd see that I don't feel good and just shut up. But that's hard for Levi to even comprehend.  
Levi should leave.  
I should have told him to go.  
“Eren, you’ve been like this for a few weeks and I know you haven't gone to class. What are you going to do when you go back?” Levi pointed out.  
I sat up, glumly, while he was talking, and turned to glare at him. “What? You don't think I've missed class before?” I shot back. “Yeah. This never happens.”  
“I thought you wanted to put pigs away.”  
“Fuck you!”  
I did but not now. I can't handle that. And how dare he throw that in my face! I told him how much trouble I had with grades and staying in school. Not to mention navigating with my emotions always on the fritz. I whipped back around, glaring at the floor.  
“Eren.” Levi said softly, and I could hear the twinge of worry.  
_Shit_.  
I'm such a dick.  
I can't calm down.  
I never can calm down.  
Should I really be locked up?  
I'm so sorry Levi. I'm sorry I'm mean to you and I'm sorry you can't go eat bread because of me and I'm sorry you’re worried and I'm so sorry you like me.  
Levi walked over to the the couch, where the smallest of spaces was before I sat up.  
I looked up when he moved a glass towards me.  
I stared at it.  
I got lost looking at it.  
It took so long for my mind to process the red mug and the dark liquid and figure it must be tea because Levi likes tea.  
It was for me.  
I took it, not looking at his face.  
I switched the TV back on.  
It would be okay.  
Things will calm down.  
Maybe.  
“Don't worry,” Levi assured me, sitting down, “I didn't piss in it this time."  
I paused and then smirked.  
I knew the tea would be extremely hot, so I just held it. Levi began drinking instantly.  
I felt intensely guilty. I was keeping Levi. Keeping him from bread and everything else. I'm so pathetic dragging him down, and he was content to let me.  
Disgusting. I'm disgusting. And selfish.  
I tried to take sip and jerked my head back.  
Too hot.  
Why is everything so fucking _difficult_?

I jolted awake, breathing hard, and scanned the room quickly for movement.  
Nothing.  
I swallowed.  
Just a nightmare.  
I could have sworn it was real.  
Somehow, I still felt panicked and on edge.  
I looked over at Levi. He was on his side, black hair falling over his pale skin, hiding his eyes, arms pulled in close to his body. He was breathing softy.  
Flashes of my dream flew into my head.  
Running from someone. Being trapped in a box. Test tubes and vials on a shelf. Pulling tubes with no ending from my skin.  
_!Shut up!_  
Fuck.  
I was still tense from the dream and I knew I couldn't fall back asleep without thinking about having the same nightmare or a worse one and not even wanting to sleep for fear of that. So I slipped out of bed and made my way into the living room. The remote was still on the table and I grabbed it, switching the TV on. I pulled the blanket down from the top of the couch where it was neatly folded by Levi and spread it over my legs, and grabbed a pillow so I could clutch it. I quickly turned down the volume and found a comedy to watch. The movie helped, but I had to snap myself out of my thoughts a few times.  
Suddenly, I heard a noise and frantically looked around.  
Levi appeared in the bedroom doorway, and combed through his hair with his fingers, his black shirt rumbled and his briefs highly contrasting his pale legs. He frowned. "Eren? What's wrong?" He asked, still a bit groggy.  
I shook my head. I wanted to forget. Not talk about it.  
Besides, I don't want to burden Levi with my head or end up lashing out at him and regret it. I don't have the strength to control myself right now.  
Levi tilted his head and joined me on the couch. I quickly readjusted the blanket so it was covering both of us and Levi raised his eyebrows. I settled back in, tightening my grip on the pillow.  
"Can't sleep?" Levi questioned, eyes on the TV.  
"Not _now_." I grumbled, irritated he was still on this.  
"Mhm."  
I felt a rush of guilt. Fuck. Levi has to work tomorrow. "Levi go back to bed. You're tired. You need to sleep." I pressed.  
Levi turned and his hard gaze pierced through mine. "You don't?"  
I felt fidgety and overwhelmed by the question. It wasn't that simple. I looked away, shaking my head.  
"You are such a brat, Eren." Levi muttered.  
"What?" I snapped, angered by the conviction in his tone.  
"You think your problems are yours and therefore unimportant. I think otherwise. They are my top priority and I have nothing else to do but wait for your mouth to tell me why you can't sleep." Levi stated, with a cold certainty.  
My throat tightened and burned and I felt a swell of the negative energy I had been holding back burst through.  
His gaze was sharp and made of stone, unwavering against my flimsy state of mind.  
I turned away.  
I didn't want to tell him.  
-He'll look at you the same way they all do when they know-  
-Levi will get nervous around you-  
-That's all he will see when he looks at you-  
-He will watch every step he makes in fear of upsetting you-  
-Eventually, he won't like you anymore-  
-Why would he like you-  
"It's just a nightmare I have sometimes about someone chasing me down and locking me up somewhere." I said, looking at him and then looking away repeatedly, trying to act like it was insignificant while hoping my voice didn't break. "I really don't remember it." I added quickly, turning back to the TV.  
"Mhm."  
My foot wiggled and I hugged the pillow closer.  
"Are you having it more frequently?" Levi pressed.  
I pictured my dad. "Yeah." I admitted quietly.  
"Dreams, even bad ones, have meaning in them. Find it and then solve it however you can. Then you can sleep." Levi stated.  
I shook my head.  
Not this one.  
"No. It-it feels like a memory when I think back on it. Like it actually happened and sometimes.....sometimes I can't tell." I admitted softly.  
I looked over at Levi. He was watching me carefully. "Have you ever had nightmares?" I asked.  
Levi blinked. "Yeah." He said gruffly.  
"How did you make them stop?"  
Levi's head fell back against the couch. "It was different than yours. They were because of what I did when I was younger. The dream started with me walking into the building my squad and I used to work in. Some abandoned office building. I'd start to look for someone but I couldn't find them. Eventually, they'd all be missing and I'd walk in a room and they'd be ripped apart in piles on the floor and collapsing where they stood, dead. I would slowly realize I couldn't get out, while they just rotted away beside me with pained accusation written all over their faces." Levi paused for a few moments. "Everyone died so often, but it never felt insignificant or routine. I had to accept that every person would eventually leave. Once I did that, the nightmare went away."  
So horrible. Levi must feel guilty, even now, about their death.  
But I doubt accepting the truth of my dream would do anything for me.  
"We were both trapped somewhere." I murmured, swallowing hard, and buried my face in the pillow.  
"I guess." Levi agreed, sounding distant.  
I thought about the job he did now. He said Erwin paid him to hunt people down, so what did he mean by 'younger'.  
I lifted my head up and looked over at him."I thought you worked for Erwin."  
"I do." Levi confirmed, lifting up his head to look at me.  
"Did you do something before that?"  
"Yeah." Levi stated, voice getting ever so tighter. I was approaching something. I could feel the tension and restraint in his body.  
"Levi?" I asked, wondering if he wanted me to shut up or if he was fine with telling me.  
Levi sighed. "I was head of this squad-"  
"You mean a gang?" I questioned.  
Levi's eye twitched. "No." He said forcefully. Levi gave me a solid glare for a few seconds as punishment for interrupting and my comment.  
I bit my lip and gave him an apologetic half smile.  
Levi was satisfied, his face going back to looking exasperated. "A gang deals drugs and attacks innocent people and steals shit. We didn't do that."  
I wanted to ask who 'we' was exactly, but remembered his harsh gaze and decided to listen.  
"We offered protection to people who lived in this city that was just rancid with filth and pigs. Often times, we would have to beat people or kill them in order to get the job done. People would come to us for answers or to find people or discover what happened to them. We would do whatever it look." Levi's brow furrowed. "We never hurt innocent people. I wouldn't. But members of my squad....they'd get hurt. Even die. I would have to clean everything up. Tell the family, if they had any. Most of us didn't. Erwin was chief when I was arrested for some bullshit charge on cleaning supplies."  
I laughed once, and then shut my mouth, afraid I would upset Levi.  
Levi didn't mind. "They thought I was building a bomb or making meth, how should I fucking know." He elaborated.  
I nodded to show my support.  
"I was making conversation with the officers and they snapped and hit me, so I defended myself and Erwin heard their screams and rushed out to see what the ruckus was about." Levi went on.  
I rolled my eyes. I'm pretty sure Levi said something rude or insulting, but I'm not going to bring it up.  
"Erwin recognized me from school and decided to talk to me on his own. That's when he offered me the informant-undercover-police job since cops can't do anything but hand out parking tickets. I honestly didn't have a choice unless I wanted to do time."  
Erwin and Levi went to school together? Ugh.  
Levi never finished high school, though.  
"So what happened to your squad?" I asked.  
Levi remained silent. "Most of them died in an attack by some people we were investigating into." He finally said.  
"I'm sorry they died."  
Levi looked off at nothing for a second. "Me too."  
"So do you still have a...squad?" I asked, a bit confused.  
Levi shook his head. "Not particularly." He answered. "I left, though I give mostly information to Erwin, but sometimes I have to help find someone."  
"So there is still a squad?"  
"Yes."  
Hm.  
I knew Levi must have been involved in something if Erwin brought him in on police business, but I more so assumed he was closer to an informant rather than an retired gang member. Still, I couldn't say I was shocked at the news. Maybe I should feel alarmed or threatened by him, but I can't really see him hurting me. He only went after bad people who deserved it, after all. And who am I to really judge with what I've done?  
I stuffed my face into the pillow. "I don't think this is going to help me sleep." I muttered into the fabric. "I don't want you to get hurt."  
"Ha!" Levi snorted.  
"You could." I protested, lifting my head up.  
Levi raised his eyebrows at me.  
"Fuck off, then." I growled.  
Levi didn't respond.  
Shit.  
I don't want to be mean to him.  
"If you come to bed, I'll read to you." Levi offered.  
That sounded nice. I like hearing his voice.  
I switched off the TV and Levi stood up and yanked the blanket off of me and readjusted it so he could properly fold it.  
Ech. Cold.  
I stood and stretched, while Levi folded. It barely took him any time to fold, though, so by the time my blood wasn't pounding in my ears, he was done. He set it down on the cushion where he previously sat.  
I wanted to hug him. I felt so incredibly desperate to touch him and so hollow inside. I needed something. I reached out and Levi grabbed my hand and led me back into the bedroom. I broke off and climbed in from the front, while Levi went around to the side to turn the lamb on. He rustled around and found my book before joining me under the covers. When he got in, I cuddled up, stretching my arm across him. Levi moved around a bit, before beginning to read. I focused on the rhythm of his voice, breathing in his smell of lavender and clean clothing.


	19. Time

I bit my lip. My meds were running low and I was completely out of refills. I even used up the ones I had when I refused to take any. (I ended up blacking out for two days and waking up behind a motel two cities over.) My antipsychotics weren’t gone yet, but my pain medication was down to three. And my muscle relaxers were completely gone because I’ve been feeling that shift vibe from my body.  
Being on edge didn't help at all.  
I should go to the doctor but all I could think about was them injecting me with something and then me waking up later strapped down on a bed with a bite guard. Just the thought of calling them made my heart speed up and my body fidget. No. I could wait a little longer. Even though it is mandated I go to the doctor. No, no. I can't go.  
What about Levi?  
Fuck. He’s always here. What if I do something to him? I mean, he’s certainly fit and knows how to fight, but he’s not expecting me to be a monster. And if I did do- No.  
I’ll have to distance myself then. I can't risk it.

I collapsed on the wall of the bathroom, sliding down beside the tub, the door to the right of me, open.  
Everything was open.  
Doors, cabinets, nothing could be closed.  
I had to be able to run - to see a way out.  
The tile floor was cold, but I had started to sweat. I kept myself under wraps for days, but little things seemed to trigger something: reaching for a glass, wanting to move something so I couldn't see it. I'd feel my skin ripple and my body heat increase, all in a rush, a hot sliding slush trying to flow out and brace the world.  
I had to stop everything.  
Hide my phone.  
I forgot where it was. I just couldn't take the thought of the doctors finding me. All the hesitant glances and endless questions and blood samples as they try to manage what they know nothing about. The only one who really knew was my Dad, because I barely remember anything but flashes. In a way, I don't want to know. I don't want to know what he was doing, what he was planning. Why he picked me when I only wanted to comfort him. For him to be my father.  
I wasn't going to give into it. I was going to help people. Make the scum of this earth pay for every wrong action, every wrong thought, until I've wiped out them all.  
Breathe. Breathe.  
“Eren?”  
I jolted, leg scrambling, a vibrating thud where I hit the tub.  
The door.  
“Levi?” I breathed out. “You aren’t supposed to be here. It isn't safe for you to be around me.” I blurted, eyes shifting everywhere erratically.  
“This is studying, huh?” Levi muttered flatly.  
My mouth snapped shut.  
The door.  
I pulled my legs in, legs crossed. “You need to leave.” I snapped.  
Levi walked in front of me and crotched down, eyes clear and empty, that pained boredom on his face that was so out place in this moment.  
I ran my fingers through the front of my hair.  
“Why?” Levi pressed, uninterested in complying.  
He reached out and held my chin with his thumb and forefinger. I reached up and grabbed his arm, pleading for him to listen with my eyes. His head tilted, hair shifting over his angled eyes. “You think this is too much for me?” He deadpanned.  
“It's not safe. I don't want to hurt you.” I insisted.  
“I'd like to see you try.”  
“This is serious!” I shouted, slapping his hand away. “You don't understand! You just have to go.”  
Levi hummed. “Try explaining it to me.” He pressed. “If I am going to leave, I want a good reason to.”  
I sighed. How can I tell him without actually telling him?  
“I don't trust myself to do what's right all the time. I can't control it. I either go off completely or breakdown trying to stop it. There's no way out. it's uncontrollable and I'm left here to face the consequences of what I've done and I don't even remember it. I just end up nearly killing anyone around me. I shouldn't be allowed around anybody. It keeps happening and I don't know what to do to fix it. I’m so fucking tired of trying to fix myself but I can't let myself hurt people either. I can't relax for one second. It's so much shit. I don't-I can't tell you. It's wrong. I can't even deal with it. I don't want you to have to.” I explained, words slow at first then rushing out.  
“Let me make my decisions, brat.” Levi responded. “I’m not leaving because you think it's the best thing for me. I’m staying. And if you ever avoid me like this again - whether your like this or depressed - I will flatten you, understand?”  
I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded.  
Levi leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I'll be outside the door.” He murmured.

Levi stayed over for days. He barely left for two minutes. If I zoned out or paused he would burst forth with dry questioning rants and tell me to hurry my ass up. If I yelled or broke something he wouldn't react at all and, more often than not, sent me out of the room like a disobedient child. And when I questioned myself, my actions, wondering if I was right, Levi talked it through with me.  
Levi's sense of control grew and grew until he was doing everything for me. I was never unattended. He even made me run with him in the park. I ran faster than him so I slowed down and ran beside him, commenting on his sexy, short legs. Levi growled and shoved me and kept trying to trip me or knock me over for not running as fast as I could. People around us kept getting concerned. Levi was pleased I could run as long as him.  
“Not bad.” Levi huffed, catching his breath.  
When I passed out cold for the rest of the day and woke up, Levi didn't even say a thing. I almost wanted him to. To get it over with I waited for him to ask, getting caught up in the pressured anticipation, but he never did.

My phone.  
Maybe it's Armin!  
I rushed over.  
_Doc2_  
A heavy feeling crushed me. A bunch of different things were now humming around my head with more force. I have gotten in the habit of just going with the flow and taking things as they come, but this made me want to just throw in the towel and hide. I didn't want to deal with it all. I don’t know how. Everything was so much simpler when I knew what to expect. But this is how you grow, right?  
I muted the call.  
They keep calling. And at different times too.  
I had taken everything. There was nothing left but two pain pills that kinda worked, but were too low of a dose.  
Maybe I should tell Levi....No. I’d have to explain and it might all rush out or he’ll ask something and he’ll leave. He can't leave. I-I-  
I can't go. Not yet.  
Even though they will probably call this in.  
No. There’s still time.  
They have been calling for weeks. No doubt Pixis knows.  
“Who was that?” Levi asked.  
I jumped.  
His arms were folded and he had this serious look.  
“Just some number from out of state.” I lied. “I don't know who.”  
I walked back over to the couch and grabbed a pillow, curling up.  
“Alright.” Levi replied, partially unconvinced. “I’ll be at work.”  
Shit.  
Levi trusts me.  
And I've been _lying_.  
I am a monster.

During the day, I was quite energetic. Mostly I messed around in class and had a good time. I threw folding chairs at my classmates unexpectedly and caused a huge fight with one of my classmates over a ruling on a case. Morals seem to be a big trend with half of them, which I find annoying. There is a big difference between morals and justice. You forgo morals when you commit a crime that harms another person. Of course, this caused friction and I wasn't about to back down. Drew said I went overboard, but he always yells at witnesses and makes weird accusations and repeats trivial details. Like I should take his advice to heart. I literally watched him try to wrench out a fake confession by hassling the witness about how dry a sock was. The thing was, after all that, I was spent. Gladly, I live close, because I didn't think I could even handle driving. I ordered food to go and nearly punched some fucker picking it up. I was fine less than 10 minutes ago. What the fuck happened? Now I'm bone tired, irritated, and desperately trying to ignore the world but it was so-damn-loud. I had to get home.

I was curled up on the couch when Levi came over after work. Hardly any lights were on and the tv was fairly loud, blaring a cop-type show I like.  
“Food?” Levi questioned from behind me.  
“Fridge.” I responded quickly.  
“Ah.” Levi drew out. “The petri-dish of a fridge.”  
“Don't eat it then.” I snapped.

I was on the end of the couch, legs pulled in, covered by a mass pile of pillows. Levi literally ate for a hour. He was silent too. Until he finished.  
The rattle of the bag made me twitch and my mind seemed to hone in on it until it became too much.  
“What are you doing?” I hissed.  
Levi’s eyes briefly locked with mine, before walking off. He returned with his spray bottle and paper towels and wiped down the whole area where he was sitting. The smell began to bother me and I looked over, something I was trying not to do, and watched Levi spray the same spot repeatedly.  
“For fucks sake, Levi!” I yelled, tossing a pillow at him. “It's clean!”  
He caught it and threw it back on the couch. “For you, I'm sure it is.” He responded.  
“Excuse me.”  
“It wouldn't do any good.”  
“What? My cleaning is that bad?”  
“Not what I said.”  
“It's what you meant.”  
“I forgot you were telepathic.”  
I shot up, dislodging the pillows. “You fucking smart ass why don't you stop spraying that shit at least so I can breathe.” I snarled, reaching for the bottle.  
Levi drew it behind him, eyebrows raised. “I'm not done.”  
The smell was worse up close, that strong odor of chemicals that can remove any stain possible so there is no indication of what occurred. That clinical type stretch of over-sterilization that seems all too convenient, too cold. The between the lines subtext that there was some foul act committed or bodily exposure that required the use of heavy chemicals to wash it away like it was a bad dream.  
_Everything was always clean down there. The house could go to absolute shit but he kept everything so tidy, so sanitized. Every time I woke up, the evidence would be gone, everything replaced - except me. The dirty mess he forgot to clean up._  
Diving forward, I reached for the bottle.  
I had to get rid of it. The fucking bottle.  
I kicked Levi in the shin to distract him and pulled his torso forward, spinning behind him to get it. He didn't respond to the kick, only turning around himself. Anger flooded me and I threw a punch. Levi caught it and twisted my arm and yanked me with his other hand by the upper arm so I stumbled forward, off balance. Catching myself, I immediately slammed my body into him in response, taking the chance to wrench my arm back. I slugged Levi in the stomach and then felt a dull pain in my one of my knees. A cold hand wrapped around the back of my neck as I was swept off my feet. The black of the couch rushed forward and I fell into the cushion, face smashing against the leather. Pressure was on my lower back, keeping me grounded, probably his knee. I wiggled and nails dug into my skin. I twitched at the feeling. My face was pressed into the cushion, so I could barely see, but I couldn't smell the chemicals so strongly anymore and my mind was starting to catch up with me, leaving me floundering in a state of hazy confusion.  
-BottleBottleBottleBottleBottle-  
“In and out. Deep breaths.” I heard Levi say.  
What? What is he doing?  
He's telling me to breathe. I'm not that stupid. I can't even inhale properly with my face-  
I tried to move back and Levi dug his knee into my back, applying more force on my neck, nails tightening.  
“Buft ayie cwout.” I attempted to explain.  
“In and out.” Levi repeated, not budging.  
Hurt raced though me that he wasn't letting me up.  
“You're fine. Just breathe for me. In and out.”  
Okay. Okay.  
He just wants me to breathe.  
I forced my ribs to expand, pulling in a breath that made my head throb, and letting it go with shaky, slow bursts. My body began to ease up, a battered sense of relief spreading. Of course my back and legs felt achy, but they were drained of the normal pain that rests in them, almost as if they were pleased by the injury. I began to feel light headed, something pulling at the top of my skull, as if I was going to float out the top.  
“How do you feel?” Levi asked slowly.  
I made a medium meep in response.  
There was a pause.  
“I’m going to release your neck. But you're not going to sit up or make any move to shift anything other than your head. Got it?” Levi questioned, harsh authority dripping from his voice.  
A high meep.  
“One. Two. Three.” Levi released his grip on my neck on three.  
My face lifted up from the couch.  
More weight was applied to my lower back.  
I hesitated.  
I can move my head right? That's what Levi said? What would he do if I wasn't supposed to?  
I had to do something so I turned my head to the side, resting on my cheek, tucking my head in.  
Levi grunted.  
I let go of a breath.  
“Eren. Don't talk.” Levi instructed. “Listen.”  
This feels weird. He's pining me down.  
I want-I want-! Fuck!  
“You are going to sit up, sit your ass on the couch, and stay silent. I'm going to make tea.”  
Typical.  
“I'm going to make you some. You will drink it.” Levi ordered.  
“I don't want-”  
Levi yanked my hair. “Don't talk, Yeagar!”  
I flinched.  
“You will drink it all. Then, you will shower, take your meds, and get in bed. In that fucking order too.” Levi sequenced.  
High meep.  
“You will do what I say when I say it and, since I have to keep saying it, you will-not-talk. We clear?” Levi demanded.  
High meep.  
“Don't move until I say.” Levi reminded, voice easing back.  
The weight on my back was relieved.  
I want to stretch.  
“Sit your ass down now.” Levi ordered.  
I pushed myself up with my arms, wincing a bit as a pang went up my back. Hoping up, I stretched both arms, watching as Levi came around.  
“Don't move. No talking.” Levi called from the kitchen.  
I kept my eyes on him, studying.  
Was he making tea? It looked like it.  
-What if he puts something in it?-  
“Sit. Now.” Levi ordered, harsher.  
I did just that.

It's still there. Levi didn't take it away. He wasn't done cleaning. That's what he said. Maybe he has something to clean. Something else. I need that bottle. To hide it.  
-Let them see-  
No. No. Levi said sit here. I can't sit here and get the bottle. The bottle. Bottle. But sit. I must sit.  
I wanted the bottle vehemently. It rang in my head like a chant, eyes never leaving it for too long. A burning sensation coursed under my skin, muscles contracting in the plee to get the bottle. It was an uncomfortable feeling and I felt it was insighting everything else. The fog in my head, the ceaseless chant, the pull of my muscles and shift in my bones, the rushing paranoia and rage killing my every thought that wasn't the bottle. Clawing at my skin, I relieved some of the pressure, feeling a spike go to my head as my nails dug in, scratching over and over, giving myself a distraction. Relief replaced the burning for a split second before disappearing. The fire was all over. I scratched harder. If this is what it takes to stop it. The blood didn't bother me. My clothes pricked my skin. I couldn't stand it. It was rubbing, making it worse.  
“Eren!” Levi shouted.  
My head snapped up from my arm.  
_“Stop it, now!”_  
But the burning. No. Listen. Levi is taking care of me. So did Dad. He couldn’t take it. Neither can I. There is no choice but to give in, right? I’m just made to hurt people. Even ones I don't want to. I can't let myself go unchecked for even a second but I can't check myself either. There’s no helping me. Even Dad’s love didn't stop me. His love killed me. What does care and love mean to Levi, then? What does it look like when it's real?  
-Levi could be like him.-  
His face twisted, eyes boring into mine, and leveled his face with my own.  
Levi grabbed my chin roughly, staring harshly into my burning eyes. “You will do exactly what I tell you, Eren, so you don't hurt yourself. You understand? I better not see one more speck of hesitation, because I am not afraid of knocking some sense back into you. You don't trust yourself? Fine. Trust me. I'll make sure you don't go off the deep end and I'll drag your ass back no questions asked if you do. Follow my instructions to the letter and you won't do a thing that you won’t want to do. And don't you _dare_ underestimate what I can handle.”  
I fought down the urge to bite, his words swimming in my head, registering someplace inside that I couldn’t find. I noticed I was shaking, and tried to swallow down the nearly overflowing emotions that were lodged in my throat.  
Levi removed his hand. “Test me.” He challenged, eyes frigid, swirling with a manic energy.  
I clamped down on my jaw, stuttering breaths exhaled with mere force.  
He straightened. His eyes hardened, face smoothing in a a way one might look at a poorly trained animal.  
He’s still waiting for me to do it. Give him a reason. I looked down at the floor, but felt his eyes on me.  
Clink.  
“Drink.” Levi ordered, firm.  
I looked up, at the cup, not at him.  
I can't look at him.  
Taking the cup, I tried to be careful to hold it lightly so it wouldn't break. I immediately took a drink. It was no doubt boiling, but I couldn't feel a thing.  
“Breathe deep.”  
My forehead scrunched, trying hard to focus on drinking the tea and breathing correctly. I didn't look at anything else but the tea and closed my eyes when I wasn't doing that so I wouldn't be tempted to think of something else. Head growing light, thoughts began to reshift, and panic set in at my lack of insight.  
I sucked up tea on an inhale and launched into coughing.  
“For fuck sake, not at the same time.” Levi muttered.  
He sounded like he was beside me.  
Everything was white, fuzzed out, I couldn't tell.  
The tea was draining, and I began slurping to drink all of it I could.  
“Hand it here. Now.”  
I started to look up, but caught myself. Levi’s pale little feet caught my attention.  
He was in front of me.  
A heaviness blanketed me and I fought back asking him what was happening. It felt like I was missing something. Something was going to happen. Something.  
I held up the cup.  
Levi took it.  
A pause.  
Was I supposed to do something? What did he say? What did he say? Bottle. No! Fuck! No! Forget-....  
“Eren. Listen to me.” Levi instructed. “Look at me so I know you’re paying attention.”  
I shifted awkwardly, titling my head to the side, wiggling. Listen.  
“Eren!”  
I flinched, shrinking down, shoulders in, eyes closed.  
What did I do? Oh my god; what did I do? So mad. So mad.  
A pause.  
“Look at me.” Levi demanded, voice softer.  
I whined, feet pressing into the floor and pulling back, breathing becoming ragged.  
Levi smacked my head.  
I yelped.  
Shooting to attention, I straightened, eyes reaching his with fragile caution, nearly hyperventilating.  
“Breathe deeply.”  
I forced myself to inhale as much as I could, the back of my throat stretching.  
“Slowly exhale.”  
I let the air stream out my mouth at a steady pace, eyes on his, watching for any indication of approval or disapproval.  
Levi’s head dipped in, eyebrows releasing a fraction. “Shower like I showed you, take your meds, and then bed.” Levi stated slowly, annunciating.  
I inhaled again.  
“Understand?”  
I nodded seven times.  
“Shower. Meds. Bed.” Levi repeated.  
I nodded three times.  
Exhale.  
The tension in the air thickened at the pause and I squirmed, hoping my dedication of deep breaths was enough to excuse if I wasn't doing something.  
“Now.”

Something pulled me out of my dream. I shifted awake, noticing the delicious smell of bread and hearing the sizzle of cooking.  
Levi was cooking!  
I smiled.  
His food is so good! Sometimes, he lets me help him, but he has to have it done a certain way so I just focus on the cleanup.  
I sat up, noticing a pain in my lower back.  
Shit.  
I stretched, pulling apart the ache, and then slid off of bed. I grabbed some shorts and a loose fitting shirt and pulled them on.  
It’s hot in here.  
Maybe Levi turned the air off.  
I scratched my arm.

“Hey, babe.” I greeted him, gently scratching at his hips, peering over him to see what he was cooking.  
Levi has this wide stance when he cooks and his eyes always flicker over everything before he does a deliberate motion like carefully lifting up salt with its designated spoon.  
Pasta.  
“Where is the bread?” I questioned.  
“No.”  
“No?”  
“You can't have it.”  
“Awwww. Come on! I'm starving!” I pleaded, moving to the side to lean on the counter.  
Levi looked over, eyes narrowing.  
I frowned. “What?”  
His eyes flickered down.  
“Levi, please.” I begged, widening my eyes and looking extra cute. “Just one. I'm so hungry. You're the best cook and your buns are so tasty.” I pleaded in this soft voice.  
Levi scowled, quickly looking away. “Fine. You piece of childish shit. Bet you spoiled every meal.” He muttered, opening the oven and grabbing a piece.  
“One.” Levi reminded me, lifting it up with a flat face.  
I beamed, snatching the bread.  
The bread had garlic, tomatoes, and herbs baking in on top of it. Greedily, I bit into it, humming as I scarfed it down.  
I licked my fingers, the taste of butter and garlic making it addictive. I want another one!  
“Stop that.” Levi chastised, tossing a napkin in my face.  
I caught it and wiped my fingers. “Taste test?” I prompted, eager.  
“It will be done in a few minutes.”  
“So no?”  
“The wizard did give you a brain.”  
I smirked.  
A pause.  
Wait.  
This feels weird. Almost.....am I missing something? Did I forget?  
I scratched my arm.  
Levi seems....off.  
Or is it me?  
Did I do something?  
But what? Nothing happened.  
Wait.  
“I thought you had work today.” I recalled, waiting for his reaction.  
“I did.” Levi affirmed.  
Maybe that was it then.  
I sighed, shoulders relaxing.  
“Can't take the customers today?”  
Levi grunted.  
That must be it. Come to think of it, I think I have a paper due today. Shit.  
“How's your arm?” Levi questioned.  
Ice shot through my veins. “What?” I exclaimed, eyes narrowing.  
Levi was stirring up the pasta, not looking over. In fact his face looked passive, devoid of anything. Not even boredom or annoyance or confusion.  
What the fuck was happening?  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I hissed, straightening.  
Levi cast his eyes over, eyebrows pulled in just a fraction, eyes barely resting on me before turning away. “Hum.”  
I growled. “Why are you being such an asshole right now?” I howled.  
Levi turned off the heat with a click and slid the pan off of the burner. He spun around in a fluid motion, crossing his arms. His face was flat, eyes searching, awaiting, but he had already decided something. “How am I the asshole?” Levi questioned.  
I snorted. “Are you kidding? You-” I stopped, face falling, eyes dropping.  
My head ached now as well. Shit. I covered my eyes with my hand to block out the light so I could think, head down. “I-I don't know. I'm sorry. I just......I feel weird.” I apologized.  
What the fuck was I so mad about? Levi didn't do anything! He fucking cooked! Why do I have to blow up for no reason?  
My hand fell with a sigh, and I bit my lip, hoping I hadn't fucked up too much. Levi didn't give his emotions away. Did he have any?  
His head was cocked to the side, eyes studying. He nodded, straightening his head. “It's alright.” Levi murmured, turning back to the pan.  
No. No. No. Please give me something. I don't want-  
“Itchy.” I blurted.  
Levi was plating the food.  
“My arm is itchy.” I answered.  
“You should put something on it.” Levi suggested.  
“Yes. I will.” I hesitated, and then felt a rush of panic. “Sorry. Do you want me to do it now?”  
“No.” Levi said smoothly, guiding out the remaining noodles. “Just go sit down.”  
I did just that.

Time is imposed on us. It's made to categorize the day, mark the hours, and nearly everything is based on it. Seeming insignificant, this invisible control board, but we have grown to adjust with it. We model the time of the day after it, compensate with longer days, pushing time forward and back, seeking control over it when we know deep down that it makes no difference. Time stays, no matter how much we alter in in our own little ways. It’s apathetic to our schedules, our needs; we pledge for more and less of it, not really knowing, not really thinking that the time that we think we have isn’t ours at all. It's independent of us, infinite, not capable of adding or subtracting or growing short or running out. The unknown is what scares us most. We all seek control, to categorize. We can't deal with something unseen, intangible having command over the control board. So let’s pretend that we do. Still, time will continue, not matter what you need to do or have done and the only thing we can do is move with it or get left behind. Riding on the skirt tails of time can seem comforting, if you let it. A sense of peace of giving yourself over, connecting with the universe, even if hell is raining down on you and the moment is horrific, time still goes forward, even if you stay the same or retreat backwards, time still goes forward. It never stops. Never gets lost. You can count on it to move forward. Sometimes you realize that time moving forward was too fast, you weren’t paying attention, you ignored the time. And it did what it will keep doing if you don't watch it. It will move without you. Then suddenly, painfully, you catch up.  
It's like being scared awake. There is no lead up, no prologue. Like opening your eyes from a long blink, everything is there when nothing was before. Out of the blue, you’re there. Your head is pounding harder than your heart, which seems impossible since you can hear the individual contractions of it, and you feel cold, in an odd sort of way. Everything is burning, twitching, shifting, like an involuntary action, and you have to wait till whoever stops shaking the snow globe of your body so you can settle down.  
A man in a black tank top pounded against the pavement, his legs going faster than he could so he had to hunch and scramble to keep up, nearly falling in his pursuit. Out of nowhere you hate him. You are glad he is upset and leaving and you don't know why. Your hand unclenches without you knowing and you jump because of it. Everything about your body is now so strange, so new, as if you just got it and are learning its functions. It's acting without you, like you don't even matter to it. There is blood all over your hand, dripping from the knuckles and smeared on your arm. Eyes fall down, something catching it. Your head tries to look up but you don't let it. You have to know. Blood soaks your shirt, darkening, and you feel a tension, like the signals were delayed, but are in the middle of being processed. The feeling is white, and spreads, and then it starts. Building quickly, you realize you can't breathe properly and your chest is burning, shirt seemingly melting into your skin. Looking around, you see walls with filthy bricks and wrappers and cardboard blown into the corners. There is the distinct stench of molding, old trash under the copper air. Something is digging into your abdomen, slicing its way and the pain is starting to make your body shake and your head ring. Your clothes are torn in several places and you’re covered in dust or dirt, you can't tell. But you don't think about that. You barely even notice. The only thing you are thinking of is, _What the hell did I do?_

I have to get this blood off of me. I can't walk around like this. It has to come off.  
Last time this happened I managed to slip inside a fast food place through the back and get to the bathroom without being seen. But now I was covered in blood and I doubt that was possible. I began walking forward, ignoring the burning and pressure in my stomach. It felt so fucking hot, like fire itself was under my skin. There were no signs indicating what each building was and I wondered how the fuck I got here. I reached the end of the alley, which was cut off by a chain linked fence going forward, but, to the left, it continued on to a two lane road. I peered through the fence and saw a bunch of cars.  
Parking lot.  
Rounding the corner, I began opening every fucking door I came across, looking for any signs of a bathroom. Granted, most of them were locked, but with a tug and a slam from my shoulder, the door easily smashed in and opened, a metal clinking accompanying the crash as the screws and hinges flew off. They were all storage type buildings with boxes and good packing the place and loading bays or I could hear too many people inside and decided not to take a chance. The last thing I wanted to do was go to the hospital and the next to last thing was for someone to call the police. I looked across the alley and saw two dumpsters flanking a door. There was the smell of oil and chicken in the air. I cautiously approached, ready to bolt. Reaching out, I tried the handle. It opened and the booming sound of a kitchen leaped out, snatching back the door. I took a few deep breaths. Nothing happened. Everyone is busy. They won’t notice. I pulled open the door and stepped in, eyes focusing on two guys across the way who were chopping and griping. They didn’t even look over. I slipped behind a stainless shelf backed with boxes and pans. An oven was to my right, a fridge to my left, but I knew there had to be a dishwashing station or a fucking sink somewhere. Up ahead I saw a deep sink and rushed forward. I twisted the nob and water rushed out. I shoved my hands under, rubbing the blood and skin off, red water falling into the basin. I splashed water up onto my arm and my face, scrubbing. The water was dark and red and I kept washing until it was clear again. I turned back the nob. I grabbed a rag off a rack and dried myself off. I heard people starting to shout and panicked, scurrying off down the hall. I need to get out. I tried a door and ran into a pantry. For fucks sake. Backing out, I looked elsewhere, growing more and more anxious by the minute.  
I could fucking bleed out at this rate. Normally, I would heal, but for some reason it's not happening.  
“No, I’m really ticklish.”  
“Oh. I get it.”  
“Yeah. Especially on my arms so I always freak out.”  
I sucked in a breath.  
Two women holding a tray of drinks moved in front of me.  
Fuck!  
Please don't turn around.  
Luckily, they continued ahead, not looking back.  
I sped forward, eyes to the ground, holding on arm over my stomach to hide the growing stain.  
Voices got louder and faded off. I felt the burn of stares, but no one stopped me. There was a door to my left and I bolted to it. Another side door, probably to the back parking. I saw a room filled with jackets and immediately grabbed the darkest, tugging it on with a grimace when it stretched my wound, and zipped it up.  
I pushed open the door. I was right. Back parking.  
Shit.  
What do I do now? I have no idea where my car is. Or how I got here. I could have fucking ran. I’ve done it before!  
I slipped my hand into my pocket.  
Fuck yes!  
I still had my phone. I drew my passcode and the screen sprung up with my homepage. I tapped on maps. Where the fuck am I?  
I was nearly 20 minutes from my house. Good news, but alarming since I was so close. I don't even remember waking up today. I just remember......  
I need to get home. But I had no money.  
Call Levi.  
No. No, no, no, no. He’s going to ask; he’ll want to know why. I can't tell him. I can't lose him. He can't know. He won’t like me anymore. He’ll get scared and leave me and I just can't-  
My chest was tight, throat closing up. With shaking hands, I hit Levi on my recents, realizing I was ruining one of the best things I had going in my life.

Levi arrived in around ten minutes and texted me. My phone vibrated.  
Of course he’s here already.  
I stood up from sitting on the curb and looked around.  
“Oi.” Levi called. “Eren.”  
Levi’s eyebrows were pulled down, a flat line of worry, head tilted. He still had his Rosa’s T shirt on, no doubt straight from work. He wasn’t parked, just idling a few yards away, standing beside the car door.  
I couldn’t look at him. I rushed to the other side of the Camaro, eyes on the ground.  
“Yeager!” Levi huffed.  
I ignored him and grabbed the handle.  
Shoes scraped on the pavement.  
“Brat!” Levi hissed, grabbing my arm to pull me away from the door.  
“Levi-don’t-” I growled, slapping his hand off.  
Levi turned his head and placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me, so my back went against the door. “Eren.” Levi questioned, voice heavy with anxiety. “What’s wrong?”  
No. No. Please. Don’t make me.  
I looked up.  
Levi looked absolutely wrecked. He looked almost scared, like I would drop dead right there.  
Oh fuck. I’m sorry, Levi. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.  
The back of his hand felt my cheek. “You’re burning up.”  
“I’m sorry.” I whispered.  
“Don't be.” Levi assured me.  
I winced as pain shot through my chest. “Fuck.” I cursed, hunching a bit.  
“Eren?” Levi questioned fearfully, hands moving to hold me.  
“I’m okay. I’m okay.” I repeated, panting.  
Levi’s left hand was fisted in the jacket on my good arm, the other hovering to catch me. “Are you sick?” Levi demanded, voice shaking.  
“No.”  
There was a pause where I caught my breath.  
“Who's jacket is this?”  
My head was swimming. I should be healed by now. Even if I got stabbed or shot or beaten it should be fine by now. Why is it still hurting?  
“Take it off.”  
“What?” I asked, confused, straightening.  
“The jacket!”  
I jumped.  
Levi’s face smoothed and he swallowed, taking a big breath.  
“I can't.” I whispered.  
Levi’s face froze. His eyes dropped down to the hem of the jacket. With one hand he lifted it up, revealing the blood soaked shirt underneath. His jaw clenched.  
“Get in.” Levi ordered, voice tight.  
I nodded, moving to the side.  
Levi opened the door and guided me inside, hand on my back and leg.  
“It's going to hurt when you sit down, okay?” Levi warned me.  
His hands retracted and I dropped in the seat. Air rushed out of my lungs. It felt like I was being ripped apart.  
“Breathe for me.” Levi prompted.  
I tried, but ended up making a hiccuping sound.  
Levi reached over me.  
Click.  
His hand cupped the side of my face, thumb brushing my cheek. “Eren?” Levi begged.  
I took in a shaky, shivering breath and released it quickly. My chest began to burn tighter and I groaned. “I know. It fucking hurts. Go slow. Breathe slow.” Levi coached.  
I nodded vigorously.  
Levi squeezed my cheek and then let go, shutting the door.  
I shut my eyes and leaned back on the head rest, focusing on breathing through the pain.  
The engine roared, as if the car, too, was concerned, and Levi ripped out of the parking lot, no doubt going the maximum speed he could.  
“Fucking hell. These geriatric diaper stuffers. How do they even get a fucking license.” Levi ranted under his breath, switching gears.  
A bubble popped in my head and I saw my Dad frowning over me, disappointed.  
_’You passed out again. Try to stay awake for me, son, okay?’_  
“Eren? Eren?!” Levi yelled.  
My eyes flew open.  
Where the fuck am I?  
A car.  
How did-?  
“Fuck.” Levi growled through gritted teeth.  
I relaxed a bit, seeing Levi.  
“Don't worry. The hospital is a few miles off.” Levi assured me.  
Ice went through my veins. “No!” I shouted. “Please, Levi, don't take me back there! I can't go! I don't want to see the fucking doctor! They won't help anyways and they’ll think I'm a monster! I won't let you take me!” I continued, fumbling with the buckle.  
“Hey! Hey, Eren! Listen to me.” Levi insisted, casting glances over at me.  
“No. No, I won't go.” I repeated, ignoring him, still trying to push the buckle down.  
“Okay. No hospital.” Levi said flatly.  
I paused, searching his face for a lie.  
He looked back over. “Relax, Eren. I’m not here to make decisions for you. I'm here to help you do what you want to do.” Levi explained.  
“Okay.” I replied shakily.  
“You need help though.” Levi thought out loud. “Fucking nipple twisters.” He growled, grabbing his phone from the slot in the console. He drove with one hand, likely now at 300 miles per hour, and tapped his phone, every once in a while looking up the road for a second or two. He held it to his ear and swerved into the next lane, cars honking all around us.  
“Hey. Not good. Yeah. There is. Meet me at Eren’s place. He’s been in a fight and he’s been injured. Stomach. Yeah. If your not there when we get there, I’m going to make it my business to kill all of your testing animals. Even the ones you made.” Levi barked, saying goodbye with a threat.  
He shoved the phone in his pocket.  
“If Hange isn't okay, we can go to my place.” Levi offered.  
“Hanji.” I agreed.

The first thing I did was take the rest of my pain pills. When I emerged from my room, Levi had a sheet spread over the couch.  
Regret pierced my heart. I couldn't do this to him anymore. I was being cruel to him all this time, because I wanted him, needed him, while refusing to tell him. “Levi I have-”  
“Gunshot or knife?” Levi interrupted. “I didn't smell gunpowder.” He added.  
I stopped short. His cavalier, roll-with-it attitude was something I've never encountered. I blinked. “Knife.”  
Levi nodded. “We need to take that shit off.”

Knocking. Furious knocking.  
“Finally.” Levi growled, rising from his task of wiping up all the blood to get the door.  
“Hey, baby! Nice place, yeah? Does it come with a man servant?" Hanji joked.  
“No.” Levi hissed. “He’s on the couch. It was a knife.”  
“What happened?”  
“Didn't ask.”  
“Okay! Leave me too it!” Hanji cried excitedly. “And I mean leave me. I don't want you hovering about.”  
“I’ll do what the fuck I please, shitty glasses.” Levi griped.  
Hanji ignored him and walked in front, depositing her bags right in front of me.  
Oh fuck. Oh no. I changed my mind. Make her go away. I don't want this to start again. Please.  
Hanji was in thick, black pants and a loose, purple t shirt with two duffle bags and a red carrying case. Her hair was tied up in a bun like she expected worse circumstances. In short, she was suspicious.  
“What the fuck is with all that?” I demanded in one breath.  
Hanji squatted down and zipped open the red case, pulling stuff out.  
“Oh don't you worry. It's just things I thought I might need. You could go into shock, your heart could stop, you could need a piggyback IV or need blood, who knows. I don't.” Hanji rambled, shinning a light into both my eyes. “Open wide.”  
I did.  
“Hm.”  
“What?”  
“Your color is good.”  
“He lost consciousness.” Levi informed her, from behind me.  
“Oooooh!” Hanji exclaimed. “Interesting.” Wide eyes turned to me. “How long ago was the attack?”  
I frowned. “I uh, don't really know.” I admitted.  
“Oh well. It's still exciting.” She dismissed, dropping down to a squat and opening up one duffle bag and emptying the contents.  
Gauze, tape, scalpel, test tubes, a syringe-  
“Levi!” I howled, breathing hard. “Levi for fucks sake-!” I pleaded through my teeth, shutting my eyes tightly in an effort to clear my focus.  
I opened them and saw Levi.  
“Eren. I'm right here.” Levi assured me, reaching out to hold my hand, concern wrinkling his face.  
I lurched forward, grabbing his upper arm, and pain ripped through my abdomen. I pulled him closer, so he was now leaning in.  
“Promise me you won't let me hurt you. Either of you.” I demanded. “That you’ll stop me, whatever that means you have to do.”  
Levi’s expression broke completely.  
I tightened my grip. “You said to trust you. I do. Will you promise?” I growled.  
“Yes.”  
I fell back, letting him go, putting my eyes on Hanji.  
“Move your hand Eren. I need to see the damage.” She instructed.  
Hesitantly, I removed my hand from the half soaked bandage, hand sticky from the dried blood. She moved over me in a rush, hunching, a bottle in hand, and inspected the bandage for a split second with narrowed eyes before tossing it behind her.  
“You filthy fucktart.” Levi hissed, snapping back into focus.  
“Yup. This looks bad.” Hanji affirmed. “I'm going to need you to lay flat.” She instructed, straightening.  
“What?” I hissed.  
“Come on then!” Hanji howled, that manic glint growing in her eyes. “I’ll help.”  
“No, no. I think I've got it-” I reasoned, wanting little contact or stress.  
Hanji ignored me completely and grabbed my ankles, lifting me up and sliding them over the couch, pulling me down a bit. I tried to jerk my legs back and was only met with pain, so I gave in. Something sliced through my stomach and I groaned, clutching my side.  
“Fuck.”  
I kept breathing, each breath becoming harder and harder. Hanji, mercifully, had paused and was inspecting my face.  
“Here. Drink this.” Hanji offered.  
“What is it?” I questioned.  
“Whiskey.” Hanji replied with a smile.  
I glanced up at her, doubtful.  
Hanji took a slug, and then shook it invitingly. “I think you'll need it.” She sang.  
I held out my hand and she gave me the bottle. I took a huge drink, even though I'm not really good with alcohol at all, and swallowed, wincing.  
“Good stuff, yeah?” Hanji commented, taking the bottle back. “Breathe in.”  
I inhaled.  
Hanji immediately shoved me down with more strength than I gave her credit for.  
I growled, anger pushing past the blur in my eyes at the stretch. The wound began to burn, and I felt myself disassociate for a second.  
Where was Levi?  
“This is so facinating. You would no belive the shit I've had to treat with the squad. Levi said you knew, if not, you imagined that. First things first-” Hanji had that look in her eye, and promptly dumped the whiskey on my stomach.  
“For fucks sake.” Levi hissed. “Can't you try to act professional?”  
Levi?  
“She made me drink some.” I tattle taled, focusing on breathing.  
“He’s on medication, Four Eyes.” Levi snapped. “Is that really wise in your medical opinion?”  
“I’m going to give you some better drugs, okay? We can't have you screaming.” Hanji said, ignoring Levi. She dropped down on her knees and rifled through her case. I rested one arm over my eyes so I didn't have to look.  
Plastic tore and I could hear a click.  
“He’s not a complainer, Hanji.” Levi muttered. “He can handle it. Don't give him so much!”  
“This is a nice place, Levi.” Hanji protested. “I bet if you ran a food processor too long they'd call in. See this is why I didn't want you over here. You're a party pooper.”  
Oh great. I'm dying and they are fucking bickering. “Guys, shut up.” I growled.  
“See? Okay, here we go. We should get an IV going.” Hanji muttered.  
I felt the needle poke my skin.  
“Oi. What are you doing?”  
“It’s not piercing his skin.”  
“Bullshit.”  
“I need a sample of his dermis layers. This is might be the best thing to happen to me. The largest organ with super-”  
“Hange!”  
Shit. Shit. Shit. No. What am I going to say?  
Hanji paused. “Right! I’m going to distress your skin, Eren, and wipe on a solution. It will burn. Someone cried once. One of those deep, embarrassing cries.” She continued.  
Thank you! I heard her searching through her bags, humming the entire time.  
“Here we go.” Hanji purred. Her hand went around the area above my wrist and held tight. “Fuck, you are on fire, Eren.” She cried.  
I still didn't make an effort to look when she began rubbing something agianst my skin, but it felt like one of those pumice stones. It was over quickly and there was another pause. I was greatful I didn't have to explain. Normally when my skin hardens, doctors and nurses freak out. Honestly, I expected to have to explain or help, but Hanji didn't even miss a beat. The issue was solved in a split second.  
“It's not even labeled.” Levi huffed, from above me.  
“I know what's in it.” Hanji giggled, and wiped something on me a few times. Seconds later, she pushed in the needle. “Done!”  
I peeked over at the needle and couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. Whatever it was, it probaby wasn't enough.  
Something cold pressed agianst my neck for a few moments before being removed. What if something else happens? What if I snap? Or Hanji asks me something I can't really answer? “Hanji?” Levi questioned, unsure. “Hanji stop zoning.”  
I swallowed, jerking my head to see what Hanji was doing. She had a small, rectangular monitor in her hand and a perplexed, concerned look on her face. Never in my life would I think I’d see her like that.  
“Eren, I’m going to have to knock you out.” Hanji decided, setting down the monitor and fully unzipping her red bag.  
“Hanji?” Levi barked. “What are you talking about?”  
“You said no hospitals. He has a high fever and his blood pressure is through the roof.” Hanji explained, flicking the needle. “I need to slow everything down and stabilize him quickly.”  
Levi frowned. “Can't you just do that with medication?”  
“It’s too high. He could hemorrhage if I don’t.”  
“Hanji you just can't-”  
I would have to tell them if I stayed awake. If I get knocked out, I won't have to say anything. I can't explain it. Levi might leave. He would. Why wouldn't he? “Levi it's okay.” I blurted.  
Hanji pressed the needle in the same place as before. “Oops.” She sang, injecting it.  
“Hanji, you’re going to have to give me more.” I insisted.  
“Eren if I-”  
“Give me more or I won't go under! Trust me. Do it!” I yelled.  
“Eren you shut your bratty mouth!” Levi growled.  
Hanji narrowed her eyes looking into mine. I could feel my eyes burning. Her eyes went out of focus for a second, and I knew she was putting it together. In all logic, I should have been dead already or having seizures. The fact that I was alive and coherent was improbable. I was so stupid thinking I could keep it a secret considering my condition, but I clung to the hope it wouldn’t ruin this. No doubt Hanji picked up on things or Levi told her something that tipped her off. Someway, in some degree, she knew.  
Reaching down, she picked up a vial and grabbed a syringe. Pulling back the plunger, the medication nearly filled the barrel.  
Levi was moving towards her, cursing and shouting so loud my ears were ringing.  
Hanji flashed me a final look before jamming the bevel tip into my veins, pushing down on the plunger with her thumb.  
That familiar clouding haze creeped in from my peripheral vision and swarmed my head with darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom.  
> It seems choppy but that's how Eren remembered it. I just write it down.  
> Hanji already has a file on Eren. It's color labeled and everything.


	20. The Past

A pinching pain started in my leg, like it was about to fall asleep. I didn't want to open my eyes. I was so tired, lids heavy, the blankets around me wrapping tightly inviting me to stay. Even my mind seemed heavy, weighting me down in the dark, calmness of sleep. Another pang, this time in my stomach, accompanied by gurgling. Shit, thats why I’m awake. I'm fucking hungry. My eyes opened one at a time, the light of the room brighter than the sun, causing me to groan and cover my face. I rolled over on my back, slowly letting more light through my hands, blinking profusely to clear the whiteness from my vision. Eventually, I was able to see the ceiling without problems.  
I want meat. Raw meat.  
I sat up and felt a tug around my stomach and heard a sticky noise like Velcro. Frowning I looked down and saw that I was wrapped up in white bandage tape that got stuck to the blanket. Peeling it off, everything started to come back, questions in my mind getting answers as quick as they were thought, voices and realizations flooding my mind.  
I’m going to throw up.  
But I'm so damn hungry.  
I glanced around, listening for fucking anything.  
Was Hanji still here? Levi?  
Someone moved me to my bed, probably Levi, and I noticed that my room had the ambiance of a showroom bedroom at a furniture store.  
Levi.  
The bandage was scratching my skin, and I needed to see if I was healed yet anyways, so I picked at the end until I could peel it back. I unwound the bandage, exposing my stomach bit by bit.  
It was smooth, tan, normal.  
Why didn't I heal sooner, though?  
Running my fingers over where the wound was, I felt inexplicably ashamed. My skin was so perfect, yet so damaged. My abilities saved my life, but at the same time, without this cruelty, I would have never needed it. All of the pain and grief at my mothers death seemed to become tangible, metamorphosing as a frenzied obsession in my father to become my now mutated body. I had no hope and no use for this, in fact, it was nearly unbearable to be a freak, a dangerous monster that everyone shies away from with whispers on their lips. Maybe thats why I clung to Levi so desperately, knowing it would end like this, no matter if I didn't want it to, because he could soothe my misery for just a fraction of time.  
I thought of when I first saw Levi and thought he was an asshole and yet still envied him. And when he stayed during my breakdown and how I knew I really liked him despite everything. All of our stupid fights and dates and non-date dates and how I could talk to him and how he started to talk to me. The first time we kissed and slept together. How Levi gave up control in the bedroom overtime and let me do whatever I wanted to him, whenever. How open he was now. And how much I fucked it up.  
I stewed in my emotions, until my stomach interrupted. Sighing, I left the bandage on the bed, and stood, getting a head rush.  
The whole apartment looked like a showroom for fucks sake. It should be featured in a designing magazine. So clean and tidy you can't imagine living there.  
Food.  
Right, right.  
I rushed to the refidgerator, wrenching it open. Scanning the contents, I realized we were out of meat. A horrible development. The scarce contents of the fridge were categorized and segregated into little areas in some unknown system and the showroom theme came to mind. Levi gets over anxious and starts reading and rereading expiration dates, just standing in front of the fridge, checking, checking, until he can't stand it and throws it out. Thats what happened to the food probably, but at least, if we need condiments, we’ll be ready.  
“Eren?”  
Oh.  
I turned around and was immediately shoved up against the fridge, closing it as Levi shoved me back. His eyes were cold, calculating, a fading bruise around the edge of his left eye.  
Levi.  
That has to hurt. Did I...?  
“Who hi-” I started, reaching for his face.  
“Stop it.” Levi demanded crisply.  
I froze.  
“Hands at sides.”  
I half frowned, eyebrows furrowing, a sense of being insulted coming over me, but I lowered my hand slowly until it dropped. Studying his face, I pondered over why Levi would talk like a caveman.  
“You sound stupid.” I observed.  
“Shut up!” Levi barked, eyes glinting. “Do what I tell you.”  
Levi’s intensity and persistence shook me, so I ignored his articulation and listened. He slacked off a bit at my silence, scanning my face and eyes.  
“How do you feel?”  
“Hungry.”  
Levi’s eye twitched.  
I bit my lip. “Babe what happened to your eye? You need to keep ice on it whenever you can. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to talk but please at least put something on it.” I begged.  
Levi's face smoothed and he dropped his arm. “You punched me yesterday. It was a good hit too.” He reported levelly.  
Oh.  
I dropped my gaze, jaw tightening.  
“Hey,” Levi interupted, stroking my face, “it's alright.”  
I snapped up. “I fucking hit you! Don't comfort me! Be mad at me!” I yelled.  
Levi straightened. “Eren, breathe.” He demanded. “You were upset and flipping the fuck out and acting like a child. I hit you, you hit me, I hit you harder. I'm fine. I can honestly say, I've had worse to the face.” He added.  
I couldn't take my eyes off of the bruise. “I’m sorry.” I whispered.  
Levi cocked his head. “Your stomach’s healed I see.” He observed, his eyes downcast.  
I flinched, covering my stomach. I should have put something on. “I-I uh, heal quickly.” I stammered.  
Levi raised his eyes.  
I floundered under them, restless. “Can you go get me something to eat please?” I asked. “I want actual meat. As close to raw as you can get.”  
Levi shook his head, eyes falling, and reached into his pocket for his phone. “No. I can’t.” He refused, monotoned.  
Why isn't he reacting? Why isn't he asking questions? Doesn't he want to know? Does he care?  
He clicked it on and tapped it, turning to the side to hold it to his ear. “Hey. Yeah. No, he's fine. I don't fucking know, he just woke up.” Levi winced, a loud sound suddenly vibrating from the speakers. “Shut the fuck up! Hange! That's my ear! Yes, yes, whatever. Sure. What does that even mean? Is that-.......But is it bad?......Look, just bring it all over. Okay? Okay? Uh-huh. Yeah and pick up some food. Eren wants raw meat. Yeah. Get a lot too this kid could enter three eating competitions and walk away unsatisfied. I doubt he cares. See you.” Levi hung up, slipping the phone in his pocket.  
“What did Hanji want?” I asked, panic starting to set in.  
It sounded like she found out something and I have a really good guess as to what. What if she took a blood sample? Tissue sample? She knows but she doesn't know-know. What if-I mean, she's always doing experiments what if I become her next one? A little pet project to be locked up?  
Levi focused on me, face switching to that cold expression.  
I realized I was backing up.  
“She just took a blood sample-” Levi started.  
No. God no! She knows! Levi must know, that's why he's not asking. They are all in on it now! Is that why he's not leaving? He has to watch me?  
It will all start again. Strapped down and needles and vials and loud silence and test after test and beating and breaking to see where my limit was.  
“No!” I screamed. “That's not all she fucking said!” I growled.  
Levi didn’t react. “She mentioned something about a division rate of cells, I don't know.”  
-He doesn't care. He knows. Now he doesn't see you as a person anymore.-  
Eyes starting to burn, I whipped around, biting down hard, and walked towards the little stand near the door.  
“Eren?” Levi said drily. “What are you doing? You can’t leave.”  
I grabbed the keys, vision blurring, and felt him grab my arm.  
“Open your mouth.” Levi ordered.  
He tugged my arm and it was then I noticed I was biting my hand again. Quickly, I pulled it out, stepping away, keeping my face away from his sight.  
“Eren, keys.” Levi instructed, holding out his hand, still holding onto me.  
“Fuck off.” I hissed, jerking loose.  
Levi kicked the back of my legs and, since I wasn't recovered, I could only fall. I landed on my hands and knees and shook with regret and sorrow, tears finally falling down from my face. I heard the jingle of keys.  
“You can't leave.” Levi repeated.  
There was a pause.  
“Eren?” A crack of concern coming through. He knelt down by me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Did that hurt?” Levi asked.  
I grabbed his shirt, balling it up in my fists, knocking him on his ass as I lurched forward. “Why are you fucking here, you bastard?” I yelled. “You don't even care about me anymore, so what's the point? Leave!”  
“I do care. Don't fucking act like you know everything.” Levi spat.  
“Bullshit.” I growled. “You haven't asked me a damned thing. Your not curious? How I recovered so fast? Why my temperature was so high? I'm sure Hanj has told you enough to make you wonder and your sitting here like none of it happened.”  
Levi sighed. “What do you expect me to do, Eren?” He countered. “You scared me shitless, you brat. So tell me, what's the play by play, here?”  
My grip slackened.  
“I figured I'd let you recover at your own pace, but you're too much of a needy child to do that, aren’t you?” He continued.  
I shook my head. “But you-you keep talking like-” I protested weakly, voice breaking.  
“Should I baby you? Is that what you want? Here I thought you were an adult. I just didn't want to add my useless shit to the mix and make it harder by forcing you into anything, so I figured I'd act nonchalant. But I should be making a recovery basket full of herbs and break out the pamphlets and call in the doctors.” Levi ranted.  
I shook him lightly. “I just want you to care.” I begged. “I want to know if you still care.”  
Levi’s face fell, and he reached out, pulling me in by my neck. “Sweetheart.” Levi cooed apologetically, tucking my head into his neck. “Of course I do.”  
I let him do it, scooting closer into his lap so I was straddling him, wrapping one arm around his waist and the other clinging to his shirt.  
Levi wrapped his hand around my neck, moving up into my hair, running his fingers through it. “I’ll always want you beside me, remember that.” Levi promised. “You can't leave me, Eren. Don't even come close. Okay?” Levi murmured.  
I strengthened my grip on him, throat tightening.  
I need to tell him.  
The grumble of my stomach made me go rigid, and Levi chuckled.  
“Come on. Let's get you to the couch before Hange barges in.” Levi prompted, tapping my back.  
I didn't want to move apart from him. I just wanted to hear him say that still cared about me, that he would never leave, over and over again. But, I let him direct me to the couch, sitting down. Levi didn’t join me and I couldn't help but feel confused and slightly hurt. He went off into the kitchen and pulled something from the cabinets.  
How am I going to tell him though? Where should I start? Everything will take a long time to say, so I’ll have to wait till Hanji leaves. But-What if it's too much?  
“Here.” Levi said, handing me a gallon jug of water.  
My eyes widened, instantly realizing how thirsty I was. I grabbed the jug and started guzzling.  
Levi sat down beside me and turned on the Tv. “It's shark week.” He announced.  
Levi continued to watch the screen, every few moments looking over and sizing me up, before turning back.  
-He’s waiting for you to snap. He doesn't trust you anymore.-  
No! He’s just nervous about this and doesn't know what to do. Levi has never been the expressive one and is more awkward than anything. He must be worried. He has to be, right?  
My stomach churned.  
Oh-my-god! I'm so fucking hungry! How am I not dead? If Hanji doesn't get here soon I'm going to start eating ketchup and moving on from there. I feel like I haven't eaten in days.  
Swallowing, I set the water down. “How long was I asleep?” I asked.  
Levi looked over at me, obviously not wanting to discuss anything. “You got hurt yesterday. It's around 7 now.” He informed me.  
“That's why I'm so hungry.” I thought aloud.  
Levi shook his head. “I don't see how when you woke up and raided the kitchen. Made a huge mess.” He grumbled.  
Oh shit. “How many times did I get up?” I pressed.  
“Around five.” Levi answered, eyes on the TV.  
I bit my lip. “That's why you shoved me.” I realized.  
Levi sighed, turning towards me. “Yes.” He affirmed. “I didn't know what state you were going to be in. You thought I was a psychiatrist when you punched me. That was the first time you got up. Then you tried to get food, though you had the mannerisms of a raccoon, and I was able to calm you down. One time, you seemed fine, but then you started to panic and hyperventilate when I asked how you felt.” Levi listed, exasperated.  
“I don't remember.” I blurted. “I'm sorry. I get mixed up and black out around....times like this.”  
Levi snorted. “We need a fucking safe word.”  
I smirked.  
“What is the last thing you do remember?” Levi asked, worry showing on the wrinkles on his brow.  
I frowned, thinking hard, eyes shifting in thought. “Ummmm......you made pasta and bread.” I offered.  
Levi wrinkles deepened, eyes shrinking, a cloud coming over his features. “That was two weeks ago.” He replied quietly.  
I shook my head violently. “No, no. I uh-I remember we had...did we fight? I did something....I was ignoring you?” I questioned, in denial.  
Levi nodded. “You did.” He agreed. “And I made you promise you would never to do it again, no matter what you were like.”  
I turned away.  
Two weeks?  
I normally have chunks of time missing when I freak out, but it's never felt this precious to me. What if I missed an important event or milestone in our relationship? What was I going to get back? Nothing?  
“Do you remember going out with Hanji and Erwin?” Levi pressed.  
I shut my eyes, head falling into my hands. “No.” I growled.  
Levi shifted, and began to stroke my back. “That's okay. You might remember later. Besides, it wasn’t that great going out with them and you were naughty and argued with Hanji and Erwin at the table and tried to literally kill these guys who tried to stop Hanji from going into the bathroom.”  
I snorted. “Did I?”  
“No. I diffused the situation. Then Hanji punched them in the face and you and I escorted them out.”  
I missed that! Fuck! “Shit.” I hissed.  
Levi squeezed the back of my neck. “We can do it again. Just get better.” He assured me.  
I straightened, staring him in the eyes. Levi looked worried, eyes tightened, lips in a line. Dark circles were under his eyes and his face was sullen and pale, hands a raw pink by contrast.  
-He thinks you can be fixed.-  
“Levi. I can't take this. I need to tell you-” I started, voice rushed.  
Levi froze up a little, like he didn't want to do the wrong thing.  
Bang! Bang! Bang!  
“Yoo-hoo! Guys!” Hanji called. “My hands are full so get your perky asses up!”  
“Hold on you loudmouth!” Levi shouted, standing up. He turned his eyes to me. “Eren. She's going to want to look you over. Relax and think about the food.” He instructed before going to the door.  
She can do whatever she wants as long I as get my fucking food.  
Levi unlatched the door and I turned away.  
Hanji knows. She knows something. She won't think of me the same anymore.  
I didn't look up and attempted to act like I was watching Tv, fingers drumming on the cushion.  
“Hi Eren!” Hanji greeted.  
“Put it there.” Levi ordered.  
“There is more too!”  
“Christ.”  
“I got two raw steaks, but then I got that catering meal deal thing for six people. It's a bunch of different meat and they even give you sides! Hopefully that's enough. I went to that barbecue place. You know the one with that pig that looks happy even though he's being roasted?”  
“Get the rest of the food-”  
“Yeah, yeah, okay!”  
“-And let him eat first!”  
The smell of smoked meats and hot food filled the room and I couldn't just sit there and wait. An urge overtook me and I shot up, half sneaking over.  
“Eren, go sit down.” Levi ordered. “I'm getting you a plate.”  
“No! I can get my own food.” I shot back, eying all the sacks.  
There was a huge brown paper sack filled with carry out boxes and styrofoam containers. There was a sack of just biscuits. Another sack with a bucket of roasted meat. My mouth watered, mind reeling, and I wanted all of it.  
Levi frowned. “Here's the steaks and a biscuit then. Eat that first.” He offered, handing out the plate.  
I snatched it, eyes wide, and moved to the couch.  
Hanji returned with another sack of food and a duffel bag. “Oooh, my precious Eren! You look a lot better.” She greeted me.  
I flashed her a smile, not really sure if she was being fake or actually genuine. In all fairness, I was interested in the food. I shoved the biscuit into my mouth and swallowed before I even hit the couch. It was glazed in butter and I thanked the roasting pig that they gave out sacks at a time.  
The meat was raw, but a little more cooked than I would have liked. Still, I barely cared, ripping into one of them. Tearing it apart, I swallowed at the same time I was shoving more of the steak into my mouth, caught in a frenzy. Before I even noticed my progress, both were gone. I shot up and made a beeline for the kitchen.  
“For the love of god, Eren.” Levi grumbled at my approach. “That fast? Slow the fuck down or you’ll throw it all up later.”  
I didn't look up, pawing at all the sacks and lifting out containers as I tried to see what all was there.  
“I got mashed potatoes, potato salad, and Mac and cheese.” Hanji listed off.  
“Levi likes potato salad.” I commented.  
“Don't fucking eat all of it.” Levi snapped.  
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I'm eating all the biscuits.”  
“No your not!”  
“Too late because I'm doing it!”  
I grabbed the sack of biscuits and moved back, using Hanji as a blockade.  
“You shithole!” Levi growled, reaching for me.  
“Boys!” Hanji cried, raising her hands up, palms facing each of us. “Settle down!”  
She grabbed the bucket of meat and one of the plates Levi had set out and offered it to me.  
I set the biscuits on top of the meat, grabbed the plate and the bucket, and took off for the couch.  
“He’s going to throw up!” Levi barked from behind me. “Don't give him so much at once!”  
“Why don't you guard the potato salad?” Hanji suggested.  
I kept the bucket in my lap, stuffing my face with meat and discarding the bones and pieces on the plate. On some level, I knew that I was making a mess and pissing on decency with my manners, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My stomach had calmed, and all I could do was eat, meat vanishing from my hands so fast, I could barely tell I was eating, just that it tasted so good. I had to eat more.  
Levi and Hanji didn't come over, so I assumed they were eating on the counter on the stools that I never use, because who doesn't eat while watching Tv. Not that I was at the present moment.  
Eventually, Levi did come over and I winced, realizing just how much of a mess I was making. He wasn't going to like it.  
Levi was scowling when he walked over and cast a disapproving glance at the half empty bucket. He had a plate of sides and I couldn't help but straighten and gaze at it.  
I forgot to get sides. How could I have?  
Levi pulled out a wet paper towel from under the plate and dropped it in front of me. I took it, wiping my face and hands. At first, I thought I should give it back to Levi, but he shrank back, so I put it on my plate of bones instead. He lowered the plate and I perked up, taking it.  
“I’m taking the bucket.” Levi decided aloud, reaching for it.  
I frowned, legs tightening around it. “But-”  
“You had half of it.” Levi protested, snatching it. “So shut up. And leave me two biscuits, would you?”  
“Mhm.” I hummed, shoving potatoes into my mouth.  
Levi strutted off, muttering.  
“Look at this.” Levi complained from behind me.  
“Poor Eren! He's starving.” Hanji cooed.  
“Are you sneaking potato salad?”  
“You left.”

Levi switched to waiter mode and cleared all my plates, dropping off more napkins. I was on my second plate when I calmed down enough to recall I was thirsty and I had water. Chugging more of it, I heard bickering.  
“Eren! You want another plate?” Hanji called out.  
“I suppose I should get something to stuff in that mouth of yours.”  
“I already stuffed it today, thanks.”  
“Hope you swallowed.”  
“I hope you choke.”  
Levi snorted and I heard Hanji giggle and a thud noise.  
“Eren.” Levi called out. “Hanji is going to look you over.”  
What about the food?  
Hanji indeed came over with her duffel bag and dropped it to the side, unzipping it and pulling out a stethoscope. Levi was right behind her, balancing a plate of food.  
I reached out, but Levi moved it away.  
My eyes shifted to Hange, who was pulling out a square device.  
“Hey.” Levi called, and my eyes moved back to him. “Wipe off.”  
This was a typical requirement of Levi's and I went into action. I got hand sanitizer from the bottle on the table and rubbed it in my hands. Then I wiped my face, arms, neck, and hands again with those disinfecting wipes. (You're really not suppose to use them on your face, but it never bothers me.) I tossed everything in the little trash can and waited for approval.  
Levi nodded.  
Hanji scooted in on her knees and pressed the cold metal to my chest.  
“Hand me the biscuits.” Levi demanded, holding my food at ransom.  
I rolled my eyes and passed them over, after which Levi lowered the plate.  
The food was distracting to a degree, but I still watched Hanji carefully. Levi remained standing, on guard, stance wide with his hands folded.  
Hanji nodded, retracting the stethoscope and putting the device to my temple.  
I kept eating, watching Hange’s face for any sign, even a flicker, of horror, obsession, or pity.  
The thing beeped and Hanji looked it over. “Your vitals are better than what they were. It would help if-” She started.  
“Hanji.” Levi warned.  
Hanji huffed, shooting him a glare. “It's a simple question.”  
“I told you.” Levi hissed.  
Hanji scowled. “Ooooh you little buzz kill!” She fumed.  
I glanced between them, breathing picking up.  
Secrets. Hidden discussions.  
I’m not going to let this happen again. I won't.  
Levi’s expression changed, head snapping to attention, dropping the biscuits on the table. “Eren.” He ventured, voice level, tilting his head. “Are you listening?”  
Hanji slowly reached out for my arm and I recoiled, making a growling noise in the back of my throat and shifting backwards.  
“Damn it, Hanji!” Levi shouted, leaping forward to grab her by the shoulders and pull her back.  
“Noooo!” Hanji cried manically, falling back. “I just want to check his heart rate! One little test! Pleeeeease!”  
I scooted to the other side of the couch, smashing myself into the corner to make myself vanish, eyes darting from the bag to Hanji. The plate had dropped somewhere along the way, thankfully only the fork falling to the ground. Hanji was rolling on her back swatting at Levi like a child at the supermarket.  
All I could hear was ringing. I watched their mouths move.  
Levi left Hanji, kicking at her, and slowly approached me, one carefully placed step at a time, saying things I couldn't hear.  
Damn it, what's he saying?  
I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing hard on trying to hear, but only succeeding in making the ring louder.  
_He cares about me. He cares about me. He cares. He stopped Hanji. He won't let anything happen to me._  
I opened my eyes and saw he was close, still talking, so I nodded my head assuringly.  
Levi, please!  
An ache in my chest burned. I needed him. Reaching out, I grabbed his shirt, yanking him towards me and pushing my head into his torso, burying my face.  
Don't let it happen. Please, Levi. I trust you. Please. Make it stop. Make it stop.  
Levi’s fingers started to move through my hair in long, slow strokes, stepping forward so I could tighten my grip around him. He wrapped the other one around my back, keeping me close. I could tell Levi was speaking now, low and soft, but it sounded distant, like it was through thick glass. None of the words made any sense, like he was leaving parts out, but I wasn't concerned at all. The ball in my chest began to lessen in strength and I began to breathe deeply, relaxing under him.  
“....that's it. Yes. Hanji is a little fucker, isn't she?” Levi soothed in a soft, smooth voice. “You’ll be just fine. Relax for me. There. We can break her glasses later. I’ll tell Erwin and he’ll scold her. You don't have to say a word. Your safe. No one is taking you anywhere. I’m not leaving either. I can punch Hanji right in the face for you.”  
How Levi could manage to curse and threaten in such a sweet voice, I’ll never know. You’d think he was saying something nice and calm, but I doubt he knows what to say in that area.  
I couldn't help but give a soft chuckle, and Levi shifted back, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah?” He prompted.  
Releasing my hold on him, I nodded, sitting back, wiping my face.  
Hanji was standing a little of to the side, stretching up on her toes and then falling back down, hands behind her. She peered around Levi. “Eren?” She risked. “Eren, I’m sorry.”  
Levi shot her a look over his shoulder and then sat down next to me. “Don’t you want to clean up?” I questioned quietly, meekly gazing over.  
“Don't remind me.” Levi muttered, with a slight smile.  
I turned back to stare at the floor in front of me.  
Hanji inched closer. “I didn't mean to trigger you, Eren. I just get excited when there's a problem to solve, but I shouldn't have done that. I want to help you, but I need your permission first, I know. We are friends now, I hope you know, you are a bit thick headed, and I care about you.” Hanji explained, voice easy and apologetic. “You don't have to bear it all, we can help, because, we’re a team, right?”  
I trusted Levi, that much I did know. There was a time when I didn't trust anyone at all, even myself, and my days were littered with panic and paranoia. Relearning how to act and function and behave was nearly the hardest thing I've had to do, but I pushed through it. Never by myself though. I've had so much help.  
That being said, I have a major distrust, still, of doctors and just the sight of medical supplies makes my heart beat. None of them have ever really offered me any relief or answers, but, perhaps I wasn't ready for it. Besides, I didn't even see Hanji as a doctor, I just didn't exactly know her intentions, so I was afraid. Now, though....I needed someone to look into all this shit. The medication, as much as I liked to deny that it wasn't true, did not work. I still blackout, I still switch midsets, I still feel unbelievable pain. I have to face this head on and stop pretending like it could get better without me doing anything or looking to a pill to solve it all. Change was the only way I can ever hope to see any relief or acceptance and I think I can begin to trust Hanji too.  
I closed my eyes for a few seconds. “There is a box,” I began, opening my eyes, “it's in the back of my closet. It's duct taped shut. It has some of my medical files and my basic information like my normal vital signs and my dosages. You can have it.”  
Hanji’s eyes lit up. “Fuck! Yesssss! Thank you, thank you, precious little Eren with all your abs and glory!” She squealed, jumping up and down. She flung her hands up in the hair, screaming, “I’ll finally know!”  
“Bet you not even a hard fuck can put her down tonight.” Levi muttered, eyeing her display with distaste.  
I looked between him and Hange, mouth slightly open, and then shook my head.  
Yeah. I think this little team is weird enough to actually help me.  
“I’ll call my doctor tomorrow and grant you permission to access my files and some of my samples. You can probably work with them at the facility too.” I offered.  
Hanji simmered down. “Well, I’m not legally allowed, Eren. I'm not a doctor-doctor.”  
“She was suspended.” Levi put in, almost like it was obvious and he didn't have to voice it, but he wanted to.  
I smirked. “I think I can get it figured out.”  
Hanji waved me off. “Well, whatever. Either way, we can still do this. I have my lab too.” She admonished. “Box! Boooox, box, box, bo-ox!” She sang, rushing off into my room.  
I exhaled, rubbing my forehead with my fingers.  
“Hey.” Levi said, quieter. “Lay down, yeah?”  
I looked up.  
“It's so clean! How can I find jack shit in here?” Hanji yelled.  
Levi looked like he could use some sleep too.  
I smiled. “I'm laying on you.” I decided, climbing on the couch.  
“There's no room.” Levi protested.  
I laid my head on his lap, letting my body curl up in the rest of the space. “See?” I pointed out, closing my eyes.  
Levi laid his hands on my back and made a humming noise.  
“Oh my fuck buckets! Look at this! My new life's work! My golden goose of science!” Hanji ranted, no doubt wiggling around.  
I was so full. So full and sleepy.  
“Tone it down and get the lights, would you?” Levi snapped.  
“Look at you, you big softie.” Hanji teased.  
The lights started to go out, one by one. The light before my eyes was fading.  
“I don't think I've ever seen anyone in your lap. He's really worn you down, huh sucka?” Hanji went on.  
“Lock the door.”  
“Okay....Sucka!”  
Some shuffling later, the door slammed, and Levi made some grumbling noises before going quiet.

I jolted awake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. Eyes wide, I scanned around, noting I was still on the couch. The rush of water in the background informed me that Levi slept beside me and I knew he’d be in there for an hour or so. There was the standing possibility that I would have to remove him. When Levi is stressed or sensitive to germs, he often over showers.  
I stretched, wincing. Everytime I moved it felt tender and sore and I knew I was coming down from my episode.  
Recalling yesterday, I went into my room and found my phone on the night stand where Levi usually puts it. Thumbing in the passcode, I scrolled through my contacts.  
Kevin.  
It rang for several seconds before I heard a breathless, “Hello?”  
“Um, hey.” I began, wincing.  
Kevin had literally been calling me every day for the past month.  
“Eren?”  
“Yes.”  
“Oh good. Just a minute. The electrical stuff kinda makes my phone drop calls.” Kevin admitted.  
A huge crash and cursing made me pull my head away. I heard Kevin shouting and then it went quiet.  
“Okay. I'm fine now. So when do you want to come over?” Kevin questioned, going straight for it.  
“I'm not calling about that.”  
“Eren, you know you have too. Plus your refills. I don't want to have to report-”  
“Look. I need you to approve someone to work with you at your lab on my case.”  
“Who?”  
“Her name is Hanji. But, the catch is, she's been suspended.”  
“Fuck, Eren. That's a legal nightmare. I can't.”  
“For the love of fuck, Kevin, why not? I’ll handle the legal aspect, I just need you to release all my medical records and files.”  
“....All of it?” Kevin pressed. “There's like....a whole storage unit on you but on harddrives. Do you know how many gigs you are, Eren?”  
“What can you do?”  
“Okay. I can release the files. That's all yours anyway. But I can't have her work here.”  
“Fuck.”  
“What do you need her to do?”  
“Run blood samples, stare at my DNA, I don't know. She’ll probably map out my organs and use a 3D printer and modeling software to bring it to life.”  
“You mean....she can get samples from you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Would we have access?”  
“I don't like you that much Kevin.”  
“Ow. But okay. If we offer our facilities for tests, maybe we could consult.”  
“Hanji is in full charge of it.”  
“Eren, you act like I want to design super human soldiers with your generic makeup. I’m not Striker.”  
“What?”  
“Have you seen the X Men? Look, I want to help.”  
“I know.”  
“Listen, I’ll see what I can do. Send her information.”  
“Okay.”  
“And I’ll see you Friday.”  
“No.”  
“Anytime.”  
“Kevin-”  
“Or I will report you.”  
Shit!  
“Bring Hanji with you.”  
“Why? So you can stick me?”  
“I can't really treat you if I don't know what's happening.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
“See you.”  
I hung up the phone, tossing it on the stand.  
I hated these little checkups. They always took samples and ran tests, but they never got fucking anywhere. After a while, they didn’t press me for them, mainly because of all the property damage I would do. Now, I have to go back.  
Sighing, I went to take a shower.

Levi came out of the shower ten minutes after I did, with a total of roughly an hour and thirty minutes. I was seated on the couch, flipping through movies when he opened the bathroom door.  
“I ordered Chinese food.” I announced. “I got you something.”  
“Does it come with a happy ending?” Levi smarted off.  
I smirked.  
“Erwin and Hanji might stop by later.” Levi informed me, moving towards the bedroom.  
I frowned. “What for?”  
“To see you.” 

And see me they did.  
I was in the kitchen, face deep in a burrito, and I had no intention of stopping, so I let them in regardless of my situation.  
Hanji had her hair in a ponytail, black leggings and a floral skirt, and a blue tank top with a gun on it. Thankfully, there were no bags, just a laptop case, so I was put at ease. Erwin had on jeans and a plaid shirt.  
I felt happy to see both of them and it caught me off guard. Then I remembered I didn't remember. Oh yeah.  
Hanji’s eyes lit up. “How much have you been eating?” She started.  
I winked at her.  
Hanji gasped. “I knew it.” She grabbed Erwin's arm and tugged at him. “Erwin, the mitochondria I was telling you about!”  
Erwin scooted her inside and got the door, locking it.  
“Eren!” Hanji rushed over to me as I finished consummating with the burrito. “Do you know what lactic acid is? Your pain could be due to a mass incre-”  
I swallowed. “Hey Erwin. Can you get Levi out of my room?”  
Erwin glanced over before nodding in affirmation.  
Levi had been cleaning the entire apartment the whole day, because he was so worried and stressed out. I tried to help him, but he got demanding and pushed me out, saying I needed to sleep. Just seeing me seemed to put the wrinkles on his face. And it was getting serious. I literally caught him wiping the dust from the top of the doors. Erwin has dealt with Levi longer than I have, so I call him whenever I hit a dead end and can't do anything to get Levi to calm down. The man has tricks. He told me to ask for bread one time and Levi’s eyes lit up so bright I felt dizzy at his cuteness. I spent five minutes thanking Erwin and left this long voicemail about how great he was.  
“I can see you read the files.” I commented, licking my fingers.  
Hanji’s eyes shadowed. “Eren. Some of the data is-who ran them?” She asked softly.  
I looked down for a moment. “My father.” I answered, wanting to avoid conversation.  
Hanji nodded. “I understand.”  
“You sent fuck face after me?” Levi deadpaned as he walked out of the room, jabbing a thumb in Erwin’s direction.  
I shrugged, like I had no idea.  
“I got him.” Erwin said proudly, from behind Levi.  
“My hero.” I fake gushed.  
“It was challenging.” Erwin went on, milking it.  
“Yeah. Someone make a movie adaptation before time runs out.” Levi muttered. His eyes refocused on me. “What did you do?”  
I froze.  
“Did he eat something?” Levi demanded from the two of them.  
Hanji stomped her foot, groaning.  
“I cleaned the kitchen.” Levi reminded me, eyes hard.  
“I know.” I replied simply.  
“The place looks wonderful.” Erwin put in.  
Levi wasn't fazed. “Did you get crumbs everywhere?”  
I shook my head. “Nope.” I lied.  
Levi narrowed his eyes.  
“I am going to go brush my teeth.” I announced, slowly coming out of the kitchen and to my bedroom, all under the eyes of Levi.  
“What did you expect, Levi?” I heard Hanji cry. “You thought you'd clean and it'd stay that way?”  
“Maybe for longer than a second!” Levi shouted.  
I felt guilty for ruining the kitchen, but I was eating over the sink. Levi’s frustrations and brutally surfacing obsessions were a result of me, I knew. And in a short amount of time, I would make it more intense. I was hoping Levi might settle when he knew I was ok, but maybe dragging this on wasn't such a good idea.  
Putting up my toothbrush, I sighed, wondering how long the two of them were going to stay. With Levi so wound up, my time frame was shrinking.  
Walking out, I saw that everyone was in the library, which was spotless thanks to Levi. He even put a nice chair in there, which was brilliant. I am not allowed to sit on it. When I asked why, Levi said it was for “aesthetics” and I was too messy to use it. And yet, Levi uses it all the time. I don't know why he doesn't just say its his.  
Levi was sitting in it now, with Hanji showing him things off of a iPad and pulling out papers, too excited to sit. Erwin saw me coming and walked over to meet me.  
“Hey, can we talk?” Erwin asked.  
“Sure.” I agreed.  
I could hear what they were saying. Hanji was briefing him on the files. The fucking files. The evidence to what I wanted to tell him. Shit!  
Erwin smiled and motioned to the couch. “I know you don't remember what happened, but I thought it would be good to look into it.” He began.  
I sat down, head turned halfway, trying to listen more intently. Levi’s tone was level, if anything, it sounded like he was giving the most boring lecture of all time.  
Erwin had sat next to me, like I noticed. “Eren.” He called.  
I straightened. “Yeah-Yup!” I blurted.  
Erwin paused. “The day you blacked out, three men were beaten not far from where you woke up at. They all have a record and are known for violent crimes, so they might have attacked you first.”  
I blinked.  
“Your injury was caused by a blade that had broken off and was slicing into you and one of these men had a broken knife on him. They’re still in the ER.” Erwin concluded.  
“Are you going to arrest me?” I asked, unsure where this was going.  
“Fuck, Eren!” Erwin exclaimed. “No.” He said firmly. He smirked. “I just thought you might like to know. Consider this a favor.” He added.  
I let out a breath. “I am happy it wasn't a school teacher or something. If it was just a group of scumbags, I don't really care.” I admitted.  
“Fair enough.” Erwin responded. “I doubt your record could handle another incident anyways.”  
Ice went through my veins. “You looked at my record?” I asked tightly.  
Erwin winced. “I looked you up after Levi told me he was dating you.” He admitted.  
I bit down, hard.  
“I’m glad I did too, because otherwise, I would have arrested you, friends or not.” Erwin went on.  
“You son of a bitch, don't pity me!” I yelled.  
He knows. Hanji knows. They all know on some level and Levi is picking up on it. He can't not pick up on it. The worse shit is on that record. And Erwin knew the whole fucking time.  
“Yeager!” Levi yelled, cutting through the fog in my head.  
I blinked several times.  
Erwin had grabbed my arm to stop me from punching him and he looked prepared to hit me back. My face dropped and I pulled back my hand. “I’m sorry.” I apologized. “I didn't mean to.”  
“It's alright, Eren.” Erwin assured me, voice holding a greater meaning.  
_He won't say anything._  
I stared back, so panicked at how everything was falling apart. Here I thought I was keeping this hidden and I could run from it all, but my secret was out before I got to tell my first lie. Erwin didn't tell anyone and he was still friends with me after he knew. Who does that? Who befriends a monster? Who lets their friend date one?  
Levi grabbed my shirt and hauled me away from Erwin. “I rather have a dog than you, sometimes, Eren. At least they can follow a command!” He shoved me on the far side of the couch. “Can I even leave the room anymore?” He growled.  
I bit my lip, not looking up.  
Levi was tired of me. I keep fucking up and making it worse! I thought I was getting better, but now I’m making Levi sick too.  
“It’s my fault, Levi.” Erwin cut in, rising up.  
“Oh, yeah? Covering again, are we?” Levi spat.  
Hanji wiggled past Levi and sat down next to me. “Heart rate?” She asked.  
I nodded.  
Grabbing my hand, she pressed her fingers to the vein in my wrist. I leaned forward, putting my head in my hand.  
Erwin was in front of Levi now, I could see his shoes. “It was honestly me. The both of you have had enough to deal with and you're worn out.” He insisted.  
“I think we can still manage to not beat eachother up.” Levi hissed.  
“Can I-Piss pocket! I forgot the thermometer!” Hani cursed.  
I cast Hanji a side look.  
“Sorry, but I can't resist!” She whispered.  
Erwin sighed. “Hanji, come on. We should go.” He decided.  
Hanji made a noise of protest.  
“We just wanted to update you two and check in.” Erwin said, as Hanji stood, dropping my hand.  
I pulled it back and leaned on the side of the couch.  
Grumbling, she went to go gather up her things. I kept my eyes down, trying to fight the urge to run out of the room. I couldn't have one person in my life without driving them insane. Levi doesn't deserve this.  
Levi sighed. “Eren, even the best dogs piss on the floor sometimes.” He pointed out.  
“That's not what I meant!” Erwin hissed under his breath. “You're completely incapable-”  
“What would you do? Carve poetry on the petals of roses?” Levi whisper yelled back.  
“It's not that difficult!” Erwin pressed.  
Hanji bounced up. “Come on! I'm ready! Drive me home!” She called. Noting the scuffle, she looked in between the two men in front of her bickering and me, slumped on the couch. “Are you trying to teach him how to be a good boyfriend again?” She asked.  
“He says he wants help.” Erwin muttered, exasperated.  
“Why don't you wait outside?” Levi shot back.  
“Then he refuses it!” Erwin huffed, shaking his head and walking away.  
“You dick shakers.” Levi growled, following them to the door.  
“Don't clean.” Erwin advised.  
“Fifty he does.” Hanji said immediately.  
“Get out.” Levi said drily.  
The door clacked open and closed with a thud, metal sliding to lock it.  
There was a distinct pause.  
Then I heard footsteps and the fridge.  
“I got you some juice.” Levi announced, coming over. “You have a bunch in there.”  
I looked up from leaning on the arm of the couch, eyes cold.  
Levi’s eyes slid to the other side for a moment before he tossed it in my lap.  
I noticed something red and straightened, frowning. “Hey.” I called.  
Levi stopped, eyebrow raised. “You want something?” He guessed.  
I shook my head, eyes on his hands. “They’re red.” I observed.  
Levi sighed and sat down. “Yeah, I know.”  
He had been cleaning so much, more than I thought. His knuckles had sores and his hands were irritated so that his each hand was inflamed.  
I shot up.  
What was I doing? I let it go too far. My fucking boyfriend was on OCD overdrive and I was the one behind the wheel. I'm such a negligent shit.  
Marching to the kitchen, I ripped open the fridge and scanned the door. Seeing the green bottle, I grabbed it and hurried back.  
“Eren, what is it?” Levi questioned, tiredly.  
“Shut up, Levi!” I snapped and flopped down beside him, tucking a leg under me.  
“Rub this in. And don't clean anymore. Not even hand sanitizer. Just soap.” I growled, holding it out.  
“What the fuck is it?” Levi asked briskly, taking it.  
“Aloe Vera.”  
Levi twitched and his face flickered in a way that I knew he didn't want to do it.  
“I swear if you don't I’ll do it for you.” I threatened.  
Levi rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine.” He muttered, giving in. Popping the top, he poured some out and worked it into his hands.  
“Keep doing that. And no cleaning.” I instructed.  
He glanced over. “What should I do instead?” Levi grumbled.  
“Talk to me about it. It's obviously about something else and I know it's about me.” I apologized.  
“Don't.” Levi refused, setting the bottle down on the table, body tightening.  
“Do you want to ask me anything?” I pressed, begging.  
“No.” Levi replied, not looking at me.  
My throat tightened and even though I wanted to tell him, I didn't almost just as much. I looked down shakily and took a breath.  
“Mikasa is not my real sister, I think I might have told you.” I started. “My parents knew her family and one day when my father and I went to see them, we found them dead. There were these guys behind the house, dragging Mikasa off and I ended up killing them with a knife from their kitchen. They were saying really nasty stuff to her. They couldn't really convict me because I was nine. I was one for getting into fights, even then, and I’m pretty sure that's like, the moment I knew I had a problem. There was a monster.” I didn't look at Levi. I really couldn't. Saying this was one thing, saying it to his face was something different. I kept my eyes on the cushion, drawing shapes into it.  
Cocking my head, I went on. “Then my mother died, which, made it worse, because I lost more control. I was with her. We were almost home, but then these guys came up, grabbed her and tugged her off in this alley. I started screaming, but this guy was behind me and held me back, so I started going off on him. My mom .... she ... she must have struggled, she was never one to take shit, so they ended up shooting her. The police found one of the guys, but couldn't convict him. She died at the hospital two days later.” I sighed. “We were all wrecked over it. My dad started working 24/7 at the lab where he worked and Mikasa and I had to do everything. We cleaned, cooked, got ourselves to school, paid bills online. Most of the time, my Dad never came home, and when he was, he was in the basement. Mikasa started to do a lot of sports, so she was gone a lot too. I kept getting into fights and skipped school. I was so tired of all the shit.....My dad never said he blamed me for her death, but I always felt like he did. He would never look at me directly after it. One day, I kept bugging him, trying to get something out of him, and I started yelling about how he was always in the basement. The next day, he took me own there, and I was thrilled. My Dad was paying attention to me again. He explained all this stuff he was working on about a drug that boosted endurance, strength, and all this shit, but he said it was powerful and only should be given to the right people. He said he tested it on himself. I started to ask him why the fuck he would do it, then he gabbed my arm, and injected me with it. I freaked out, tried to run, but he stopped me and went off on this rant how this was the only thing keeping him sane after my mom died. He asked me if I would help him. He wanted to know the limits of the drug. How far it enhanced everything. He was so excited over it and he said he needed me. I just wanted him back to normal, so I thought if I did, he would notice us again. Besides, I wasn’t doing any better, I barely had it together. So I agreed. Every evening, I had to list all my symptoms and everything I noticed. Then he would run tests. Small at first, vision, reflexes, but then it got worse. He would strap me down and do pain testing to see how far he could push me, breaking bones one by one and timing how fast I healed. He took a bat to me once. He pumped me full of toxins and monitored what my body did or he’d starve me to see how long I could live. He used electricity to shock me and burned me to see if it had an effect....He found all the weak spots....Most of the time, I’d black out. I don't even remember half of what he did. I would wake up and everything would be cleaned up or I’d be in my bed. ..... Mikasa was away most of the time and I ended up flunking school. I healed quickly, so the evidence was never there, but I started to not want to go home. I was so tired and he kept me up all night. The cops were called on us a bunch of times, but there was no proof anything was happening. I was fine. And my dad smoothed it over. I didn't tell anyone, because I couldn’t really explain it and I still was happy in a weird way that he was interested in me. And I thought someone would cart me off and lock me up if I said anything. I mean, my body was fucked up. It wasn’t normal anymore. But, I really think the real reason was I thought I did deserve it. I let my mom die, and I had something in me, even before the serum, that wasn't human. I was a violent person and I felt like I had to fight sometimes. I needed punished. I just wanted to right the wrongs and maybe get my father back. One night, he thanked me. He told me all of this allowed him to perfect the serum, and he used the information to get the powers of other people who had taken the drug. He had gone nuts and killed them to prove he was the best. He was no better than the people who killed my mother. I flipped out, broke the straps and started beating him. He tried to get me to stop, but I couldn't, even though I knew I was hurting him. I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital, strapped down again, drugged up. They said my dad was dead and two policemen were injured and I was the one responsible. I didn't remember and I started crying, screaming they were lying and I wanted to see him. But they wouldn't let anyone see me. Not even my sister. I was a threat. Mikasa went to stay with Armim, with another family of hers gone, and I was put in a institution with max security because I was so unstable. They let me see Mikasa and Armin a few times and I tried to explain what happened, but they couldn’t do anything and Mikasa started to threaten everybody. She felt guilty, I think, she never noticed. I hated seeing them. They just sat there, all pity and confusion, and tried to believe my story. Both of them danced around me like I was some fragile kid and kept apologizing and saying I should work with the doctors. I felt pathetic. I hated the doctors there too. They let me walk around after a while, but then I would snap and black out and hurt people, so they kept me in a locked, padded room strapped to a bed with drugs pumping into me and tubes everywhere. My dad did the same shit though, so I was used to it. It wasn't even enough drugs. I just laid there, all day, and pretended to sleep when they came in. Finally, I realized that this might be my life. I was being punished for a crime that no one knew the whole story to. So one day, when they came in, I jerked up, broke the straps, pulled everything out, and attacked anyone I saw. They kept injecting me with shit, but it still wouldn't work. I broke the door and tried to find a computer or a phone to get someone to fucking help me get out of there. I wasn't insane for fucks sake. The nurses station had a laptop. I broke in, threw the nurses out, and baracaded the doors. There was this lawyer, Pixis whom I found on the Internet. They said he was the best and dealt with high stakes cases that involved corporations and abuse of power. I called him and left this crazy message with the secretary about what happened to me and where I was now. I honestly didn't expect him to help. I figured I'd have to break out. The security managed to break in and they doped me up again and put extra people on me. Two weeks later, they unstrapped me, cleaned me up, and put me in some white and grey clothes like I was just sitting around. They were so fake. I was taken to the visiting area, and there was Pixis. He had come to see me. He smelt like alcohol and kept complaining about how he couldn't smoke. Pixis asked for the whole story, so I told him. Then he told me that my dad used equipment from his lab company to make his drug, and took some of it to use himself in the basement. My dad also kept records of everything on a computer and millions of files that the police had, but didn't really go through. They just open-shut the case, said I killed my father and it was normal work science shit. Pixis said he got the files and computer and it was all there. Everything he did to me. Pixis said he could sue the police, the hospital, the lab company, argue punitive damages, and all this other stuff. I couldn't believe it. I said yes, but I didn't have a lot of money. Pixis said I could pay the rest after, because we would win. He just wanted the fucking case. Two days later, I was released. I got to see Mikasa and Armin, but I didn't tell them anything more. Pixis made me tell him stuff though, even though he had it all. He got me in therapy and I lived with him during the trail, which was good, I guess, since I needed so much help with simple things like eating or talking. ... We sued fucking everyone. All sides offered us a deal twice, the lab company three times, but Pixis turned them down. When we went to court, I tried to say what happened but I couldn't and I kept getting upset and yelling at the questions. Pixis talked me down and helped me get through it, coaching me on how to say things and how to deflect off of trick questions. When I finally said it all, everyone was crying and in shock, and Pixis was the only one smiling like a creep. We got offered another deal by the police and the lab company and the hospital and Pixis took it. I was awarded reparations on top of all that by the court too. I basically have millions of dollars now. I have to be on medication and I'm legally required to have check ups by a doctor. I ran through a bunch, because I wouldn't let them near me. With Pixis, no one even touched me so I remembered what it was like not to be in pain and tired and scared all day. I didn't want to take the chance of going back to being a lab rat. They wanted to do all these tests and I thought they would just send me off again or hurt me like my father did, so I resisted and ended up freaking out. I kept moving, never using the money, because I felt like it would prove I was a monster. I got into bad relationships with guys, because I didn't understand what it felt like to be treated nicely. I just thought it was how I was supposed to be treated since I was such shit. Mikasa went psycho. She hated where I would live, because it was always cheap and in a bad part of town, and my boyfriends were just as bad. Even when I got a nice boyfriend, I ended up scaring them or hurting them and they would never talk to me again. I just ended up having one night stands, but I hated it, do I stopped sex and relationships all together. Finally, I got fired for hitting a homophobic customer and I decided to use the money. I was so tired of running and nothing was working for me. All I really wanted was to make everyone pay for what happened to me and my family. I had to set the world right and put people where they belonged. So I got a nicer place and started to work to go to school so I could become a lawyer. When I finally got accepted for law school, I moved here. Pixis wrote me this long letter of recommendation, so I know that's why I really got in. The thing is, I’m not any better off than I was. I have no idea what my body is doing, I have chronic pain, I blackout, and I can’t keep it all together.” I finished.  
My throat tightened up and I took a breath. “I know it was shitty to hide this from you, and you probably already picked up on something, but I thought if I told you, you’d leave. And I couldn't take that, because-because I love you. And I know it's a fucked up time to say it, but I do. I just didn't want to tell you I was a monster, because I wanted you to stay. But I've made you crazy, right? I ruined it anyway.” I rushed out, waiting for the ball to drop. When I finished, I kept my eyes down, mouth a line, expecting Levi to walk out, say he needed time, start avoiding me. Our entire relationship, I had been keeping it all from him, even though it directly effected him. The guilt and shame intensified over the past few months, growing harsher when I started to realize that the reason I didn't want to reveal my past was because I loved him. I couldn't bear to think about driving him away, but it was harming Levi too. That I couldn't have.  
Levi moved forward, pulling me into his chest. His arm went around my back and the other around my neck.  
I tried to look up to see his face, but he pulled me in too quick. I could only blink, eyebrows furrowed, mouth parted, as he held me.  
“You’re okay, Eren. I don't care about the past.” Levi assured me. “Even if you are a monster, you are a divine one.”  
“I’m sorry.” I apologized, hugging him.  
Levi tucked his head next to mine, resting in my hair. “I love you too, you know.”  
I shut my eyes and hugged him tighter.  
_Please say it again._

Levi was standing in front of me with a large, golden box with a red bow on top and I think-no, now I’m quite sure-that I am having a stroke.  
Levi looked stiff, and he was holding the box like he wasn't positive what it was. His expression looked more pained than usual and he swallowed before saying, “I thought - technically, Erwin suggested what I could do, but I chose.” Levi stopped himself and sighed. “Fucking chocolate.” He stated aggressively, shifting it out farther.  
Oh.  
My.  
God.  
I grabbed the box and flipped open the lid, placing the box inside it. There were four rows of large chocolates and just by the sight of them, I knew they were expensive. And delicious.  
I can't believe Levi did this. I told him I loved him just yesterday, along with darker shit that no box could remedy, and I was more expecting him to hand the spare key back even though he said he did too. Giddiness rose up in my chest and I couldn't contain myself. Rushing forward, I wrapped my free hand around Levi and planted kiss after kiss on his cheek.  
“Eren!” Levi growled. “Stop that.”  
I knew he didn't really mean it.  
“I love you too!” I replied, kissing his neck.  
Levi made a small noise in his throat. “Are you done?”  
I pulled back, grinning ear to ear. “Yup.”  
His eyes were soft, farther convincing me that Levi loved to be smothered with attention. His eyes moved over my face, drinking me in, before he stretched up to kiss me.  
I pulled back. “Let's try one!” I suggested, bouncing. “There’s soooo many! Look. Which one?”  
I held the box out for him.  
“Isn't the label shit on the back of the lid?” Levi grumbled. “I’m not going to fear factor this.”  
I rolled my eyes. “Babe. It's chocolate.”  
“Yeah and what else.” He muttered under his breath.  
“I’ll get the caramel one,” I decided, voice light, removing the lid from the bottom, “and you can lick some out of my mouth.”  
“I rather leave it in your mouth.” Levi denied.  
“Too bad.”  
“I’ll get my own.”  
I moved the box, glaring. “It's my box.” I reminded him.  
“What? Are you going to uninvite me to your birthday party if I don't swap chocolate spit with you?” Levi huffed.  
“We’ll split it.” I offered hopefully.  
Levi sighed dramatically, eyes falling down. “Fine.” He agreed reluctantly.  
“Yesss!” I howled, grabbing the caramel chocolate square.  
Before he could react by getting a sanitized knife and plate, I popped the chocolate halfway between my teeth.  
“Caw huh.” I prompted, tilting my head.  
Levi’s eye twitched, and I thought he would refuse, but he reconsidered and moved closer, tilting his head.  
I shut my eyes, smug I convinced him so quick.  
Suddenly, the chocolate was jabbed from my teeth, and fell into my mouth, the pure, already melting taste lulling me into a forgiving state. My eyes shot open to see Levi, now the smug one, one brow raised.  
“Asshole.” I said around the treat.  
“Mouth closed.” Levi reminded me. His lips curled. “Good?”  
I nodded.  
Levi grunted and began eying the box. “Which one is all chocolate?”  
I pointed to the one on the end of the second row.  
Levi bit it like it was his talent at a beauty pageant. His face scrunched. “This is cherry.” He corrected, eyebrows furrowed.  
I swallowed. “Ass-hole.” I repeated, drawing out the word.  
Levi snorted. “If I feed this to you, can I get the double chocolate?” He bargained.  
“I want to snuggle too.” I amended.  
“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I'm late. I apologize. But I added fluff at the end to make up for it.  
> BTW Erwin is a great relationship coach.


End file.
